


Conception

by diandrahollman



Category: Lost
Genre: M/M, Mpreg, Slash, partly canon divergent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-09-17
Updated: 2007-09-17
Packaged: 2019-08-05 14:36:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 43
Words: 88,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16369454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diandrahollman/pseuds/diandrahollman
Summary: Sawyer's eyes widened as the pieces of the puzzle finally clicked into place in his mind. "You're tryin' to tell me you're pregnant?"Originally posted to Livejournal





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The timelines are going to be pretty screwed up in this story. Partly because I started writing it before the season 2 premiere and then felt the need to re-write it to accommodate all the stuff having to do with the hatch and the doomsday computer and now it's gotten totally out of control. Working knowledge of the show and character's backgrounds (as seen in flashbacks) as well as several major (and some minor) plot points from all seasons is assumed.

It had been two months since flight 815 had crashed on this godforsaken island. It had been a little over a month since Jack and Sawyer had started fucking - just before the failed rescue mission that resulted in Walt being kidnapped by the Others. And it had been one week since Sawyer had first woken in the middle of the night to the sound of Jack vomiting in the bushes. The first time, Sawyer had assumed he had just gotten some bad fish from Jin and when Jack had crawled wearily into his tent he had feigned ignorance, molding himself to the other man's back and drifting back to sleep. After the third time, though, Sawyer found he couldn't ignore the nagging feeling in his gut.

"You dyin' on me now, Doc," he asked as Jack dragged himself back into the cave that had served as both a shelter and a doctor's office for the past months.

"Wha'd you care," Jack rasped, slumping against the cool rock near Sawyer's head.

Sawyer smirked as he watched Jack struggle to find a comfortable position to sit in. "I don't. I just don't want the villagers to go blamin' me if you drop dead on 'em."

"They wouldn't blame you."

"No," Sawyer asked, an amused glint in his eye. He reached casually between Jack's legs, swirling his fingers through the mixture of eucalyptus oil and probably a little blood that seeped from the doctor's swollen opening. "Seems to me I'd be the most likely suspect."

Jack groaned and reached down to still Sawyer's wandering hand. "They all know what we've been doing these last couple months."

A lazy smile tugged at the corners of Sawyer's lips. "So? That don't make me any less likely to kill you." Hell, given his history, he figured he was bound to eventually hurt Jack one way or another. He tried to pretend that this idea didn't bother him.

Jack sighed. "You want to kill me, go ahead. I'm too tired to fight you right now. At this point, you might even be doing me a favor."

Sawyer felt his stomach clench at the tone of Jack's voice, but he refused to let himself get soft. Not even here, where no one but Jack would see it. "Now what sport is there in that," he scoffed. He held out his arm invitingly. "C'mere."

Jack awkwardly moved to Sawyer's side, laying with his head pillowed on one deeply tanned shoulder. Sawyer's arms locked around him possessively. "Sleep now," he said quietly. "I can always kill you in the morning."

Sawyer laid awake long after Jack fell asleep, feeling the doctor's gentle breaths waft across the skin of his throat. No, he vowed silently. Jack would not die. Not as long as he had a say in the matter anyway. 'After all,' he thought, tightening his grip on Jack minutely. 'Possession is nine-tenths.'


	2. Chapter 2

By the end of the week Jack was so drained that he needed Sawyer's help getting back to the caves - a place Sawyer found himself spending more and more of this time these days when he wasn't smooth-talking or outright harassing people into giving him their shift in the hatch so he could be there when Jack was. After that, Sawyer had taken to following Jack on his nightly trip into the bushes or the hatch bathroom, supporting him when his arms shook so badly he could barely hold himself up and practically carrying him back to bed. Sawyer would never admit it - at least not out loud - but he was beginning to really worry about Jack.

"Should we be training in a new doctor yet," he asked casually, trying to ignore the discomfort he felt at the thought.

"I'm fine," Jack repeated stubbornly, as he did almost every night that he didn't feel like death warmed over. Sawyer sighed resignedly and silently returned to his usual position, pressed against Jack's back, arm curled around him protectively.

********

As the days and weeks went by, Sawyer found it increasingly difficult to brush off the nagging feeling of unease. What food Jack managed to eat he could never seem to keep down. He was losing weight at an alarming pace and seemed perpetually exhausted. More so than usual, anyway. Word had spread quickly on the island about Jack's illness and the survivors had learned to go to Sun with all their non-emergency medical problems. Kate had taken to hovering over Jack, practically suffocating him in her determination to take care of him. Sawyer knew she couldn't bear the thought of Jack dying any more than he could, but it still annoyed him. He had to virtually drag her from the caves every night before collapsing in exhaustion beside Jack. It no longer mattered that Jack was too ill and tired for sex - Sawyer no longer seemed to desire it, too caught up in his worry over Jack in spite of his best efforts to claim otherwise.

Sawyer rarely let Jack out of his sight. He had probably learned the names of every person on the island as they came by, sometimes with medical emergencies but more often, it seemed, to check on the island doctor. It was during one of his increasingly rare moments alone that it happened.

A female voice tore through the jungle, screaming Jack's name. Startled, Sawyer dropped the book he had been reading and took off in the direction of the sound, his heart pounding as the primitive part of his brain took control. 

He found them in a clearing. Jack was sprawled on the ground, unconscious. Kate hovered over him, cradling his head in her hands, her bag of freshly picked fruit laying forgotten nearby.

"What happened," Sawyer demanded as he dropped to the ground next to her.

"I don't know," Kate babbled frantically. "We were talking and he just fell...I think he hit his head." Wild eyes met his. "He's getting worse," she said mournfully.

No. Sawyer was not going to let Jack die like this - from a little fall in the jungle with Sawyer helpless to do anything about it. Sawyer slapped him a little too harshly and barked "Damnit, Doc, wake up!" 

A reprimand rose to Kate's lips and quickly died in the wake of Sawyer's next words. "Come on, Jack, snap out of it." 

Jack. She had never heard Sawyer call him "Jack" before. The slip betrayed his fear more than anything else could.

A soft moan brought her out of her reverie. Jack's eyes fluttered open and he visibly strained to focus on the worried faces above him. "Where," he gasped.

"Jack," Kate called, forcing her voice to remain calm and soft. 

Jack's glazed eyes rolled in her direction. "Kate," he asked, clearly disoriented.

"Yeah, it's me," she said, a note of relief in her tone. "Do you think you can walk back to the caves?"

Jack's confusion seemed to clear at that and he nodded, immediately moving to sit up. Together, the two outlaws managed to help Jack get back to the caves. Sawyer barely suppressed a wince as he slung a supporting arm around Jack's waist, feeling just how thin the man had become. 

By the time they got him settled back in the caves, Jack seemed to have regained alertness and was busily working to convince Kate that he was just fine. Sawyer had gotten to know him better than Kate over the last few months, however, and he could tell that Jack was frightened. He just didn't want to show any weakness in front of Kate. 

"Man says he's fine, Freckles," Sawyer interjected, hoping she'd take the hint and leave. 

No such luck. "He collapsed and hit his head on a rock. I'm not a doctor, but I know that's not normal behavior. He could have a concussion."

Sawyer rolled his eyes exaggeratedly and turned to Jack, holding up his right hand, middle finger outstretched. "Hey, Doc, how many fingers am I holding up?"

"Fuck you," Jack muttered.

"See," Sawyer concluded triumphantly. "He's fine. Now stop fussin' and let the man rest."

Kate rolled her eyes, but gave in and left anyway. Though she did give a disapproving look to Sawyer on her way out of the caves. Sawyer knew she probably didn't trust him to take care of Jack, but then she didn't seem to trust anyone with anything. Not that he really cared if she trusted him. 

"How's the head, Doc," he asked after she left.

When his question was met with silence, he began to wonder if maybe he had misread Jack's cues and *he* was the one Jack didn't want around in his moment of weakness. He watched in confusion as Jack prodded at his own abdomen methodically, as if searching for something beneath the skin. When he found whatever he was looking for the expression on his face became one of realization and dread.

Sawyer knelt beside him. "You mind tellin' me what's going on," he asked impatiently. 

Instead of telling him, Jack grabbed Sawyer's hand and brought it to his abdomen, pressing the other man's fingers against the spot he had just been prodding at. "Can you feel that?"

Sawyer didn't need to ask what he meant. He didn't need a medical degree to know that the hard mass he felt under his fingers was not normal. Memories came flooding to his mind of pain, hospitals, watching a face that used to be so jolly and full of life turn gaunt and pale as death. It hadn't ended well then, with all of the luxuries of modern medicine and it certainly wouldn't end well here on an island in the middle of nowhere. "Tumor," he said out loud, his voice flat and emotionless.

"That's what I thought at first," Jack admitted.

"Well if it's not a tumor, then what the hell is it?"

Jack's eyes closed as he seemed to muster up the courage for what he was about to say. "Sawyer, I need to tell you something, but you have to promise me you'll just listen and try to keep an open mind."

"I'm a born and bred Southern Christian who's been fucking a man for the past four months. That open-minded enough for ya?" Granted Sawyer had never really been a model Christian, but there wasn't much point in splitting hairs over it.

Jack sighed. "I'm not..." He faltered, searching for the best way to say what he needed to say. "What do you know about hermaphrodites?"

Sawyer frowned, thrown by the question. "Half man, half woman, right?"

"Something like that," Jack conceded. "Some hermaphrodites are born with ambiguous sexual organs, but some can appear to be one gender until they hit puberty and their hormones start doing things they're not supposed to."

"You goin' somewhere with this, Doc?"

"I'm one of them," Jack finally blurted.

Sawyer blinked at Jack in stunned silence for several moments, as if he were waiting for a punch line that would never come. "Look," he finally said. "I don't know what kind of game you're playin', but..."

"No," Jack interrupted, gripping Sawyer's hand just tightly enough for him to feel discomfort. "Just hear me out. I got appendicitis when I was fifteen. They took x-rays and found out that I had an ovary."

"An ovary," Sawyer parroted skeptically.

"One ovary. One testicle. I've been on hormone therapy ever since."

Sawyer's eyes widened as the pieces of the puzzle finally clicked into place in his mind. "You're tryin' to tell me you're pregnant?"

"I can't know for sure yet...not without any medical equipment, but yeah, I think it's a possibility."

Sawyer lapsed into stunned silence.

"It shouldn't be," Jack continued, babbling nervously. "I'm infertile. Or I was, at least."

"So how did this happen," Sawyer asked, his voice laced with equal parts anger and frustration.

"I don't know," Jack snapped. He sighed and forced himself to calm down before he continued. "Locke claims the island cured his paraplegia. Maybe..."

"Locke," Sawyer repeated incredulously. "The crazy guy with the knives?"

Jack ignored him. "What if he's right, Sawyer? What if there's something about this island that is affecting our physiology? Repairing damaged nerves, restoring fertility. If there were an opening - some sort of rudimentary vaginal canal somewhere along the rectal wall..."

"All right, I get it," Sawyer interjected. "Somehow this hellhole of an island has gone and made you a goddamn freak of nature." He ran his hands through his hair nervously. "Is it mine?"

"Fuck, Sawyer, who else would it be?"

"I don't know," Sawyer spluttered. "You're the one with two sets of equipment! What d'ya need me for?"

"That's not how it works, Sawyer. Human beings need two sets of DNA to reproduce."

"Aw, hell." Sawyer bit his lip as silence fell over them again. "So you're not dyin'," he finally asked.

"Not yet, no."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means it was dangerous for Claire to give birth in the middle of the jungle and she didn't need a C-section. Even if I stayed in the hatch, there's just too many things that could go wrong. Odds are I won't survive. And that's if I even make it to term without any complications, which would be a miracle in itself."

"Can't you just..." Sawyer made vague hand motions in the direction of Jack's abdomen.

"Aborting the pregnancy would be even more dangerous," Jack explained calmly. "Without the right equipment and a sterile environment..." he shook his head. "My chances of survival are limited no matter what. At least if I try to carry it to term there's a chance the baby will survive."

Sawyer felt his shoulders droop a little in defeat. "A chance?"

"Better one of us than neither," Jack said in a flat, almost clinical tone. Sawyer's expression didn't change, even though his stomach twisted at these words. "I'll do my best to teach Sun and Kate everything I know, but there's no precedent for a man giving birth, so I have no idea what to expect..."

"Woah, hold on. Let's take this one crisis at a time here. I'm still tryin' to figure out how me gettin' you pregnant is even possible." It was the ultimate irony, really. He had been so careful all his adult life, taking all the right precautions to insure he didn't get one of his many one-night stands pregnant, only to impregnate *Jack*. "Aw, shit, I ain't cut out to be a daddy," he groaned.

A dry, humorless laugh erupted from Jack. "Neither am I."

Sawyer lay beside Jack, staring up at the cave ceiling defeatedly. "How much time've we got?"

"It's impossible to know for sure, but I'm guessing it's about two months developed already."

"Damn," Sawyer muttered. "What've we gotten ourselves into here, Doc?"

Jack didn't respond. He simply shifted his body closer to Sawyer's, unconsciously seeking warmth and comfort to combat the fear that his leadership status couldn't afford


	3. Chapter 3

"Dude, are you sure you're okay?" 

Jack sighed. He and Sawyer had decided to wait until he was sure his illness was caused by his pregnancy before they let anyone else know. Unfortunately, the longer they waited the more concerned people became. Jack felt like he was constantly reassuring everyone. 

"I'm fine, Hurley," he said softly, barely looking up from the sink where he was diligently scrubbing dishes. 

"But Kate said you were..." 

"Man said he's fine, Curly, now beat it," Sawyer snapped, tossing his book aside in frustration. 

Hurley left reluctantly, shooting Sawyer a wounded look on his way out of the hatch. 

"Would it kill you to be civil every once in a while," Jack asked after he left. 

"I don't know, it might," Sawyer fired back, a crooked half-smile spreading across his face. 

Jack shook his head and went back to washing dishes, his progress halted when Sawyer suddenly moved with cat-like stealth to stand behind him, wrapping his arms around the doctor's chest. Jack moaned softly as Sawyer's tongue painted abstract patterns on his neck. 

"So, Doc, you think you can handle a little strenuous activity?" He slipped his hand beneath the hem of Jack's shirt, smoothing his palm over warm, bare skin. 

Jack dropped a plate back into the water with a dull splash and groaned, tilting his head instinctively to grant better access to Sawyer's wandering tongue. "The button," he protested. 

"Screw the damned button," Sawyer growled between kisses. He held back a groan as Jack stiffened suddenly and twisted in his arms. 

"We can't just ignore it, Sawyer." 

"I thought you didn't believe in that crap." He moved to claim Jack's lips, only to be halted by a firm hand on his chest. 

"It doesn't matter. As long as it's our shift, we're responsible for making sure it gets pushed." 

Sawyer opened his mouth to argue but the words died in his throat as the computer in the next room began beeping. 

A flicker of victory danced in Jack's eyes and he raised his eyebrows expectantly. "You gonna get that?" 

Sawyer grumbled a curse and let go of Jack reluctantly, trudging into the next room and entering the numbers into the computer, stabbing at the keys violently in his frustration. He was so busy scowling at the counter as it flipped back to 108 that he didn't notice Jack approach until a strong arm wrapped around his chest. He smirked. "Change your mind, Doc?" 

"I'll make a deal: I'll do it if you promise to lay back and let me do all the work," Jack murmured, so close to Sawyer's ear that he could feel his lips brush teasingly against the sensitive skin. At least if he was calling the shots he knew there would be less...*temptation* to ignore their duties. 

Sawyer groaned. "I don't know...man in your condition...I'm not sure that's such a good idea." 

Jack sighed and squinted at the counter. "Well, we have 107 minutes left. We could stand here and argue or..." He trailed off with a smirk as Sawyer responded by dragging him toward the bedroom with a firm grip on his wrist.


	4. Chapter 4

Sawyer barely contained his amusement at the look on Kate's face. 

"Is this some kind of joke?" 

"No, it's not," Jack said gently. "That's why I've been sick." 

She blinked at him, baffled. "How long have you..." 

"My best guess is about two to three months." 

Her eyes widened. "So when we went to get the dynamite..." 

Jack winced. When he had traced back to the most likely date of conception he had been horrified to realize that he had been pregnant when they had been working with unstable dynamite and running from that...thing that Rousseau called a security system. "I didn't know then." 

Kate looked for a moment like she wanted to scream at him for sneaking the dynamite into his own backpack instead of hers, not realizing just what he was risking by being so stubbornly obsessed with protecting her from harm. It passed quickly though and her expression melted into one of worry and confusion. "Are you sure? You just said you were sterile. What if something else..." 

"I'm sure. I'm going to tell everybody eventually but I wanted to talk to you and Sun first. You're going to have to help me when the time comes to deliver the baby." 

Kate's eyes widened and she sputtered. "Jack, I...I could barely help Claire. I can't cut you open..." 

"We don't have much choice, Kate. I trust you." 

Kate flinched subtly at that. "If anything happened to you..." 

Jack put a hand on her shoulder. "Hey." She looked up, meeting his intense gaze. "It won't," he said firmly. 

Sawyer rolled his eyes but bit his tongue. *Now* the good doctor decided it was a good time to start lying about the odds of survival. That figured. 

Kate's eyes darted from one man to the other. "I knew you guys were..." She faltered, seemingly reluctant to say the words, then continued. "But I didn't know it was serious." 

Jack glanced at Sawyer from the corner of his eye and said nothing. Honestly, he wasn't sure just how "serious" anything between them was. 

"When are you going to tell people," Kate asked. 

"Soon," Jack promised. "I just need to figure out how I'm going to do it." 

Kate nodded. After a rather long, slightly uncomfortable pause, she stepped closer to give him a brief hug. "Congratulations." 

Sawyer cleared his throat, shaking Jack back to the present. "We goin' or not," he asked impatiently. 

Jack nodded and gave Kate a friendly smile before following Sawyer through the jungle, leaving Kate to finish gathering fruit. 

"What the hell was that," Sawyer demanded when they were a safe distance away. 

"What," Jack asked, confused. 

"When were you plannin' on tellin' her the part where you think havin' this baby is gonna kill you?" 

Jack flinched. "I wasn't. Not today at least." 

Sawyer stopped walking and spun to face him. "You didn't think maybe it was important to tell her she and Mrs. Miyagi are gonna be the new island doctors after they cut that kid outta you?" 

"Not now, no," Jack said weakly. 

"And why the hell not?" 

"Because I don't want to give them another reason to give up hope," he blurted. He sighed and forced his voice back into an even tone. "You saw how worried everybody was when they thought I was dying. They've already given up hope of rescue. If I tell them there's a very good chance I'll be dead in a few months..." 

"Oh, get over yourself." Sawyer didn't like the direction this conversation was taking. So he decided to turn it around the only way he knew how. "Yeah, they were worried, but they got along just fine without comin' to you for every little ache and scratch. They'd get along just fine without you." 

Jack blinked at him in shock. 

"'sides, I ain't givin' up that easy." He pulled Jack into a kiss so slow and tender that it seemed completely at odds with his words. 

Jack sighed and leaned into the kiss. "Bastard," he murmured against Sawyer's lips. 

Sawyer smirked. "'bout time you noticed." 

********** 

Sawyer lounged in front of his tent, pretending to be engrossed in his book, his eyes focused on the spot several yards down the beach where Jack and Kate were deep in conversation. Ever since Jack had told everyone he was pregnant it seemed there were always people around him, offering help with this or that or just verifying that yes, he was serious about the whole pregnant hermaphrodite thing and yes, it was really Sawyer's baby. Rose especially was constantly offering him food, it seemed, and had volunteered to make alterations to his clothing as the baby grew. Sawyer couldn't seem to get Jack alone for longer than a couple minutes before somebody or something drew his attention away and it was really beginning to grate on his nerves. 

Kate looked in his direction suddenly. He didn't bother pretending he wasn't looking at them. She brushed back a strand of flyaway hair and nodded, cocking her head at Jack and murmuring something. Jack shifted and glanced in Sawyer's direction, murmuring something back. She gave him a tiny smile and nodded again. 

Sawyer feigned intense concentration on his book as Jack walked away from her, pretending not to notice as he approached. He was surprised when Jack paused to kneel beside him, leaning close to speak directly into his ear. 

"Meet me at the caves tonight," he said, his voice low and full of promise. 

Sawyer swallowed a groan. "Sure thing, Doc," he said flippantly. 

Jack brushed his lips against Sawyer's jaw fleetingly as he leaned back. He gave Sawyer a look of blatant desire and then stood, leaving without another word. 

Sawyer shifted slightly, trying to ignore the sudden surge of arousal he always got when Jack looked at him like that. He caught Kate looking in his direction and smirked as he fully realized what was going on. Jack had made arrangements to spend the night alone with him - no distractions - away from the hatch and the rest of the group, leaving her in charge. This day was definitely looking up.


	5. Chapter 5

Sawyer arrived at the caves a good two hours before Jack. He took a nap while he waited, knowing he probably wouldn't get much sleep once Jack showed up. 'Hopefully,' he thought with a smirk. 

He woke to find Jack sitting beside him, watching him. "How long've you been there?" 

Jack's fingers brushed the inside of his arm, sending shivers through him. "Not long. I had a hard time getting away." 

Sawyer grumbled unintelligibly. "Any of 'em know you're here?" 

"Just Kate," Jack admitted. "In case of emergencies." 

Sawyer nodded. He would prefer nobody knew where they were but he knew Jack would never agree to that. "C'mere," he murmured, tilting his chin invitingly. 

Jack leaned closer and let Sawyer pull him down into a kiss, groaning softly as Sawyer's tongue plunged past his unresisting lips. His remaining self-restraint crumbled and he fumbled to unbutton Sawyer's jeans, his fingers trembling. 

"Slow down, Doc," Sawyer whispered against his lips with a smirk. "We got plenty a time." 

Jack shook his head and yanked Sawyer's jeans and boxers down, freeing his already half-hard length. He stood to strip off his own clothes while Sawyer kicked the restrictive material away. 

Sawyer groaned as Jack straddled him a moment later, naked from the waist down, and leaned down to capture his mouth in a passionate kiss, grinding their hips together, heated cock brushing against equally heated cock. Sawyer matched his movements, thrusting up against him, hands going to the buttons of his shirt. Jack moaned loudly as Sawyer's teeth sank into his lower lip, tongue following close behind to soothe the bite, and gasped as the southerner's hands delved under his shirt, fingers pinching his nipples roughly. He fumbled with Sawyer's shirt, unbuttoning it clumsily, shoving the material aside and tracing the contours of hard muscle as he returned the fervor of Sawyer's kiss, their tongues tangling furiously. 

Sawyer smirked as Jack broke the kiss with a groan, rocking his hips desperately. He reached down to cup Jack's hips, pulling him in tighter, grunting at the increase in friction. He hissed as Jack responded by seizing his wrists and repositioning them up by his head, holding them firmly to the ground. Jack's mouth covered his again, his kiss demanding and aggressive, grinding his throbbing cock against Sawyer's. 

The need for air forced him to let up, though he hovered a hair's breadth away, letting their breaths mingle in the charged air between them. 

"Damn, Doc, you really are worked up, ain't ya," Sawyer panted, his lips brushing Jack's. Jack growled incoherently and he smirked. 'Guess that's a yes,' he thought, bucking his hips up to meet Jack's thrusts. 

Jack strained to look at the man beneath him as his senses gradually succumbed to the pleasure radiating through his body. "'m gonna come," he muttered. 

Sawyer groaned, his cock twitching at the uninhibited passion and need in Jack's eyes - the pupils so dilated in arousal they appeared entirely black. "Don't let me stop you." He lifted his head to capture Jack's parted lips, swallowing his loud moan as the last of his restraint shattered and he ground his hips into Sawyer's hard. Sawyer raised his knees, planting his feet on the ground for leverage, and thrust back just as powerfully. 

Jack came a short time later, his impassioned cry muffled by Sawyer's lips. Sawyer growled and rolled them both over before Jack had a chance to recover, thrusting against him mindlessly. Jack gasped and clutched at Sawyer's back, the pleasure still rolling over him as Sawyer shuddered to a halt, groaning loudly in his ear as he came, adding to the sticky mess on Jack's stomach. He held himself over Jack as he recovered, carefully keeping his weight from crushing the man. 

Jack smiled up at him sheepishly as he came back to himself, fingering the edge of Sawyer's opened shirt. "Guess I got a little carried away." 

Sawyer grinned stupidly. "Hell, Doc, if this's what happens when you stay away for a couple weeks I may have to start injurin' people myself just to keep you busy." 

Jack laughed lightly and pushed the material from Sawyer's shoulders. Sawyer sat back on his heels and removed it completely, using it to wipe the remnants of their encounter from himself out of reflex. 

"Don't," Jack protested a moment too late. "I don't have any extra clothes." 

Sawyer shrugged and tossed it aside. "Don't matter none. I can go without." His breath caught as he got a good look at Jack, sprawled on the ground, shirt half-off, skin flushed and damp with sweat, the slight bulge of his abdomen painted with their combined fluids. "Or maybe I'll just steal yours." 

Jack chuckled softly, shaking his head. "Sorry. I'm not an exhibitionist." 

Sawyer raised an eyebrow at him as he knelt back between the doctor's legs, spreading them wider with gentle hands. "Really? So that wasn't you I saw skinny dippin' a couple weeks ago?" 

Jack's answering snort turned to a groan as Sawyer's hands lightly massaged the inside of his thighs. "I had boxers." 

"Yeah, *white* ones," Sawyer countered. "Don't exactly leave nothin' to the imagination." He bent to lick their spent fluids from Jack's abdomen, the gesture at once both soothing and sensual. 

Jack sighed, tunneling his fingers through Sawyer's long hair, brushing it back so he could see the man's face clearly. "You were watching me?" 

"You kidding?" Sawyer grumbled between licks. "Damn near went in after you." 

Jack hummed contentedly. "What stopped you?" 

Sawyer huffed. "You were givin' people enough of a show." He finished cleaning Jack's abdomen and began kissing his way up his body, careful not to let the man's chest hair tickle his nose. "Didn't need me rippin' those boxers off and fuckin' you 'til you were screamin' my name." 

Jack smirked, letting his hands roam lazily over Sawyer's back. "I don't know. I think a couple people might've enjoyed that," he said playfully. 

Sawyer stopped licking at his collarbone abruptly and glared at him. "Hell no," he growled. "Ain't nobody else seein' you like this." 

Jack laughed. "A little possessive, are we?" He stopped laughing suddenly and groaned. "Look who I'm talking to," he muttered. 

"Damn right." Sawyer pressed his hips into Jack's, letting him feel his growing arousal. "Your ass is mine." 

Jack pulled a piss-poor poker face, his eyes darkening with renewed lust. "Contrary to what you may believe, shoving your dick up my ass does not give you ownership rights." 

Sawyer rolled his eyes. "I know that, Jackass. Do you always gotta kill the mood?" 

Jack's face broke into a smirk. "Sorry." 

Sawyer grumbled under his breath and bent to nip at the soft skin of Jack's throat. Jack's hands dipped lower, kneading the taut muscles of Sawyer's ass. The muscles flexed as Sawyer thrust against him, his cock quickly growing thick and heavy with blood. Jack's own spent cock stirred and he moaned as Sawyer's tongue dipped into his ear suggestively. 

"I want you again," Sawyer whispered. 

Jack shivered as the warm breath tickled his damp skin. "Then take me," he whispered back, turning his head to nip at Sawyer's earlobe. 

A loud groan erupted from Sawyer's lips and he strained to reach the backpack Jack had left nearby, loathe to detangle himself from Jack long enough to retrieve it. He swore and glared at the pack as he realized he couldn't quite reach it. 

Jack surged against him suddenly, rolling him onto his back, straddling his hips and smiling down at him. He reached for the backpack, snatching it easily. He unzipped it and dug out a bottle of oil, tossing the bag aside. "Looking for this?" 

"Yes," Sawyer hissed, snatching it from his hands and popping the cap, squeezing a generous amount onto his palm. He coated his fingers with the cool liquid and sat up, recapturing Jack's lips. 

Jack gasped into Sawyer's mouth as he felt a slick finger massage his opening, spreading moisture and dipping tentatively inside. He tried to push back, force it deeper, but it moved with him, taunting him. 

Sawyer's smirk turned to a hiss as Jack reached between them and wrapped his hand around Sawyer's renewed erection. 

"Get on with it," Jack snarled. Then he gasped as the world spun suddenly and he ended up flat on his back again. He moaned as the finger returned, this time sliding deep inside him. He spread his legs wider, tilting his hips to encourage Sawyer's attentions. 

Sawyer groaned and worked a second finger in beside the first, gently stretching the long-neglected muscles. He bent over Jack, kissing him deeply, thoroughly exploring the man's mouth with his tongue. By the time he got a third finger inside the clenching opening, Jack's hips were twitching with tiny, aborted thrusts, his cock once more standing at full attention. 

Jack's hand covered Sawyer's and he broke the kiss, panting. "I'm ready." 

Sawyer eagerly pulled his hand free and reached for the oil, coating himself liberally, hissing at the shock of the cool liquid on his overheated skin. He lifted Jack's legs onto his shoulders and Jack reached down to guide him. They both groaned loudly as Sawyer thrust slowly into the tight heat. He stopped when he could go no further, taking deep breaths, moaning as Jack's muscles rippled around him, trying to coax him deeper. 

"Fuck, you're tight," he grunted. 

Jack moaned and thrust up against Sawyer restlessly. "Damnit, move!" 

Sawyer shook his head with a chuckle. "Yes, boss," he muttered. He planted his knees firmly and began a rhythm of slow, leisurely thrusts, holding Jack's hips still with an almost bruising grip. He swore as Jack bucked against him. "Would you slow *down*? I'm tryin' to make this last." 

Jack groaned and stilled reluctantly. 

Sawyer let go of Jack's hips and collapsed forward onto hands splayed on the ground by Jack's head. "You got no idea how long I've been waitin' for this, Doc," he groaned. 

Jack grunted, rolling his hips in counterpoint to Sawyer's languid thrusts. "I think everybody's got an idea the way you've been looking at me." 

"I ain't the one who's been lookin' like he's been laid even when he hasn't." 

"I'm pregnant, Sawyer," Jack grumbled. "I'm glowing." 

"Yeah, well, you're glowin' in the damned *dark*," Sawyer muttered. 

Jack chuckled breathlessly and wrapped one hand behind Sawyer's neck, dragging him down into a kiss, sighing as the blond nipped and licked at his kiss-swollen lips. His other hand went to the small of Sawyer's back, feeling the play of muscles beneath smooth skin that propelled the thick cock into his welcoming body. "Harder," he whispered. 

Sawyer smirked. He was in no hurry now that he'd come once already. He was perfectly willing to take his sweet time until Jack was begging him to finish it. "Patience, baby." 

A frustrated groan was his only warning before he was forcibly rolled onto his back. 

"Just once, Sawyer, I'd like you to listen to me," Jack said as he rocked over him, his rhythm only slightly accelerated. 

"I listen just fine," Sawyer protested, massaging Jack's thighs with open palms. "I'm just tired of you bein' so damned bossy." 

"I am not," Jack grumbled, leaning back to brace himself on Sawyer's thighs, spreading his knees wide and riding the man with renewed purpose. 

"The hell you ain't. Even when we're fuckin' you always gotta be the one in control." 

"Shut up," Jack retorted, the twinkle in his eyes assuring Sawyer that he wasn't serious. 

"I mean it, Doc," Sawyer grunted, feeling his balls draw up toward his body. "One 'f these days I'm gonna have to tie you to a tree and gag you so I can fuck the hell outta you in peace." 

Jack moaned and reached one hand forward to wrap around his straining length, stroking in time with his rocking movements. "Is that a promise?" he gasped. 

Sawyer groaned, his cock twitching excitedly at the thought of having Jack completely at his mercy - of finally showing the good doctor once and for all what it was like to let somebody else be in control. He bat Jack's hand away and sat up, gripping his hips to guide his movements. "You'd like that, wouldn't you? Bein' all helpless...forced to take me in that tight ass o' yours until you scream," he whispered, his lips brushing Jack's cheek, scraping against rough stubble. 

Jack's breath hitched slightly and his hands went to Sawyer's shoulders, steadying himself as he rocked faster. 

"I'd make you come 'til you damn near pass out...'til you beg me to stop. I'd fill you so full you'd taste it when I come in you." 

Jack bit his lip to corral a whimper, the movement of his hips becoming irregular, desperate. "'m almost there...please..." 

"Go ahead, baby. I'm right behind you," Sawyer husked, reaching one hand between their gyrating bodies and squeezing the head of Jack's cock between his fingers. 

Jack cried out incoherently as he came, exploding over Sawyer's hand and stomach. Sawyer shouted as he followed close behind. 

Jack sagged against Sawyer, head dropping wearily to his shoulder. 

Sawyer summoned up what energy he had left, stubbornly holding himself upright as the last of his orgasm faded away. He groaned, closing his eyes as Jack's lips explored his neck lazily. "You really let me do those things I said?" he gasped. 

Jack huffed softly, the warm puff of air against sweat-dampened skin making Sawyer shiver. "I don't know," he murmured. "I've never done it before." 

Sawyer groaned, mentally pumping his fists in the air and whooping for joy. When he'd first begun pursuing Jack he'd held the crazy hope that maybe he would be the first man the straight-as-an-arrow doctor had been with. That hope had been shattered when he'd first coaxed Jack into bed and gotten fucked six ways to Sunday. But now Jack was giving him another, equally promising opportunity. Breaking in a virgin may have been fun, sure, but breaking in a bondage virgin as stubborn and controlling as Jack was an even more exciting prospect. "Well, why didn't you say so? You got no idea what you've been missin'." 

Jack snorted softly. "I never saw much appeal in getting tied up and spanked." 

Sawyer groaned against at the mental picture that sprang to mind at the suggestion. "We don't gotta do anything you don't want." 

Jack straightened, looking down at him with a soft smile. "I'll think about it." 

He moved to slide from Sawyer's lap but was stopped by firm hands on his hips. 

"Don't move." 

"Sawyer," Jack moaned. "My knees are starting to hurt." 

Sawyer groaned and reluctantly let go, helping Jack stretch out on the blanket beside him, following close behind. He lay propped on one elbow, his left hand lazily stroking the sensitive underside of Jack's arm, tracing the lines of his tattoo. "I missed this," he murmured. 

"Which part," Jack asked suspiciously. 

"Havin' you all to myself. No button, no emergencies. Spendin' a whole night with you just sleepin'." 

"Just sleeping?" Jack parroted with a tired smirk. 

"Mostly," Sawyer clarified with a straight face. 

Jack's chuckle was broken by a gasp. His eyes went wide and his hand flew to his abdomen. 

"What," Sawyer asked, alarmed. "What happened?" 

"I think the baby moved." 

Sawyer frowned. "You think?" 

Jack grabbed his hand and pressed it over the soft swell. "Here...feel that?" 

Sawyer's eyes widened in amazement as he felt a slight flutter beneath the taut skin. "Yeah, I feel it." 

Jack laughed breathlessly. The sensation wasn't entirely pleasant, but he barely noticed the discomfort. 

Sawyer shook his head. "Fuck..." He realized that the reality of Jack's condition had never fully sunk in until that moment. He wasn't sure he was ready to face it. "This is crazy." 

"No crazier than anything else on this island," Jack said softly. 

Sawyer's eyes met Jack's, reading his apprehension. "I can't take care of a kid. Not by myself." 

Jack sighed, lightly rubbing the back of Sawyer's hand. "There is a chance I will survive this," he allowed. "But it's small. You'll be fine. And you won't be alone. I'm sure there's plenty of people back at camp who would be willing to help." 

"And what happens if we ever get off this island?" 

Jack's fingers stopped their soothing patterns. "We'll think of something." He rushed on as Sawyer opened his mouth to argue. "Let's not talk about it right now. I'm getting tired." 

Sawyer backed down easily. He knew they would have to talk about it at some point, but he would gladly stall that conversation for as long as possible. Besides, he didn't want to ruin their first night together in weeks. He nudged Jack. "Roll over." 

Jack rolled onto his side and Sawyer unfolded a second blanket, spreading it over them and molding himself to his lover's back. Jack sighed and relaxed into Sawyer's embrace. 

Sawyer nuzzled Jack's ear gently. "Get some sleep," he murmured. 

Jack hummed contentedly, already half asleep. 

Sawyer lay awake for several minutes longer. He wasn't sure what frightened him more - being forced into the roll of single father or losing Jack. The fact that he didn't know the answer made it that much more distressing. 

He pushed those thoughts from his head. Jack was right. They had several months yet before they had to really worry about it. Maybe they would be rescued by then and Jack could be in a sterile hospital with all the necessary equipment when the baby was ready to be born. His hand went unconsciously to Jack's chest, resting over his heart as he drifted to sleep, reassuring himself with the strong, steady beat.


	6. Chapter 6

Jack woke feeling rested for once. He shifted and felt a pair of strong arms surrounding him. He tried to turn his head but all he could see was a mess of blond hair. "Sawyer," he whispered. 

Sawyer grunted and shifted closer, tightening his grip. Jack moaned softly as he felt the blond's morning erection prod at his backside. He rubbed Sawyer's arm insistently. "Sawyer," he called, louder. 

"I heard ya," Sawyer mumbled sleepily. His hand smoothed down Jack's body, wrapping loosely around his half-hard cock, coaxing it to life. Jack moaned deeply and tilted his head as Sawyer's lips and teeth explored his neck. 

"Where'd you put the oil," Sawyer asked, his voice still gravely from sleep. 

"You were the last one who had it," Jack reminded him. 

Sawyer groaned and lifted his head to look around the cave half-heartedly. "How bad do we need it?" If he didn't have to move from his current position he was damned if he was going to. 

Jack sighed and stretched his arms as far as he could reach, searching beneath the edges of the blanket. He made a triumphant little noise as his fingers closed around the bottle and yanked it from it's hiding place, handing it back to Sawyer. 

"You do it." 

"Why am I doing all the work," Jack protested. 

"'cause once I'm inside you, *I'm* gonna be doin' all the work. 'sides, I thought you liked bein' in charge." 

Jack rolled his eyes and squirted oil into his palm, muttering a few expletives under his breath as he reached back awkwardly to spread it over Sawyer's stiff cock. 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Sawyer muttered back, snatching the bottle from Jack and squirting oil onto his fingers before capping it and tossing it aside. His hand replaced Jack's between their bodies, seeking the doctor's sex-swollen opening. 

"Lift up," he ordered a minute later as he positioned himself. 

Jack lifted his leg and Sawyer caught it, guiding it back over his hip as he slid deep inside Jack's sleep-warmed body. 

Jack moaned as he was filled once more, shifting slightly to accommodate Sawyer's wide girth. He gasped as Sawyer gave an experimental thrust, the angle forcing him into contact with Jack's swollen prostate. 

Sawyer forced himself to hold still, pushing aside the primitive urge to just thrust into that tight heat until he climaxed. "You okay?" 

Jack shifted and Sawyer bit back a moan as the flesh gripping him rippled with the movement. "Yeah, just...go slow." 

Sawyer groaned. "I'll try, darlin'." 

He rocked slightly; tiny, semi-thrusts that barely qualified as movement but managed to let him slide the slightest bit deeper. 

Jack moaned and reached back to tangle his fingers in Sawyer's hair, turning his head and bringing their lips together in a sloppy kiss. Sawyer's tongue invaded his mouth, plunging and retreating, the wet slide of muscle mirroring the movements of his body. He smoothed a hand over the soft swell of Jack's abdomen and Jack smiled as Sawyer pulled back, lips hovering less than an inch apart, each of them sharing the other's panting breaths. 

"What're you smilin' about," Sawyer growled. 

"Nothing," Jack whispered. He sighed as Sawyer nipped at his kiss-swollen lips. "I like this." Sawyer snorted and he rushed to add "being able to stay in bed late without worrying about people walking in on us. Spending time with you." 

Sawyer groaned. "You gettin' mushy on me now, Doc?" 

Jack rolled his eyes. "I'm pregnant." 

"That gonna be your excuse for everything?" 

Jack chuckled. "Ever been around pregnant women? They're very hormonal...can get upset with very little provocation." 

Sawyer paused in his movements. "You sure you ain't been pregnant since before the crash?" 

Jack turned his head to glare at Sawyer and Sawyer smirked. "I'm kidding." 'Sort of,' he added mentally. He resumed his thrusts, rocking against Jack in a slow, gentle rhythm. He nuzzled Jack's neck, kissing the spot where he could see a pulse throbbing beneath the skin. "I like this too," he admitted. "Havin' you all to myself. Bein' able to make you scream without worryin' about the neighbors." 

"I don't scream," Jack protested. 

"We'll see," Sawyer smirked, reaching down to wrap his hand around Jack's straining erection. 

Jack's hand clamped around his wrist before he could move. "Not yet," he pleaded. 

"Relax," Sawyer soothed, brushing his lips against the delicate ridges of Jack's ear. "I know what I'm doin'. I just wanna touch you." 

Jack's hand loosened reluctantly and he hissed as Sawyer gave a tentative stroke, spreading the moisture leaking from the tip with his thumb. Jack went limp in surrender, moaning as Sawyer's fist moved in slow, rhythmic strokes, in time with the thrust of his hips. 

Sawyer brought Jack to the edge time and time again, only to stop, bring him back down and start all over again. He repeated the process until Jack's body trembled uncontrollably, incoherent moans spilling from his lips in a near constant stream. Sawyer felt a surge of pride beneath the almost overwhelming lust. Seeing Jack Shephard reduced to a mindless, quivering mass made holding off his orgasm for so long completely worthwhile. 

"Please," Jack gasped, reaching back to dig his fingers into the back of Sawyer's thigh, massaging the sweat slick skin spasmodically. 

"Please what," Sawyer murmured, his fingers dancing along the length of Jack's swollen cock, tracing the sensitive veins beneath the heated flesh. "Tell me what you want, darlin'." 

Jack gasped loudly and bit his lip, his body stilling as his orgasm washed over him suddenly. He moaned softly and spilled over Sawyer's hand. 

Sawyer cursed and returned his hand to Jack's hip, holding him steady as he thrust his way to his own climax, his fingers digging bruises into Jack's thigh as he spilled into his still-spasming body. 

"I told you I don't scream," Jack panted. 

Sawyer muttered something unintelligible and nuzzled his neck, holding him tightly as they both slowly recovered. 

"I should probably get back," Jack sighed. He didn't move, though, loathe to leave the warmth of their makeshift bed. He could still feel Sawyer's cock softening inside him. It was a strange, intensely intimate feeling. 

Sawyer grunted softly. "You don't 'gotta' get nowhere. There ain't any emergency. Everyone'll be fine without you for a few hours." 

Jack gave in easily, letting himself relax in Sawyer's embrace. Then he frowned and turned his head to squint at Sawyer. "A few hours?" 

Sawyer smirked. "Give me about twenty minutes and I might be able to go again." 

Jack groaned. "Haven't you had enough yet? I'm already going to be limping for the next twenty-four hours." 

"Hey, you were the one molestin' me last night," Sawyer argued. 

"Yeah, well, that was last night. I'm not eighteen anymore. And I'm starting to feel like there's nothing between us but sex." 

"Really fuckin' good sex," Sawyer muttered, nibbling at Jack's earlobe. 

Jack's eyes closed briefly and he cleared his throat to disguise his building whimper. "Be that as it may, that can't be the *only* thing we have in common." 

Sawyer hesitated. This conversation was headed for dangerous territory and that made him nervous. 

Jack felt him stiffen and rushed to reassure him. "I just want to do something other than fuck every once in a while." 

"Like what," Sawyer asked cautiously. 

Jack felt his stomach gurgle suddenly. "Like have breakfast for starters." 

************   
(a week later)

Jack woke, disoriented, on the bottom bunk in the hatch. He climbed from the bed, nearly falling on his face before finding his balance. He seemed to be doing that a lot more now that he was noticeably increasing. The baby was growing so fast that Rose could barely keep up with the alterations to his clothes, though he could still hide it if his shirts were loose enough. 

Jack grew wary as he walked from one room to another. It was too quiet. "Locke?" His alarm grew as he glanced into the main computer room and found it deserted. There was no way Locke would have abandoned computer duty, so where the hell was he? 

He spotted the door to the armory open. As he moved closer to it he noticed Locke's crumpled form on the floor. He was at the older man's side in seconds, calling his name worriedly. He didn't think to look around for anything or anyone that might still be posing a threat first - a move he regretted the moment he heard the click of someone cocking a rifle behind him. He looked up and froze in surprise. 

"Stay in there." 

"Michael, what...what are you..." Jack ignored his order, taking a step toward him, arm out to show that he wasn't posing a threat. 

"Stay in there, Jack," Michael snapped, gripping the rifle tighter. 

Jack hesitated. He hadn't known Michael long, but he doubted the man capable of murder. His voice sounded desperate - like he didn't want to hurt Jack but he would if he got in the way. "Hey...whatever's going on..." 

"Look, I'm going after my son and nobody is going to stop me, okay," Michael cut in. "That is my right. That is a *father's* right." 

"There's another way to go about..." 

"Get in the damn room," Michael shouted. 

"You gonna shoot me, Michael," Jack shouted back, his hand going unconsciously to his abdomen. 

Michael fidgeted and glanced behind him nervously, as if he expected someone to come in at any second. "No, but I'll shoot your damn computer." He ranted about the computer not being what everybody thought it was but Jack was no longer listening, too focused on figuring out how to calm the irrational man. 

He stepped back as Michael waved the gun in his face again. "We'll do this together, okay," he offered, trying to make his voice calm and soothing. "I'll come with you." 

"No," Michael said quickly. "I have to do it. Now. I have to do it alone." His voice wavered slightly. Then he squared his shoulders and stepped back, slamming the door to the armory shut, trapping Jack inside.


	7. Chapter 7

Sawyer swung open the door to the armory to find Jack expertly loading one of the guns, Locke sitting behind him looking chastened. "Howdy boys," he greeted warily. 

"What are you doing Jack," Locke asked. 

"We're going after him," Jack announced, shoving the gun into Locke's hands and grabbing a rifle, brushing past Sawyer on his way out of the armory. 

"What..." Sawyer turned to Locke. "What happened," he demanded. 

"Michael went after Walt," Locke answered simply. 

Sawyer's eyes widened and he spun on his heel, marching after Jack and snatching the gun from his hands before he knew what was happening. "You're not goin' anywhere," he growled. 

Jack glared at him. "I didn't ask for your permission." He reached for the rifle but Sawyer yanked it from his reach. 

"Do I have to remind you that these people *shot* me? You think you're just gonna go runnin' after 'em?" 

"He has a point, Jack," Locke put in, emerging from the armory, stuffing his gun under his belt. "You have to think about the baby." 

Jack clenched his fists in frustration. "Well what the hell are we supposed to do?" 

"I'll go," Sawyer volunteered. "You stay here and keep pushin' that button." 

"You can't go after them with only two people," Jack argued. 

"Don't intend to. I'm sure Freckles'll be glad to come along." 

Jack wanted to argue but held back, biting his tongue. Every instinct in him screamed to keep Kate safe but deep down he knew she was capable of taking care of herself. "Fine." 

Sawyer glanced over his shoulder at Locke, who was too wrapped up in his own preparations for the trek to pay attention to the two of them. He brushed his lips against Jack's in a fleeting kiss and stroked his fingertips against his stubbled jaw. "Relax. We'll get 'im back." 

******* 

Jack paced restlessly, feeling like he was going insane. He couldn't stand just sitting there, waiting for the rescue party to come back...or not. He couldn't stand knowing that they were out there and he couldn't help. He glared at the counter as it flipped from 48 to 47. 

He jumped when he heard voices at the hatch entrance. His momentary panic was quelled instantly as he recognized Charlie's loud British lilt. 

"Hey, where's Locke," the former rocker asked as he and Hurley rounded the corner. 

Jack saw his opportunity and lunged for it. "If anybody comes looking for me, tell them I'll be back by tonight," he said, grabbing the gun Sawyer had insisted he keep out just in case. 

"Why? Where are you going," Charlie asked warily. 

"Just do it, okay," Jack said impatiently, tucking the pistol into the back of his jeans. 

"Well, excuse me," Charlie snarked. "I was just wondering where our pregnant doctor might be going that requires him to carry a sodding gun." 

Jack sighed. "Michael went looking for Walt. Locke, Kate and Sawyer already went after him. I'm going to try to catch up to them." 

"Are...you sure that's a good idea," Hurley asked. 

"I'll be fine." 

"Great," Charlie muttered. "Bloody fantastic. These 'Others' have murdered people you know. And I hear they're especially fond of kidnapping children and pregnant people but go ahead. Go ask them to give Walt back. I'm sure we can find another doctor. Maybe there's another group of survivors on the other side of the island, I'm sure they'd have one." 

Jack stifled a groan. "I'll be fine, Charlie. I know what I'm doing..." 

******** 

"Look what I found," the Other announced, shoving a bound, gagged and hooded Jack into the clearing. "He was following his friends about a half a click back." 

Michael's eyes widened and he opened his mouth to protest but was immediately threatened into silence by the man who looked like Santa's crazy brother. 

Jack fought against the man holding him fruitlessly before being shoved onto a fallen log. He heard a voice whispering nearby but couldn't make out the words. He twisted his arms, trying to loosen the rope on his wrists and jumped when a shot rang out from nearby. He could have sworn the noise was followed by Sawyer's voice letting loose a string of curses. Jack tried unsuccessfully to shout around the gag in his mouth and received a sharp blow to the head for his efforts. 

"Shut up," a voice hissed. 

"You're bluffing," Kate said to the bearded man on the other side of the thick bushes. "There's probably more of us than there are of you." She sounded sure but the look in her eyes betrayed her wariness. 

"That's an interesting theory," the Other said patronizingly. Then he lifted his arms like Moses parting the Red Sea and shouted "Light 'em up!" 

Kate wavered slightly as about a dozen torches lit just outside their clearing. 

"We seem to have a misunderstanding here so listen carefully," the bearded man continued. "Right here, there's a line. You cross that line, we go from misunderstanding to...somethin' else. Now give me your weapons, turn around, go home." 

"No," Sawyer growled. 

The Other sighed. "I'd hoped it wouldn't come to this. Bring him out, Alex!" 

Sawyer stiffened, eyes widening as Jack was shoved roughly into the clearing, hands bound behind his back, bag over his head - obviously more to disorient him than fool them as there was no mistaking who their captive was, even though the loose shirt and surrounding darkness managed to conceal his condition. Still, it wasn't until the man ripped the sack from his head that Sawyer was able to shake himself from his frozen stupor. 

He only took a few steps forward before the bearded man put a gun to Jack's head. "Don't!" 

Sawyer stopped in his tracks and fumed. "If you hurt him..." 

"Shut up," the man snapped. 

Jack struggled, a string of muffled curses emitting from behind the gag. The Other tightened his hold in response, pressing the barrel of the gun harder against the base of his skull. "It's your choice," he said, his voice almost sing-song. "You can hand over your weapons and go back where you came from or you can live with the fact that I shot this man right in front of you when you could have saved him just by going home." 

Jack's eyes met with Sawyer's, trying to plead with the Southerner. 'Don't.' Those guns were the only leverage they had against these people... His eyes slammed shut as the pistol ground painfully into his skin. 

"I'll give you to the count of three," the bearded man snarled. "One...two..." 

"Stop," Kate cried. She stepped forward, her hands out in a placating gesture, and dropped her gun on the blanket beside the fire before stepping back. Locke followed her lead a moment later. Sawyer remained frozen in place, staring dumbly at the surreal scene before him. 

The bearded man cocked his head and adjusted his grip, dragging the barrel of the gun from Jack's chin to his temple. Sawyer didn't miss Jack's wince as the metal dug into his skin, likely bruising him. He glared, not taking his eyes from the Other as he stepped forward slowly and deposited his rifle on top of the other weapons. "You and me ain't done, Zeke," he growled. 

"Zeke" merely smirked and pushed Jack toward him before bending to pick up the weapons and disappearing into the night. 

Sawyer untied Jack's hands none too gently and ripped the gag from his mouth. "Have you lost your mind?" 

Jack shrugged him off and glowered silently. 

"Well," Sawyer prompted, Jack's silence only infuriating him further. 

"Sawyer," Kate scolded, stepping closer and placing a hand on Jack's arm, her concerned eyes searching his face. "Are you all right?" 

"Yeah," Jack replied gruffly. "I'm fine." He shrugged out of her grasp and backed away from the group. "We should go." 

"It's getting late," Locke pointed out. "We've already got a fire going. Maybe we should stay here - start again in the morning." 

"If it's all the same to you I'd rather set up camp further from the line," Sawyer snit. 

Locke held up his hands in surrender. "Okay...we'll move." 

Sawyer kicked dirt onto the fire and the group headed back the way they had come. 

Hours later Sawyer sat staring at the new fire, poking it absently with a stick as his companions slept fitfully. He couldn't sleep. Not while they were unarmed in the middle of the jungle surrounded by boars, polar bears, Others and who the hell knew what else. He glared at Jack. He knew why Jack had followed them. Hell, if it were him, he would've done the same thing. But that didn't' mean he had to forgive the man. 

******** 

When they arrived back at camp Jack headed straight for the hatch. Sawyer followed him. The last shift on the button had just ended, which meant they would have a good twenty minutes at least without interruption. 

"You gonna tell me what the hell that was about," he demanded. 

"Leave me alone, Sawyer," Jack snapped without turning his head. 

"I thought I told you to stay here," Sawyer pressed. 

"You don't get to tell me what I can and can't do." Jack unpacked his backpack, tossing things on the counter angrily. 

Sawyer's jaw clenched. He seized Jack's wrist in a bruising grip, spinning him around. 

Jack's eyes flashed. "Let go of me." 

"What the hell is your problem? You tryin' to get yourself killed?" 

Jack's eyes narrowed and he tried to yank his arm free, hissing as Sawyer responded by tightening his grip. "Let go. Now," he ordered. 

"Not until you tell me why the hell you would do something so stupid!" 

Sawyer staggered as Jack's other fist connected with his jaw. It was his left hand and therefore not as strong a blow as it could have been but it was still a mean punch. He let go of Jack's wrist instinctively and wiped at the corner of his mouth, surprised when he didn't find blood. 

"I don't have to explain myself to you," Jack growled. 

Sawyer's eyes darkened and he lunged at Jack, grabbing him by both wrists and wrenching his arms behind his back, pinning him against the counter before he had a chance to struggle. 

Jack glared at him defiantly. "What are you gonna do? Hit me?" He twisted his wrists against Sawyer's grip, clenching his teeth against the pain it caused. "You would have done the same thing!" 

"I ain't the one puttin' my baby in danger," Sawyer snapped. 

"I don't need you to protect me," Jack practically shouted. 

"Fine then," Sawyer shouted back. "Next time I'll let the crazy man blow your head off!" 

"That wouldn't have happened if you had let me go with you in the first place!" 

Sawyer gaped. "Is that what this is about? Me not lettin' you run off into the jungle after Mike?" 

"No, this is about you treating me like a child! I don't need you to decide what I can and can't do!" 

"Obviously you do!" 

Jack's eyes widened and he fought to free himself from Sawyer's grip with renewed purpose. "Let me go!" 

"Damnit, Jack, listen to me!" 

Jack stilled in grudging defeat and glared at Sawyer. 

"You knew goin' after Mike would be dangerous, 'else you wouldn't've had us take the guns. And I know you can't track worth a damn. So what the hell were you thinkin'?" 

Jack's jaw clenched. 

"Answer me, you son of a bitch," Sawyer yelled, twisting Jack's right arm slightly, regretting the move immediately when it made Jack yelp. 

"They took Claire," Jack finally blurted. "They took Walt, they killed Scott and they almost killed you. I can't just sit around here pushing a button, waiting for them to come after us again!" 

Sawyer went silent, stunned. He felt all the fight go out of Jack's body at once and shook his head in disgust, stepping back and letting go. Jack clutched his reddened wrists to his chest defensively, like a wounded animal. He gasped and staggered as Sawyer suddenly lashed out, backhanding him across the face. 

Sawyer winced as Jack slumped against the counter, catching himself on the tile before he could fall. His eyes widened as Jack inexplicably began chuckling. 

"Didn't your daddy teach you not to hit pregnant women," he sneered in a poor imitation of Sawyer's voice. 

Sawyer clenched his fists, his jaw tightening. "Yeah, Jackass, he did. Right before he shot my momma in the face." 

Jack looked up at him, his eyes dark. He pulled himself upright and whirled, swinging at Sawyer's head. 

Sawyer caught his arm easily and spun them both around, shoving Jack against the nearest wall and pinning him with a firm grip on his elbows. 

"You wanna kill yourself, go ahead," he spit. "But you're doin' it on your own. I ain't savin' your ass again." 

"Jack?" 

Sawyer looked toward the sound of Kate's voice, startled. She came around the corner, her eyes widening as she took them in. "Sawyer! What are you doing?!" 

Sawyer let go of Jack, taking a step back. "We were just having a little talk, Freckles." He turned back to Jack, who glared at him defiantly. "I'll see you later, Doc," he muttered, brushing past Kate on his way out the door.


	8. Chapter 8

(A couple days later) 

"What the hell do you think you're doin'," Sawyer demanded. He had been surprised to come back from a swim to find Jack rummaging around in his tent but that surprise was quickly turning to anger. It wasn't like Jack to go behind his back like this - not anymore. If he wanted something Sawyer was willing to give all he had to do was ask. The fact that he didn't told Sawyer that either Jack knew he would refuse to give up this particular something or their relationship was on shakier ground that he had realized. 

Jack held up a bottle of pills. "You stole these from the hatch," he accused. 

Or maybe it was a combination of both. Sawyer's eyes narrowed. "You stole them from me." 

Jack flustered. "What?" 

"Y'all were in my stash when I left. I just took back what was mine." 

Jack blinked in shock. He had always known Sawyer could be a selfish son of a bitch, but this was really pushing it too far. "These belong to all of us, Sawyer. To the group." He tried to slip past Sawyer but was held back by a firm grip. 

"You don't want to do this," Sawyer growled, his voice low, dangerous. "Just give me the pills and we'll forget it ever happened." 

Jack searched his eyes. "Are you threatening me?" 

Sawyer didn't even blink. "Last chance, Doc." He knew he wouldn't lay a hand on Jack, but there were other - non-physical - forms of punishment. 

Jack's face hardened. He tightened his grip on the bottle and brushed past Sawyer, heading up the beach and back toward the hatch. Sawyer watched him, his anger and frustration reaching a boiling point. It wasn't just Jack he was mad at, but everyone - the world in general. Ever since he got back people had treated him like he was insignificant - like he had no say in anything of any importance. They ignored him, treated him like the harmless bully they didn't have to listen to. Well he would change that. He would make them listen. 

********* 

In the end it proved an easy con. He fed Kate hints about Jack and Ana's plan to raise an army to fight the Others, knowing that Jack had likely said nothing to her and that that would get under her skin like nothing else. The has-been was more than willing to help him - if only to get back at Locke for embarrassing him. For a moment - when it looked like Sun may have actually been hurt by Charlie's attempts to drag her into the jungle - Sawyer wondered if he was making a mistake. But it was too late to back out by then. Besides, he reasoned, she wasn't really hurt - just rattled enough to put the rest of the group on edge. Everything fell into place from there and Kate, Jack and Locke played right into his hands, becoming so wrapped up in their distrust that they didn't see what was happening until Sawyer had already stolen the guns from under their noses. 

He felt a pang of guilt after the con was revealed and he saw the flash of hurt in Jack's eyes in the light of the campfire. But the hurt quickly settled into a look Sawyer could read all too well as he had seen it many times before. Disappointment. Jack wasn't surprised. In fact, he knew he should have expected something like this would happen. Sawyer convinced himself that it didn't matter. He was taking the guns from *Locke*, not Jack, though he realized that this newly gained power could help him keep Jack in check - keep him from running off into the jungle in a fit of self-righteous anger without first clearing it with Sawyer. 

Kate accused him of wanting people to hate him but she was wrong. He wanted people to respect him, however grudgingly. But more than that, he didn't want to be a follower. He refused to take orders from people who were no more qualified for leadership than he was. This was his way - the only way he knew how - of rebelling against the closest thing they had to authority on this godforsaken spit of land. Of making the tail wag the dog. 

********* 

It had been days - weeks - since Sawyer had talked to Jack. He had barely even seen him until he waltzed up on Sawyer's poker game to advise Hurley to fold. He proceeded to correctly guess Sawyer's hand and basically read everybody's tells as if they were stamped on their foreheads. The opportunity was too good for Sawyer to pass up. 

"Think 'cause you watch poker on TV that you can tussle with the big boys?" 

Jack looked torn for a moment between his sense of duty and the offer to relax for a while. "I've gotta get back to the hatch." 

"Hatch ain't goin' nowhere, Doc," Sawyer smirked. "How 'bout you put your mangoes where your mouth is?" 

Jack wondered if that was supposed to be a come on. From the look on Sawyer's face he suspected he was at least supposed to think so. Sawyer, Kate and Hurley all looked at him expectantly as he debated and finally relented. 

Victory danced in Sawyer's eyes as he gathered the cards and re-dealt. This game was finally getting interesting. 

********* 

It didn't take long for Sawyer to realize he was in over his head. He had been sure when he invited Jack to join them that he would be as easy to read as a book. But it turned out that Jack wasn't as easy to read at the poker table as he was in the bedroom. 

"Think you're in my head, Doc?" 

"Call or fold," Jack said coolly, sipping at his water bottle. 

Sawyer confidently laid down his pair of queens. There was no way Jack could beat that. 

Jack gave him a subdued smirk and revealed his own pair of kings. "But at least I'm not in your head," he teased. He glanced at the pile of fruit he had collected in an embarrassingly small number of hands and added "Well, I guess that's it." 

"What do you mean 'it'," Sawyer snapped. No matter how he felt about Jack it irked him that the man could breeze in and beat him at his own game so effortlessly. He couldn't let him leave without trying to regain some of his dignity. 

"Sawyer, you're busted," Jack said gently. "I got it all. It wouldn't really be fair for you to go out and pick more mangoes." 

"Oh, I got a helluva lot more mangoes," Sawyer fired back. "Wanna play real stakes? Name 'em." 

Jack laughed. "It's a pile of fruit." 

Sawyer bristled. "Yeah, and I want it back." 

"Should I go and get a ruler," Kate asked suddenly. 

Both men glanced at her, startled. Sawyer had almost forgotten she and Hurley were still there. He ordered Hurley to leave, figuring Kate would take the hint and follow suit. 

Hurley glanced between the two men. This was promising to lead to either a hell of a fight or a make-up. Either way it promised to be entertaining and he was reluctant to walk away from it. 

Kate made the decision for both of them, standing and announcing "let's go leave these boys to their sandbox." 

Hurley followed reluctantly and Jack frowned, wondering what, exactly, they thought was going to happen here. 

"One more hand, Doc. What's it gonna take?" 

Jack pretended to think about it for a minute as if he hadn't known exactly what he wanted and how to get Sawyer to give it to him from the beginning. "The medicine you stole from the armory. All of it." 

Sawyer glanced sideways at him. He had known Jack would find a way to get the meds back sooner or later. He had also known that he would give them to Jack, although he wouldn't make it easy...didn't want anyone to think he was getting soft. But now here was Jack offering him the perfect opportunity on a platter. All he had to do was keep playing, even though he was sure now that he would lose - badly. "Deal."


	9. Chapter 9

After another hand in which Sawyer got his ass handed to him he decided he couldn't hold back his curiosity anymore. "So where'd you learn to play cards, Doc?" 

Jack's eyes wandered for a moment like he was stalling, debating his answer. "Phuket." 

Sawyer frowned. "What the hell were you doin' in Thailand?" 

Jack looked mildly surprised. 

"What, you don't think I know where Phuket is?" 

Sawyer flashed a dimpled smile briefly, enough to make Jack smile involuntarily and look away, a blush rising to his cheeks. He knew he was well into his second trimester, which explained why he couldn't stop thinking about Sawyer, or, more accurately, about fucking Sawyer. The other day he had caught sight of the man reading in front of his tent and been hypnotized. The glasses resting on the bridge of his nose...the graceful fingers manipulating the pages...the soft, bronzed skin of his throat, partially revealed by his half-   
unbuttoned shirt. He had longed to feel those hands on him, to run his tongue over the sharp line of his collarbone. He had been startled to hear the soft whimper that spilled involuntarily from his lips and had darted back into the jungle before the fantasy got the better of him. But now here he was, sitting across from Sawyer, trying to win back the medicine through a game of poker, absolutely certain that if they weren't in the middle of the camp in the open he wouldn't be able to control the urge to knock the table aside and beg Sawyer to fuck him until he couldn't see straight. He could see the suggestion, the longing, in Sawyer's eyes and knew he wanted the same thing. He swallowed a groan and tried to ignore the blood rushing between his legs, forcing himself to focus on Sawyer as he began dealing the cards. 

"Far East, huh? Wouldn't'a taken you for a world traveler. That where you got the art on your shoulder?" 

Jack didn't hear him, too focused on his hands as he dealt. He frowned as he realized what Sawyer was doing. "How about you deal again?" 

Sawyer blinked at him. "What?" 

"This time from the top of the deck." 

Sawyer looked down at the cards and smirked. "Well, I had to try." 

Jack smiled hesitantly and watched carefully as Sawyer gathered up the cards and reshuffled. Sawyer looked at Jack as he re-dealt the cards. It was obvious he had underestimated Jack. It was also obvious that he had much to learn about this man. The hints of a dark, seedy past intrigued him and he found he was looking forward to weaseling them out of him - a task that could prove challenging as the doctor had seemed determined to duck around the subject, refusing to answer even Kate's innocent queries regarding his tattoos. He decided that he would find a way to get Jack to tell him about whatever demons he was avoiding, even if it killed him. 

******** 

"Do you even know what amoxicillan is," Jack asked as Sawyer added it to the pot. 

Sawyer shook his head. Jack wasn't the only one with a tainted past. "You may've been to Phuket, but I've been to Tallahassee." Jack stared blankly. "Let's just say somethin' was burnin' and it wasn't from the sunshine." Jack blinked, a frown beginning to crease his forehead. "Don't worry. Nothin' too serious," he added quickly. 

Jack shook his head and absently shuffled his cards, looking back and forth between the table and the mound of fruit beside him. "I'm all in." 

Sawyer searched his blank face and smirked. "Well that's the move of a man who wants me to lay down." 

Jack ignored the blatant suggestion in his purposeful wording. "You're not gonna lay it down." 

"I'm not, huh," Sawyer taunted. "Why's that?" 

Jack looked around and leaned in, as if he were about to reveal a secret. "Because there's a bunch of people watching us right now and you don't want them to see you lose. Again." 

Sawyer faltered, glancing at the small group standing several yards away. Were those binoculars? He was pretty sure they were just waiting for the two of them to fight and/or kiss and grope each other but Jack was right. He would gladly surrender the meds to Jack - he'd won them fair and square after all - but he wouldn't do it publicly and ruin the image he'd worked so hard to maintain. "All right. I call. Whatcha got?" 

Jack tossed his cards on the table and Sawyer gaped. "A pair of nines? You pushed in with a pair of nines?" He had just been thoroughly out-bluffed. 

"You caught me," Jack said "innocently". "Let's see 'em." 

Sawyer grumbled and slapped down his even more pitiful hand. 

"Guess it was enough, huh," Jack noted smugly. 

Sawyer muttered a few curses. He didn't mind the losing part...much, but the definitive proof that Jack was a better player and could call his bluff so easily made him want to slap the good doctor silly. Or at least fuck that self-satisfied smirk from his face, he thought as Jack hauled himself to his feet with a tiny groan. 

"I'll come get the meds later," Jack said, picking up his backpack and walking away. 

"Hey," Sawyer called, stopping him in his tracks. "When I asked you what you wanted for stakes...why didn't you ask for the guns?" 

"When I need the guns, I'll get the guns," Jack replied confidently. 

Sawyer watched him leave, debating whether or not he should follow him or just wait for him to come back for the medicine. He had no doubt Jack was right. He had just proven he was capable of manipulating Sawyer into giving him what he wanted. But that was just a pile of fruit and some pills he had known he would eventually hand over anyway. He wouldn't let go of the guns quite so easily.


	10. Chapter 10

Jack had entertained the admittedly unlikely hope that Sawyer would not remove the meds from his stash before Jack came to collect, forcing him to reveal the location of the guns. But when he entered Sawyer's tent they were sitting in a haphazard pile on a corner of an Oceanic Airlines blanket. Sawyer lay sprawled across the rest of the blanket, hands folded beneath his head, waiting. 

"I didn't think you'd let them go this easy," Jack admitted as he knelt on the ground and began loading the medicine into his backpack.

"I ain't *lettin'* 'em go. You won 'em fair and square." Sawyer watched Jack methodically place the jars one by one into the pack. "You never answered my question."

Jack looked up. "What?"

Sawyer sat up suddenly, his face mere inches from Jack's and Jack resisted the impulse to pull away. Intense eyes bored into his and his breath hitched slightly as Sawyer's fingers brushed his shoulder, over the tattoo the Southerner knew like the back of his own hand. "You get these in Phuket?"

Jack nodded, his eyes unerringly drawn to Sawyer's mouth, watching the way his lips moved, molding his words from that deep, drawling voice that was once again invading Jack's thoughts and dreams.

Sawyer smirked as he saw blatant desire rapidly take over Jack's face. "Why don't you tell me what it is you really want?"

Jack forced himself to look away, his fingers trembling slightly as he zipped the backpack. "I don't know what you're talking about." His eyes slammed shut as Sawyer's thumb brushed his lower lip.

"Course you do," Sawyer said softly. "I've seen you watchin' me. Only thing keepin' you from draggin' me into the jungle like a damned caveman is you need people to think you still hate me."

Jack's eyes narrowed. "I do hate you."

Sawyer's hand drifted down to settle on Jack's hip. "You just go ahead and keep tellin' yourself that. But that don't change the fact that you still want me to strip you naked and fuck you 'til you can't walk no more."

"I never said it did," Jack muttered, letting go of his pack and grabbing Sawyer's head with both hands, bringing their lips together violently.

Sawyer was slow to respond, startled by the sudden reversal. He recovered quickly, cradling the back of Jack's head and matching his unrestrained hunger, biting at his lips, their tongues fighting for dominance.

Jack's fingers fumbled with the buttons on Sawyer's shirt, an impassioned groan slipping from his lips. Sawyer swallowed the sound with a growl and swatted his hands away impatiently. He twisted around, dragging Jack onto his "bed" and pulling back so he could remove his shirt himself. Jack took the hint and yanked his own shirt over his head, tossing it aside before attacking Sawyer's jeans. Sawyer groaned as the material was pushed out of the way and a hot, wet mouth engulfed his rapidly hardening length.

"Keep that up and this'll be over real soon," he muttered. He hissed as Jack's answering moan sent vibrations shooting through his spine. For a man who claimed to have had little experience with men outside of a couple drunken encounters in college, Jack could suck cock like a pro.

Jack bobbed his head a couple more times and pulled away abruptly, unbuttoning his own jeans frantically and wiggling out of them gracelessly, sending them in the same direction as his shirt.

Sawyer wrestled out of the remainder of his clothing and crawled over Jack's naked form like a predator cornering his prey. He took Jack's mouth in a rough kiss, his hand going automatically to wrap around the doctor's bobbing length.

"No," Jack gasped against his lips, halting his movements with a tight grip on his wrist. "I want you inside me."

Sawyer groaned loudly, his cock twitching excitedly. Bastard was going to kill him. He clawed at the edge of the blankets, fishing out a half-empty bottle of lotion.

Jack's eyes widened. "You anticipated this?"

Sawyer flipped open the bottle and poured some of the milky substance onto his palm. "Like I said, I seen the way you've been lookin' at me." He held back another groan as he wrapped his hand around his cock, coating himself with the lotion. "Figured it was only a matter of time." He knelt between Jack's legs, hooking his hands under the man's knees to drag him closer, spreading his thighs wider.

Jack moaned as a slick finger slid inside him, his hips twitching as it found his prostate immediately. "Don't."

Sawyer jabbed it again pointedly, delighting in the little squeak he got in response.

"Damnit, Sawyer, don't. Just...fuck me already."

Sawyer groaned. "Roll over."

Jack clambered to his hands and knees, spreading his legs wide and tilting his hips backward, opening himself up to Sawyer. A surge of arousal went through Sawyer as he took in the obscene display. He ran one finger around the sensitive rim of the exposed opening, his cock twitching as it clenched in anticipation.

Jack groaned, shifting impatiently. "Please...Now!"

Sawyer positioned himself behind Jack. Jack felt the swollen head of Sawyer's cock nudge against him and tried to push back, eager to feel that full, thick length inside him. "Please," he repeated, his voice barely more audible than a breath.

Sawyer's hands went to Jack's hips, holding him steady, stilling his movement. "Relax," he murmured.

Jack blew out a noisy breath and opened his mouth to tell Sawyer to get the fuck on with it already but the words died with a strangled moan as Sawyer pushed past the outer ring of muscle and slid deep inside him in one swift plunge.

Sawyer ground his teeth as Jack's body opened up and welcomed him inside with little resistance. He pulled back and pushed in again without giving Jack time to adjust. Whatever self restraint he may have had left flew out the window as Jack responded by arching his back and thrusting his hips backward against Sawyer's tight grip, growling softly. He didn't want tenderness. He wanted a quick, hard fuck. Sawyer happily obliged, slamming into Jack with little finesse. Jack responded with a noise that reminded Sawyer of a cat in heat and matched his movements.

It only took a few thrusts for Jack to come. He gave a wild, incoherent shout, all of his muscles going tense for one seemingly endless moment and then relaxing completely, his entire body quivering. His arms went weak and he lowered himself to his elbows, pressing his flushed hot cheek to the cool blanket. He frowned as Sawyer's thrusts slowed to a stop. He knew the man hadn't come yet - the hard length still impaling him was proof enough of that.

"Y'okay," Sawyer asked through clenched teeth.

"I'm fine," Jack panted, his words slurring slightly. "Why'd you stop?"

Sawyer muttered something unintelligible and bent low over Jack, hooking his arms under his shoulders and hauling him upright.

Jack sighed and leaned back against Sawyer's broad chest. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Shh." Sawyer began rocking his hips in tiny thrusts, barely moving.

Jack groaned at the gentle stimulation to his sex-swollen passage. "You're not gonna make me come again."

"Hush up, I'm tryin' to concentrate."

Jack closed his eyes and leaned his head against Sawyer's shoulder, letting his mind drift, basking in the glow of his recent orgasm. He didn't react as Sawyer tipped his chin with gentle fingers and covered his lips in a slow, deep kiss, his tongue invading Jack's mouth in time with the movement of his hips. His hand smoothed down Jack's chest, headed for his stomach, splaying his fingers against the swollen bulge where their child grew and massaging gently.

Jack broke the kiss with a sigh. "Sawyer, would you just come?"

"Damnit, Doc, can't you just sit still and shut up? I never said I was doin' this for *you*." Not completely anyway. He couldn't help that he got off on making the all-powerful doctor come undone. Bonus points if he could make him beg.

"Then get it over with," Jack grumbled.

"You got someplace you need to be?"

Jack opened his mouth to reply but all that emerged was a strangled little yip as Sawyer altered his angle slightly, sliding his cock against Jack's swollen prostate.

Sawyer smirked. Bingo. "That's better."

Jack moaned softly and hissed, "Bastard."

A spark of victory pierced through the dark lust in Sawyer's eyes. "Love you too, darlin'."

Jack glared at him through eyes that were slightly unfocused.

Sawyer paused his movements and tapped the outside of one of Jack's thighs. "Sit up a bit."

Jack grumbled under his breath but complied, shifting his knees closer together. Sawyer moved so his own knees framed Jack's and squeezed slightly as he slowly pulled out until only the head of his cock remained inside. He hissed and Jack swore as he drove back in, the new position constricting Jack's channel, squeezing Sawyer tightly.

Sawyer set up a slow, steady rhythm, pulling halfway out and thrusting deep, making sure to brush Jack's swollen gland along the way. He had learned long ago the benefits of taking his time and giving his partner pleasure - often multiple times - before letting go himself. But this, he decided as he felt Jack's body ripple around him, drawing him in, trying to milk his orgasm from him, was really testing the limits of his endurance. He dipped his hand lower, cupping Jack's wasted length, trying to coax it back to life. Jack moaned softly. "That's it," Sawyer encouraged.

Jack's hands reached backward, his fingers digging into the back of Sawyer's thighs, clumsily trying to direct Sawyer's movements, feeling the tension building low in his abdomen again. His vision blurred hotly and he panted, arching as Sawyer bit and licked at his neck, latching onto the soft skin at his throat and sucking, bringing blood to the surface until Jack squirmed at the pleasurable pain. Jack gasped as he reached a plateau suddenly, his mind going blank as all sensation zeroed in on the parts of him that Sawyer touched.

He came quietly the second time, his eyes rolling back in his head, hips pulsing with the waves of pleasure, his cock twitching dryly in Sawyer's hand.

'Good enough,' Sawyer thought with a growl, tossing aside his remaining self restraint and giving a few more sloppy thrusts into Jack's spasming body before his climax rolled over him. Jack felt wetness between his legs as Sawyer continued to thrust through his orgasm and dimly registering the pain of the man's teeth sinking into his shoulder. He moaned and slumped in Sawyer's arms, not trusting the man to keep him from falling but not really giving a shit at the moment.

Sawyer caught him clumsily, his grip tightening as he slowly regained control of his senses. He pulled out, hissing as the relatively cool air assaulted him, and lowered Jack to his side on the blanket, following close behind, facing him but not touching him. His chest swelled with pride as he watched Jack slowly recover, noting the deep flush of his sweat-glistened skin, the dramatic heaving of his chest and the dazed, utterly relaxed look on his face. He shivered as his own sweat cooled but didn't move a muscle to do anything about it.

Jack's eyes opened slowly and Sawyer caught a flash of vulnerability before he looked away. Then, unexpectedly, he shifted closer to Sawyer, nuzzling him, kissing the dip in his neck.

Sawyer frowned. "You okay, Doc?"

Jack hummed and brought his lips to Sawyer's ear. "Tell me where they are."

Sawyer stiffened. "What?"

"The guns," Jack murmured.

Sawyer pushed him back, searching his face in disbelief. "That's what this is all about? You gettin' me to tell you where the guns are?"

Jack frowned. "What do you mean?"

Sawyer rolled away from Jack and sat up, reaching for his shirt. "Rule number one, Doc: don't try to con a con. Or you gotta at least do a better job."

Jack pushed himself upright, shaking off the last remnants of pleasurable lethargy. "I'm not trying to con you, Sawyer, I was just hoping you'd be reasonable."

Sawyer snorted and stood, reaching for his pants and hopping from one foot to the other to yank them on. "Reasonable? How is givin' you the guns reasonable?"

"You can't be the only one who knows where they are," Jack argued, feeling his cheeks flushing again for an entirely different reason. "If anything happened to you..."

"What makes you think I'm the only one who knows?"

Jack faltered, staring in shock. "Who else knows?"

Sawyer glared at the fastenings of his jeans as he did them up. "It ain't important." He gave Jack a smile that was closer to a sneer. "'f something happens to me, you'll know."

"Sawyer..." Jack moved to get up and stopped suddenly with a nearly inaudible whimper.

Sawyer momentarily forgot his anger when he saw the pinched look on Jack's face. He knelt beside him and took Jack's chin in his hand. "What happened? Did I hurt you?"

Jack shook his head. "Baby..."

Sawyer's alarm grew. "What about it?"

"It's moving," Jack hissed.

Sawyer frowned and rested his hand over the bulge in Jack's abdomen. Sure enough, he could feel rippling movements under his palm. "Is that bad," he asked.

"No. It just hurts," Jack groaned.

The confused wrinkles in Sawyer's forehead deepened. "Is it s'pposed to?"

"Abdominal pregnancy," Jack explained. "They're usually painful." His hand joined Sawyer's on his abdomen, rubbing gentle circles in an effort to soothe the fetus.

Sawyer felt the restless movements slow. Jack relaxed, breathing deeply. Once he had regained his thoughts he covered Sawyer's hand with his own and waited until Sawyer's eyes met his. "Please. Just tell me. No one else has to know."

Sawyer's expression hardened again and he ripped his hand from Jack's, reaching for the doctor's clothes and dropping them in his lap unceremoniously. "Get dressed." He stood and headed for the tent flap.

"Sawyer, don't," Jack called after him.

Sawyer hesitated, his posture stiff. "Take your meds and go back to the hatch, Doc," he said over his shoulder. "We're done here." Then he pushed back the flap and stomped out.

Jack stared after him in shock for several minutes, feeling sick. The sickness gradually morphed into anger as he tugged on his clothing. He knew he should have expected this reaction from Sawyer, but the cruel bite to his words...the fact that he thought Jack would trade sex for the guns...well, he could see how it might look like that. But the fact that Sawyer saw his desire as simply a manipulation pissed him off. Obviously he didn't trust Jack. After all the times he had saved Sawyer's life, everything they'd been through, the fact that Jack was risking his own life to bring the man's child into the world, Sawyer still didn't trust him.

Jack ground his teeth as he felt wetness slip from inside him - evidence of his weakness. He wondered why he kept coming back, why he let Sawyer do this to him, get under his skin. At some point he may have entertained the idea that he could change the man, but now he saw the pointlessness of it. Sawyer would never change. Even now that they both knew their days together were numbered. Their relationship - such as it was - would always be about lust, hate and, at times, grudging alliance. 

Jack grabbed his backpack and stormed out of the tent, cutting through the camp on the beach and heading for the jungle, ignoring the knowing looks of some of the other survivors as he passed them. He couldn't face anybody right now. Sawyer was nowhere to be found. Not that Jack wanted to find him at the moment. In fact, he realized, he wasn't sure he ever wanted to see him again.


	11. Chapter 11

"...three weeks ago," a voice Jack didn't recognize was saying when he entered the hatch. Whoever it was sounded frantic, voice pinched with pain. "We were staying in a cave off the beach...At least untie my arms!" 

Jack rounded the corner to find Locke and Sayid crouched beside a bound man. The man had an arrow through his shoulder, yet neither of the other men seemed concerned or inclined to do something about it. "What the hell is going on here," Jack demanded. 

All three men looked up at him in surprise. Nobody noticed the small, fleeting smile that tugged at the captive man's lips, the spark of recognition in his eyes that transformed into shock as he took in Jack's obviously pregnant form. Sayid told Jack about Rousseau trapping this man - Henry Gale, he said his name was - and she believed he was an Other. 

"An other *what*?" Henry moaned. 

Jack fell immediately into doctor mode, kneeling awkwardly beside Henry and giving him water. Henry couldn't tear his eyes from the bulge in Jack's middle. He wondered if his fevered mind was playing tricks on him, but he didn't have a chance to further ponder this strange turn of events before he passed out. 

********** 

"Is that really what it looks like," Henry finally asked during one of his daily trips to the bathroom, nodding to Jack's stomach. 

"Yeah," Jack answered simply, not moving from his position in the doorway as Henry moved to wash his hands. 

Henry nodded. "Do you mind if I ask..." 

Jack cut him off. "Actually I do." 

Henry looked surprised. "I was just curious." 

Jack looked away from him and shifted awkwardly. He hadn't agreed with Sayid's "interrogation" of Henry, but he didn't trust the man either. "I'm a hermaphrodite," he said flatly. 

Understanding flashed in Henry's eyes and he looked away, turning off the water in the sink and reaching for a towel. "When is it due?" 

"I'm not sure," Jack lied. "I've been a little fuzzy on time since we got here. Are you done?" 

Henry gave a brief, tentative smile and nodded, letting Jack lead him back to his cell. "Is the father on the island too," he asked innocently. 

Jack hesitated, his hand on the door. There was nothing about the man's questions that suggested anything other than natural curiosity, but they still made him uneasy. Perhaps because ever since Jack had pulled an enraged Sayid from him before he could beat the man to death he had been strangely calm and docile, as if accepting whatever fate was in store for him at their hands...or feeling confident that he would be rescued. "Yes." 

Henry just nodded thoughtfully, picking up the book Locke had given him and settling on his cot without further question. 

Jack closed the door and spun the combination lock, telling himself he was imagining the knowing, solicitous flash in Henry's eyes whenever the man looked at him. 

**********   
(A couple days later) 

"They'll never give you Walt," Henry said with distressing surety. 

Jack stared at him a moment longer before brushing past Ana out of the armory. Ana glowered at Henry and shoved the door closed with a dull thud, following Jack into the kitchen. 

"I'm not so sure trading people's their thing," she said hesitantly, watching him fuss with his backpack, getting ready for his trip out to the "line". 

"Well, talking to him is getting us nowhere," Jack pointed out. "So maybe we can get something for him." 

"You want me to come with you," she asked tentatively. 

Jack glanced into the next room where Locke sat hunched over the drawing he had been working on for several hours it seemed. Something had happened to Locke in the time he had spent alone with Henry. Jack didn't know what it was but it made him uneasy and he didn't feel like finding out what would happen if they were left alone again. "You need to stay here." 

Ana seemed to understand his meaning and accept his judgment. She handed him the gun. "You need it more than I do." 

Jack accepted the weapon and flicked it open to count the number of bullets left. 

"Do yourself a favor, man," she continued. "Don't go out there alone." 

Jack smiled reassuringly. Ana, while seemingly as defensive of him and his child as anyone else in their group, had never tried to talk him out of anything - only offering help and advice. She seemed to understand his need to do something about these Others posing a threat to them, even if it meant putting himself in danger. Maybe it was because she and her small group of survivors had been through hell because of them but whatever the reason Jack appreciated her support and reservation of judgment. "Okay." 

********* 

Jack found Kate and Sawyer squatting beside a small inlet of water, Kate catching tadpoles with her bare hands while Sawyer watched and offered both encouragements and taunts in equal measure. "Hey," he greeted. 

"Hey yourself," Sawyer replied, his eyes roving shamelessly up and down Jack's body. 

Jack spared him a quick glance and then focused on Kate. "I'm going back out into the jungle to talk to our friend with the beard. See if we can make a trade." 

Sawyer's eyes widened. "You're doin' what now?" 

"Sawyer," Jack sighed. 

"Don't you 'Sawyer' me. Why the hell would you wanna go do something stupid like that?" 

"I'm just going to talk to him," Jack spit, annoyed. "Not challenge him to a duel." 

Sawyer opened his mouth to reply but Kate cut him off with a hand on his arm, still damp and slippery from the water. "He wants to trade Henry for Walt," she explained. Jack nodded, his lips pressed in a firm line. 

Sawyer forced himself to calm down and stood. "And I s'pose you're inviting me 'cause you want a gun, huh?" 

"I'm not inviting you, I'm inviting Kate," Jack replied blandly, enjoying the brief look of hurt that flashed in Sawyer's eyes a little too much. "I've already got a gun, but thanks for offering." 

Sawyer spluttered. "How in the hell'd you get a gun?" 

Jack gave a huff of a laugh. "Does it matter?" 

'Damn right it matters,' Sawyer thought angrily. 'Someone's gonna have hell to pay for armin' you and lettin' you run off into the jungle like a damned fool.' He said nothing though, too steamed over Jack's refusal to let him go along, if only to protect him. 

Kate glanced back and forth between the two of them and nodded. "I'll get my things." 

"You sure you don't need me to come along," Sawyer tried pathetically. He knew Jack had been upset after his failed attempt to get Sawyer to give up the guns but how long was he planning on staying angry? 

"Yeah, I'm sure," Jack said abruptly, glancing at Sawyer but not meeting his eyes. 

Sawyer's eyes narrowed. Something wasn't right but hell if he knew exactly what it was. He watched the two of them walk away and decided he would just have to pull Jack aside as soon as they got back and give him a good talking to.


	12. Chapter 12

The net appeared seemingly from nowhere, closing around them and lifting them several feet into the air. "Sorry," she whimpered when it stopped moving.

Jack grunted and squirmed uncomfortably for a moment before giving up with a sigh. "You okay?"

Kate nodded. "Yeah."

He turned his head to inspect their prison. "This isn't one of theirs," he noted and sucked in a breath as the movement caused the net to swing, forcing Kate to press uncomfortably tight against his abdomen, squeezing the air from his lungs.

"No," she agreed. "It's not sophisticated enough." She grunted, her voice strained as she braced herself against his chest, steadying them. "Must be one of Rousseau's traps so she's not far from here."

"It could be a week before she shows up," Jack grumbled and strained to reach for the gun.

"What are you doing," Kate squeaked as the net swayed.

"I'm trying to get the gun," Jack grunted. He tried again and stopped, frustrated. "I can't get my arm around."

"All right, hang on," she muttered, slipping her arms around his waist awkwardly and drawing up his shirt. He groaned as the movement forced her even tighter against him. Tiny sparks of pain shot from his abdomen. He closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry," Kate murmured as she fumbled to get a grip on the gun. "I don't want to shoot you." After a brief struggle wherein she almost lost her grip entirely she finally, mercifully, slid the gun free of his waistband and pulled her arms back around front. "Got it," she breathed triumphantly.

Jack groaned as the pressure on his abdomen slackened. "Now give me the gun," he ordered when he recovered his breath.

"Why? What for," she asked, confused.

He nodded to the rope several feet away straining to hold their weight. "I'm gonna try to shoot the rope."

Kate responded by shoving the gun through one of the holes in the netting, brushing off Jack's protests with a confident, "I'm a better shot than you are."

"Oh really," Jack asked, amused.

"Yeah, I told you, I grew up hunting with my dad." She took careful aim, squinted and pulled the trigger. A large chunk of the tree behind the rope ripped away but the rope remained frustratingly intact.

Jack sighed. "Well, at least they know where they are," he cracked and made another grab for the gun.

"What, are you gonna waste another bullet," Kate asked.

"We'll still have thirteen more to shoot each other with," he fired back.

"Fine," she relented. "You have a better angle than I do anyway."

"Oh, that's gonna be your excuse when I make the shot," he challenged.

Actually, if he made the shot she figured she would probably justify it by saying that a spinal surgeon had steadier hands, but for the moment she didn't say anything. She simply braced herself against his chest again, steadying them both.

The net stopped swaying for a moment and he fired. The rope snapped easily, sending them plunging to the ground. His legs crumpled beneath him and he landed on his back with a groan. Kate landed on top of him and rolled to her side immediately, trying to spare him the brunt of her weight. Her head slipped from the top of the net in the process and she struggled to extract herself. "Jack!" She turned and bent over him, pulling the net from his face and cupping his cheeks. His eyes were shut tightly, his face pinched with pain. "Talk to me, Jack!"

A small, pained noise burst from his lips and he stirred, his dazed eyes meeting hers.

"Don't move," she blurted. "Stay still." She wrestled herself fully from the net and pushed it from him as best she could. She rested her hands on his abdomen and searched his face anxiously. "Are you okay?"

Jack nodded but she saw the pained tears shining in his eyes. He covered her hands with his own, holding tightly. "Just give me a minute," he said, his voice tight.

She nodded and sat still while he drew several shaky breaths. She could feel the baby move under her hands and winced. It had taken a lot of prodding to get him to admit that it hurt when the baby became especially restless. Combined with the fall, she suspected he had to be really hurting. "Maybe we should go back..."

"No," he argued. "I'll be fine."

Kate bit her lip. She wanted to argue but she knew from past experience that it would do no good. When Jack was determined to do something nothing short of locking him up and throwing away the key would stop him. She grimaced as she remembered drugging him to keep him from going off to find Locke in a fit of rage, forcing him to take a much needed rest. She could knock him out now and use the net to drag him back to the beach - let Sawyer deal with him when he woke up - but only if she had to.

She felt the baby's movements gradually slow and watched the tension drain from Jack's face. He nodded, as if confirming his own thoughts and squeezed her hand. "Help me up. Slowly."

He moved to push himself up and she wrapped her arm behind his shoulders, supporting him. He groaned when they got him into an upright position and stilled, panting softly.

Her other hand flitted over his face, concerned. "Maybe you should just sit here for a minute."

He shook his head stubbornly. "I'll be fine." He rolled away from her onto his hands and knees. Kate scrambled to untangle the net from his legs before he hurt himself further. He climbed slowly to his feet, wavering slightly as he came upright. Kate's hand went to his back, ready to catch him if he fell.

He steadied himself and took a deep breath. "Let's go."

***********

"We're here," he announced as they arrived at a clearing. He stepped out into the open and began shouting. "Hey, I'm back! You say you're watching us! You hear me? We've got your man! If you want him back you're gonna have to come out here!"

Kate flinched as the thunder rumbled. This whole scenario was making her nervous. They were too exposed, too vulnerable. She wished she had kept the gun Sawyer had given her when she went on her trek with Claire. At least then she could cover Jack if anything happened. "Jack!"

Jack ignored her completely. Possibly, she thought, not even hearing her. "I know you're out there! I know you can hear me!"

"Jack, they're not here," she called gently.

He didn't listen, continuing to yell for what felt like hours, weaving between challenges, pleas and threats. By the time he had no voice left to shout Kate was wishing she had followed through on her instinct to knock him out, drag him back to camp and tie him to a tree with the sturdiest rope she could find. She built a fire and sat with him dejectedly, resigned to spend as much time out there as it took for him to give up and go home.

"Maybe they can't hear you," she offered.

"They can hear me," he insisted stubbornly, his voice scratchy from overuse.

They jumped as a twig snapped loudly nearby, accompanied by a rustle of leaves and the sound of footsteps running in their direction. They stood warily, Jack drawing the gun and cocking it. A flame appeared - a torch - moving rapidly toward them as if someone was running. The closer they got, the louder and more clear their frantic gasping breaths. A figure burst into the clearing and collapsed two feet from their fire. Kate gasped in shock as they bent to roll the person over, the firelight illuminating a familiar face. "Michael!"

***********

"Well, well, well, what've we got here," Sawyer drawled as Ana Lucia confronted him for the second time in one day. "Is Little Red Riding Hood going to follow the Big Bad Wolf back to his stash o' guns?" He had planted the idea that she was after the guns in Kate's head because it had seemed a logical assumption but now Ana seemed to be taking it to heart, blatantly stalking him through the jungle.

"Why don't you give me that one right there," she retorted, her arms crossed over her chest, her posture relaxed and confident, like he was a suspect she knew she could coerce through authoritative air alone.

"I ain't gonna 'gimme' you nothing," he sneered. Her beat cop tactics were useless here and they both knew it.

She came at him menacingly and he dropped his backpack, tucking the gun back in his waistband. He barely ducked out of the way as she took a swing at his head, whacking her on the backside as her momentum carried her past him. He laughed, oblivious to the angry flash in her eyes. She wrestled him to the ground easily, straddling him and grabbing his arms in her strong grip. He rolled her over before she could get a firm hold and pinned her, both hands crossed under one arm, his other hand pressed to her hip to keep her from kicking.

"What are you gonna do now, Muchacha," he sneered.

She stared at him for a moment, as if reading him, weighing her possibilities. Then she did the last thing he would have expected: she lifted her head and kissed him. He let go of her arms, surprised, and she wrapped them around him, shoving her tongue into his mouth possessively. He let her roll them over again and finally broke free of his shock, tearing at her clothes as fiercely as she did his. He had never necessarily been attracted to Ana - in fact she had grated on his nerves every chance she got since they met - but he was nothing if not an opportunist.

In almost no time he was inside her. She rode him hard, her hands fisted on his chest, her intense stare boring into his. He rolled them over and she yanked him into another kiss, their tongues and teeth clashing as violently as their bodies. He had never been with a woman so demanding - had never been able to fuck with so little restraint. Even with Jack he had held back, especially after finding out he was pregnant.

He shoved thoughts of Jack from his mind, along with their accompanying pang of guilt. They weren't married, for God's sake. This shouldn't feel like a betrayal. It was just sex. Hard, messy, animalistic sex that allowed them to vent their frustrations, leaving bruises and scratches on each other's skin. Catharsis through sexual release.

When it was over they lay side by side, panting from exertion, dazed from the force of their coupling. She recovered first, retrieving her clothes and dressing silently. He dragged himself upright and reached for his own clothing. After successfully wrestling himself into his pants he paused, watching her dress, marveling at the strength that was belied by her soft, feminine curves.

She turned to catch him staring. "What?"

"Don't you want my phone number," he asked with a smirk.

She stepped menacingly toward him. "You tell anyone about this and I'll kill you," she said, her voice flat and matter-of-fact.

He smirked. He would have expected as much. "Guess that takes cuddlin' off the table."

She didn't respond - didn't even bat an eye - just stalked off, leaving him to finish dressing.

********

He was getting close to the end of the manuscript Hurley had found in the luggage when Jack appeared, trailed by Kate and, oddly, Locke and ordered him to put it down. He refused and Jack ripped it from his hands, tearing off several pages from the end and dumping them into the small fire nearby.

Sawyer jumped to grab the pages, saving them before they were burned too badly and whirled on Jack. "What the hell is your problem," he demanded, eyes flashing. He knew Jack was still mad at him but it wasn't like him to lash out randomly like that.

"It's time to give us the guns back," Jack replied.

Sawyer chuffed. "You burned the ending of my book and now you..."

"Where are they, James," Locke interrupted, sounding much like a teacher trying to get a particularly stubborn bully to admit he'd stolen little Billy's lunch money.

"Just take us there, Sawyer," Kate added. "Quit playing around."

Sawyer turned to Jack. "What'd you bring her along for, a sympathy vote?" Then he turned to the others and added, "why don't you two just go...play in the jungle." 'So I can figure out why the hell Jack's so damned anxious to get his hands on the guns and talk him out of whatever fool plan he's got now,' he added mentally. He stopped when he heard a familiar 'click' and looked up to find Jack aiming a gun in the vicinity of – he was pretty sure – his crotch.

"Take us to the guns. Now."

Sawyer gaped at him. Jack had been more emotionally unstable than usual in recent months but this was getting ridiculous. He reached instinctively for his own gun and froze when he realized he hadn't seen it since his encounter with Ana. "Bitch," he muttered as he figured out what had happened. "She stole my damned gun," he explained as Jack looked confused. "Ana Lucia."

Jack faltered slightly but kept the gun level, unsure what kind of game Sawyer was playing. "Why would she need a gun?"

"Jack," Locke interrupted, his expression suggesting dreadful realization. "I need to tell you something."


	13. Chapter 13

"What the hell were you thinking, John," Jack asked as they made their way back to the hatch. 

"Jack, leave him alone," Kate scolded. 

"No, Jack, don't leave him alone," Sawyer shot back. He was tired of Kate defending everybody even when they did something incredibly stupid. 

"Shut it, Sawyer," Jack snapped. "If Ana hadn't lifted your gun..." 

Sawyer threw up the hand not holding his torch. "Well, ain't that swell. Gimpy McCrutch over here covers up that the Artist Formerly Known as Henry Gale tried to strangle your little amiga and suddenly it's on me when she goes vigilante." 

He ran straight into Jack as the doctor spun around suddenly. "How about you go back to the beach," he growled. 

Kate gave Jack a nudge forward. "Hey, enough! Both of you!" 

Sawyer glowered at her and opened his mouth to tell her to go take a flying fuck but the comment died on his lips when Michael burst from the hatch right in front of them, collapsing outside the door. Sawyer ran into the hatch, Kate and Locke close at his heels, vaguely registering Michael frantically babble "he shot me!" at Jack. They found Ana slumped on the couch, blood blossoming from her chest. Libby lay several feet away, a blanket clutched to her middle. Sawyer knelt beside her, stroking her hair helplessly while Kate checked Ana's pulse. He vaguely registered Jack arriving, Eko inexplicably beside him, helping him support a moaning Michael. 

"She's dead," Kate announced grimly. 

Before Sawyer could register the words Libby jerked to life, spitting blood at him and wailing in pain. He reeled back as Jack descended on her, ordering Kate to help him get her on the bed. 

Once she was on the bed Jack ordered Kate to retrieve his supplies, which she did without hesitation, her lips pressed into a thin line to hold in the screams of horror that threatened to claw their way out of her chest. She handed Jack a wad of gauze and helped him put pressure on the wound. "Can you do anything," she asked. 

Jack muttered something under his breath, looking less than optimistic, and told her to keep applying pressure, leaving her to talk to Michael. "How long ago," he asked as he wiped blood from his hands. 

"What," Michael asked, startled. 

"When did this happen? How long ago did he leave?" 

"I don't know, uh..." Michael spluttered. "Twenty minutes, maybe a half hour..." 

Jack turned to Sawyer and Lock. "We can pick up the trail. Catch up to him." 

Sawyer protested. "Man's got a head start, a gun..." 

"He shot three of our people," Jack snapped, moving in until his face was inches from Sawyer's. "One of them's dead, the other..." 

"Who's gonna take care of Libby while you're off playin' Daniel Boone," Sawyer argued, desperate to make Jack see reason for once. 

Jack deflated, his eyes falling from Sawyer's to land on his chest. He knew the man had a point, but he wasn't up to admitting it. 

"I'll go," Eko volunteered, instantly commanding attention despite his soft tone. He nodded to Locke. "John, you have tracking experience, yes?" 

"Yeah," Locke said, dazed. 

"We will find this trail together," Eko promised Jack. 

Jack gave in with obvious reluctance. "You find *anything*, you come right back here and we figure out what we're gonna do next together." He stalked from the room, heading back to the bedroom to take care of Libby. Sawyer watched him leave, wanting to follow but knowing he would only get in the way. Libby needed his full attention. 

**********   
(Hours later) 

"Where are they," Jack muttered, pacing the floor restlessly. 

"Just calm down," Kate said gently. "Finding his trail in the dark's not gonna be easy. They'll be back." 

Jack washed the traces of blood from his hands, jaw clenched in frustration. 

"Jack," Michael called from the table he and Sawyer sat at, watching helplessly. "She say anything? Libby?" 

Jack shook his head. "She's still unconscious. The bleeding stopped." 

Kate perked up. "That's good, right?" 

"No," Jack ground out. "That's not good." 

Michael stared blankly. "And there's nothing you can..." 

"I can make her comfortable," Jack said as he finished drying his hands. "But I don't have what I need." His eyes met Sawyer's pointedly. 

"Why are you lookin' at me? I gave you all the meds..." 

"The heroin, Sawyer." 

Sawyer broke the ensuing silence with a sigh and stood. "Give me twenty minutes." 

"Kate's gonna go with you," Jack added softly as Sawyer started to leave, stopping him short. 

"It doesn't take two people to carry..." 

"Kate is going with you," Jack repeated, his tone leaving no room for further argument. Sawyer's shoulders fell slightly as he realized what Jack was doing. 

"What are you talking about," Kate asked cluelessly. "Why..." 

"He knows the heroin's in my stash with the guns," Sawyer explained. "So I can either show you where it's at or let poor Libby suffer." 

Kate looked to Jack, her expression going from shock to horror. 

"That about it, Doc?" 

"Yeah," Jack snapped. "That's pretty much it." 

He stalked deeper into the hatch and Sawyer started in the other direction, calling "let's go, Freckles," over his shoulder. 

Kate gaped at their retreating backs for a moment and slowly moved to follow Sawyer. She couldn't help feeling like a child of divorced parents the way the two men kept using her in their power plays against each other. She had assumed the reappearing animosity between them would be temporary - merely the result of a bad fight - but now she wasn't so sure. 

******** 

Sawyer was hovering around the hatch living room when Jack emerged from the bedroom, empty needle in hand, looking broken and defeated. Sawyer straightened and took an instinctive step toward him. Kate looked up from the broken statue on the kitchen table with anticipatory dread. Jack shook his head solemnly and headed for the bathroom without a word. 

Sawyer hesitated, unsure if he should follow, if Jack would even want him to. Then he caught sight of Kate. She had slumped back in the seat, her chin quivering, tears pooling in her eyes. He went to her instead, sliding onto the bench beside her and drawing her unresisting body into his arms. He glared at the wall in front of them, his forehead creased with pained disgust at the senselessness of it all, feeling Kate's tears dampen his shirt. She had held herself together stoically through the deaths of the other survivors - people they had known a lot longer than Ana and Libby - but this was different. Their deaths had been accidental. This was cold-blooded murder. 

"You okay," he asked as her tears slowed to a stop. 

Kate sat back up, wiping her cheeks and nodded silently. 

Sawyer hesitated until she looked him in the eye and said "I'm fine. Go." Whether or not it was true, it was clear that at the moment she wanted to be alone. Sawyer got up slowly and went to check on Jack, who had yet to emerge from the bathroom. 

He found Jack in front of the sink, a half full duffle bag with the Dharma logo emblazoned on it in front of him. He leaned against the counter, his face twisted in anger and grief. When he saw Sawyer approach from the corner of his eye he turned his head to wipe discreetly at his eyes. 

"What do you want, Sawyer," he asked, the earlier snippiness gone from his voice. 

"I want you to talk to me without tryin' to take my damn head off," Sawyer replied softly. 

Jack turned to face Sawyer, his arms crossed awkwardly over his chest, his face blank. 

Sawyer repressed a groan. This could be more difficult than he'd anticipated. He wasn't sure it was a good time to talk about this anyway, with Libby's body still warm in the next room, but he knew Jack wouldn't want to talk about *that* and he needed to confront him before this whole situation between them got completely out of control. "All you had to do was ask for the guns." 

Jack snorted harshly. "And you would've just given them to me?" 

"No," Sawyer admitted. "But how do you know I won't just move 'em someplace else now?" 

Jack stiffened. "You wouldn't." 

"Well, I guess that depends on what you're plannin' on doin' with 'em." 

Jack's eyes darkened. "What the fuck does it matter..." 

"You think you're gonna round up a posse and go chargin' into battle?" 

"These people killed three of us..." 

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Sawyer cut him off impatiently. "They also kidnapped Mrs. Dundee 'cause the crazy French woman thinks they want kids. What do you think they'll do to you?" 

Jack sneered. "Don't pretend that you're doing this to protect me." 

"It ain't always about *you*, Jackass." Sawyer gestured violently at Jack's abdomen. "That kid is just as much mine as he is yours." 

"Don't," Jack spit. "Don't play the baby card. You know as well as I do that you don't care about this baby." 

Sawyer threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. "Well, gee Doc, if it ain't you and it ain't the baby what the hell do you think it could be?" 

Jack opened his mouth to reply and stopped suddenly, his face twisting in pain. His hand went to his abdomen and Sawyer's eyes followed, seeing the taut skin ripple even through the stretched-out T-shirt. He sprang into action, grabbing a nearby towel and soaking it in water as hot as the sink would allow as Jack leaned against the wall and slid to the floor, cradling his abdomen, gritting his teeth against the pain. 

Sawyer knelt beside him and yanked the hem of his shirt up, draping the warm cloth over the swell. He unconsciously reached a soothing hand toward Jack's face, only to be batted away. 

"Don't," Jack gasped. 

Sawyer frowned but relented, watching Jack breathe through the spasms helplessly. 

When it was over Jack sat slumped against the wall, spent. Weary eyes met Sawyer's and he sighed. "What do you want, Sawyer?" 

Sawyer tentatively reached out to rest his hand on Jack's abdomen, relieved when Jack allowed him to do it without comment. "I want you to stop hatin' me so damned much." 

Jack stared at him for a moment. "I don't hate you," he said softly. "I just wish you weren't such an ass all the time." 

Sawyer repressed a smirk. 

"And for the record, that day I came to get the meds...I wasn't trying to manipulate you." 

Sawyer frowned. "Then why'd you ask for the guns?" 

A humorless chuckle escaped Jack. "Because I thought maybe if I asked you'd trust me enough to tell me where they were." 

Sawyer blinked at him for a moment, then looked away. Jack was right, he was an ass. Then again, he'd known that long before he met Jack. What was more surprising was the pang of guilt he felt now, knowing it had caused Jack to pull away from him so completely. 

Jack held out a hand to him, jarring him from his thoughts. "Help me up." 

Sawyer helped him stand slowly with a firm grip under his arm, watching his face for signs of distress. "Y'okay?" 

"Yeah," Jack breathed. "I'm fine." He turned hesitantly, as if feeling awkward after the sudden turn in the emotional charge of the room, and went back to fussing with the duffle bag. He looked up when Sawyer's hand closed around his forearm. 

"You don't need Kate. I'll take you to the guns." 

Jack's eyes softened slightly and he nodded. "Okay." 

Sawyer nodded tightly and left the bathroom, letting Jack finish packing. 

*********** 

"You kept them here the whole time," Jack asked, watching in shock as Sawyer revealed the hidden compartment beneath the bedding in his tent. 

"Last place anyone'd look," Sawyer muttered. "Easy access." He avoided looking Jack in the eye. He had fucked Jack right on top of his stash without the good doctor suspecting a thing. Funny how that knowledge didn't make him feel so smug anymore. "Let's just get this over with." 

Jack hesitated a moment longer before slipping the backpack from his shoulders and unzipping it. 

"So what happened out there in the jungle," Sawyer asked as they began gathering the weapons and ammo. 

"Exactly what he said happened," Jack replied densely. "He found the camp..." 

"I ain't talkin' about Mike," Sawyer interrupted, handing Jack one of the pistols. "You 'n Freckles. Before you found him you were gone all night." 

Jack frowned slightly. Why Sawyer was so interested in talking about his expedition with Kate all of the sudden he wasn't sure. "We were caught in a net." 

Sawyer stopped digging through his stash to gape at him. "What the hell's that supposed to mean?" 

"It means we got caught in a net," Jack said flippantly, sliding his backpack on, oblivious to the mixture of hurt and relief in Sawyer's eyes. 

Sawyer turned his back before Jack noticed. "That what they're callin' it these days?" he muttered under his breath. Not that he had any right to feel betrayed, really. He just never would've figured Jack for a player. And he never would've figured Kate the type to pursue a man who had shown little interest in women at all since they crashed but what the hell did he know? 

He finished gathering what meager weapons they had left and followed Jack out of the tent, silently following him to the hatch.


	14. Chapter 14

"Who's gonna talk?" Sawyer mumbled.

Jack looked up from the box of ammunition in his hand. "What?"

"The funeral. Who's gonna talk?"

"I'm sure Hurley'll want to say something about Libby," Jack answered, unsure of why Sawyer would be so interested.

Sawyer barely heard him. "I never even knew her last name," he muttered. He looked up to meet Jack's questioning gaze. "Ana Lucia."

"Cortez," Jack answered easily, going back to unloading the guns.

Sawyer shook his head. Of course Jack would know. All that time he had spent with Ana talking about how they could train an army... "Well there you go." He hesitated for a long moment, debating his next words. "I screwed her," he blurted.

Jack looked up, startled. "What?"

"That's how she got my gun. Ana. She jumped me." He looked up finally and caught Jack's look of hurt and confusion. "We got caught in a net," he added, stressing the last word pointedly. He may feel guilty about his encounter with Ana but he sure as hell wasn't about to let Jack take the moral high ground when he was just as guilty.

Jack didn't try to point out just how mistaken Sawyer was. "Why are you telling me this?"

Sawyer sighed. "Cause you're the closest thing I've got to a friend, Doc." He was also only the second person Sawyer had come close to having a stable, long-term relationship with but at the moment this one didn't seem to be working out any better than the last. "Because she's gone," he added softly. It seemed like every person he'd ever been close to had left him at some point - some by choice. He didn't really expect Jack to be any different. Once they were off the island he figured Jack would put as much distance between them as possible. Knowing that now would make it a little easier to accept the inevitable. He shook off the melancholy that tried to settle over him. "At least now we get to kill somebody." He cocked his rifle pointedly.

***********

The funeral was interrupted when a sailboat appeared a couple miles off the coast of the island, heading right for them. Jack stood with the rest of the group, watching anxiously as Sayid and Sawyer swam out to meet it. He squinted as the two figures crept around the deck, guns drawn and kicked in an opening into the inner compartments. They pointed their guns at an unseen entity for a while and then Sawyer inexplicably lowered his gun and Sayid disappeared into the opening.

Jack ordered the rest of the group to stay back as he went to greet them, his eyes widening as Sayid reappeared, a familiar man beside him, staggering and leaning against the Iraqi's supporting frame. Desmond.

"You," the Scotsman slurred drunkenly as he caught sight of Jack. His eyes fell on the man's distended abdomen and he frowned. "Did I miss something?"

***********

Jack was half listening to a drunken Desmond rant about the outside world no longer existing when Sayid arrived, giving him a look that clearly said "come with me now." He pushed himself to his feet and moved to follow him, leaving Desmond to wallow in his self pity for a while longer.

"When I told you I believed that Michael had been compromised you asked me how we might take advantage of that," Sayid began as they walked away from the campsite. "I believe fate has given us our answer. The boat."

"A boat," Jack parroted incredulously.

"This camp Michael is leading you to across the island...that is where they will set their trap." He tossed his torch into a pile of wood. "While Michael leads you by land, I can approach far more quickly by sea and I can go ashore undetected."

"Go ashore and do what?"

"Scout them. Their numbers and positions. Their weapons. Then I'll go to the nearest beach and start a signal fire with these." He showed Jack what looked like ragged pieces of ancient paper. "They burn with a dark black smoke. You and your team will come to meet me at the signal and we will go in together."

"We're not even sure if Michael's been turned by them," Jack flailed.

Sayid's intense eyes bored into Jack's. "He has been."

Jack sighed and gave in reluctantly. He had questioned Sayid's judgment once and been proven tragically wrong. He wouldn't do it again. . "I'll have to tell Kate and Hurley and Sawyer what we're doing..."

"No! Michael cannot sense we know he is lying. All we have is the element of surprise, Jack. Right now it's only your responsibility to keep it secret."

Jack bit his lip. His confidence in this plan waned a little more with each new development. If these people could turn one of their own against them there was no telling what they were capable of. But he trusted Sayid. And as long as he knew the Iraqi was backing them up he felt safer. "Black smoke, huh?"

"This time they will know that we are coming," Sayid declared.

**********  
(The next day)

They walked through the jungle in funereal silence until Sawyer moved to pick up a doll lying curiously near a tree.

Kate grabbed his arm. "Don't even think about it. It's a trap." She looked up at the green canopy warily. "A net. Rousseau's got 'em all over the island."

"How the hell would you know that," he asked suspiciously.

"I tripped one," she explained haltingly as they set off back on the trail. "Jack...we ended up..." She faltered and laughed, embarrassed. "Never mind."

Sawyer stopped walking and made a small noise halfway between a laugh and a groan.

"What," Kate asked innocently.

"The Doc told me y'all got caught in a net. I thought he meant, uh...somethin' else," Sawyer mumbled guiltily.

Kate frowned at him. "Why the hell would you think *that*?"

Sawyer flustered. "Why not?"

She looked at him with blatant disgust. "Just because you made a living off of breaking up relationships doesn't mean I would jump at the chance to steal Jack from you. I'm not like you, Sawyer."

"Never said you were," he grumbled defensively. It occurred to him that Jack wasn't *his* to steal either but he didn't bother pointing that out.

A noise from the bushes startled them suddenly. All of the team members who had weapons drew them and crouched, waiting for an attack. They watched as a giant bird flew overhead...except Michael who pulled the trigger in his nervous panic. A series of clicks sounded as he tried futilely to shoot, slowly realizing that there were no bullets in his gun.

"Did that bird just say my name," Hurley asked, skittish.

"Yeah, it did," Sawyer drawled. "Right before it crapped gold." He continued walking, shaking his head and wondering whose brilliant idea it'd been to invite the men who was seeing people in bathrobes wandering the jungle a mere week ago. He didn't notice the suspicious look Michael gave Jack only a few feet away.

"Sorry, man, I guess I forgot to load that one," Jack lied smoothly, holding out his hand. "Wanna hand me that mag?"

Michael handed the magazine over warily, watching as Jack pulled ammunition from his pack and loaded it. Something wasn't right but he couldn't confront Jack about it. Not now. Not while there was still a chance of him getting his son back. He felt horrible for betraying his friends but he had no choice. He told himself Jack would understand, at least. Jack was going to be a father soon. He would realize that Michael had to do this...wouldn't he?

He thanked Jack that night while they were gathering firewood, choosing his words carefully in case the whole incident with the gun had been an honest mistake and Jack didn't suspect anything. "Thanks for coming out here...risking your neck for my boy."

Jack merely nodded and said, "Live together, die alone, man."

Michael nodded stiffly and turned his attention back to gathering wood.

Jack turned his back on Michael, becoming lost in thought. As strange as Michael's behavior was he still wanted to believe that Sayid was wrong. He had seen the look in Michael's eyes when he'd held Jack at gunpoint. It just wasn't in his character to knowingly endanger anybody. Yes, Walt was his son and being a parent could make a person behave irrationally, but that didn't mean he was leading them into a trap.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Jack spun around, startled. Michael had disappeared at some point without him noticing. Sawyer stood in his place, looking at Jack with a pained expression. "What?"

"When you said you and Freckles were caught in a net I thought you were talkin' in code or somethin'. Why didn't you tell me?"

Jack sighed quietly. He had hoped they wouldn't have to address this. He should have known Sawyer would weasel the truth from Kate eventually. "I did. You didn't listen."

Sawyer flinched. "When I told you about me 'n Rambina..."

Jack shoved the pile of logs he had collected into Sawyer's chest. Sawyer instinctively wrapped his arms around them. "If you're trying to apologize don't bother. I'm not mad about you sleeping with Ana Lucia."

Sawyer hesitated. He wanted to point out that they hadn't actually *slept* together per se - just had a quick, meaningless fuck - but he wasn't sure how to say it and not sound like a complete ass.

Jack seemed to understand anyway. Sawyer felt his gut clench at the look in Jack's eyes - an odd mixture of betrayal and acceptance. He wasn't angry, but only because he figured Sawyer just wasn't capable of being faithful - that he should never have expected Sawyer to see him as anything more than another notch in his belt.

The eyes slid away as Jack turned to continue gathering branches. Sawyer hesitated. He didn't know how to handle this kind of reaction. He almost wished Jack had screamed at him, hit him, told him he never wanted to see his face again - *that* he knew how to deal with.

He bit his lip and reluctantly turned to carry the branches back to their campfire. He knew he had to address this sooner or later, but now didn't seem the right time.

**********

"So these others," Sawyer began conversationally as they resumed their trek the next day. He was getting desperate for conversation - tired of the stony silence that had surrounded the group since they left. "You think they're left over from the Dharma folk?"

"I don't know, man," Michael said.

"My theory? They're aliens," he joked. "That's why they use the fake beards. Their heads may be pathetic."

"Prosthetic, dude," Hurley corrected somberly.

"You can't even spell and now you're correctin' me?" Sawyer fired back. "What do you think, Freckles?"

"Just keep moving," Kate murmured low enough so only Sawyer could hear. "We're being followed."

"What?" Sawyer spluttered.

She paused, pretending she needed to tie her shoe. "Just keep smiling."

Sawyer watched Jack warily as he and the rest of their group continued on the trail ahead. He was beginning to wish he had fought a little harder to keep Jack's stubborn ass back at their camp where he was safe, but it was too late for that now.

"There's at least two of them," Kate continued. "Across the river."

Sawyer glanced in the direction she indicated and saw a couple figures move through the dense foliage.

"In about five seconds I'm gonna turn the tables on 'em," she said, pulling her gun surreptitiously, going full-on bad-ass.

"Wait a second," Sawyer protested.

She merely cocked the gun and asked, "you in?" Then she turned and aimed into the jungle before he could reply. He scrambled to bring the rifle to his shoulder. He wasn't happy about this but he certainly wasn't about to let her take on these people alone.

In the chaos that followed Sawyer heard Jack shout something and saw him run toward their stalkers. Sawyer darted after him but Jack merely crouched behind a rock, scrambling for his own weapon. Sawyer spotted one of the Others through a break in the trees and fired, watching dispassionately as the body tumbled down the steep incline toward them.

"He's getting away," Kate moaned, her eyes on the second figure disappearing deeper into the jungle.

Jack moved to check on the fallen man, Sawyer staying close to his side, his eyes scanning the jungle for further threats.

"He's dead," Kate declared, darting past them. "We have to find the other one."

"No," Jack barked.

She brushed him off. "I'm going. Sawyer..."

Sawyer was already two steps behind her, but they both stopped when Jack shouted "I said no!"

Sawyer whirled on him. "You crazy? We let them go they'll know we're comin'!"

"It doesn't matter if we catch them now," Jack blurted. Sawyer stared at him, silently demanding an explanation. Jack looked back at Michael, the accusation blatant on his face. "They've already been warned."

*********  
(A couple hours later)

Sawyer was quiet until they stopped to rest. Jack retreated from the group when he thought no one was looking and Sawyer followed him. He found Jack kneeling next to a stream, an empty water bottle in one hand, the other cradling his forehead. He jumped when he heard Sawyer approach, watery eyes meeting his momentarily before looking away, moving stiffly to fill the bottle.

"If you're here to chastise me, save your breath. I'm not in the mood right now."

Sawyer knelt beside him silently. As much as he would love to rip Jack a new one for doing something so crazy and stupid he knew it was pointless now. Instead he cupped Jack's chin and coaxed his head up and around, closing the gap between them and covering Jack's lips with his.

Jack tried to pull away at first but gave in quickly, letting Sawyer kiss him.

Sawyer pulled back after a minute, pain filled eyes locking with an equally tortured gaze. "I love you," he whispered.

Jack stared at him stupidly, certain he was hallucinating.

"And I'm sorry for all the shit I've given you...since the crash."

"Why are you telling me this now," Jack stammered.

Sawyer sighed. "Cause I don't know if I'll get another chance."

Jack looked away, blinking rapidly, going back to refilling the bottle. "We're not gonna die," he said weakly.

"I know," Sawyer replied softly, although he wasn't so sure he believed it. "But if somethin' goes wrong...I don't want you dyin' on me before I get another chance."

Jack recapped the bottle with trembling fingers and took a couple small, hiccupping breaths as he felt a sob build in his chest.

"Hey..." Sawyer drew Jack into his arms awkwardly. Jack dropped the bottle and clung to Sawyer tightly. "It's all right."

"I can't do this," Jack blurted. "I had no idea Michael had been turned until Sayid told me. I let him talk me into this. I fell for it..."

"Shh..." Sawyer rubbed circles on his back, absorbing the forceful shocks of his ragged breaths. "We know now. The plan'll work."

"I don't have a plan," Jack moaned. "The plan is to meet Sayid and let him decide the next move and even that much is his idea. I don't know what I'm doing!"

Sawyer closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He should have guessed as much. Jack had never really been a leader. He had only been forced into the position because he had seemed to take charge after the crash, caring for the wounded, seemingly cool-headed and fully in control. But since then he'd been flailing, desperately trying to hold their little community together without cracking under the pressure. Sawyer winced as he remembered pulling an irrational, screaming Jack from Locke, feeling all of the strength leave him at once and catching him as he collapsed to the sand and threw up. He had nearly fallen apart then and Sawyer had been sure they would lose him for good if he didn't take a step back and rest, recuperate all the blood he had lost in a vain effort to save Boone. That was why he had gladly handed over the sleeping pills without comment when Kate had asked for them.

"I'm sorry," Jack whispered miserably. "I'm so sorry."

"Quit apologizin'. It ain't your fault."

"It is," Jack argued. "I'm the one they want."

Sawyer stiffened. "What're you talkin' about?"

Jack pulled out of his arms and sat up. "The Others kidnapped Claire because they wanted her baby. The only reason they don't have Aaron is because she escaped. I'm their second chance."

Sawyer's face twisted in confusion. "That don't make any sense. If you're the one they want what'd'they want Mike to bring the rest of us along for?"

"I don't know," Jack admitted. "But what else would they want me for?"

Sawyer cursed under his breath. He reached for Jack's water bottle, shoving it into his open backpack and zipping it. "Well, if they want you they're gonna have to go through me first." 'And Kate,' he thought. He had no doubt the woman would throw herself on a land mine to save Jack.

The sad look in Jack's eyes deepened and he reached out to cup Sawyer's stubbled cheek. "That's what I'm afraid of."

Sawyer cringed inwardly. He wished he could reassure Jack that they would all be all right but he couldn't. He had no idea how their "plan" would turn out and that gave him a deep sense of dread. He caught Jack's hand as he pulled it away and kissed the sensitive skin on the inside of his wrist. "I'll be right there with you. Whatever happens," he murmured.

Jack nodded, blinking back tears, and squeezed his hand.


	15. Chapter 15

After the polar bears and visions of dead/missing people and mysterious hatches and food drops, finding a pneumatic tube in a valley surrounded by canisters filled with used notebooks shouldn't have been shocking.

"0400: S.R. moves ping-pong table again," Kate read from one of the notebooks as Sawyer uncovered the map Locke had spent days drawing and handed it to Jack. "0415: takes a shower. What is this?"

Sawyer was distracted by a cloud of black smoke rising in the distance. "Hey, Doc, what'd you say Sayid's signal's gonna be when the coast is clear to hit that beach party?"

Jack followed his gaze, eyes widening. "That's miles from here." He spun on Michael. "Where were you taking us?"

Michael stared at him blankly. "What?"

"Sayid said he'd light the signal so we could meet him at the shore - why aren't we going to the beach?" Jack waved his gun at his side impatiently.

Michael frowned. "We are headed to the beach..."

"We're nowhere near the beach," Jack shouted.

Michael flustered. "Look, I *had* to, I..."

A burst of noise surrounded them - sounding like several dozen ghosts whispering all around them - and Jack, Kate and Sawyer all raised their weapons, eyes darting fearfully.

Sawyer grunted as something struck his neck. A moment later a surge of electricity jolted through him, sending him crashing to the ground, his limbs thrashing helplessly as if taken over by a seizure.

Jack panicked. "Run," he screamed.

He and Kate darted away as Hurley cowered on the ground and Michael shouted frantic pleas to their unseen attackers. They didn't get far before Kate stumbled, shouting as a dart hit her shoulder. She was down in seconds, body twitching as Sawyer's had.

Jack fired several rounds into the nearby bushes and turned instinctively to Kate. He had just reached her when he felt something strike his calf. He spun around, pistol raised, searching for the source of the projectile, the world already turning fuzzy around the edges of his vision. It vaguely occurred to him that they must be using a tranquilizer on him before the ground tilted beneath him and he collapsed. He saw several blurry figures dart into view and struggled to sit up. A pair of hands on his chest shoved him back down and a cloth was shoved over his face as he finally lost consciousness.

*********

"Move," a voice snapped and Jack felt the barrel of a gun jab into the small of his back. He grunted and trudged forward blindly. They had been walking for hours, he was sure. His only comfort was that he could hear his friends' muffled moans, groans and curses nearby. They were alive. Likely bound, gagged and with hoods covering their heads like him but alive. Earlier he had stumbled with a cry, almost crashing to the ground before several hands caught him, and heard Sawyer shout. The words were muffled but the threat in them was obvious.

The ground beneath them turned from dirt and leaves to wood and they were spun around and forced to kneel. Their hoods were removed and they got their first look at their captors. Ironically, they looked exactly as Michael had described them. Jack looked at the familiar bearded man among them with apprehension.

"Son of a bitch," Sawyer yelled through the gag, earning him a kick in the gut from a particularly scrappy looking man.

"Hey," the bearded man snapped. "Everybody just calm down."

Jack caught sight of Michael behind him and Michael squirmed, averting his gaze from the accusatory stare.

"Your beard is fake," Kate muffled.

"I'm sorry, missy, I didn't get you," the bearded man replied patronizingly.

"She said she knows your beard's fake, Tom," the attractive black woman beside him said impatiently.

Tom thanked Kate for pointing it out and peeled off the prosthetic. "I can't tell you how much this thing itches. And thanks for telling them my name...Bea," he added, looking at the woman pointedly.

A motorboat that looked all too familiar to Sawyer appeared suddenly, pulling up alongside the dock. The captives watched in dread as Henry stepped from it, barefoot and cleaner than before but still bearing the marks of Sayid's interrogation. He stepped in front of Jack and smiled. "Hello again."

Sawyer ground his teeth into his gag. He could feel the man behind him holding the rifle at ready. Another outburst would only make things worse for all of them.

Henry spun on Tom suddenly. "Where's your beard?"

"I think they know," Tom said, his tone making it clear that Henry was, in fact, his superior.

Henry let it go and turned to Michael. "Let's take care of business, shall we?"

A low rumbling noise eclipsed all other sound suddenly, seeming to make the entire island quiver with the vibrations, and the sky turned a shade of violet. Those who could covered their ears. Kate instinctively crouched closer to Jack, as if preparing to shield him should the light turn out to signal an explosion. As suddenly as it had started, the noise stopped and the sky returned to it's serene blue.

The Others seemed to brush off the strange incident easily. Henry pulled Michael aside and they spoke for several minutes, Michael glancing worriedly back at his friends periodically.

"I was promised you wouldn't hurt them," Michael said, gesturing to the captives. It made him sick to think that he could have led them to their own slaughter.

Henry nodded. "A deal's a deal."

Michael stared at him, dumbfounded. "Who *are* you people?"

Henry smiled. "We're the good guys, Michael."

Jack, Kate and Sawyer watched as the Others let Hurley go with instructions to return to their camp and tell the rest of the survivors to stay away. Michael drove off in the boat Henry had arrived in, Walt at his side, looking back at the three of them with sick regret.

Jack felt two pairs of hands pull him to his feet with surprising gentleness and looked to Kate and Sawyer, trying to reassure them with his eyes alone. Both stared back with obvious concern. Then Kate blinked slowly. 'We'll be okay,' her look told him before the bags were pulled over their heads.

*************

Jack came to in a dimly lit room. He groaned softly and blinked rapidly, forcing himself to full consciousness. He was laying on his side on something hard and uncomfortable. His head felt heavy, his mouth painfully dry. He heard a noise above him and turned his head, squinting as the blurry shapes gradually came into focus. Chains. Hanging from the ceiling.

He pulled himself into a sitting position. He was on a table - the only piece of furniture in the room. He caught sight of the small piece of gauze taped to his arm and ripped it off angrily. Who the hell were these people and why did they need a sample of his blood?

He explored his surroundings, feeling like a caged animal trying to find a way out. The door - a thick, sturdy vault-like door - was locked. The intercom on the wall appeared broken and didn't look like it had been used in years. He spotted a shaft of light coming from a door at the other end of the room and headed toward it, intent on finding these people who had kidnapped them and demanding to know what they wanted. He ran right into a solid, invisible surface and staggered back, dazed. He reached out tentatively and found it: a plexiglass wall running the length of the room, completing the fourth wall of his prison. He pounded on it and screamed - implied threats mixed with pleas and repeated calls to Kate and Sawyer. No response, but he noticed a camera in the corner, on the other side of the glass, its red light blinking at him mockingly. He clambered onto the table with much effort and began yanking at the chains bolted to the ceiling.

"Stop that," a feminine voice called suddenly. A woman stepped through the open door into the room on the other side of the glass. "Hi, Jack," she said pleasantly. "I'm Juliet."

Jack gaped at her for a moment - was she serious? - and then resumed yanking on the chains. If they didn't want him doing it there had to be a reason.

Juliet fiddled with the dials on the machine set on a table on her side of the glass, turning up the volume on the speakers in Jack's cell. "Can you hear me in there?"

Jack ignored her.

She sat on the table and watched him with the curiosity of a scientist studying a lab rat. This one, she realized, would be difficult to break. "Is that a yes?"

"Where are my friends," he snapped.

"Come down from the table first."

"You want me to come down, come in here and get me down," he sneered. He knew he was being childish but he didn't give a shit.

"If you want to talk, I'm..."

"Tell me where my friends are," he screamed.

She didn't even blink. "I will," she said calmly. "If you let go of the chain."

"You think I'm stupid?"

She tilted her head and regarded him as one might a particularly difficult child. "I don't think you're stupid, Jack. I think you're stubborn." Very stubborn.

Jack hesitated a moment before continuing to pull on the chain. He didn't see the look of disappointment that flashed in Juliet's eyes.

By the time he finally gave up she was gone. He paced the room again, re-trying the door futilely. The baby kicked suddenly and he gasped, grabbing the handle on the door and hunching over at the sharp burst of pain. He hadn't had anything to eat or drink for hours, he realized. In that time, he'd been knocked out and drugged twice. It was a miracle the baby wasn't in more distress.

He noticed water dripping from the ceiling and tried desperately to catch it in his mouth. It tasted like pure rust. He spat it out violently and coughed, gasping and barely holding back a defeated whimper. The intercom on the wall cackled to life and he went to it like a moth to a flame, depressing the button on the front. "What?"

A faint voice drifted from the speaker, its exact words lost in the overbearing static.

"If you're trying to talk to me, I can't hear you," Jack tried again.

"Let it go, Jack."

Jack staggered back from the intercom at the sound of his father's voice. No, not this again... The lights in the cell came on suddenly and he turned to see Juliet in the adjoining room, a tray balanced in her hand, a small smile on her face.

"I know you're hungry," she said. "I brought this for you. This is how it will work. You sit there," she gestured to the far corner of his cell. "Back against the wall. I open the door and leave the tray. Can I trust you to do that, Jack?"

"I don't want your food," Jack spit, ignoring the painful twisting of his stomach. He gestured violently at the intercom. "I want you to tell the guy who's trying to talk to me through that intercom that he can give it up!"

Juliet still didn't flinch. "Maybe you're hungrier than you think. That intercom hasn't worked in years."

Jack didn't react. She was bluffing. She had to be. "What's that for," he asked, pointing to the button mounted on the wall behind her like a fire alarm.

She glanced at it blankly. "It's for emergencies," she answered simply.

"Who's watching me," he tried, his eyes warily darting to the camera.

"Are you going to sit against the wall so I can open the door," she asked, pointedly avoiding the question. She looked down at the grilled cheese sandwich on the tray. "It's just off the frying pan."

"You can have it," he grumbled, going back to pacing his cell as Juliet set the tray on the table beside her.

"What do you do, Jack? What's your profession?"

It was beginning to annoy him that she insisted on using his name all the time - as if she could forge a connection with him through that alone. "I'm a repo man," he lied. "You know, when people don't pay their bills on time I go into the bank and I collect their possessions. I'm a people person so I really love it." Let her stew on that one for a while.

"Are you married," she asked.

He glared at her. "What do you think?" Then he answered the question himself. "No. I never saw the point." He slowed his pace slightly as the baby began to stir. He couldn't push himself too much, get the baby too active. He couldn't afford to show any sign of weakness in front of her. "What about you," he asked, deflecting attention from himself. "What's your job besides...making sandwiches?"

"Oh, I didn't make it," she said, smoothly ducking the question. "I just put the toothpicks in." She smiled at him, offering no further information.

He laughed humorlessly and turned from her, leaning against the table. All the pacing was making him winded.

"When your plane crashed," she began again. "Where were you flying from?"

Jack looked at her warily. Of all things why would she want to know that? The Others already knew all of their names, they must know that too. "Sydney."

"What were you doing there?"

He shook his head, feeling the beginnings of tears form behind his eyes and forcing them back. "I was bringing my father home."

"Why would you go all the way to Australia just..."

"Because he was dead," Jack interrupted, his voice flat, numb.

"I'm sorry," she said after a pause.

He laughed. "Yeah...I'm sure you are." Then he added a belated, partly sincere "thanks."

She put her hand on the glass and looked at him with soft, kind eyes. "You can trust me, Jack. I'm not going to hurt you."

He hesitated before approaching the glass, leaning against it with his hands pressed on either side of her, as if she were on his side of the clear barrier and he could trap her, force her to tell him what she was really after. "What the hell is going on here?"

A look that might have been sympathy flashed in her eyes briefly before they lowered. She turned without a word and walked out the door, taking the tray with her, turning her head briefly so he could see her take a bite of the sandwich. She looked sad - possibly defeated - but, he thought, that could just be what she wanted him to think.

********

It could have been minutes, hours or a day before she tried again. He had no watch, no window...no way of knowing how much time had passed. He vaguely recalled reading somewhere that this was one of the simplest, most effective tactics used on prisoners to break them. He vowed it wouldn't work on him.

"The drugs we gave you when we brought you here have a fairly serious side effect," she began, her former soothing tone abandoned in favor of clinical harshness. "Dehydration. Your head is probably sore, your throat is raw and if you don't eat or drink something soon you're going to start hallucinating."

He knew she was right. He also suspected that the intercom on the wall wasn't really broken and they were using it to try to trigger his hallucinations early and force him to eat. "So you're a doctor, huh?"

"No. I'm a repo woman," she said without a trace of irony.

He laughed softly. Touché.

"No strings attached," she continued. "You don't have to do anything but sit with your back up against the far wall, let me open that door, put the plate down and leave."

He stared stubbornly at the wall, not moving.

"I know it feels like you're giving up," she said gently. "Like you're losing if you do anything that I ask you to. But you're not. You *need* to eat. If not for yourself, for your baby."

He squinted at her. Finally they acknowledged the real reason he was here. They didn't care about him, he was sure. Only his baby. They would probably kill him once the baby was delivered. He couldn't let them do it. He didn't care what happened to him - he had accepted his days were numbered when he found out about the pregnancy - but he would *not* let these monsters take his baby.

"What do you say," Juliet prompted.

Jack debated for a long time, a haphazard plan forming in his mind. He finally moved over to the wall she had indicated slowly, his shoulders slumped in defeat. He squatted in the corner, not quite sitting all the way, hoping she would realize it was because he knew if he sat completely on the floor he couldn't quickly stand up again. He looked at her, trying to convey reluctant acceptance in his gaze.

She bought it. "Thank you, Jack."

She disappeared and a minute later the handle on the door to his cell began to turn with a loud creak. He was up and at her side before she was fully in the door, knocking the tray from her hands and twisting her arm behind her back. She reached for her tazer, which he knocked away as well, hearing it clatter across the cement floor. He grabbed a piece of the now-broken plate that had once held his meal and pressed it to her slender throat. "Which way out," he growled.

"Don't do this, Jack," she gasped, not struggling as he dragged her from the room. He was weak from hunger and pain, she knew, but he was also unstable and liable to slit her throat if she tried to fight him.

He shoved her toward the bright red wheel next to a locked door. "Open the door."

"I can't," she babbled. "I can't, Jack. I do that, we die."

"Don't lie to me," he snarled.

"I'm not..."

"Open the door," he screamed.

"I can't," she screamed back.

"She's telling the truth, Jack," a voice said calmly.

Jack spun around, dragging Juliet in front of him as a shield. Henry stood at the other end of the room, looking hesitant. "I swear to God, I will kill her," Jack threatened. Juliet gasped as he pressed harder against her throat, stopping just short of breaking her skin.

"Okay," Henry said warily. "Have her open the door and she dies anyway. We all do."

Jack only took a moment to debate his next move. He didn't have any reason to trust a word that came from that man's mouth, but either way it didn't matter. He had already made his choice. He shoved Juliet toward Henry and turned to open the door himself, wrenching the wheel determinedly. He heard footsteps behind him, running away, and a door slammed. He stopped turning when he heard a loud groan and a faint trickle of water. The door sprang open suddenly and a wall of water swept him from his feet, carrying him deeper into the room. He surfaced, gasping and choking, fighting against the powerful currents as the water continued pouring in. He heard Juliet call his name and felt her grab his arm, pulling him toward the wall behind the door, away from the worst of the flow. Between the two of them they managed to force the door shut. He slapped the handle closed.

"The button," Juliet yelped, grabbing his shoulders urgently. "The yellow button!"

He half walked, half swam to the button she had told him was there for emergencies, lifted the plastic cover and slapped it with his palm. Then he slumped against the wall, gasping and cringing as the baby began kicking him urgently in its distress. He felt a hand on his chin and suddenly his head was forced back, impacting the wall with a loud thud. A bright light eclipsed his vision, his headache growing excruciatingly worse before everything went black.


	16. Chapter 16

It had taken Sawyer the better part of a day but he had finally figured out how to work the contraption in his cage so it not only didn't give him an electrical shock but actually gave him a reward. Unfortunately, his victory wasn't as satisfying as he'd hoped - a barely edible cake-like object shaped like a fish and stamped with the word "Dharma" and a pile of what looked like rabbit food. But at least he got some water. He had his head bent over the water pipe when Tom brought Kate to the cell across from his. She looked broken, her eyes shimmering with barely restrained tears, and she was bizarrely clothed in a light sundress. Tom locked the door to the cage and had her reach through the bars so he could un-cuff her, promising to have someone bring her some antiseptic for the raw scrapes and cuts on her wrists. 

"How 'bout you bring me an ottoman," Sawyer snarked. "And while you're at it, I could use a blow dry." 

Tom ignored the comment. "Hey, you got yourself a fish biscuit," he noted, smiling brightly. "How'd you do that?" 

"I figured out your complicated gizmos, that's how," Sawyer replied smugly. 

Tom smirked. "Only took the bears two hours." 

Sawyer's face fell. "How many of 'em were there," he retorted, but Tom was already leaving, disregarding any further comments. He turned to Kate. "You okay, Freckles?" 

Kate smiled weakly and nodded. "Yeah. You?" 

He looked at the cage surrounding him. "Just swell. I requested that cage, but whatever." That got a giggle from her. He did a mental victory dance. "Nice dress." 

She rolled her eyes. "They made me wear it." She looked seconds and a stiff breeze away from a breakdown. 

He mentally kicked himself and tried something else. "You hungry?" He tossed the fish biscuit to her, which she caught easily and hungrily bit into. He smiled as he watched her eat, self-consciously glancing at him and covering her mouth. He had no idea where Jack was - if he was even alive - and he doubted she did either, but at least they had each other. 

********* 

Jack woke again in the same position as before but this time the pounding in his head was worse. He sat up and groaned as his entire body screamed at him. Juliet sat on the other side of the glass, coolly reading the contents of a thick folder. He could hear the groans of water and distant whales now and wondered how he hadn't noticed it before. "It's an aquarium," he said softly. 

Juliet looked up curiously. "Excuse me?" 

He gestured to his surroundings. "This thing's for what...sharks?" 

"Dolphins too," she confirmed. 

He swung his legs over the side of the table, turning his back fully to her, suppressing a groan and resisting the instinct to palpate his abdomen. "We're under water, aren't we," he asked over his shoulder even though he already knew the answer. 

"Yes." 

"Is this one of their...stations? The Dharma Initiative?" 

"They called it the Hydra." 

He wondered if she planned to answer all of his questions so obliquely. "So you people are just...whatever's left over of them," he tried, remembering what Sawyer had said on their hike across the island. 

She paused. "Well that was a long time ago. It doesn't matter who we were. It only matters who we are." 

He cradled his throbbing head. He could feel the baby moving around a little, almost weakly. He knew he wouldn’t be able to refuse food much longer. 

"We know exactly who you are, Jack Shephard," she continued. 

He laughed. "You don't know anything about me." Clearly. 

"I know that you're a spinal surgeon based out of St. Sebastien's hospital in Los Angeles. I know that you went to Columbia and you graduated med school a year faster than anyone else." 

He got to his feet, trembling, leaning on the table to keep himself from falling, and gaped at her. 

"I know that you were married - only once - and that you contested the divorce. I know your father died in Sydney. I know this because I have a copy of his autopsy report." 

Jack faltered. "How...how did you get..." 

"We got it." 

Jack took a deep breath. "What is that?" 

She closed the folder and placed her hand on top of it. "This, Jack, is your life." 

"Do you...Is it just about me or is it about my family too? My...my friends?" Not that he had many of either left in the states. 

"It's pretty much about everything." 

"Do you know about my ex-wife?" 

"Sarah," she confirmed softly. "Yes, Jack. We know all about her." She took a breath and shifted in her chair. "What would you like to find out?" 

He hesitated. He had begun this line of questioning with the intention of asking about the man Sarah had left him for, so he could analyze what it was, exactly, that had made him such a poor husband. It had driven him crazy when she had told him about her affair, knowing that he had failed her somehow, that someone, somewhere was a better husband than he was. But now he realized that none of that mattered. She had moved on and in all likelihood he would never see her again. So he asked the only other question he could think of. 

"Is she happy?" 

He realized now that he had never truly loved her. Marrying her had been a mistake; something he had felt obligated to do. He had tried to give her the happiness she had almost lost to that car crash and a fiancé who proved to be an unfeeling jerk. But he had failed. Knowing that her new lover - whoever he was - was able to give that happiness to her might at least give him some comfort. 

Juliet smiled softly. "Yes, Jack. She's very happy." 

Jack's face crumpled. He no longer had the energy or the will to stop the flood of emotion. He didn't care what Juliet thought anymore. Let her wonder why he still cared so much about the woman who had ripped his heart out. Let her think he was weak, broken. 

She stood. "Now, I'd like to bring you some food and water. But this time I need to know that you'll behave." 

The thought flitted through his mind that if she wanted to treat him like a child maybe he should act like one but he knew he needed food and water desperately. And it was becoming clear that they were not willing to let him starve himself. His efforts were better spent trying to regain his strength so he would be able to fight or escape when the opportunity presented itself. 

"Put your back against the wall...please." 

Jack shuffled into the corner and slid down the wall, this time sitting fully on the floor, his legs sprawled in front of him. He heard her door open and, after a long pause, the door to his cell opened. 

Juliet stepped in cautiously and set the tray on the table, relieved that Jack seemed to have abandoned the notion of trying to attack her. Perhaps he finally realized that hurting her wouldn't help his cause. 

She turned to leave and hesitated. He hadn't moved a muscle. And he looked so broken and exhausted that she wasn't sure he had the energy to. She knew he could be baiting her, lulling her into a false sense of safety so that she would be off-guard when he attacked. But she also knew that in his present condition the position he was sitting in would make it difficult for him to stand - especially when he was already weakened by hunger, dehydration and pain. 

She picked up the tray again and tentatively stepped closer to him. He didn't even look at her. She got as close as she dared and set the tray on the floor, giving it a little nudge so it slid within arm's reach of him. He still didn't react. She stood and backed toward the door, slipping through and shutting it quickly, re-engaging the lock and breathing a small sigh of relief. He might or might not take the offering, but there was nothing more she could do about that now. At least he was beginning to cooperate. 

******* 

She had assumed Jack would be the most stubborn of the three captives, but when she offered Sawyer her canteen of water and was rewarded with a smirk as he emptied it onto the ground and tossed it aside she wondered if she might need to revise her assessment. 

Sawyer shook his head. Woman was crazy if she thought he was going to go all Stockholm Syndrome on her if she gave him a little water. He grabbed the wheelbarrow, intending to return to the demeaning slave labor the Others were forcing them to do but became distracted again at the sight of Kate breaking rocks in her dirty slip of a dress. He had never seen her wear anything other than jeans and conservative tops. Now the Others were forcing her to show some skin and expected him to be able to work with her bending over and damned near flashing him every few seconds. Either they had more faith in his self-restraint than was deserved or they had a poor understanding of the term "bisexual". He glanced at the unsuspecting Others from the corner of his eye as an idea occurred to him. Maybe he could use this to his advantage. 

He tossed the wheelbarrow aside noisily and marched over to Kate, pulling her into his arms and kissing her like some romance novel hero. If the man they called "Danny" got angry with him for even looking at her, this would *really* piss him off. 

"Hey," he heard Danny scream somewhere in the background. Seconds later the butt of a rifle slammed violently into the back of his head. He fell and Kate staggered back with a surprised yelp. He was up and fighting before Danny could get another hit in, relieving him of his rifle and knocking him down with a couple of good punches, feeling a satisfying pop of cartilage beneath his fist as the man's nose gave way. Two more guys descended on him, one brandishing a taser, and he managed to fight them back. He waved the stolen rifle at the rest of the group and growled "back off!" 

"James!" 

He turned to see the blonde woman calmly pointing a gun at Kate, her other hand wrapped around Kate's arm in case she tried to escape. Kate wasn't even trying to fight back. 'What the hell did they do to her,' he wondered vaguely. 

"Put the gun down," the woman said calmly. 

He did, slowly, and was tasered by an enraged, bloodied Danny. 

******** 

He grunted as he was tossed roughly back into his cage that night. He coughed and shakily scooped a handful of water from the trough. 

"You okay," Kate asked, gripping the bars of her own cage worriedly. 

"Never better," he mumbled. 

"What the hell were you thinking?" 

"I couldn't help myself," he said with a soft chuckle. "You just looked so damned cute swingin' that pick axe." 

She rolled her eyes. "Sawyer!" 

He smiled. Fine. He stepped closer to the bars and looked around to make sure they were alone. "Two of those guards got some real fight in 'em. The rest of 'em I ain't that much worried about. That heavy set guy packs a hell of a punch. Shaggy-haired kid's got some sort of martial arts training but I think I could take him if I had to. Oh, and FYI...those zapper things got a safety on 'em." 

Kate shook her head and smiled. She had thought Sawyer's behavior was stranger than usual, but now it made perfect sense. "Did you see the look on their faces when you got a hold of that rifle?" 

He caught the proud smile on her face and grunted. Maybe she wasn't so broken after all. "I'm guessin' most of these boys've never seen any real action. But that blonde had a gun pointed at you? She woulda shot you. No problem." With a cold-hearted smile he would be willing to bet. "I noticed something else too," he added as she started to look away, giving her his best charming smile. "You taste like strawberries." 

She smiled and rolled her eyes. "You taste like fish biscuits." 

He chuffed. 

"So what do we do now?" 

He sighed. "Well, shortcake, now we wait for these bastards to make a mistake. Sooner or later they’re gonna let their guard down and when they do we're gonna be there to put 'em in their place." 

She nodded slightly. "What about Jack?" 

Sawyer held back a flinch. "What about him?" 

Kate's head cocked slightly, her expression making it clear that she didn't buy for a second that he didn't care. 

"We don't even know if he's here. Hell, we don't even know if he's alive." Based on his last conversation with Jack, Sawyer suspected he was but they couldn't make any assumptions. "We gotta take care of us." 

Kate's eyes rolled skyward but she nodded, biting her lip. Much as she hated to admit it, he was right. As long as they had no idea where Jack was they couldn't help him. If they could escape, then they could gather reinforcements from their camp and figure out a way to rescue him, but until then he was beyond their help. 

 

********** 

Jack was still sitting in the corner, having barely touched his food before the tray was taken away. He was careful to eat only enough to keep himself (or, more importantly, his baby) alive - his way of showing defiance. He barely noticed as someone entered his cell. It was probably just her again, back to try to goad him into eating more. 

"Hello, Jack." 

It took him a moment to register that the voice was male - definitely not Juliet's - and he looked up, his movements slow, sluggish. Henry. 

The man popped open a small folding chair and positioned himself next to Jack. "You know what's crazy, Jack? A week ago, you and I were in exactly the opposite situation. I was the one locked up and you were the one coming in for visits." He laughed at the irony. 

Jack stared ahead blankly, wishing he had let Sayid kill the man when he had a chance. 

"And I know that you were...angry," Henry continued. "That I lied to you about who I was, but...hell...do you blame me? I mean, let's face it, if I'd've told you I was one of *those* people that you and your friends have been calling 'Others' all this time...it wouldn've been right back to Sayid and his...fists." Craziness was a more appropriate term, he thought, but saying that wouldn't get him on Jack's good side. 

"What do you want from me," Jack asked, his voice sounding dead even to his own ears. 

"I want for you to change your...perspective. And the first step in doing that would be for me to...be decent enough to introduce myself honestly, so..." He crouched beside Jack and held out his hand for a handshake. "Hi. My name is Benjamin Linus and I've lived on this island all my life." 

Jack glowered at him for a moment and went right back to staring into space. 

Ben waited until it was obvious Jack wasn't going to take his proffered hand and gave up. He stood and moved toward the glass. "Bring it in, please!" 

Two people appeared in the adjoining room, dragging a television on a cart. Jack ignored them. "Where are Kate and Sawyer?" 

"They're fine," Ben said, keeping his back turned. "And they're close. That's all I'm able to tell you right now." 

Jack chuffed. "You can tell me anything you want." 

Ben turned to face him. "Fair enough. It's all I want to tell you." He pulled a remote from his pocket. "I'm going to make this really simple, Jack. If you cooperate, we send you home." 

Jack frowned. "Cooperate with what?" 

"When the time is right, I'll tell you..." 

"You tell me now," Jack interrupted pissily. 

"Patience, Jack," Ben calmly scolded. 

Jack rolled his eyes and switched gears. "Home...is that where you sent Walt and Michael?" 

Ben gaped. Did Jack really think they had killed them? What kind of monsters did these people think they were anyway? "Yes." 

Jack laughed, the sound half-hearted and utterly humorless. "If you could leave this island, why would you still be here?" 

"Yes, Jack, why would we be here," Ben responded as if Jack was a particularly slow student but he was on the right track. 

"You're lying," Jack said bitterly. "You're stuck here just like we are. You don't have any..." 

"Your flight crashed on September 22nd, 2004," Ben cut in impatiently. "Today is May 8th, 2005. That means you've been on our island for about eight and a half months. And yes, we do have contact with the outside world, Jack. That's how we know that during those eight and a half months your fellow Americans re-elected George W. Bush, Pope John Paul II passed away, as did Christopher Reeve, the New England Patriots won the Super Bowl and the Boston Red Sox won the World Series." 

This time Jack's laughter was genuine. 

"What," Ben asked, puzzled. 

"You, uh...if you wanted me to believe this you probably should've picked somebody else," he said through his giggles. "Besides the Red Sox." And George W. Bush, come to think of it, but even that was more likely than the Red Sox winning the World Series. 

"No, they were down three games to none," Ben said seriously, flustered by Jack's response. "Against the Yankees in the lead championship and then they won eight straight." 

Jack only laughed harder. He was going from ridiculous to complete fantasy. He put on a straight face long enough to say "sure. Of course they did" before dissolving into chuckles again. 

His laughter faded as Ben flipped on the TV, which was already playing a recording of the game. "The Boston Red Sox are World Champions," the announcer's voice boomed as fans screamed and players embraced each other giddily. 

Jack hauled himself to his feet and staggered over to the glass, leaning against it, dazed. This had to be a joke... But the scroll on the top of the screen confirmed everything Ben had said. The uniforms, the stadium, the announcers...everything was right. There was even a scroll reminding viewers to watch a new episode of a show he vaguely recalled from billboard ads was supposed to have premiered in October. If this tape was a fake it was incredibly elaborate. 

The TV flipped off suddenly. "That's home, Jack," Ben said quietly. "Right there, on the other side of that glass. And if you listen to me - if you trust me - if you do what I tell you when the time comes...I'll take you there. I will take you home." 

Jack closed his eyes, letting his head fall forward heavily, chin toward his chest. Ben was lying. He had to be. Even if these people did have contact with the outside world there was no way they would just let him go. Certainly not with his baby. And even if they did he couldn't leave everybody else behind. He was, for all intents and purposes, their leader. He couldn't just abandon them. 

"I'll let you think about it," Ben said, retrieving his folding chair and quietly slipping from the cell, the door closing behind him with a harsh squeak.


	17. Chapter 17

Not long after Sawyer had finished explaining to Kate his plan to give the next person who came to his cage the shock of their life, Henry approached, stopping just short of the puddle Sawyer had painstakingly formed by dislodging the water pipe and setting off the machine a couple times. Sawyer glanced down and nonchalantly asked if it was time for lunch yet. 

"What do you weigh," Henry asked. 

"What?" 

"What do you weigh," he repeated, louder, more pronounced. 

'I heard ya the first time, jackass,' Sawyer thought. "180 give or take." 

Henry stepped closer, still not quite into the puddle. "How old are you?" 

"Thirty-two," Sawyer lied, exasperated. 

"Don't lie." 

Sawyer sighed. "Thirty-five." 

Henry nodded, said "good" and stepped directly into the puddle, reaching for his keys. 

Sawyer leapt for the bars, grabbing Henry's arm. "Sayonara sucker," he hissed, kicking the button with his bare foot and bracing himself for the inevitable shock. Nothing happened. He kicked two more times just to be sure. Still nothing. "What did you do," he snarled. 

"We turned it off," Henry said simply, bashing Sawyer's face with a club and opening the door. He knocked Sawyer to the ground amid screams from Kate's cell. The last thing Sawyer saw was Henry's boot coming at his head. 

******* 

When he came to he was inside...somewhere. He heard voices babbling about some people named "Colleen" and "Juliet" and...was that a whale moaning? 

"Where am I," he asked groggily. He tried to sit up, realized he was strapped to a table and panicked. "What the hell are you doin' to me?" 

A man shoved a piece of wood in his face and told him to bite down on it. 

"You bite down on it," he snarled, but the man just pulled his head back by his hair and forced it into his mouth. 

"It's for the pain," Henry explained. 

Sawyer's eyes grew wide and he yelped garbled protests as another man produced a large, scary-looking hypodermic needle. 

The intercom in Jack's cell burst to life and he looked up from his half-eaten tray, stopping mid-chew, as a muffled voice shouted frantic pleas to some unseen entity through the bursts of static. Jack's eyes widened and he swallowed. He would know that voice anywhere. 

He dropped the tray on the ground and clambered to his feet, staggering to the intercom and jabbing the speak button. "Sawyer!" 

More incoherent shouting. 

"Leave him alone!" 

"No, wait," Sawyer shouted, his voice muffled, the sound making the hair on the back of Jack's neck stand up. 

"Sawyer!" 

Sawyer screamed incoherently and then fell silent. Jack heard a couple other voices, barely loud enough to carry over the static, and then nothing. 

"Sawyer," Jack shouted frantically. "Sawyer!" 

He staggered back from the intercom, his hands trembling slightly, feeling ill, wondering if he had just been allowed to listen in as Sawyer was murdered. 

********* 

Jack was still listening to the voices murmuring to each other beneath the static, desperately trying to figure out what had happened, when Juliet burst into the adjoining room, looking frantic, wearing surgical scrubs splattered with blood. 

"What did you do to Sawyer," he demanded, meeting her at the glass barrier. 

"Nothing," she said hurriedly. 

"I heard him yelling! You've got blood on your clothes. What did you do to him?!" 

"Jack!" She slapped the glass to get his attention. "It's not his blood!" 

He faltered. "Then whose blood is it?" 

"It's the blood of a woman who's dying, Jack." She was nearly in tears, her eyes pleading with him to hear her out. "I need your help." 

His first instinct was to say yes, in spite of everything these people had done. He was, first and foremost, a doctor. He had given an oath to help those in need. He couldn't just let someone die if there was something he could do to stop it, even if it meant helping the people who had kidnapped him, his on-again/off-again lover and the woman who had been his rock since the crash. He went willingly. 

Kate and Sawyer flinched as the speakers near their cages blared what sounded like a fire alarm at deafening volume. Three figures appeared from around the corner, heading their way. 

"It's Jack," Kate shouted unnecessarily, her voice almost completely lost in the cacophony. Even if Sawyer hadn't been able to recognize the man's form and the large tattoo on his shoulder, the bulge around his middle made it clear it was Jack approaching, flanked by two Others, a bag covering his head. Sawyer and Kate shouted his name repeatedly as he was marched past their cells. 

Jack hesitated a moment, twisting in the direction of a noise he could have sworn was Kate's voice, barely audible beneath the klaxon. The hands holding him forced him to keep moving forward. 

Sawyer's shoulders sagged in relief as the three figures disappeared from sight and the alarm stopped. Jack was alive. 

********* 

Jack flexed his hand unconsciously, shifting to try to ease the discomfort of his position. He had done what he could but the damage had been too great. He couldn't save the woman. He had watched a man with a broken nose scream at Tom that "they did this!" and storm off in a rage. Then the body had been covered and he had been cuffed to the gurney without a word. But, he thought, at least this time they gave him a stool to sit on. 

He still didn't know how much time had passed - no room in this entire place had clocks, it seemed - before Juliet entered and apologized for the cuffs. 

"I'm uh..." She looked at the dead body, wavering. "I'm a fertility doctor. I'm not used to death." 

"What was her name," Jack asked, only mildly interested. 

"Cole...was short for Colleen. I shouldn't...uh...I should've come to get you sooner." 

"It wouldn't have mattered," he said bluntly. "There wasn't any more that you could've done. She was dead before you put her on the table." 

"Are you...are you just saying that to make me feel better," she asked, her voice small and frail. 

He stared at her blankly. She may be comfortable letting her guard down around him but it didn't change his perspective of her. "I don't care about making you feel better." He knew now that, in all likelihood, when it came time to deliver his baby she would be the one wielding the knife. Both to birth the child and to slit his throat afterward. 

"I'm going to take you back now," she said after a long pause, moving to uncuff him. "I'm sorry for bringing you here..." 

He grabbed her arm before she could unlock the cuffs. "Whose x-rays are those? Outside?" He nodded to the door, where a set of x-rays had been clearly displayed while he had scrubbed up. "Those are spinal x-rays and they belong to a man about forty years old. And whoever he is he has a very large tumor on his L4 vertebra. And I just happen to be a spinal surgeon. So, you tell me, Juliet: who am I here to save?" 

She flustered. "I don't..." 

"Don't lie to me. You left those x-rays there because you wanted me to see them. Whose are they?" 

She fumbled with the key to the handcuffs. "I can't..." 

The door to the operating room opened abruptly and the man who had helped Juliet take Jack from his cell entered. "What's taking so long?" 

Juliet shook Jack's hand from her arm before the man could see it and bent to unlock the cuffs. "Just a second." 

Jack clenched his jaw as she popped the cuffs and pulled him to his feet. Obviously he wouldn't be getting any answers any time soon. 

He was silent as they put the bag over his head and led him back to his cell. He didn't hear the noise when they passed the klaxon again. He was wondering if he had imagined it the first time when he felt something small strike his lower back. He paused, instinctively turning in the direction it seemed to have come from, and heard it. A male voice, barely there, drowned out by the alarm. He felt a small, relieved smile tug at his lips as his captors continued to push him forward. Sawyer was alive. 

******** 

"It's not much further, James," Henry assured after a good hour of walking - most of it uphill. "Just to the top of the next rise." 

Sawyer never liked hiking. Being rudely awakened at the crack of dawn and forced on one by men with guns wasn't warming him to the concept any. "What's up there," he asked warily. 

"Something I want you to see," Henry replied cryptically. 

"That little place you always wanted, George?" Sawyer cracked. 

Henry paused and frowned at him. "Sorry?" 

"What, don't you read?" he gloated. "It's from 'Of Mice and Men'. You'd like it. Puppies get killed." 

Henry ignored the comment and continued climbing. 

Sawyer's heart monitor watch began beeping and he faltered. "Bring me up here to kill me? Make that thing you put inside me blow up my damned heart?" 

Henry stopped again. "Your heart's not gonna blow up, James." From his tone of voice he seemed almost disappointed that Sawyer hadn't figured that out himself yet. "The only thing we put inside you was doubt." 

Sawyer glanced at the watch. 

"Oh, the watch is a heart rate monitor," Henry confirmed. "But nothing more." 

The only thing keeping Sawyer from killing Henry with his bare hands when the man showed him the rabbit with the number 8 branded on it's back - the same one he had "killed" to demonstrate the pacemaker's capabilities - was the knowledge that the men behind him were heavily armed. That didn't stop him from punching Henry though. 

Henry took it in stride, calmly wiping the blood from his lips. "The rabbit wasn't the thing I wanted to show you," he said. 

Sawyer wasn't sure what he had expected to see as they reached the top of the next rise but it sure as hell wasn't another island, separated from their current location by a couple miles of ocean. 

"You ever been to Alcatraz," Henry asked as Sawyer gaped. "Right now you're standing on a small island roughly the size of Alcatraz." 

Sawyer looked back. Sure enough, he could see clear to the other side of the island they were standing on. 

"And that over there? That's your island," Henry continued. "The one you've come to know and love." 

Sawyer would have laughed at that if he wasn't so busy trying to wrap his brain around the fact that these people had kidnapped them and taken them to *another* island without their knowledge, seemingly just so they could play mind games with them. 

"I just wanted you to know there's nowhere to run." 

Sawyer shook his head. "You did all this just to...just to keep me in a damned cage?" 

"We did all this because the only way to gain a con man's respect is to con him," Henry corrected. "You're pretty good...*Sawyer*...we're a lot better." He said it like it was a simple, obvious fact. "Funny thing is us telling you about the pacemaker wasn't what kept you in line. It was when I threatened *her*." 

Sawyer glared at him. 

"You work so hard to make her think you don't care, that you don't need her, but...'a guy goes nuts if he ain't got nobody. It don't make no difference who the guy is as long as he's with ya. I tell ya...I tell ya a guy gets too lonely and he gets *sick*.'" 

"What the hell are you talkin' about," Sawyer spat. 

"It's from 'Of Mice and Men'," Henry said, eyes wide as if to convey innocence. "Don't you read?" 

Sawyer couldn’t remember the exact context of the quote, but he was fairly sure Henry was no longer talking about Kate. Or maybe he was, but what the hell did that prove? So he cared about Kate. He didn't want to see her hurt any more than the next guy, especially over something he had done. But if they really wanted to keep him in line why hadn't they threatened Jack? Did they know the child Jack carried was his? Or was it all intentional? If he was willing to stay locked in a cage with nothing but a lame excuse to explain his odd behavior to keep Kate safe...what was he willing to do for Jack and their unborn child? 

"Come on," Henry said as Sawyer's head spun. "Let's get you back to your cage." 

Sawyer took one last look at the island he'd reluctantly come to call home and slowly followed Henry back to the compound. 

******** 

Jack was different - more relaxed and confident - the next time Juliet brought him his lunch. He still sat in the corner like she had instructed him to but his body language clearly suggested that he was doing so by choice, that no matter what he might lead them to believe he was completely in control. 

He laughed and shook his head as she showed him what was on the tray. "You people have cheeseburgers?" 

"You have no idea what I went through to make this for you," she said, placing the tray on the table and climbing up beside it, sitting cross-legged. "I killed the cow, processed the meat, baked the bun...and the fries...try rendering animal fat." She cocked her head at him, holding a poker face that didn't quite reach her eyes. 

"No ketchup?" he fired back. 

She smiled but before she could say anything the door opened and Ben entered. 

"I'd like to talk to him," he said stiffly, his beady eyes fixed on Jack. 

"Okay," Juliet said easily, smile still on her face. "So talk to him." 

"*Alone*...please." 

Jack frowned. "I'm fine with her being here." He was beginning to feel oddly comfortable around her though he wasn't sure why. Maybe because she didn't seem like the rest of them. 

"And I'm thrilled that you're fine, Jack, but it's private," Ben said shortly. "Doctor-patient confidentiality." 

Juliet slowly uncurled herself and slid from the table, brushing past Ben out the door. 

Jack pulled himself up - he was getting stronger but it was still difficult for him to get up from the floor. "Mind if I eat?" Ben nodded and he took a big bite out of the burger. It had been a long time since he'd had anything other than fruit, fish and the occasional boar. He had almost forgotten what "civilized" food tasted like. 

"We had a wonderful plan to break you, Jack," Ben began mournfully. 

Jack blinked at him. "Break me," he repeated around a mouthful of burger. 

"Wear you down until you were convinced we weren't your enemies," Ben explained almost proudly. "Get you to trust us. Of course we'd lead you to believe that you were *choosing* to do whatever we asked you to do. All of this assumed, of course, that you would get...invested." 

Jack's confusion deepened. "Invested in what?" 

"Has it not occurred to you that Juliet bears a striking resemblance to your ex-wife," he asked as if it should have been obvious. 

Jack gaped. Where the hell was he going with this? Did Ben think he was still in love with Sarah? Or was he just hoping they'd bond somehow - that Jack would feel obligated to help them for her sake? "Why are you telling me this?" 

"I'm telling you this, Jack, because my wonderful plan got shot to sunshine when you saw my damned x-rays and figured out I was dying." 

Jack nodded slowly. "All of this," he gestured to his surroundings. "You brought me here to operate on you. You...want me to save your life." 

"No, I want you to *want* to save my life. But we're beyond that now, so...all I can ask is that you think about it." He turned to leave. 

"So this has nothing to do with my baby?" 

Ben paused and slowly turned. "Why would you think it did?" 

Jack swallowed his mouthful of food and said nothing. 

"Think about it," Ben repeated after a moment. Then he turned and left Jack's cell without another word. 

Hours later Juliet entered the adjoining room, a videotape clutched in her hand.


	18. Chapter 18

He was holding Ben's x-rays to the dim light in his cell the next morning when both Ben and Juliet entered the adjoining room. Ben wore a hopeful, anxious smile. 

Jack set the x-rays back with the paperwork in the file on the table and hunched over it. "You took these blood tests," he asked Juliet. "Made all the notations?" 

She nodded. 

"How old are the x-rays?" 

"A week." 

Jack shook his head. Why did everybody think he was a damned miracle worker? "The tumor on your spine is borderline inoperable. And at the rate it's growing that borderline goes away in about...one week." 

The hope dimmed in Ben's eyes. "Oh." 

There was a long pause. Then Jack turned back to Juliet. "Your ER we were in, is it fully equipped?" Aside from the lack of a defibrillator? Not that Juliet expected him to need one. 

"Yes." 

"Anesthesia...sterile?" 

"Yes." 

He took a breath. "You need to be in surgery yesterday." 

"All right then," Ben said easily. "Whatever you need - it's yours." 

Jack laughed. What he *needed* was to be rescued from this hell hole and a hospital that could perform a cesarean. "No, I think you misunderstood me." He carried Ben's chart over to the glass. "I didn't say I was gonna do it. I just wanted you to understand how you're gonna die." 

For the first time he saw genuine fear in Ben's eyes. Good, he thought. 

"You think I believe you people? You think I trust you? That I'm just gonna do the surgery and *hope* that you let me go?" 

"Jack," Juliet scolded. 

Jack flung Ben's file at her angrily. She flinched as it impacted the glass in front of her face and quickly composed herself, staring at him defiantly. "Don't," he snapped. He glared at them. Juliet was actually gloating, he realized. He could see it in her eyes, in her confident posture. She thought she had won him over. 

"Well, Jack," Ben finally said. "I'm very disappointed in your decision." 

Jack smiled cruelly. "Well, Ben. At least you won't have to be disappointed for very long." He stepped back from the glass and held his arms out at his sides, as if daring them to take a shot at him. “You can threaten me all you want. I won’t do it.” 

Ben stared at him blankly for a good minute, as if confirming that this was, indeed, the decision Jack had reached. Then he turned on his heel and walked out of the room in disquieting silence. 

**********   
(Later that day) 

Jack climbed off the table as the door to the other room opened and Juliet led a familiar figure in. 

She pulled the bag from her head and Kate squinted at her surroundings. She knew they were underwater somehow but this didn't feel like a ship - it was too stable. She forgot about their location when she saw Jack on the other side of a glass wall. When Juliet had told her what they wanted her to do she had prepared herself for the worst, but he appeared unharmed. Healthier, even, than he had been before. He smiled and stepped up to the barrier, pressing his hands against the glass. She mirrored him, wishing she could actually touch him, reassure herself that he was really there. 

"I'll give you two some privacy," Juliet said softly, slipping out the door and closing it behind her. 

Jack watched her nervously and swallowed, flashing Kate a brittle smile. "Hey. Are you okay?" 

Always trying to be the strong, reassuring one, she thought. "Yeah. You?" 

"Yeah, I'm...I'm great," he said, barely convincing. Judging by what little she knew now she doubted they had done anything to hurt him. At least not physically, though he seemed to have a faint bruise on his chin. "Where are they keeping you?" 

"Outside. In a cage." 

He nodded. She had wondered at first why Jack had been separated from them but now she understood. 

"Sawyer," he asked hesitantly. 

She nodded. "He's in a cage too." 

His shoulders sagged with relief. 

"They're making us work," she added. 

He shook his head, confused. "Work? On what?" 

"I don't know what it is but it's big." 

He glanced at the camera. It blinked at him silently. Why had they brought her here to see him suddenly? She continued talking about hauling rocks, oblivious. 

"Hey," he interrupted, staring intently into her eyes, quivering slightly with building rage as a horrible thought occurred to him. "Did they hurt you?" 

Her face crumpled instantly, her eyes growing wet with tears. 

"Hey," he soothed, feeling helpless, wishing he could comfort her. What the hell did they do to her? "It's gonna be all right." 

"Jack," she whimpered. "You have to do it. This thing that they told you to do, this operation." 

He reeled back and looked at the camera in shock, beginning to understand why they had sent her in. "What did they do to you," he demanded. 

"Jack..." 

"*What* did they do to you," he repeated. 

"Nothing," she sobbed. 

"How did they get you to ask me?" His voice got louder with each question as at least a dozen possibilities flitted through his mind, each more horrifying than the last. 

"Nothing," she repeated. 

"Then what are you doing here," he shouted. 

"They're gonna kill Sawyer," she wailed. 

Jack staggered back from the glass, glancing at the camera before turning his back to Kate, running his hands over his hair in a vain effort to stop his hands from shaking. This was their back-up plan. Threatening to kill his lover if he didn't do what they wanted. And they needed Kate because they knew she would be complicit – she was, after all, a survivor - and they knew the threat would be more believable coming from her. They needed her to be the middle man. 

"I'm sorry," Kate sniffled. "I'm so sorry but she said that if you do it and if you do it soon that they'll let us go." 

His shock turned quickly to anger and he returned to the glass. "And you believe them." 

It wasn't a question. In fact, she thought, he made it sound like she was betraying him. "I have to," she whispered. 

Jack dropped his head. When he raised it again and looked at her his eyes were cold. "We're done here." 

He repeated it louder, for the benefit of whoever was watching and walked away from her, steeling himself against her desperate pleas for him to not shut her out. How stupid did they think he was? For all he knew Sawyer was dead already and Kate didn't know it yet. Either way it didn't matter. These people were not about to let any of them go, regardless of what they said. 

******* 

Kate was horrified to find Sawyer's cage empty when they brought her back. She never thought she would be so relieved to see him as she was when Pickett shoved him in his cage a minute later, unnecessarily giving him a particularly hard jab to the fleshy part of his shoulder, making him yelp, before locking the door. 

"You got something you want to say to your girl, you best say it tonight," Danny smarmed before storming off. 

Sawyer stood and looked at Kate as if nothing had happened. "And how was your day, honey?" he cracked. 

She gave him a look that made it clear she wasn't in the mood for jokes at the moment and he grumbled under his breath, slumping to sit on the concrete wall protruding into his cell. 

"I saw Jack," she said. 

He looked up, feigning disinterest, but Kate knew she had gotten his attention. 

"They brought me in to see him. They want him to do surgery on Ben." 

Sawyer frowned. "Who the hell's Ben?" 

"Henry. The guy who brought us in. He's sick. And they say that if he does it they're gonna let us all go." 

"And you 'n me are what, bait?" 

She nodded. "Something like that." 

Sawyer snorted. He never thought he'd see the day when Jack had to be coerced into saving someone's hide. "At least the Doc ain't dumb enough to do it." 

She blustered. "I told him he had to." 

Sawyer blinked. "Why the hell would you do something so stupid," he snapped. 

"To save your life!" 

"My life don't need savin'," he yelled. 

She raised her voice to match his "You want to die? 'Cause that's what's gonna happen!" She kept yelling as she climbed to the top of her cage and squeezed between the bars like she had back when Sawyer thought he had a pacemaker keeping him from escaping. Same scenario, different disincentive. "Pickett is just *waiting* for his chance. I've seen him look at you." 

"Damnit Freckles, stay put," he hissed. 

"You know what he's going to do, so don't pretend that you don't care." 

He didn't have time to sort out the meaning of that statement. "Get down, Freckles, we've already been through this." 

"Shut up, James," she snapped, climbing down the outside of the bars. She jumped down and stomped over to his cell. "You don't want Jack to save your life then you're gonna save your own." She picked up a rock and smashed the lock, breaking it, and threw open the door. "Go! Get out of here! Run!" 

"You're outta your cage," he flailed. "Why don't you run, Kate? Cause me - I ain't runnin'..." He faltered, his words softening. "'Cause there ain't no place to go." 

"What are you talking about," she demanded, wide eyed. 

"We ain't on our island. We're on another island, like Alcatraz, couple miles off shore. So unless you're a mermaid or you got a boat there ain't no point." 

She shifted quickly from denial to anger, jabbing him in the chest violently, forcing him to stagger back. "When were you planning on telling me this?!" 

"Never," he whispered. 

"Why not," she shrieked, her voice beginning to crack. "Why wouldn't you?" 

He sighed in defeat. "Because I wanted you to believe we had a damned chance," he said, pained. It was at that moment that he realized he and Jack were not so different after all. 

Her jaw quivered and her eyes flashed. She slapped her palm against his chest again with an incoherent sob but the blow was weaker – made out of frustration instead of anger. Sawyer held back a sigh and pulled her into his arms, ignoring her half-hearted struggle of protest. 

Kate buried her face in his chest and clutched his dirtied shirt tightly in her fists, willing her body to stop trembling. She hated feeling so helpless, so trapped, so...weak. “What do we do now,” she mumbled. 

Sawyer sighed quietly and tightened his arms around her shoulders, burying his nose in her hair – which still smelled sweet and clean somehow in spite of everything. “We’ll think of somethin’.” 

********* 

Jack was shaken from sleep when the intercom let out a loud burst of static. He rolled from the table, ignoring the screaming in his back, and staggered over to it, pushing the button and calling "who is this?" 

"Try it," a faint female voice replied urgently. "The door." 

He reached for the door handle without thinking and hesitated, surprised when it actually opened. He looked out into the empty hallway warily, wondering what kind of game the Others were playing now. He crept toward the door Ben had escaped through the first day they had been held prisoner and found it open as well. He found a room with a small bank of black and white monitors, all of which seemed to show abandoned locations. Further down the hall he found a gun closet and grabbed a pistol that was already loaded. 

He went back the way he'd come and paused when he caught movement on one of the monitors in the first room. He moved closer, eyes widening as he recognized Sawyer, sitting in a cage with Kate curled sleeping in his lap. He was stroking her hair absently, staring into space with a pained expression. A smile flitted across Jack's face and he shook his head. The Others hadn't been bluffing. Sawyer was still alive. But not for long if Kate was allowed so close to him. 

"If it helps I was surprised too," Ben's voice said from behind Jack. 

Jack whirled, pointing the gun at the man's chest, his face twisted with rage. "Shut up," he snapped. There was nothing on the monitor to suggest anything had happened between Kate and Sawyer if that was what they wanted him to believe. Even if it had, it would hardly be the first time Sawyer had philandered. What did they think such a revelation would accomplish now? 

Ben looked down at the gun and over at the monitors. "Well...I suppose this would be the proverbial nail in my coffin, wouldn't it?" 

Jack clenched his jaw. He could easily shoot Ben. But then he'd be stuck in an underwater hatch with no way out and Kate and Sawyer would die for sure - quickly. He needed a plan. "Tomorrow," he finally said, lowering the gun. 

Ben blinked at him. "Sorry?" 

"Tomorrow morning. First thing. And everything I mentioned before; the instruments, the anesthesia and someone who can hold a damned clamp." 

"Yes," Ben said quickly, instinctively. "Of course." He resisted the urge to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. He had given up hope that Jack would come around. He certainly hadn't expected it to happen so easily. 

"I'll get it out. Your tumor," Jack vowed. "And I'll keep you alive." He stepped closer until he could feel Ben's elated, stuttering breaths on his face, his voice taking on a note of desperation. "But I need your word. I need what you promised me before. I need to get the hell off this island." He didn't expect they would keep that promise but it didn't matter. He just needed them to believe him and this was the only thing he knew would convince them he was willing to cooperate. 

Ben stared at him, debating. "Done."


	19. Chapter 19

Ben watched as Jack snapped on a pair of surgical gloves. "You get nervous," he asked. "Before you do surgery?" 

"I used to," Jack admitted. "But not anymore, no." 

Except this wasn't a routine surgery, he knew, and after Ben was out and Juliet handed him a scalpel he hesitated, his stomach fluttering. If this didn't work... He pushed the thought aside and made the first incision. 

He got Ben open, swabbed and clamped, feeling Juliet's eyes bore into him, waiting to see if he would do as she'd asked. She turned her back for a moment and he reached for the scalpel again. He hesitated. If he did this there was no turning back. They wouldn't hurt him, he knew, as long as he was pregnant, but there was no telling what they *would* do. He closed his eyes and thought of Kate and Sawyer. It didn't matter. His life was forfeit anyway. At least he could save them. He made a small incision and the heart monitor began beeping erratically. 

"What's happening, is he okay," Juliet asked as if it was a line she had rehearsed until it sounded sufficiently clueless. 

"His blood pressure's dropping," Jack's other, under qualified "nurse" noted. "Should he be bleeding like that?" 

"No, he shouldn't," Jack said, elbowing the man in the face before he knew what was coming. He barked at Juliet to back away from the table and she did easily, her hands out in front of her, her face showing no emotion. 

Jack ripped off his mask and shouted to Tom, watching in shock from the observation room. "I just made a small incision in Ben's kidney sac. Now if I don't stitch that back up in the next hour...he's dead. Now get in here and bring that walkie talkie!" 

******* 

"Sawyer," Kate yelped as she saw Danny and another man marching toward their cell. Within seconds she was ripped away from him and shoved against the bars, one arm twisted roughly behind her back. 

Sawyer fought against Danny as the Other tried to drag him from the cage, but when his partner put a gun to Kate's head and Danny threatened to shoot her too he surrendered in spite of Kate's protests. 

She swore at him and begged as Danny pushed him out of the cage and forced him to his knees in the mud. "I'll do anything you want," she shouted desperately. 

"I want you to watch," Danny said. 

"Close your eyes, Freckles," Sawyer countered, his voice soft, defeated. As if he had already accepted his fate. Kate could barely hear him over the sudden tropical downpour. 

"Stand up," she snarled at him. 

"Close your eyes," he snarled back. 

Kate screamed and cried as Danny pulled back the hammer on his pistol. He was just starting to pull the trigger when his walkie burst to life, Tom's voice drifting from the small speaker. 

"Danny, you there?" 

He fumbled for the walkie with one hand, keeping his gun trained on Sawyer. "I'm here, what?" he shouted. 

"You anywhere near the cages?" 

"Yeah, you could say that." 

"Give your walkie to Kate." 

"Why the hell would I do that?" 

Pause. "Because if you don't the doctor's gonna let Ben die." 

Sawyer clenched his jaw. Son of a bitch. What the hell did he think he was doing now? 

"What are you talking about? What's that beeping?" 

"Just hand her the damned walkie, Danny! Do it! Just do it now!" 

Danny's partner released his hold on Kate and she reached through the bars as Danny held the walkie out to her, snatching it eagerly. "Jack!" 

Silence. 

Sawyer stood up. Danny didn't try to stop him but he didn't take his gun off him either. Kate's wide eyes remained fixed on both of them as she waited anxiously for Jack to answer. 

"Kate," Jack began after an eternal minute. "You have about an hour head start before they come after you. Take the walkie, take Sawyer and go." 

Kate froze, unable to speak. What the hell was he doing? "Wait, where are you?" 

Jack paused, a myriad of emotions playing across his face for no one to see. "You remember what I told you on the beach. The day of the crash. Do you remember the story I told you when you were stitching me up?" 

Kate's mouth worked impotently and she began to shake - whether from the cooling effect of the rain, fear or anxiety she couldn't be sure. 

"Do you remember it," Jack shouted. 

"Yes, I remember," she shrieked. 

Jack calmed again, lowering his voice. "When you get safe, you radio me and you tell me that story." 

Tears ran down Kate's face, blending seamlessly with the rain. Sawyer glared in her general direction. Of course Jack would try to play the hero - no matter how bad the odds were. 

"Jack, please," she sobbed. 

Jack's voice hardened again. He couldn't afford to show any weakness here. The plan was too fragile. The slightest slip could mean the end of all of them. "If I don't get a call from you in the next hour I'm gonna know something went wrong and he dies!" He shouted the last couple words for the benefit of the few Others who surrounded him. 

Kate clenched her teeth. "I can't leave without you!" 

"Yes, you are," he said firmly. "Go!" 

"Jack, I can't!" 

"Go. Now." 

"No, I can't," she yelled frantically. 

"Kate, damnit, RUN," he screamed. 

Danny glanced back at Kate, confused and annoyed by this turn of events. Sawyer took advantage of the momentary distraction, sending him staggering with a punch to the jaw. The movement broke Kate from her stupor and she whirled, slamming her fist into the temple of the man behind her. Within seconds they had subdued both of their captors. 

"Let's go," Kate shouted. 

Sawyer ignored her, lifting Danny's barely conscious body and slamming him head-first into the button on the Skinner box. Once for trying to kill him, once for kidnapping them all in the first place and once for putting Jack in a position where he felt the only way out was to make himself a martyr. 

"Sawyer," Kate barked impatiently. 

Sawyer vaguely realized that his plan to shock Ben wouldn't have worked as well has he thought - he only felt a mild shock as the current went through Danny. He dropped the man's twitching, bloody body on the ground and followed Kate, locking the cell door behind him. 

******** 

"Juliet," Tom ordered. "Stop the bleeding and stitch him up." 

"She's not a surgeon. She can't fix this," Jack objected. 

Juliet looked calmly between the two men and removed her mask. "He's right." 

Tom flustered. "Then what the hell do you suggest we do," he demanded of her. 

She didn't answer. She simply turned to the other "nurse", who had just come around after Jack had knocked him out cold, and said "go get Danny. Then find Austen and Ford and bring them back." 

Jack's eyes widened and he advanced on the man. "No, you do that and Ben dies!" 

"Go," Juliet urged him softly. 

"You think I'm lying?" Jack shouted. "You think this is a bluff? I will let him die!" 

"No, Jack, you won't," she snapped. She turned to the other man. "Go. Get them back. If you have to...kill them." She looked defiantly at Jack, who gaped at her in horror as his plan seemingly crumbled all around him. "You haven't thought this through, Jack. Your plan's not gonna work." 

"Yeah? Why is that," he asked, his voice wavering only slightly. 

"Your friends aren't going to make it back to your side of the island because we're not *on* that island. We're on a smaller island, two miles off shore." 

Jack blinked at her stupidly, his remaining confidence threatening to shatter. Another island? He glanced at Tom. 

"'fraid so," Tom confirmed. 

Jack turned his back on them, bringing his wrist to his forehead and taking a deep breath, nearly gagging at the coppery scent of the blood on his surgical glove. He had failed. He had killed them all. 

"So why don't we see if we can come up with some sort of peaceful resolution," Juliet continued. 

Jack laughed weakly at the ridiculousness of the suggestion and turned to glare at her. "A peaceful resolution? Is that what you call asking me to kill Ben while on the operating table? Making it look like an accident?" He knew he was lashing out but he was desperate. She was the one who had backed him into a corner; she should have known this would happen. 

"That's ridiculous," she spluttered as Tom looked back and forth between them in shock, unsure what to believe anymore. 

Jack turned to Tom and continued, telling him that Juliet wanted Ben dead and had sworn to protect him if he helped her, his words all but drowned out by her loud declarations that he was lying and trying to turn Tom against her. 

"Enough," Tom shouted. They fell silent, glaring at each other. "Juliet," he continued, his voice softer but still underlaid with anger, eyeing Jack warily. "Get out." 

"Tom, he's lying," she spit. 

"You said you can't stitch him up. Then you don't need to be in here. Go, Julie." 

She looked at Jack. Tom couldn't see just how close he was to breaking. He couldn't see the hope and fear in Jack's eyes for what it really was. She stepped closer to Tom, looking him in the eye. "Don't let him fool you. He'd never let a patient just die." She looked back at Jack, whose face was twisted into so many emotional displays at once that it was nearly impossible to read. 

She slammed the door angrily on her way out. 

********* 

"Is it true?" 

Jack barely looked up from the machine monitoring Ben's heart rate. "Is what true?" 

"Did Juliet really ask you to kill him?" 

Jack looked up and nodded. "Yeah. And in about forty minutes she's gonna get her wish." 

"Hey..." 

Both men's eyes widened in shock as the groggy voice drifted up from the operating table. Jack looked at the mirror beneath the gurney, horrified to find Ben's open eyes looking right back at him. No, this wasn't happening... 

"That's...not helping...anything," Ben slurred. 

Jack glanced at Tom helplessly. This was getting completely out of control. 

"Now," Ben continued. "Could somebody please get Juliet?" 

"What happened," Tom demanded. "Why is he awake?" 

"I don't know," Jack snapped. "I'm a spinal surgeon, not an anesthesiologist!" 

"Hey," Ben cut in, his voice strained. "Get...Juliet. I need to speak to her." 

Tom hesitated, unsure whether it was safe to leave Ben alone with Jack in his vulnerable state - strapped to a table with his back cut open. But if Jack wanted to kill him he wouldn't have given up Juliet...would he? 

Jack looked up at Tom, his eyes pained, and nodded. "Go." 

He didn't have a choice. There was no one else he could send to fetch her and he certainly couldn't let Jack go anywhere while they still needed him to finish the surgery. Tom left, throwing one last wary look at Jack on his way out. 

Jack looked back down at Ben, feeling his stomach twist in knots. "I stopped the surgery," he said hesitantly after a long, uncomfortable silence. 

"I know," Ben said placidly. "I've been able to hear you for a few minutes now. It's very clever of you. I should have seen it coming." 

Jack looked away nervously, blinking back tears. "Are you in pain," he asked weakly. "I can..." 

"No. But thanks all the same." 

Jack nodded tightly and fell silent. The erratic beeping of the heart monitor sounded loud and intrusive suddenly in the empty room. 

"I suppose it's safe to assume Ford is the father," Ben said conversationally, his voice gradually growing stronger. "Sawyer," he added when Jack didn't react. 

Jack looked away uncomfortably. "Yes." 

Ben hummed woozily. "I should've known. Tom thought he saw something between you." 

Jack just stared at him in the mirror blankly. 

"Who are you doing this for, Jack? Him? Kate?" 

Jack frowned. "What difference does it make?" 

"You're a smart man, Jack," he continued. "Do you honestly think he would go to such extreme lengths for you?" 

Jack felt like he'd been punched in the gut. Sawyer's words from nearly a year before came floating back to him. 'If the tables were turned, I'd watch you die.' He had told himself over and over that he hadn't meant it - that he'd have said anything to get Jack to let go of his arm because he had a death wish and goading Jack into letting him bleed out was easier than taking his own life. Besides, things had changed since then. "Don't," he said weakly. 

"I'm not trying to hurt you, Jack," Ben said mildly. "I'm just wondering why you would risk your neck for a man who is little more than a sperm donor." 

Jack closed his eyes tightly. He knew that on some level Ben may be right. But he had to believe that Sawyer felt something for him - that somewhere, deep down, was a good man, buried beneath the harsh exterior he presented to the rest of the world. He saw glimpses of that man whenever Sawyer looked at him, touched him. He saw it in his eyes the day Sawyer told him he met his father in Sydney...and again that day by the stream when he said he loved him. As much as he might say otherwise, he cared. But that wasn't Jack's only reason for doing what he was doing. 

"I guess you people don't know us as well as you think you do," he said dully. He met Ben's gaze in the mirror, steeling himself as the man searched his eyes for an uncomfortably long minute. 

"You're a good man, Jack," he said finally, a note of grudging respect in his voice. "I hope you haven't made a mistake." 

The door burst open again as Tom returned with Juliet in tow. 

"I'd like to speak to Juliet alone, please, Jack," Ben ordered. 

Jack shook his head. "No. No, I'm sorry," he said softly. 

"Please. I'm asking you," Ben argued, his voice unchanging. "One gentleman to another." He caught Jack's subtle flinch in the mirror at that. "It won't hurt you to give us three minutes, will it? Knowing I have only twenty-seven left?" 

Jack complied reluctantly, pausing beside Juliet on his way out. "If you touch him...if you try to..." 

"I won't," she said. She looked sincere, but that didn't mean all that much. 

Jack glanced down at Ben and nodded. "You've got three minutes." 

He went into the viewing area to watch as she sat beside Ben, watching their lips move, their voices too low to be heard through the glass. He flinched as Tom stepped beside him. He half expected one of them to lash out at him at any moment, even though he told himself that they needed him now. 

"I'm Tom, by the way," the man said unexpectedly. 

Jack glanced at him briefly but didn't reply, watching as Juliet seemed to break down in tears. 

"They've got history," Tom explained mysteriously. 

Jack frowned and watched Juliet stand, pace for a moment, visibly try to compose herself and leave the room. He moved to meet her in the scrub area. 

"I would like for you to go back in there," she said, her tone contradicting the building tears in her eyes. "Put Ben under and finish the surgery." 

He steeled himself. "And why would I want to do that," he asked, fully expecting her to threaten him, Kate and Sawyer with any number of things if he refused. 

"Because I'm going to go help your friends escape," she said unexpectedly. 

********** 

They had just gotten Karl into Alex's canoe/sailboat when Danny staggered out of the jungle, pistol aimed squarely at Sawyer. Sawyer froze. He couldn't run again - he wouldn't get far before Danny got off the first shot. This was it. After everything he had survived he was going to be gunned down like a rabid dog because one of their people had killed Danny's girl and he had no one else to blame. 

Danny cocked the pistol and Kate ran forward, screaming "no!" 

Sawyer felt her arms go around his chest as another figure emerged from the trees and shouted "Danny!" 

Three shots were fired. Sawyer flinched instinctively and for a moment, Jack's face flashed in his mind. It only took another moment for him to realize he hadn't felt the familiar sting of bullets ripping into his flesh. 

Danny collapsed to the sand, bleeding from three fatal wounds in his chest and Sawyer gaped at the blonde woman standing a few feet away as she calmly lowered her weapon. 

********* 

Jack glanced at Tom from the corner of his eye as he pried at the tumor in Ben's back. The man was turned away, gasping into his mask. "You okay?" 

"Yeah," Tom replied, not looking at him. "I just don't like blood too much." 

Jack rolled his eyes internally. Why was he always stuck performing procedures with squeamish assistants around here? "Well then you probably won't wanna be looking at that," he taunted, holding up the excised tumor between some pincers pointedly and dropping it in a metal bowl. Tom glanced at it and took deep breaths. 

"So," Jack continued as he bent back over Ben, making sure he had removed the whole tumor. "If you can get off the island why didn't you just take him to a facility?" 

"Because ever since the sky turned purple..." 

Tom trailed off as a small geyser of blood erupted from Ben. Jack froze, startled, and looked at the monitor, which instantly began beeping even more frantically. 

"What the hell happened?!" 

"I nicked an artery," Jack muttered, frantically grabbing gauze and tools to stop the bleed. 

"Isn't that what you already did," Tom yelped. 

"Yeah, well, that was on purpose," Jack said with measured calm. 

Tom rolled his eyes skyward. "Can you fix it?!" 

"Damnit," Jack muttered to himself. "I can't see..." 

"What?" 

"I can't see, there's too much blood." He jerked his head impatiently. "Get over here." Tom hesitated and he barked "he's gonna die if you don't get over here right now!" 

Tom scrambled to tie his mask and staggered over to the table, obediently following Jack's orders to pick up the suction tube and hold it steady, siphoning blood away from the area. 

He was just making headway when Kate's voice drifted from the walkie on the counter several feet away. "Jack, are you there?" 

He clenched his jaw in frustration. Of course now, of all times, would be when she would call. "Hold that up to me," he ordered. 

Tom hesitated. "What about the surgery..." 

"Just do it," Jack shouted and Tom scrambled to retrieve it, returning quickly to pick up the suction tube, holding the walkie up to Jack with his free hand. "Yeah, I'm here, Kate," he said, forcing his voice to remain calm. "You okay?" 

"Yeah, I...we've got a boat. They're letting us go." 

Jack frowned. "Who's letting you go?" 

"The blonde woman." 

"So you're safe...you and Sawyer?" 

"Yes...yeah." 

Jack pushed aside the urge to demand she put Sawyer on the line so he could verify that for himself. He couldn't afford to get emotional right now, while   
Ben's life was literally in his hands. If he screwed up...he didn't want to think of what the consequences might be. "Tell me." 

"Tell you?" 

"The first day on the beach, the day of the crash, the story I told you. If you're safe, tell me." It was the only thing he could think of that he had told Kate and Kate alone. If she told him the wrong story, he would know she and Sawyer had been compromised. 

"Do you think this is the best time," Tom interrupted. 

"Shut up," Jack barked. 

Kate hesitated, looking out at the ocean as she tried to recall what Jack had said that day while she had nervously stitched the wound in his back. "You... were doing surgery on a girl and you messed up... You tore something on her back and all the nerves came loose." Her voice wavered as the gravity of the situation seemed to crash in on her suddenly. This could very well be the last time any of them spoke to Jack. A couple tears spilled down her cheeks and she took a deep breath, struggling to continue. "And you said you were so afraid...and you said the fear was so...real. And you didn't know what to do. So you counted to five...and then you weren't afraid anymore." 

Jack looked up as Ben's heart rate stabilized, the line on the monitor leveling into slow, steady blips. It was over. He felt a painful tightening in his chest as he realized that he would never - *could* never - see Kate or Sawyer again. He had sealed his fate. Tom stared at him expectantly, his eyes seeming softer suddenly, seeming to sense the weight of the moment. 

Jack nudged his hand closer. "I need you to make a promise, Kate," he said softly. 

"Jack," she sniffled. 

"Promise me that you'll never come back here for me." 

"Jack, where are you, please," she pressed. 

Jack looked at Tom pleadingly. "Turn it off." 

"Jack please, where are you," Kate begged. 

Tom silently turned off the walkie and set it down, staring at Jack in something that looked like sympathy. 

Kate cried openly as the line was filled with static. Sawyer took the walkie from her gently, his face drawn in pain. "Trades are comin'," he said softly. "We gotta go." 

********* 

Jack was looking down at the still unconscious Ben from the observation deck when Juliet returned. He straightened as she approached. 

"Were you able to remove the tumor," she asked. 

"Yeah." His voice sounded utterly defeated. "You'll want to do a biopsy...see if it's malignant." 

She nodded. 

"So what now, I just...go back to my cell?" 

She nodded again, eyes fixed on Ben. "Until they figure out what to do with you," she said flatly. 

Jack sighed and blinked back tears. "They," he repeated. He knew exactly what 'they' would do with him and he wished he didn't. "What did he say?" 

"I'm sorry?" she said innocently. 

"Ben. What did he say that made you want to save his life?" 

She smiled briefly, the expression pained. "It doesn't really matter." 

Jack stood, feeling too vulnerable sitting, having to look up at her. "It matters to me. After everything that I have been put through you owe me an answer." His voice wavered. 'After everything we've all been put through,' he thought. "I want to know what he said." 

She was silent for a moment. Then she swallowed and hesitantly began. "I've been on this island for three years, Jack. Three years, two months and twenty-eight days." Tears gathered in her eyes. "He said that if I let him live and I helped you..." her chin quivered, her voice faltering. "That he would finally let me go home." 

Jack's eyes widened, realization finally dawning on him. She wasn't one of them...she was their prisoner. He tried to think of something to say to her but she fled from the room before he had a chance to say another word, as if she couldn't bear his empathy, leaving him to gape after her in shock. 

********* 

Sawyer held a mango out to Kate. "You sure you ain't hungry?" 

"No, James, I ain't hungry," she replied snippily, continuing to glare into the campfire. She had been openly hostile toward him ever since he had refused to turn the boat around and go back for Jack. 

"You shouldn't fight," Karl piped up. 

"When the hell'd you wake up," Sawyer grumbled, parking himself next to a stump. 

"You shouldn't fight 'cause you're lucky to be alive." 

Sawyer rolled his eyes. "Golly, I think he's got a point," he exclaimed sarcastically. He hardly considered barely escaping after being locked up, beaten, tortured and nearly shot lucky. 

"That island we were on, is that where your people live," Kate asked. 

"Just where we work," Karl corrected. 

"Work on what?" 

"Projects," he said distractedly. 

"So you don't actually *live* on that island?" 

"Nope." 

"Do you live here," she pressed. "On this island?" 

"Yes ma'am," he said, seemingly oblivious to her line of questioning. 

Sawyer went silent, watching her warily. She was obviously up to something. He could practically see her mind whirring, fitting the pieces of some puzzle together, and he would bet money the picture it made had something to do with rescuing Jack. 

"And what did you do with the people that you took? The kids?" 

"We give them a better life." 

She frowned. "Better than what?" 

Karl finally looked at her, seemingly startled. "Better than yours," he said as if they were perfectly justified in their cause. Which, Sawyer realized, they probably thought they were. 

Kate let go and went back to staring at the campfire, likely continuing to concoct a plan in her head. Sawyer chewed his fruit slowly and wondered if Jack was right after all. Maybe the Others had been after his baby all along. 

*********** 

He walked docilely behind the woman who had introduced herself as Isabelle. She led him into a room with a large desk facing three chairs. Tom sat in one, Juliet in another. Jack hesitated as he noted the handcuffs securing Juliet's wrist to the metal back. 

"Please have a seat," Isabelle said brightly, her deep, raspy voice hinting at a possible lifetime of cigarette use. She settled herself behind the desk as she continued. "As you may have gathered, we don't live on this little island. In fact, most of us don't really even like coming here." 

He clenched his jaw and took the empty seat between the two Others, his eyes stubbornly not meeting hers. 

"There's been an incident that I'm investigating and I need to ask you some questions. So I was hoping you may help me clear up a few of the...inconsistencies." She sat up straight, hands flat on the desk, looking for all the world like a grade school teacher beginning her lesson. "Now, correct me if I'm wrong, Tom. You said in the midst of a surgical procedure Jack made several comments indicating that Juliet had asked him to kill Ben." 

Jack didn't even care enough to laugh. With that kind of evasive speech she had clearly missed her calling as a lawyer. He had said Juliet asked him to kill Ben and make it look like an accident. There hadn't been any "indicating". But maybe he could work this to his advantage... 

"Yeah, that's right," Tom grunted. 

"Is that true, Jack?" 

He looked at her blankly, like he hadn't heard the question. 

"Did Juliet ask you to kill Ben," she prompted. 

His mind spun as he tried to formulate a new plan. 

"The question's simple," Isabelle said, growing impatient. "Did Juliet ask you to kill Ben?" 

He chuckled. "No. No, I was lying. I would have done anything to get my friends out. And turning you people against each other was my best chance of creating chaos." It was mostly true. At least it was now. 

Isabelle's face hardened and she stood, rounding the desk slowly and sitting on the edge of it so she towered over him intimidatingly. "Why are you lying for her, Jack?" 

He looked up at her wearily. He didn't care anymore. He was sick of playing their mind games. Kate and Sawyer were safe now - that was all that mattered. They could threaten him all they wanted. He would be dead in another month anyway. "I'd like to go back to my cage now." 

********* 

Karl was gone when Kate and Sawyer woke the next morning, but he hadn't gone far. His loud sobbing could be heard from several yards away. He quieted and wiped his tears away frantically as Sawyer approached. Sawyer drove the heel of his hand into the boy's bicep, hard. 

Karl yelped. "What the hell was that for?" 

"So you'd cowboy up," Sawyer growled, dropping to sit beside him. "Cryin' in the jungle," he muttered. "I thought you people were supposed to be tough." 

Karl glared and shoved Sawyer. "I am tough." 

Sawyer rolled his eyes. "Sure ya are, Bobby." 

Karl stared blankly. 

"Bobby Brady? The Brady Bunch?" 

Karl's expression didn't change. "What the hell is the Brady Bunch?" 

Sawyer sighed. "Okay. Anyway, look Karl...I've been with a lot of girls. Some of them worth the trouble, some not. Every now and again there's one..." He trailed off, feeling a lump threaten to form in his throat as an image of Jack's smiling face flashed unbidden to the forefront of his mind. He shook off the guilt and sadness that accompanied it and met Karl's questioning gaze. "One you name dumb stars with," he finished. 

Karl blinked at him. "What about the doctor?" 

Sawyer scowled. "What about 'im?" 

"He's not a girl." 

Sawyer rolled his eyes. "Gee...coulda fooled me." 

Karl's expression grew hopelessly confused. "But you just said..." 

"Look," Sawyer snapped. "We ain't talkin' about *me* here, Romeo. Pay attention." He forced his posture to relax. Slapping the kid might make him feel better but it wouldn't do any good in the long run. Besides, he realized, Karl was obviously just some clueless kid who happened to have fallen for the daughter of the Others' sociopathic leader. "This girl...Sally Slingshot." 

"Alex." 

"Yeah," Sawyer said flippantly. "You love her?" 

Karl nodded, tears beginning to pool in his eyes. "More than anything." 

"Then go back to wherever the hell you people live and get her back," he said as if the answer should have been obvious all along. If only it were as simple for him. 

Karl shook his head. "If I get caught...they'll kill me this time." 

"Then at least it'll be worth it." 

He patted the boy on the shoulder and gave him a brittle smile as he walked away. Whoever said giving advice was easier than taking it was right, he decided. 

******** 

"The cavalry has arrived at last," Ben said with a hint of sarcasm as Jack burst into his recovery room, stopping the "nurse" from giving him an injection. 

"I'd be much more impressed with you people if you had a good surgeon," Jack sneered, perching on a stool beside Ben's head. 

"We had an excellent surgeon, Jack," Ben murmured, looking up at him pointedly. "His name was Ethan." 

Jack ignored the accusation. "You have a very serious infection, Ben. That infected tissue needs to be reincised, debrided and you need to be very closely monitored from here on out." Basically he needed the infected tissue cut away and a round or two of antibiotics but Jack wasn't about to make it sound like a simple procedure, even if he could do it in his sleep. "There might be nerve damage or any number of other complications. You may not walk again." That much was true. 

Ben just stared at him blankly. "Your bedside manner leaves something to be desired." 

Jack chuckled at the irony. "Well then, it's too bad you're stuck with me." 

"Am I?" 

"You need a doctor, Ben. Someone to stay with you. Bring you back to good health." 

"And here we go again," Ben groaned. "I've already given you a ticket off this island, Jack. What's it gonna cost me this time?" 

Jack repressed the urge to point out that Ben never really intended to give him that, but maybe he could force his hand if he got the right leverage. "Right now your people are in a room deciding whether or not to execute Juliet. You're gonna stop it." 

Ben stared at him for a long time. "Juliet doesn't care about you, Jack," he said evenly. "It doesn't matter what she's done. No matter what you think...she's one of us." 

It didn't matter. If Jack was going to get the Others to cooperate he was going to need her. "Do we have a deal or not?" 

********* 

Jack leaned against the back of the cage, eyes screwed tightly shut, rubbing his abdomen in a desperate attempt to soothe the baby, who seemed to be making up for a long bout of calm by attacking him especially violently, even though it didn't have much room to move around anymore. The sudden burst of activity - rushing from the cage to Ben's recovery room to the room where the Others were deciding Juliet's fate - after being confined to a cage for so long was a shock to his system. The baby seemed intent on punishing him for it. 

The baby was just beginning to settle down again when he heard someone approach. His eyes snapped open and he relaxed when he realized it was Juliet, a paper plate cradled in her hands. He frowned as he noticed the stiffness of her gait and stood slowly, moving to meet her at the bars. 

"I heard you only like them grilled," she said with a smile, folding the plate and handing it to him through the bars. 

He smiled back, somewhat dazed and still feeling residual pain, and accepted the sandwich. 

"Are you all right," she asked with a frown. 

He shook his head clear and took a deep breath. "Yeah. I'm fine." He hesitated and set the plate down behind him. "Let me see it." 

"Jack..." 

"They said they were gonna mark you. Let me see it." 

She turned reluctantly and lifted her shirt, revealing the raw brand shaped like an elongated asterisk. He ground his teeth and ordered her to get a branch from the aloe plant near the clearing. She hesitated but retrieved it with little argument. 

"Why did you help me," she asked as he applied it to the burn. 

"He told you he was gonna let you go home. He told me the same thing. I'm gonna make sure he keeps his word." 

"And how are we going to do that," she asked, complacent. 

"Together," he said simply. 

She bit her lip silently for a few moments, seemingly trying to keep her emotions at bay. "They'll be coming for you. In a few minutes. All of them. Your friends know where we are so we have to leave this island to go back where we live." 

Jack blinked up at her. "Where?" 

She sniffled lightly. "Well, Ben calls it home." 

********** 

"We there yet?" Sawyer groused. 

"If we are where I think we are then our beach should be just through those trees," Kate pointed flatly, not slowing down. "We'll be home in about five minutes." 

"Try to contain your excitement, Freckles," he snarked. 

"Forgive me if I'm not excited about explaining why there's only two of us coming back, James." 

"Well, maybe they should explain why they ain't come lookin' for us," he spit. He yelped and stumbled as something sharp bit into the bottom of his foot. Kate rounded on him, demanding to know what happened. He sat on a fallen log and gaped at the decidedly unnatural - for jungle wilderness - object sticking from his shoe. 

"It looks like a dart," Kate proclaimed, kneeling beside him. 

"Well, how the hell'd it get out here?" 

"Okay, just relax your foot and I'm gonna take it out," she said, getting a firm grip on the metal shaft. "On the count of three, ready? One..." 

"Ow," he yelped as she yanked it out abruptly. "I thought you said three!" 

"Yeah, well, anticipation's the worst part. I thought I'd spare you," she said with a smirk. He glowered. 

She sat on the log next to him, her eyes scanning the jungle ahead. "We have to go back." 

"Are you serious," he scoffed. 

"We can't just leave Jack behind." 

"Yes, we can." He looked away, avoiding her angry stare. 

"How can you say that," she accused. "After everything he's done. After everything you've been through..." 

"Cause that's what he told us to do," he snapped. 

She resisted the urge to punch him - shake him violently until the truth just tumbled out of him. "Since when do you follow anyone's orders?" 

"Damnit, Freckles, just drop it! I ain't goin' back there." 

Her glare melted into a frown as she caught a flash of pain in his eyes. "What's going on? What aren't you telling me?" 

Sawyer looked toward the sky and sighed. "He's dyin'. The Doc. He said havin' the baby would kill him." 

Her eyes widened. "What?" 

"He didn't tell you 'cause he didn't want you to give up hope." 

Kate fell silent as the information sunk in, feeling tears pool in her eyes. She wiped them away angrily before they had a chance to fall. "It doesn't matter. We can't just leave him." 

"Fine," Sawyer muttered, waving in the general direction of where she said the beach should be. "Go round up your posse and go on back. Just leave me out of it." 

She hesitated. She wanted to scream at him. If she were in his place she was sure she would want to spend every last minute possible with Jack. She would want him to be surrounded by people who knew and loved him when he died, not the cold, cruel Others who had kidnapped and abused them. But a part of her thought she understood why Sawyer wouldn't want that. He still hadn't gotten over his parents' violent, senseless deaths years ago. He didn't want to face Jack's death if he didn't have to. As tough as he pretended to be, deep down he was a coward. 

"Fine," she mumbled, standing up and continuing down the path without any further comment. 

******* 

It was easy for Sawyer to distract himself once they got back, as it turned out. Finding the majority of his stash missing fueled his anger, giving him an excuse for lashing out. Not that he needed one, really. He hadn't anticipated that anybody would actually be glad to see him. 

"Dude, you're alive," Hurley shouted gleefully after Sawyer found him and Jin in the jungle trying to upright and old junked van. 

"Yeah, good to see you too, Snuffy," Sawyer admitted as Hurley's enthusiastic hug nearly crushed his ribs. 

Jin hugged him companionably and greeted him in broken, hesitant English. 

"What about Jack and Kate? They with you? They all right," Hurley asked. 

And just like that, the tiny smile that had crept onto Sawyer's face faltered. "Kate's with me. But the Doc...they still got him." 

"Okay," Hurley said cheerfully. "It's okay. Jack's gonna be all right. We all are." 

Sawyer gaped at him and wondered if maybe the has been wasn't the one who had snatched the heroin from his stash. 

"See, things are getting better," he added chipperly. "The car. You coming back safely. It's a sign." 

"Yeah, a sign I want my stuff back," he retorted. 'And a sign you're crazy.' 

"Uh-uh. You're gonna help us fix this thing," Hurley said. 

"And why would I do that?" 

Hurley smiled triumphantly. "'Cause there's beer." 

********** 

Sawyer perched next to the uprighted van, sipping a flat, foul-smelling beer and listening to Hurley badger Jin about being unable to get the van started. 

"Hey, leave the man alone," he finally called. "He's right. No fix. There's no way it's gonna get running. How thick are you?" 

"What's your problem, man," Hurley accused. "Why don't you want this to work?" 

"I don't *care* if it works. Why's it so important to you?" 

"Because we could all use a little hope!" 

"If it's hope you're lookin' for, S.A., you're on the wrong damned island." Sawyer lowered his voice and added "Cause there sure as hell ain't no hope here." 

Hurley gaped at him as he dropped his head back against the frame of the van dejectedly and took another sip of beer. Once, maybe, he had held out hope of them being rescued. Now it didn't matter anymore. He had nothing to go back to. And all he had to show for his time on this godforsaken island was one more failed relationship and a dead lover. 

The fact that the van did, ultimately, start may have given Hurley hope, but the brief excitement wore off quickly for Sawyer. He carried the case of beer back to his tent and watched Jin and Charlie reunite with their wife and girlfriend - Sun smiling and holding Jin's hand, Claire laughing while Charlie talked animatedly. Sawyer had been a loner for most of his life but, ironically, he had never felt more alone than he did at that moment. He drank his beer and stared out at the ocean, letting the alcohol numb him. It still tasted terrible, but maybe if he drank enough he wouldn't have to think about Jack and how he had let him down.


	20. Chapter 20

"Where is he," Kate muttered mostly to herself as she, Sayid and Locke crouched in the bushes, watching the Other's going about various activities in their quaint little suburban development. 

"Kate," Sayid murmured, pointing toward one figure. 

She followed his gesture, her eyes widening as she spotted the blonde woman. She was walking along a small path, talking to another woman, rocking a small bundle in her arms. "She's the one who helped me and Sawyer escape. You don't think..." She trailed off, rapidly feeling ill. Of course it was Jack's baby Juliet was holding in her arms, even if it was weeks earlier than Jack had calculated. Where else would it have come from so suddenly? 

Tom emerged from one of the buildings, pushing Ben in front of him in a wheelchair. Kate resisted the impulse to leap from the bushes and shoot him. Jack had saved his life against his will and now Jack was most likely dead and they had taken his baby. Would they even tell the child about his true parents when he grew up? 

Ben spoke to Juliet for a minute and she nodded, heading for another building with obvious reluctance and disappearing inside. Tom and Ben followed her slowly, pausing outside the door. 

The door opened a few moments later. Kate felt relief wash over their little group as Juliet emerged from inside, Jack beside her. Kate frowned as she took in his appearance. He looked tired and pained and he leaned on a cane. Juliet had her hand on the small of his back, seemingly ready to catch him should he suddenly fall. 

They watched in shock as Jack talked to Ben for a minute or two and then reached out with his free hand to shake Ben's hand, as if this were a perfectly ordinary business transaction. 

"This is gonna be more complicated than we thought," Locke murmured. 

********** 

They waited until dark to approach the camp, by which point Kate was practically vibrating with nervous energy. She watched through the binoculars as Juliet exited Jack's cabin, closing the door softly. 

"Sayid, you guard the front," Locke instructed the second she had moved out of sight. "I'll go around back. You, go in through the side door." 

Kate frowned. "I'm going in alone?" 

"It's better if you're the first one he sees," Locke explained. 

'Better than you, you mean,' Kate thought. She darted toward the main building, Sayid close behind her. She was only mildly surprised to find the door unlocked. 

She crept down the main hallway, following the sound of piano music. She found Jack hunched over the keyboard of an upright piano shoved against one wall. A cradle sat a few feet away from him. 

She gaped as he finished the song. He sensed her presence and turned suddenly, eyes widening as he saw her standing in the hall, clutching a rifle. 

"Hi," she whispered. 

He stiffened. "What are you doing here?" 

"I came to get you." She set her rifle against the wall but hesitated as his expression turned agitated and desperate. 

"Get out of here. Right now. Go!" He looked over his shoulder nervously. 

She shook her head. "Jack..." 

"Kate, they're watching me!" 

Her eyes went to the corner of the room - the direction he had just looked - and she saw a camera mounted into the ceiling, blinking at them. Her breathing accelerated, her instinct to run for her life warring with her determination to save Jack. 

"Get out of here," he repeated, standing shakily, leaning slightly against the piano. 

"I'm not leaving you," she tried desperately. 

He advanced toward her. "Yes, you are..." 

Several armed men burst into the room before he could reach her and ordered her to get on the ground. 

"Don't hurt her," Jack shouted. 

One of the Others responded by turning a gun on him and ordering him to step back. He did without argument. 

The baby, startled awake by the loud noises, began to wail. Jack's eyes darted to the crib. 

The Other clenched his jaw and motioned to it with his gun. "Go." 

Jack stumbled over to the crib and lifted the baby into his arms, hiding it's face against his neck and murmuring nonsensically in it's ear in an attempt to soothe it. 

Kate yelped as her arm was twisted behind her back and Jack watched in dismay as Sayid was dragged through the door and shoved to the ground beside her. 

The Other refocused on her, his gun pointed to her head. "Who else is with you?" 

She looked at Jack pleadingly. "Jack?" 

He shook his head slightly. "Just answer the question, Kate." 'Please.' The baby's cries tapered off until they were only panicky little whimpers. 

"One more time," the Other growled. "Who else is with you?" 

She tore her eyes from Jack's desperate gaze and looked to Sayid. "Nobody. Nobody else. It was just us." She caught the relieved look on Sayid's face, but missed the brief flash of disbelief and disappointment on Jack's. 

********* 

She was still torturing herself with thoughts of what they could have done to Jack in the time it took her to find their camp when they shoved her into a rec room. She sat on the pool table and worked to slide her cuffed hands in front of her body. She had just succeeded when the door opened. She froze. 

"I didn't think I'd see you again so soon, Kate," Tom said not unkindly. Then he turned to somebody outside, pointed to his ear and the ceiling and said "be careful in here." 

Jack stepped in the doorway beside him and put the hand not occupied by his cane on Tom's shoulder. "Thanks," he muttered. 

Tom left them alone and Kate watched silently as Jack dragged a folding chair to the center of the room, sitting gingerly. "They hurt you," he asked. 

"No. They hurt you?" 

He chuckled briefly. "No." Actually they had been keeping him pretty well supplied in painkillers since the birth and he was feeling pretty good. 

She looked around as she climbed off the table. "What is all this?" 

"This is where they live." 

"And the people they took? The kids?" 

He nodded, not looking her in the eye. "They're all safe." 

She frowned in disgust. "Safe?" She waited for him to look at her. When he did she saw nothing in his eyes. "So you're with them now," she concluded. 

"I'm not with anyone, Kate," he said honestly. 

"What did they do to you," she asked angrily, advancing on him slowly. 

He looked away again uncomfortably. "Nothing." 

"Then why are you acting like this?" 

He stared at the floor fixedly. "There's no way...you...there's no way that I could..." 

"I came here to help you!" 

"I told you not to come back here for me," he snapped, looking up again. 

She stared at him. "I didn't think you meant it." 

He blinked rapidly and looked away. 

She softened and stepped as close as she dared, tentatively touching his wrist. He flinched slightly and didn't look at her, but he clutched her hand when she slipped it into his. She glanced at the ceiling. Right. Bugs. That might explain his odd behavior. She crouched in front of him. "What did they do to you, Jack," she whispered, her eyes pleading with him. 

His mouth opened and closed hesitantly. "I made a deal with them," he said after a moment. "They're gonna let me go. Me and my baby." 

She frowned. "Where?" 

He smiled sadly. "Home." 

She didn't believe for a second that they would actually do such a thing, but he seemed to. "When?" 

"First thing in the morning." He took a breath. "I can bring back help. It's our best chance..." 

She shook her head. "You trust these people? They are liars! Why would you believe a word..." 

"I trust them because you told me to, Kate," he snapped. "Because I have to." 

She reeled, not missing the fact that it was her own words coming back to haunt her. "Jack..." 

Juliet stuck her head in the door at that moment and he didn't get a chance to answer. 

"Jack, we need to go." 

"I'll be right there," he assured her. 

She closed the door again and Kate let go of Jack's hand, sinking to the floor dejectedly and wiping at her damp cheeks. It was no use. She wouldn't get through to him. 

"I asked you not to come back here for me and I wish...I wish that you hadn't." He leaned closer, whispering almost directly in her ear. "I will come back here for you." 

Kate just stared at the floor, listening to him leave. She had no idea what was going on - what the Others were planning - but she just knew that if he went with them none of them would ever see him again. 

******** 

Ben was putting a foil-covered tray in the refrigerator when Jack and Juliet entered his apartment. 

"Look, I know you don't owe me anything," Jack began tentatively. "But I need to ask you for one last favor." 

Ben blinked up at him in surprise. "You don't knock," he asked indignantly, as if he had any business being offended that the man he had kidnapped and locked in a cage wasn't respecting his boundaries. 

Juliet looked off in the corner, disgusted but not at all surprised. She refocused on the baby in her arms. Jack refused to go anywhere without his baby unless she could watch it. She was the only one of them he trusted. 

"I need you to let my friends go," Jack continued. "After I'm gone." 

"And if I said no, would that stop you from leaving," Ben asked bluntly. 

Jack frowned. "Of course it would." 

"Your friends are only here to rescue *you*," Ben pointed out. "But you seem to be doing a good job of rescuing yourself, so..." he sighed. "I suppose there's no reason to keep them here." 

"I need your word on that." 

Ben wheeled his chair closer and held his hand out. "You have my word," he said easily as Jack accepted the handshake. "I'll let them go just as soon as you've left the island." 

Jack nodded warily. Something didn't seem right, but he wasn't quite sure what it was. 

Ben turned to Juliet. "Well, I guess this is it," he said flatly. 

"Thank you, Ben," she said, her voice thick with tears. "For keeping your promise." 

He nodded and gave her a tight smile. She turned to leave and Jack followed her out the door, giving Ben one last wary look over his shoulder. 

The nagging feeling stayed with him up until the moment he and Juliet were escorted out onto the dock where he was told a submarine waited to take them back to civilization. An Other at the front of the group raised his rifle suddenly. "Hey! Hold it right there!" 

Jack clutched the baby tightly to his chest and watched in shock as Locke came into view, standing at the end of the dock with his arms raised, calmly sinking to his knees at the Other's orders. 

"What are you doing here, John?" 

Locke's eyes turned to him. "I'm sorry, Jack," he said softly. 

Jack frowned. "Sorry for what?" 

An explosion at the end of the dock sent everybody ducking for cover. Jack turned away from the blast, instinctively shielding the baby with his body. When he looked up all that was left of the submarine was a burning pile of wreckage floating in the night-darkened water. He met Locke's wide-eyed, apologetic look with rage and betrayal, the stirring, whimpering baby in his arms the only thing keeping him from tackling the man to the ground and throttling him. He dimly heard Tom call his name and then hands were guiding him up and away from the dock. His eyes remained fixed on Locke as the Other's scattered frantically. He saw the butt of a rifle crash into Locke's temple a moment before he was pulled out of sight range. 

*********** 

It had been two hours since Jack had been left in “his” house and he hadn’t heard word from anybody – Juliet included. So far he had managed to keep him from going stir crazy, but once the baby was fed, changed, bathed and ready for bed he knew the fact that his best chance of getting off the island had gone up in flames would sink in. He needed to regroup – come up with a new plan. There had to be another way off the island. He could *not* raise his child here. 

He was just settling the baby in the crib when he heard a noise at the back door. He froze, his heart pounding as his survival instinct warred with his instinct to defend his child. He could take the baby and run, but if there was danger, he could just be bringing the child closer to it. 

He moved down the hall cautiously, hoping he had imagined the sound. He gasped as his cane was ripped out from under him suddenly. He clutched the handle tightly, letting the momentum spin him around to face his attacker. He barely got a look at the man's face before a hand reached around him from behind and clamped a towel over his face. He gasped instinctively and shouted, his eyes wide with fear, letting go of the cane and reaching both hands to rip the towel away. But it was too late - the ether was already taking effect. The room spun and grew fuzzy. 

'Please, don't take my baby,' was his last, frantic thought before he sank into unconsciousness.


	21. Chapter 21

"Jack," Kate's voice called, drawing him back to awareness. Hands shook him frantically. "Jack, wake up! It's me!" 

He startled awake and she leapt back, her back hitting the wall behind her with a dull thud. He gasped as he fought to clear the remaining fog from his head. "What happened?" 

"They all left." 

He blinked up at her. "What?" 

"Because of me...I'm so sorry." 

His eyes widened and he dragged himself to a sitting position, grabbing the edging on the wall for support. "The baby," he gasped, his chest tightening as he saw the debris at the end of the hall next to the open door - evidence of the apartment being ransacked. 

Kate's hands flew to his shoulders, discouraging him from tying to stand. "Stay here. I'll look." 

He stayed reluctantly, letting his head fall back against the cool wood edging as the world slowly stabilized, listening to Kate's footsteps disappear into the next room. He didn't realize he was holding his breath until she reappeared, the baby cradled in her arms. He felt his whole body relax in relief. 

"He's okay," Kate said, kneeling carefully beside him. 

"She," he corrected absently, holding his arms out to her. 

Kate's eyes softened and she carefully transferred the baby to his arms. "She," she repeated. She sat back and watched him run his free hand over the infant's body, assuring himself that she was unharmed. "I'm sorry," she repeated. "I should have listened to you. I never...I wanted to come back to help you. But you didn't need me to. And now because of me, you can't go." She took a shaky breath, tears rapidly taking shape. "I'm so sorry," she whispered. 

The baby made a few gurgling noises, unhappy to have been so rudely awoken, and tried to hide her face in Jack's shoulder. "They just...left," he repeated numbly, eyes fixed on the tiny creature. 

Kate nodded, barely keeping herself composed. "Yeah." 

"Even...even Juliet?" 

Kate stared at him, her tears subsiding with her growing shock. "No. They left her too." 

"Why," he breathed, more to himself than her. 

"You know her better than I do." 

He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. He should have known this would happen, he realized dejectedly. 

"Now what," Kate asked. 

He opened his eyes and sighed. "Now we go back." 

*********** 

They set up camp for the night in a small clearing. None of them particularly liked the idea of spending the night in the open, least of all Jack, but they had little choice. The beach was too far to reach in one day - especially with Jack still recovering from his surgery and moving slowly. The Others had taken his cane, leaving him to find a sturdy tree branch to lean on for support. 

Kate watched him from the corner of her eye as she helped Sayid build a fire. He leaned against a tree tiredly, Juliet hovering beside him, helping him feed his daughter. Kate thought it should seem strange that Jack was able to breast feed but strange had long since become the norm on this island. Besides, she vaguely recalled him saying something about developing mammary glands a couple months ago. Right now she was more concerned about Juliet. Jack had insisted they bring her along, pointing out that the Others had left her behind too. Kate and Sayid had reluctantly agreed, although neither one of them trusted her. Kate wanted to believe Jack's instinct to trust her was well founded but...well...he had trusted Michael to know what he was doing and been led into a trap. 

She finished with the fire and tentatively moved closer to Jack. "What's her name?" 

Jack looked surprised by the question. "I haven't named her yet." 

Kate bit her lip hesitantly. Juliet excused herself and slipped away from the two of them, sensing she was not meant to be a part of the coming conversation. 

"You told Sawyer you wouldn't survive the delivery," she said softly, her voice tinged with mild accusation. 

A look she couldn't decipher flashed across his face briefly. "He told you?" 

She slid closer to him. "That's why he wouldn't go back for you. I think he couldn't face the thought of you dying." 

Jack's breath caught slightly in his chest, his eyes searching hers. He hadn't been all that surprised to find that Sawyer wasn't part of his rescue team. He hadn't bothered to wonder why Sawyer might have chosen to stay behind. 

"He may be an ass," she added. "But I think he really does love you." 

He swallowed the forming lump in his throat, nodding. Then he returned his attention to his daughter, stroking her cheek, his vision blurring with tears. 

********** 

"Well, if it ain't three men and a baby," Sawyer drawled as he strolled past Charlie, Hurley and Aaron. He gave them a moment to ponder that before adding "I counted Hugo twice." 

Hurley gave him a wounded glare. 

"Oh, what? I used your name!" 

Claire staggered up, looking ill and exhausted. "Hey. Does anybody know where there's any aspirin?" 

Aaron squealed in recognition of his mother's voice and reached for her but Charlie kept a secure hold on him. Nobody had any idea what this sudden illness that had taken over her was, but they knew they couldn't risk Aaron catching it. Claire was so out of it she barely seemed to notice. 

"Claire, you don't look so good," Desmond pointed out. 

'Psychic my ass,' Sawyer thought with an inward eye roll. 

"What are you doing up," Charlie scolded. "You're meant to be in bed!" 

"Yeah, I know, I just...my head's pounding..." 

"I gotcha covered," Sawyer cut in, shoveling oatmeal into his mouth. "Two aspirin coming right up." 

He was making his way toward his tent when he caught movement from the corner of his eye. He glanced toward the end of the beach and stopped in his tracks. Coming around the foliage at the edge of the shoreline were two figures. One walked slowly, stiffly, leaning on a crude looking cane. The other, smaller figure, supported him. Sawyer squinted at them, certain he was seeing things. "Son of a bitch..." 

"It's Jack," Sun exclaimed nearby, her voice joining the excited murmur rolling through the camp. Several people ran to greet the pair. Kate smiled and relinquished her hold on Jack as they were surrounded. Sayid appeared several steps behind them and was quickly swallowed in the growing crowd. 

Sawyer stood rooted to his spot, waiting for the moment when he would wake up and realize this was all a dream. His feet started toward the group of their own volition, the bowl falling, forgotten, from his hands. 

Jack looked up as he approached, his smile faltering slightly, his eyes wary. 

Sawyer wordlessly gathered Jack in his arms, closing his eyes as Jack's arms instinctively wrapped around his waist, the cane bumping the back of his knee. 

"Don't ever do that to me again, you son of a bitch," he hissed in Jack's ear. 

All the remaining tension flowed out of Jack and he leaned into Sawyer's embrace, burying his face in the man's neck and inhaling his familiar scent. 

Sawyer reached to cradle the back of his head, pressing him even closer, lost for the moment in the feel of Jack's solid, warm body in his arms again - something he had convinced himself he wouldn't ever feel again. He opened his eyes and stiffened as he caught sight of the blonde woman standing at the edge of the foliage hesitantly, a small bundle in her arms. "What the hell is she doin' here," he snarled. 

Jack pulled back in his arms. "It's okay. She's with me." 

Sawyer's eyes widened. "What?" Had Jack totally lost his mind? 

"She's not one of them. It's okay." 

Sawyer gaped at him, at least half a dozen comments running through his head. Before he could settle on one, Juliet stepped closer, slowly folding back the edges of the blanket in her arms to reveal a peacefully sleeping infant. "Congratulations," she said softly, her cool blue eyes piercing his. "It's a girl." 

********* 

"I don't trust her, Jack," Sayid said, speaking for the rest of the gathered group. "If she's so innocent, why won't she answer our questions?" 

"Give her some time," he pleaded tiredly, leaning against the "table" in the pantry. "She's afraid." 

"How much time," Sayid pressed. 

"Look, the fact that I trust her should be enough." 

"It's not," Sayid said bluntly. Jack had proven himself a poor judge of people's intentions once already. 

"Where did Locke go?" Desmond piped in. 

"He went with them," Jack sighed. "Right after he blew up the sub. The sub that was gonna take me off this island." 

"They were gonna let you go," Sawyer asked, shocked. 

Jack looked at him guiltily. "Yeah." 

Sawyer frowned. "Said who?" 

"Ben." 

Understanding dawned on Sawyer. "Ben. Who's life you saved." 

"Sawyer..." Kate warned. 

Sawyer ignored her. "You shoulda let that bug-eyed bastard die!" 

"Look, I spent every moment over there trying to find a way off this island," he defended, appealing to the entire group. "I was trying to help all of us - trying to get us rescued." 

"Jack," Charlie interrupted. Everyone looked to him, their argument forgotten as they caught sight of Claire slumping against him, blood spilling from her nose. The group dispersed as Charlie rushed her to the medical tent, Jack following behind, firing off questions, falling instantly back into doctor mode. For now, this would have to wait. 

********** 

Jack had just gotten the bleeding to stop when Kate pulled him away, claiming Juliet needed to talk to him. 

"Claire's immune system is turning on her," Juliet began urgently. "She's having a latent reaction to a medication in her bloodstream." 

"What medication," Jack demanded. 

"It was designed to keep her alive during the late stages of her pregnancy." 

"Designed. By who?" 

Juliet sighed. "By me." She turned to Kate. "For some reason the women here can't have babies. The mother's body turns on the pregnancy, treats it as a foreign invader. I saw it happen over and over." 

Kate's wide eyes darted to Jack briefly. He didn't seem surprised by this news. 

"Every pregnant woman on this island died," Juliet continued. "Until Claire...and Jack." 

"What did you do to her," Jack asked numbly. 

Juliet took a deep breath and explained how Ethan had infiltrated their camp and taken blood samples from Claire. He discovered that she showed some of the same symptoms as the other women who had died and once their group realized he wasn't one of the survivors of the plane crash he took it upon himself to kidnap her so he could treat her. "He kidnapped her on his own - that was never the plan. Look, I know how this sounds, but without those injections Claire would have died. Without the serum she's going into a form of withdrawl and if I don't treat her quickly her immune system could shut down entirely." 

Jack blinked rapidly, seemingly struck dumb. 

"Did you treat Jack too," Kate asked warily. 

Juliet faltered uneasily. "No...we didn't know he was pregnant until your people captured Ben," she admitted. "He..." She glanced at him hesitantly. "He never showed the symptoms. I don't know why. Maybe this...disease doesn't attack males the same way." She turned fully on Jack, her eyes pleading. "Jack, I can fix this. I just need the serum. Ethan kept a stash of medical supplies near the caves where you used to live. If I go right now, I can be back before it's too late." 

Jack looked to Kate hesitantly, then slowly nodded. "Do it." 

********** 

Juliet had just unearthed the metal case when Sawyer and Sayid descended on her. "It's full of medical supplies," she explained. "They're for Claire. Jack knows all about it." 

"Jack ain't here right now, is he," Sawyer growled. He ripped open the case and glared at the medical equipment inside. 

"I'm telling you the truth!" Juliet insisted. 

"You said earlier that if you told me everything you knew I'd kill you,"   
Sayid said calmly. "I'm going to test the validity of that statement." 

"He means talk," Sawyer put in. 

She shook her head, her expression vaguely reminiscent of an animal caught in a trap. "We don't have time for this." 

"We got all the time in the world," Sawyer argued, his voice dropping to a dangerous snarl. 

She hesitated for a moment longer and then proceeded to evade them expertly. "You know what's interesting? That you two are now the camp's moral police. I'm curious, Sayid. How long was it before you told everyone on that beach exactly how many people you've tortured in your life? Do they know about Basthra?" She turned to Sawyer, her confidence growing. "And I'm sure the first thing you did when you got here, *James*, was to gather everyone in a circle and tell them about the man you shot in cold blood the night before you got on the plane." 

Sawyer blinked at her stupidly. How could they possibly know about that? 

"So why don't we just skip the part where you two pretend to be righteous. I'm taking that medication back to Claire. And you're gonna let me. Because the last thing that either of you need right now is more blood on your hands." Her intense eyes bored into Sawyer's as she slipped her hand beside his on the handle of the case, daring him to stop her from taking it. 

He clutched it tighter. "I don't know what you've got on Jack," he growled. "But if anything happens...I'll kill you." 

She barely bat an eye. She merely slid the case from his loosened grip, turned on her heel, and walked back toward the beach. 

********* 

Sawyer entered his tent that night to find Jack leaning against the airline seat, feeding their daughter. Jack sat up straight, looking up at him self-consciously. 

"Don't let me interrupt." 

Jack relaxed slowly as Sawyer flopped down next to him. "How's Claire?" 

"Fine. She's askin' about you." 

Jack smiled softly. "That's good. That means she's cognizant." 

"So..." Sawyer broached hesitantly. "This blonde woman...Juliet...you really trust her?" 

Jack sighed. "They've kept her here for three years against her will. She just wants to get off this island, more than anything. She's one of us." 

Sawyer still wasn't convinced, but arguing with Jack was pointless. He obviously trusted her - whether because he had good reason or because he was deluded. Until she did something that warranted further suspicion all they could do was watch her and wait. 

They fell into a lengthy silence. Jack looked up, surprised, when Sawyer reached out suddenly to trace his finger along the exposed scar on his abdomen. 

"I didn't think I'd ever see you again," he said softly. 

Jack's eyes softened. "I know. Kate told me why you didn't come for me." 

Sawyer frowned, then groaned as his conversation with Kate the day of their return came back to him. "Woman's got a big mouth." 

Jack smiled. He realized suddenly that the baby had stopped nursing and looked down to find that she had lulled herself to sleep. He shifted her in his arms and awkwardly tried to stand. 

Sawyer's hand on his arm stilled his movements. "I got 'er." 

Jack hesitated. "Are you sure?" 

"She's mine too, ain't she? C'mon, I can do it." 

An emotion Sawyer couldn't quite identify flashed in Jack's eyes. It was gone in an instant. Jack nodded, carefully transferring the baby to Sawyer's arms. 

Sawyer held her awkwardly for a moment, then slowly eased into it, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He carried her to the crib Charlie had built a couple months earlier. It was cruder looking than the one Locke had made for Aaron, but it was a sweet gesture. She shifted restlessly as he laid her down, frowning in her sleep, and settled with a tiny sigh. Sawyer smiled down at her in spite of himself. "She looks just like you, Doc. You got a name for her yet?" 

"No," Jack replied softly, his voice tight. 

Sawyer cocked his head, squinting at her. She really did look a lot like Jack. Maybe a little like his father too. In fact, he didn't see much of himself in her aside from the blue eyes he'd caught a glimpse of earlier. "How 'bout Christine?" 

Jack didn't respond. After a minute, Sawyer turned to him questioningly and was surprised to find him crying. "Hey..." He moved to Jack's side, gathering him in his arms. Jack clung to him tightly. "It's all right..." 

"I love you," Jack blurted. 

Sawyer frowned. "I know. I love you too, baby." What the hell had brought on this sudden outburst? "You're not having that...post...parting depression or somethin', are you?" 

"Post-partum," Jack corrected automatically. He loosened his hold and wiped away a couple stray tears. "No, I just...I didn't think I'd see you again either." 

Sawyer gently tilted Jack's chin and covered his mouth in a reaffirming kiss. "I missed you," he murmured against Jack's lips. "Don't you go anywhere...y'hear me?" Jack nodded. Sawyer sighed and pressed a kiss to his forehead, drawing him back into a tight embrace. 

"You really want to name her after my father," Jack asked hesitantly. 

Sawyer shrugged. "Only met the man once, but I kinda get the feeling I woulda liked him." 

Jack huffed. "'m not sure he would've felt the same." 

"We seemed to get along just fine," Sawyer argued indignantly. 

"That's because you bought him alcohol." 

Sawyer snorted. "Figures." 

They lapsed into a comfortable silence. Sawyer ran his fingers over Jack's hair absently, perfectly content to just hold him until morning. 

"Okay," Jack finally said, shaking him from his reverie. 

Sawyer opened his eyes and squinted at the top of Jack's head - all he could see from his present angle. "Okay what?" 

Jack kissed his collarbone. "We can name her Christine." 

Sawyer smiled. "Christine Shephard," he murmured. He kind of liked the sound of it. 

"Ford-Shephard," Jack corrected. 

Sawyer cringed a little but didn't object. He fell silent, his fingers massaging the back of Jack's neck absently, feeling the doctor grow heavy in his arms. "You still with me," he asked after a few minutes. 

Jack grunted and lifted his head with obvious effort. "Tired," he mumbled. 

Sawyer stifled the urge to laugh at the irony. Jack could go for days without sleep, driven completely by the need to fix everything and everybody, but having a baby to take care of around the clock wiped him out. Sawyer moved to stand. "C'mon," he coaxed. "I ain't gonna carry you." 

Jack groaned and let Sawyer practically drag him over to the "bed", only protesting when Sawyer tried to undress him. 

"Relax," Sawyer soothed as he pushed Jack's shirt off his shoulders and eased him down to the thin blanket. "I ain't gonna take advantage of you." He gave Jack a crooked smile and moved to unbutton his altered jeans, sliding them off quickly and efficiently. Then he sat back to strip himself down to his underwear before climbing into the bed as well. He frowned as he caught the deeply sad look in Jack's eyes and slipped his arms around him, Jack instinctively returning the gesture. "You okay?" 

Jack gave him a small, unconvincing smile. "Yeah. I'm fine. I'm just still trying to adjust to being back." 

Sawyer brushed his lips against Jack's softly and pulled his body closer. "Get some sleep 'fore Chrissy wakes up cryin' for her momma." 

"Call me that again and I'll shoot you," Jack mumbled sleepily, resting his head on Sawyer's shoulder. 

Sawyer smirked. "Sure thing, Doc," he whispered as Jack drifted to sleep.


	22. Chapter 22

Sawyer awoke from what was possibly the best damned sleep he'd gotten in at least a month to the annoying call of nature. He lay still for a minute, loathe to move, relishing the feel of Jack's warm body curled against his back, arm draped over his waist, heavy in sleep. He slipped from the bed carefully, trying not to wake his lover. 

Jack woke anyway, squinting at Sawyer blearily. "Th’ baby," he mumbled. 

Sawyer leaned over to kiss him. "She's fine," he whispered. 

Jack relaxed and kissed him back sleepily. "Stay." 

Sawyer swallowed a groan. He would like nothing better than to spend at least another twenty-four hours in bed with Jack but his bladder had other ideas. "I gotta pee," he grumbled. "Be right back." He kissed Jack one last time indulgently and forced himself to pull away. Jack sighed and closed his eyes, drifting back to sleep. 

Sawyer stepped out of the tent, stretching the last couple kinks from his back and frowned when he saw Hurley and Jin crouched secretively beside Hurley's tent. 

"What the hell are y'all doin'?" 

They jumped and turned toward him, Hurley looking oddly shifty...or at least more so than usual. "What the hell're you doin'?" he shot back in a poor imitation of Sawyer's drawl. 

Sawyer's eyebrows pinched. "Goin' to take a leak," he said slowly. 

"Yeah, well..." Hurley fidgeted. "So're we." 

Sawyer shook his head. The man was a terrible liar but he was probably just concocting another one of his bizarre plans to cheer people up. It wasn't worth pushing him over. "Well, all righty then," he mumbled. 

He ducked into the bushes and was just unzipping his pants when he heard a rustle nearby. He froze, holding his breath. The rustle grew louder and was accompanied by the distinct sound of footsteps. He reached for the gun and whipped around, aiming right at the approaching figure, barely flinching as it shined a light directly in his face. The light lowered slowly and Sawyer's eyes widened as the intruder's face became visible. 

"Hello, James," Locke greeted. 

***********   
(Two weeks earlier) 

By the time they reached the main land Jack was no longer able to hold back his nausea. He collapsed to his hands and knees in the sand and vomited the sandwich Juliet had given him only an hour earlier. 

Juliet was at his side within seconds, Tom close behind, eyeing Jack warily from a short distance. 

"Jack, do you feel dizzy," she asked worriedly. 

He nodded and continued to heave dryly. 

She tried to palpate his abdomen gently and drew back when he moaned in pain. 

"What's happening," Tom demanded. 

Juliet shook her head. "I don't know, but we have to get him to the medical station. There could be something wrong with the baby." 

"What the hell did you people do to me," Jack groaned. "What did you do to my baby?" 

"We didn't do anything, Jack," Juliet replied calmly. "Just come with us and we can figure out what's going on." She took hold of his arm and tried to help him stand. "Please, Jack, you have to trust me." 

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, forcing his stomach to still, and slowly stood. 

*********** 

"Claire," he gasped as Juliet led him into the medical station. 

"I think Claire survived because she was pregnant before she came here," Juliet explained, steering him toward an exam table. "Whatever happened to those women...I think it happens at conception." 

"They all died?" His mind was still reeling from everything she had told him on the trip to the station. Nine women. Nine patients that Juliet had lost because the island had affected them somehow. 

Juliet's movements were stiff as she moved about the room, setting up the ultrasound and retrieving a tube of gel. Jack recognized the posture and the look on her face all too well. It was the look of a doctor who had seen more death than they were equipped to deal with. "None of them made it to their third trimester," she said shakily. "You have survived longer than any of them. I don't know why, but now I'm afraid your body's response was just delayed." 

Jack chuckled humorlessly and let his head fall back against the raised table. "You still gonna try to tell me this abduction has nothing to do with my baby?" 

She paused, the bottle of gel half uncapped. "We didn't know you were pregnant until Ben was captured," she said sincerely. She finished uncapping the tube and squeezed some of the cold liquid over Jack's exposed abdomen. "This is going to be cold..." 

He watched as she picked up the baton and adjusted the controls on the monitor. "What's going to happen to my baby?" 

She gave him a faint, sad smile, but didn't answer. "Relax." 

He closed his eyes as she ran the baton over his abdomen, unable to bring himself to look. He felt a sob build in his chest as he heard the unmistakable sound of a strong fetal heartbeat. Maybe his child still had a chance to survive, even if he didn't. 

"Oh my god," Juliet murmured. 

Jack's eyes flew open but Juliet had already pulled the baton away, cutting off the image on the monitor. She dropped the baton on the cart and rushed to the door. 

"Prep the O.R.," she said to the man standing guard outside. "We need to deliver this baby now!" 

Jack felt his heart begin to speed up and struggled to sit up on the exam table. "No! It hasn't even been eight months..." 

"No, Jack, you were wrong," she said, returning to his side and hastily wiping the gel from him. "The fetus is about eight and a half months developed." She smiled with seemingly genuine happiness. "You're not dying. You're in labor." 

"That's not possible," he sputtered. "That would mean..." 

"You were pregnant before you got on the plane," she finished. 

"I was infertile..." 

"No, Jack, you weren't. I read your medical file. Your sperm count was too low even with treatment for you and your wife to conceive without IVF, but you never tested the viability of your ova." 

He felt a heavy numbness spread over him. "The baby isn't Sawyer's," he murmured, dazed. 

Juliet looked up from the equipment she was putting away, her smile faltering. She had forgotten to consider that fact - forgotten to ask if Jack had had unprotected sex with any man other than Sawyer. There hadn't been any reason before to suspect Sawyer wasn't the father. "I'm sorry." 

Jack nodded at the confirmation, blinking against his building tears, his face crumpling in a way that made Juliet's chest tighten in sympathy. She held her hand out to him tentatively. "We have to get you ready." 

He took her hand after a moment's hesitation, but instead of standing, he pulled her closer. "No one can know," he said softly. "Including Sawyer." 

She searched his eyes for a moment, finding only sadness and desperation. She nodded silently. 

"What will happen to the baby," he asked as she helped him stand. 

"I don't know," she said honestly. 

He closed his eyes tightly, letting her guide him slowly from the room. "If I don't make it...let my people bury me..." 

"Jack..." 

"Please," he begged tiredly. "At least promise me that much." 

She spared him a pained glance and tightened her grip around his waist. "I promise."


	23. Chapter 23

(Present) 

It was still dark when Jack woke up. He reached for Sawyer instinctively and frowned when he found only cool blankets. He only had a moment to process this discovery before the reason for his sudden awakening announced itself in the form of a loud whimper drifting from Christine's crib. Judging by the intensity of the sound, he guessed he had less than a minute before she graduated to full blown cries. He staggered to his feet and rushed to retrieve her, babbling apologies and soothing nonsense. 

He kept one eye on the door flap of the tent while she nursed, his mind straining to kick into gear. He knew someone would have come for him if something disastrous had happened to Sawyer. He *was* the only island doctor. But did that mean nothing had happened or nobody knew he was missing yet? 

Ten minutes later, Jack emerged from the tent, Christine still in his arms. The camp was eerily quiet, everyone either sleeping or out on the morning boar hunt. He found Claire walking along the beach, gazing contemplatively out at the ocean. She smiled as he approached. "Hey." 

He nodded in greeting, distracted. "Claire, have you seen Sawyer?" 

She frowned. "I thought he was with you." 

"He stepped outside for a few minutes...it's been at least an hour." 

"Maybe he went hunting with Desmond," she offered. 

Jack scoffed. "When has Sawyer ever volunteered to help hunt boar?" 

"A few days ago, actually," Claire answered. "He's been acting strange since he came back." She brushed off Jack's look of surprise as the baby squirmed and a tiny fist spilled from the folds of the blanket. She held her arms out. "Can I..." 

Jack shook himself from his daze and carefully transferred the baby into Claire's arms. "Yeah..." 

"She's beautiful," she admired, instinctively swaying to soothe the baby's fussing. "What's her name?" 

"Christine." 

Claire smiled. "That's a pretty name." 

"Are you feeling okay," Jack asked belatedly, kicking himself for not thinking of it earlier. 

"Yeah, I'm fine," Claire dismissed. "I feel great, actually. I just slept so much I feel like I can't sleep anymore. And now that Aaron's not waking up every three hours..." She squinted up at him. "Are *you* okay?" 

He frowned at the note of suspicion in her voice. "Yeah, I'm fine. A little sore, but that's to be expected." 

She snorted softly. "Trust me, 'a little sore' is going to feel like 'normal' from now on." 

A smile flitted across Jack's face. He hadn't spent much time with Claire since the crash in anything more than a doctor-patient capacity, but he got the impression that might change now that they had something in common. He scanned the quiet, peaceful camp again, his gaze drawn to the still jungle as his earlier concern resurfaced. Claire might not think it was strange that Sawyer had disappeared in the early morning hours, but it gave Jack an uneasy feeling. "Could you watch her while I try to find Sawyer?" 

Claire frowned and opened her mouth, ready to protest, then closed it again silently when she saw the desperation on Jack's face. She knew this particular look well and knew that it was unlikely anything she said would stop him from searching the jungle for Sawyer. She nodded. 

He gave her a brittle smile and squeezed her arm gratefully. "I just fed her, so she should be okay for a few hours." 

"Just...be careful, okay?" 

Jack nodded and gave one last lingering look at his daughter before turning and walking toward the jungle, his gait hampered by his slight limp. 

He was barely past the tree line when Juliet suddenly appeared behind him, her voice slightly breathless as she called his name. 

"I need to talk to you," she said urgently. 

He bit back the urge to scream. She had only spent a few days on this side of the island and she was already running to him with her problems like everyone else. "Can it wait?" 

"It's about Sun." 

He hesitated. "Is she okay?" 

Juliet swiped a loose strand of hair from her face, her eyes darting toward the jungle nervously, as if she expected to find her former "people" eavesdropping on her. "She's fine right now, but she's in danger." 

"What?" 

"Please, just..." she looked back over her shoulder at the vacant beach. "Come with me. I can explain everything." 

Jack debated with himself for a long minute before reluctantly following her back to a distant corner of the beach. 

*********** 

"...you're sure," Kate heard Jack saying as she marched up to where he and Juliet were deep in discussion. 

Juliet opened her mouth to reply, but hesitated when she saw Kate approaching. 

"I need to talk to you." 

Jack blinked up at Kate, surprised by her sudden urgency. "Okay..." 

"In private," she looked pointedly at Juliet. 

"No problem," Juliet said quickly, moving to stand. 

Jack halted her progress with a firm hand. "Anything you wanna say to me, you can say in front of her." 

Kate shook her head. "Not this." 

"It's okay," Juliet protested. 

"No," Jack argued. "You can stay." 

Kate finally snapped, exasperated. She was getting tired of playing these adolescent games, keeping track of who was in the loop and who wasn't at any given moment. "Yeah, you know what? You should stay. It seems only fair considering that she's the reason no one wants to tell you that there's a woman in Hurley's tent who parachuted onto the island yesterday." 

Jack's eyes practically bulged. "What?" 

"A woman," Kate repeated. "She jumped from her chopper before it crashed. She says that the boat she took off from is about eighty miles off the coast and that if she can find a way to contact it we'll all be rescued." 

Jack reeled. "Why didn't anyone tell me this?" 

"Nobody told you," Kate said like it should be obvious. "Because they don't trust you." 

Jack looked at Juliet for a long moment. Kate couldn't read either of their expressions. "How," he finally asked. 

"How what?" 

"How is she supposed to contact her boat?" 

Kate squatted in the sand in front of him. "Did you hear what I just said? Hurley, Charlie, Sayid...your *friends* are afraid to..." 

"Kate," he snapped, cutting her off. "How?" 

Kate brushed back some loose curls and sighed in frustration. "She had a phone/radio thing. Sayid's trying to get it to work." 

Jack looked to Juliet again and they seemed to share a silent agreement. 

"We should tell her," Juliet said. 

Kate's eyes widened. 

Jack shook his head, standing up. "No." 

"Tell me what?" 

Juliet grabbed his wrist. "We should tell her," she repeated. 

"Not yet." 

Kate watched, wide-eyed, as he walked away, wondering if maybe everyone else was right. Maybe he couldn't be trusted. 

********** 

"What happened to you," Sayid demanded as Sawyer appeared suddenly, looking traumatized. 

"I was with Locke," he muttered as if that explained everything. 

"And where is he?" 

"He went back." 

"Back where?" 

"With them. Don't ask me where the hell it is 'cause it don't matter right now. What does matter is this." He held out a small tape recorder. 

Sayid said nothing, but his expression demanded an explanation. 

"Locke took it from 'em." Sawyer's eyes panned over the camp. "Where's Jack?" 

"I have not seen him. I thought he was with you." Sayid nodded to the recorder, redirecting Sawyer's attention. "What is it?" 

Sawyer sighed. He didn't like keeping this particular piece of information from Jack, but maybe it was for the best. Who knew what sort of hold that blonde bitch had over him. Sawyer jerked his head toward a vacant spot further down the beach. "Not here." 

********** 

"So, what, the whole world thinks we're dead," Claire asked in disbelief. 

"That's not important right now," Sayid said gently. 

"What do you *mean* it's not important," Claire squawked. 

"Excuse me," the parachuter - Naomi - interrupted. "I'm sorry, don't you people want to be rescued?" 

"We kept her a secret to keep her safe," Sayid said, trying to direct the conversation back on track. 

"Safe from what," Kate asked. 

"Safe from Jack," Sayid looked pointedly at Sawyer. Sawyer shifted uncomfortably, looking at the ground. He hadn't wanted to believe that Jack could turn on them, but now...he didn't know what to think. Jack had been acting strangely ever since he had returned to their camp - like his time with the Others had changed him somehow. The last time that had happened to one of them two people had been killed, Ben had been freed and he, Jack and Kate had been practically delivered to the Others on a platter. He couldn't blind himself to the possibility that Jack had been turned. 

"He spent two weeks with the Others," Sayid reminded the group. "And he brought one of them back with him. Here. Amongst us. And every time we try to get answers from this woman he prevents her from giving them." 

"But it's Jack," Sun protested. "He would never do anything to hurt us. And Juliet...I believe she's a good person." 

"Good person, huh," Sawyer asked. "And you're basing that on what? Wouldn't involve her taking you to one of their medical stations, would it now, Mrs. Kwon?" 

Sun gaped at him, wide-eyed. "How..." 

He pressed play on the tape recorder Locke had given him and Juliet's voice drifted from the small speaker. "Kwon is pregnant. The fetus is healthy and was conceived on island with her husband. He was sterile before they got here." Sun seemed to stop breathing, barely registering her husband's plea for an explanation. "I'm still working on getting samples from the other women. I should have Austen's soon. I'll report back when I know more." 

Sawyer turned off the tape. 

"Where'd you get that," Jack demanded, appearing suddenly, Juliet at his side. 

"Where have you been, Jack," Sayid demanded. 

Jack didn't take his eyes off Sawyer, the accusation and betrayal blatant. "I asked you where you got it." 

Sawyer bristled. "You really think you're in a position to be askin' us questions?" 

"Turn the tape over," Juliet ordered. 

"Stay out of it," Sawyer snapped. 

She didn't back down. "You want to burn me at the stake, here I am. But first, turn the tape over and press play." 

Sawyer seethed quietly as he followed her instructions. 

"Juliet, it's Ben," the psychopath's voice announced. "I'm sending three teams to extract Kwon the night after tomorrow. You won't have time to run Austen's sample, so if you determine that she or anyone else is pregnant, mark their tents and we'll take them too. Good luck." 

Sawyer stopped the tape and looked up at Jack guiltily. 

Juliet turned to Sun, her voice breaking the stunned silence. "The night I saw your baby on the ultrasound I told Jack what they were making me do." 

"Why didn't you tell us," Sayid asked Jack softly. 

"Because I hadn't decided what to do about it yet," he replied. 

Sayid's eyebrows raised. "Yet?" 

Jack nodded and scanned the group of shocked faces. "I think we've got some catching up to do." 

*********** 

Sawyer followed Jack to his tent later, noting the stiffness of his shoulders warily. It was obvious he was upset and Sawyer fully expected to be the target of a lengthy rant. 'Let him,' he thought. 'It's not like we didn't have a reason to be suspicious.' 

"Where did you get the tape," Jack demanded once they were inside. 

"Does it matter?" 

"Who gave it to you," Jack snapped, his voice cracking slightly. 

"Locke," Sawyer fired back. "You satisfied?" 

A spark of angry betrayal lit in Jack's eyes. "Why didn't you come to me? Why would you hide it from me?" 

"You kiddin' me? You may be able to out-bluff me, Doc, but even I can tell you've been hidin' somethin' ever since you came back. Don't try to put that guilt trip on me." 

All of the wind seemed to go out of Jack's sails at once, but Sawyer wasn't finished. "And you're still hidin' something', ain't you? What the hell'd they do to you that's got you so scared, Doc?" 

Jack blinked rapidly in a vain effort to stave off a sudden flood of emotion. "Nothing," he choked. 

"You're lyin'," Sawyer barked. "What'd they do? Did they hurt you?" 

Jack took a step back, seeming to flinch under Sawyer's demanding glare. "No." 

Sawyer grabbed him, fingers digging into the back of his neck painfully, forcing Jack to look him in the eye. "Did they threaten you? The baby?" 

"No..." 

"What're you not tellin' me?!" 

Jack's hands went to his wrists, his eyes pleading. "Please...I can't..." 

"Quit lyin' to me!" 

“I’m not...” 

“Then tell me what the hell is goin’ on!” 

"She's not your daughter!" 

Sawyer froze, his anger suddenly eclipsed by stunned shock. "What?" 

A tear fell openly down Jack's cheek. "You're not Christine's father." 

Sawyer let go of him and stepped back, watching numbly as Jack sank to the ground, his breath hitching in tiny sobs. 

"I'm sorry," he babbled, curling in on himself protectively. "I'm sorry." 

Shock turned to confusion, which threatened to turn back into anger. "Who's is she?" 

"I don't know." 

"What d'ya mean you don't *know*?" Had Jack slept his way through half of the camp? 

"I didn't know his name! He was just some guy I met in a bar." 

Sawyer's face twisted in confusion. "You were pregnant before we got here?" 

Jack nodded shakily. 

"I thought you said that wasn't possible." 

"I was wrong. I didn't know..." 

Sawyer sighed and dropped to the ground beside Jack, taking his face between his hands. "All right, settle down," he muttered as he thumbed away Jack's tears. "Are you sure?" 

Jack nodded. "Juliet did an ultrasound. The baby wasn't conceived on the island. That's part of the reason I'm still alive. Whatever killed those women..." 

Sawyer shook his head. "Why the hell didn't you tell me?" 

"I couldn't...I was afraid to. When I saw you with her..." He shook his head, his face crumpling in anguish. "I *wanted* you to be her father. Not some guy I let fuck me in a bathroom stall at a gay bar." 

Sawyer clenched his jaw, torn between twin urges to kiss Jack and slap him senseless. Finally he just pulled Jack into his arms. 

Jack buried his face against Sawyer's neck. "I'm sorry...I shouldn't have..." 

"It's all right," Sawyer sighed. "I ain't mad at you." 

Christine’s frantic whimpers reached them seconds before Charlie entered the tent with her in his arms. 

The rocker hesitated as the two men separated, Jack wiping subtly at his cheeks. “I uh...think she’s hungry.” 

Sawyer stood and held his arms out for her as Jack instinctively fumbled to unbutton his shirt. “I’ll take ‘er.” 

Charlie ignored him. “You all right, Jack?” 

Jack nodded, not looking up. “I’m fine, Charlie.” 

“Hey.” Sawyer directed Charlie’s attention back to him, gesturing pointedly with his outstretched arms. 

“Right,” Charlie muttered, transferring Christine to his arms. He hesitated a moment longer, uncertain. Then he jerked his thumb toward the tent opening. “I’ll just...” But Sawyer had already turned his back to him dismissively. “...go.” 

“Thanks, Charlie,” Jack called absently as Charlie moved to duck out of the tent. Charlie waved a hand at him in acknowledgement and disappeared. 

Sawyer deposited Christine into Jack’s arms and watched as she latched on immediately and settled. “I have a daughter,” he blurted suddenly. “Back home...least her momma thinks she’s mine.” 

Jack looked up at him, startled. 

“Tried to pull one over on her and she went and got me arrested. Then she comes and tells me I got a kid.” He sighed. “Don’t matter. I ain’t ever seen her. Hell, for all I know she ain’t even real. Wouldn’t put it past that woman.” 

Jack just stared at him silently, his expression blank. 

“I didn’t believe her. Told her she was wrong...it wasn’t mine. Then...*this* happened.” He gestured vaguely at the infant in Jack’s arms. “I guess I got used to thinkin’ I was the one that got you pregnant.” 

“You’re here,” Jack said softly. “That makes you more of a father than her biological father will ever be.” He looked down as Christine finished nursing. “Could you grab the towel?” 

Sawyer reached for the scrap of cloth they used as a burp towel and handed it to Jack, watching quietly as he arranged it and propped Christine against his shoulder, gently patting and rubbing her back with one hand. 

“Where did you see Locke,” Jack asked suddenly. 

“Out in the jungle. Says he’s spyin’ on the Others.” 

Jack frowned. “Spying?” 

Sawyer waved dismissively, his brow furrowing. He wasn’t about to go into details about his time spent with Locke. Not if he didn’t have to. “It ain’t important now. How’re you plannin’ on stoppin’ ‘em?” 

If Jack noticed the brush off, he didn’t let on. He climbed unsteadily to his feet and carried Christine to her crib, tucking her in and waiting to make sure she was, in fact, falling asleep. “Tomorrow. I have something I need to show everyone and I want you to be there.” He turned to find Sawyer had moved to stand directly behind him. He gasped as Sawyer’s hands gripped his waist, pulling him against his firm body. 

“Promise you won’t do something stupid?” Sawyer prompted. 

Jack didn’t respond, his body tensing against Sawyer’s hold. Sawyer didn’t really notice the lack of answer though, as something else grabbed his attention. He cocked an eyebrow at Jack. “Are you hard?” 

“It’s a side-effect of the breast-feeding,” Jack muttered flatly. 

A slow grin melted onto Sawyer’s face. “Is it, now?” He tightened his grip and deliberately rolled his hips against Jack’s, delighting in the choked sound that erupted from him. His smile faltered, however, as Jack stiffened even further and tried to pull away. 

“Sawyer, we can’t.” 

Sawyer frowned. “What’re you...” He trailed off, his eyes closing with a heavy sigh. “You think I might get you pregnant again.” 

Jack was reasonably certain that he wasn’t capable of conceiving again so soon after giving birth, but if the island was really messing with their physiologies there was no telling what was possible anymore. “I can’t take that risk.” 

Sawyer rolled his eyes and leaned in to brush his lips against Jack’s jaw, his hands sliding around to his backside, pressing him close and preventing him from escaping. “I don’t gotta be inside you, y’know,” he murmured. 

Jack’s breath hitched. He remained frozen, torn between instincts to give in to the building desire or pull away before things went too far. “You’ve said that before.” 

“What,” Sawyer murmured, working his way to Jack’s ear and playfully dipping his tongue inside, making him gasp. “You don’t trust me?” 

Jack didn’t say anything, his posture remaining stiff. Sawyer stopped his attentions abruptly and pulled back, meeting Jack’s eyes. “If I’d wanted to kill you I’d use a gun, not my dick.” 

Jack’s eyes shifted nervously. “I know, but...” 

“Then relax.” Sawyer kept his eyes on Jack’s as his hands slowly slipped around to his front, gently undoing the remaining buttons on Jack’s shirt. 

Jack didn’t pull away, but he still didn’t relax either. His breath hitched as Sawyer’s hands slipped inside the material, palms smoothing across his stomach and around to his back, pressing his body closer. “Christine,” he tried weakly. 

“She’ll be fine,” Sawyer murmured, his voice dipping into a husky register that made Jack’s knees feel weak. He shivered helplessly and Sawyer smirked. He pulled back and nudged Jack deeper into the tent. “C’mon.” 

Jack spared one more look at the peacefully sleeping baby. Sawyer was right. She would be asleep for at least an hour. His resistance slowly crumbled and he let Sawyer guide him to the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still haven't ruled out the possibility of Christine's father being somebody we already know. People are always crossing each other's paths and lying to protect each other and their secrets on this show. The fact that he said he *didn't* know the father's name could always be significant. (whistles innocently)


	24. Chapter 24

Sawyer and the rest of the group Jack had herded up the hill to a clearing in the middle of nowhere to “explain everything” watched, baffled, as Rousseau touched two wires together. A tree several yards away exploded and collapsed in a cloud of dust, making them all jump and cringe back instinctively. 

When the dust cleared and everyone had calmed, Jack explained. “When Juliet told me they were coming the first thing I thought was ‘where the hell are we gonna hide this time’? Hiding’s pointless. They’re just gonna keep comin’ back. So I went out and I found some help.” He glanced at Rousseau. “For the past few days she’s been bringing dynamite back from the Black Rock. For the first time we know exactly what they want, when they’re coming to get it and they have no idea that we’re gonna be waiting for them. So Juliet’s gonna mark the tents with the white rocks just like she was told to, but there’s not gonna be any pregnant women inside. There’s gonna be plenty of what we just used on that tree. So tomorrow night, we stop hiding. We stop running. We stop living in fear of them. Because when they show up...we’re gonna blow ‘em to hell.” 

Sawyer sidled up to Jack as they made their way down the hill some time later, Rousseau leading the pack. “You sure this is gonna work?” 

“You have a better idea?” 

“No,” Sawyer admitted. “Just wonderin’ how you plan on keepin’ Chrissy safe while you’re playin’ Davy Crockett.” 

Jack sighed. “Sun will watch her.” 

“She gonna take care of her after they kill you?” 

Jack stepped in front of him, stopping their progress down the hill. The rest of the group kept walking, oblivious to their argument. “If we don’t stop them they’re going to keep coming after us. Me, you, Christine...I can’t just keep waiting for that to happen. I can’t keep looking over my shoulder and wondering when they’ll strike next.” 

Sawyer could plainly see the fear and desperation in Jack’s eyes. He realized suddenly just how much Jack needed his support. He was trying so hard to be the leader their group needed him to be, but the pressure of having everybody look to him for guidance in such an impossible situation was threatening to break him. If this plan didn’t work, Sawyer knew Jack would never be able to forgive himself. 

He sighed. “I know. Just don’t like the thought of you leadin’ the charge.” 

Jack’s eyes softened a little and he leaned in impulsively to kiss Sawyer. “If this works...there won’t be a charge.” 

******** 

Hurley was the first to spot Karl when he pulled up in a canoe further down their beach. Sawyer barely managed to stop Sayid before he beat the kid to a pulp. 

“It’s okay! He was in the cage next to me! I know this guy!” 

Sayid reluctantly backed off but continued to scowl at the newcomer, posture stiff, ready to subdue him again at a moment’s notice. 

“They’re coming,” Karl gasped. “My people...” 

Sawyer relaxed slightly. “Sorry you came all this way for nothing but we already know.” 

Karl’s eyes bulged. “Then why are you still here?” 

“’cause when your people show up here tomorrow night we’re gonna be ready for ‘em.” 

Karl blinked stupidly. “Tomorrow? No...no, they’re coming tonight!” 

******** 

Jack paced in front of Karl. His face a mask of anger and determination, but Sawyer could still see the fear in his eyes. “Is that everything?” 

“Yeah.” 

Jack turned to Kate. “Do you trust him?” 

“You don’t trust me,” Karl blurted. He pointed an accusing finger at Juliet. “What about her? She’s a spy! She’s supposed to mark the tents of the pregnant women with white rocks so they can take them!” 

“They know, Karl,” Juliet interrupted, a note of amusement in her voice. “But thanks.” 

“So what’re we gonna do,” Hurley demanded. 

“We have to leave now,” Sun offered. “Hide.” 

“Where? It’s their island. If they want to kill us, they’ll find us.” 

Sawyer sent a scowl in Bernard’s direction. The man was building an SOS sign just a couple months ago but suddenly he was a pessimist. 

Jack continued to pace restlessly. “Do we have enough wire yet,” he asked Rousseau, desperately trying to gather the threads of his quickly unraveling plan. 

“Not even close.” 

He clenched his jaw and turned to Sayid. “We have to figure out another way of setting that dynamite off.” 

“We could shoot,” Sayid offered calmly. 

“We don’t have enough guns. He said that ten of them are coming – armed.” 

“Not the others. The tents. We can camouflage the dynamite next to the tents. Target it from our positions at the tree line.” 

Jack debated for a moment. “Juliet marked three tents – that means we need three guns.” 

Karl pulled a pistol from his waistband and handed it to Sayid. “You can have mine too.” 

“I’ll be your third,” Rousseau volunteered. 

“We’ll take your gun, but you’re not staying here,” Jack argued. “You’re gonna lead everyone to the radio tower. If this doesn’t work we can’t risk losing the chance of getting in contact with Naomi’s boat, so everything has to happen at the same time.” He spun on Charlie. “You still up for a swim?” 

********** 

“You’d better get going,” Jack told Sayid a few hours later. “Rousseau says it’s about a day’s walk up to the radio tower.” 

“I’m not taking them to the tower, you are,” Sayid responded bluntly. 

“Excuse me?” Jack knew he should have expected this to happen but he had expected the argument to come from Sawyer. 

“You’re not staying behind.” 

“This was my idea,” Jack argued weakly. 

“And I am perfectly capable of executing it.” 

“I owe them!” 

“What are you more concerned with? Killing the Others? Or getting our people off this island?” 

Jack turned his back to Sayid and tamped down the urge to scream. He had been ready for Sayid – or anyone else for that matter – to use Christine in their arguments against him staying behind. But she was the main reason he wanted to stay. Until this threat was neutralized, she was not safe. And he wanted to make damned sure it was – he wouldn’t rest until then. But Sayid knew this. He had anticipated Jack’s argument and avoided it, presenting him with an entirely different reasoning – one he couldn’t argue against. 

“This afternoon you said you were our leader,” Sayid continued. “It’s time for you to act like one. Lead them to the radio tower, Jack. And then take us all home.” 

Sayid turned on his heel and walked away, leaving Jack standing in the clearing, feeling chastened. 

******* 

“You have everything you need,” Jack asked as the group prepared to leave. 

Sayid glanced at the gurgling baby in his arms as he said “no. But I made the best out of what we have.” 

Jack nodded and bit his lip, looking back at the other two shooters saying goodbye to their wives. “Bernard and Jin?” 

“They’re both excellent shots. And highly motivated. The dynamite’s in place. We won’t miss,” he assured. “Jack, no matter what happens here, I want you to keep moving. Keep moving for that radio tower. Don’t turn back for any reason. I’m willing to give my life if it means securing rescue, but I’m not giving it up for nothing.” His intense eyes locked with Jack’s. “You understand.” 

Jack nodded slowly, unconsciously clutching his daughter tighter. 

Sayid rested a gentle hand on Christine’s partially covered head, a sad look in his eyes. “Good luck.” 

Jack made a shaky attempt at a reassuring smile and failed miserably. “You too.” 

Sayid took one last wistful look at Christine before Jack slowly turned and walked away. 

******** 

Jack held his breath as the group paused their climb, listening to the explosions down on the beach. There were two loud explosions, followed by a series of muffled pops and then nothing. The silence that followed was excruciating. 

“There were supposed to be three explosions,” Rose said frantically. 

“Why were there only two explosions,” Sun added. 

“It didn’t work,” Kate gasped. 

Jack tore his eyes from the two clouds of smoke billowing into the night sky and glanced at Sawyer, standing nearby, the baby sleeping in his arms. Claire stood just behind him, Aaron dozing on her shoulder. “Maybe they didn’t have to blow the third tent,” he offered. It was a dim hope, but he couldn’t bring himself to even entertain the dismal alternative. 

“But those gunshots,” Rose persisted. 

“He’s okay, Rose.” 

“Do you believe that,” Sun demanded, her eyes wide with disbelief. 

“Listen, they had no idea that we were waiting for them,” Jack argued desperately. “And Sayid’s with your husbands. They’re gonna be fine and they’re gonna be a couple hours behind us.” 

“Then we should wait for them here,” Sun tried frantically. 

Jack cut her off. “No. No one gets left behind.” 

“If you say ‘live together, die alone’ to me Jack, I’m gonna punch you in your face,” Rose growled. 

A tiny bit of tension eased at that and Jack huffed out a laugh. “Fair enough. But we have a plan. And for all we know it worked. It’s gonna be okay – everything’s gonna be all right. Let’s just keep moving, okay?” 

Sawyer was pretty sure he wasn’t the only one who could hear the uncertainty in Jack’s voice. He edged closer to Jack as the group slowly started moving again. “You really believe all that?” he muttered quietly. 

“I have to,” Jack murmured back. 

Sawyer lay facing Jack that night after the group stopped to rest, Christine sleeping between them. He watched Jack twitch slightly, muttering nonsensically under his breath in uneasy sleep and carefully rested a hand on his arm.


	25. Chapter 25

Kate dropped down beside Sawyer as he filled his water bottle in the stream the next morning. “Jin, Bernard and Sayid should’ve caught up to us by now. I wanna go back to make sure they’re all right.” 

Sawyer held back a snort, knowing that would only provoke her. “Course you do.” 

“What’s the matter with you?” 

“Nothin’,” he muttered under his breath. 

“Nothing?” 

“I’m fine, Kate,” he snapped. 

She huffed and tossed her head lightly, flipping a couple stray locks of hair from her face. “Ever since you got that tape from Locke, it’s like you’ve been sleepwalking. If you don’t care about our friends, fine. But it’s like you don’t care about anything anymore. And since when did you start calling me Kate?” She didn’t wait for an answer, storming off back to the group. 

Sawyer followed slowly, his eyes catching Jack’s as someone he only vaguely recognized helped Jack situate Christine in a sling around his torso. If Kate had sensed something was different, why hadn’t Jack said anything? Surely he had noticed something was off. 

A couple hours – and miles – later he stopped walking and sighed heavily. Damned woman would be the death of him. 

“I’m goin’ back,” he called. 

Up ahead, Jack stopped and turned. “What?” 

“I’m goin’ back to the beach.” 

Jack shook his head. “No way. We keep movin’.” 

“I ain’t askin’ permission.” 

Jack saw the determination on his face and broke away from the group, walking back toward him. Sawyer met him halfway, lowering his voice nervously as Kate and Juliet stopped to see what was going on. 

“Look, you got a job to do here. I ain’t gonna stand in your way of doin’ it. You sure as hell don’t need me.” 

Jack shook his head, forehead creased with confusion and maybe a little worry. “No, Sawyer, I...” 

“I’m goin’ back,” Sawyer repeated firmly. “I just thought I’d give you a heads up.” 

Jack flailed. “What do you think you’re gonna get done? Alone and unarmed?” 

“He won’t be alone. I’ll go with him,” Kate volunteered quickly. 

“No,” Sawyer snapped. For a moment, he understood Jack’s continued, seemingly irrational need to keep her from harm. 

She bristled. “Twenty minutes ago you weren’t even interested in going and now all of a sudden you’re...” 

“I didn’t want to go with you,” he interrupted. She was bound to hate him for this, but if it kept her from running headlong into danger then so be it. 

“Sawyer,” Jack broke in, pulling his attention back. “It’s a suicide mission without guns.” His eyes pleaded with Sawyer to see reason. 

Juliet stepped forward. “I know where there are some guns,” she offered. “There’s a hidden cache a couple of miles from here. I can take us back to the beach in a route past it.” 

“You don’t have to do that,” Jack protested, silently cursing her for punching holes in his case – even though she did mean well. 

“Yeah, Jack, I kinda do.” 

Juliet and Sawyer shared an unspoken agreement. She knew he would go back one way or another, no matter how hard Jack fought him. And Sawyer knew that Jack wouldn’t let him go alone and unarmed. If Juliet wanted to help him out...well, Sawyer didn’t know why she would want to but that was her problem, not his. 

Sawyer nodded. “Let’s do this.” 

He started to leave, but Jack caught his wrist. Jack’s mouth opened and closed a couple times and he felt tears threaten to form. “Don’t do anything stupid,” he pleaded. 

A smirk tugged at the corner of Sawyer’s lips at the familiar words and he nodded. He kissed Jack, ignoring the women shifting uncomfortably nearby. “Take care of Chris,” he murmured. 

Jack nodded, blinking rapidly, and watched him walk away, Juliet trailing two steps behind. He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. Sawyer would be all right. He had to be. Jack let Kate’s hand on his elbow gently turn him, guiding him back to the group making it’s way up the hill. 

******* 

“So how far away are these guns,” Sawyer asked what he figured had to be at least a couple miles later. 

“There aren’t any guns.” 

He reached for Juliet’s arm, spinning her around. “What?” 

“I lied.” 

He glowered. “You lied.” 

“It was the only way he’d let us go back.” 

Sawyer hesitated. She was right. Jack would have fought him tooth and nail if she hadn’t stepped in. But even though he knew very little about Juliet it didn’t seem like her to just jump in and back his cause. She had to have a reason. “Why are you goin’ back?” 

“Karma,” she replied smoothly, cryptically. 

******** 

When they got closer to the top of the mountain, Jack handed Christine to Sun to carry and wove his way back to the head of the group. 

“Danielle.” Rousseau slowed only slightly to allow him to catch up. “How much further?” 

“About an hour.” 

“The radio tower - when was the last time you were there?” 

“The day I recorded the message.” 

Sixteen years. And yet Jack didn’t doubt she remembered exactly where the tower was. 

“I’ll take you to the tower,” she continued. “But I’m not leaving the island.” 

Jack gaped at her. “What?” 

“There’s no place for me back there,” she said perfectly lucidly. “This is my home now.” 

Jack didn’t have time to ponder her statement as they reached the top of the rise...only to find Ben leaning on a cane, calmly waiting for them. 

“Hello, Jack,” he called. “We need to talk.” 

****** 

“Have a seat,” Ben offered when they were several yards away, as if Jack were merely a house guest. 

Jack glared but complied, sitting on a log. Ben sat a few feet away. 

“Not so long ago, Jack, I made a decision that took the lives of over forty people in a single day. I’m telling you this because history is about to repeat itself.” 

Jack scoffed. He no longer had any reason to believe a word Ben said, not that he ever really did. The man had cried wolf one too many times. “Let me guess – you’ve got us surrounded and if I don’t do what you say you’re gonna kill all my people.” 

“No, Jack,” Ben said patiently. “You are.” 

Jack laughed at the absurdity of the suggestion. “And how am I gonna do that, Ben?” 

“The woman you’re travelling with. The one who parachuted onto the island from a helicopter? She’s not who she says she is.” 

The intensity and conviction of his words might have given Jack pause, had it come from anyone other than Ben. “She’s not, huh,” he said. 

“No, she’s not.” 

“Then who is she?” 

“She’s a representative of some people who have been trying to find this island, Jack.” He paused. “She’s one of the bad guys.” 

“Oh,” Jack snit. “I almost forgot. You’re the good guys.” 

“Jack, listen to me,” Ben pleaded, a note of desperation entering his voice. “If you phone her boat every single living person on this island will be killed. Including your daughter.” 

Jack fell silent. Either Ben was a better actor than he remembered or he really believed what he was saying. Neither option sat well with him. 

“So here’s what has to happen,” Ben continued. “Get that device – the phone she carries with her – and give it to me. I will turn around. I’ll go back to my people. You will turn around, go back to your people.” It was at that moment, seeing the expression settling on Jack’s face, that Ben realized Jack would never cooperate. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” 

Ben stood silently. “May I have my walkie back? There’s something you need to hear.” 

******** 

A collective gasp came from the group as Jack returned several minutes later, dragging a beaten, bloodied Ben with him, tossing him to the ground in the middle of the clearing. “Tie him up,” he ordered, his voice unsteady, his face twisted in pained rage. “He’s comin’ with us.” 

Kate followed him as he staggered out of sight of the rest of the group and collapsed to his knees in the grass, digging his water bottle from his pack with shaking hands. 

“What happened,” she demanded. “What’d he say?” 

“It’s not important right now.” 

She caught sight of the bloody scrapes and cuts on his hand and dropped to her knees beside him. “Jack,” she breathed. “Your knuckles...” She pulled a cloth from her pack and grabbed his hand, gently wiping away the blood. Her eyes flitted to his face as she tended to the damage. It was obvious he was struggling to keep his composure. She could feel the slight tremors in his hand, hear the sob he strained to hold in as he took deep breaths to calm himself. “What happened?” 

Jack stared at the ground, unable to meet her shocked gaze as he muttered “he killed them. Bernard...Jin, Sayid...all three of them. He...he radioed the beach...and I let it happen. I had to let it happen. We can’t tell Rose or Sun. Not yet.” He pulled his hand free of her slackened grip, still refusing to look at her, as if seeing the distraught look on her face would shatter his tenuous composure. “We’ve gotta keep moving. I promised Sayid that we would keep moving.” 

Kate didn’t move, frozen in shock. “So why did you bring him back? Why didn’t you just kill him?” 

Jack got a distant, cold look in his eyes. “Because I want him to see it,” he said numbly. “I want him to experience the moment that we get off this island and I want him to know...” His voice warbled and he sniffed, swallowing heavily. “That he failed.” He finally looked at her, determination in his eyes. “And then I’ll kill him.” 

******** 

Sawyer and Juliet crouched in the bushes on the edge of the camp, watching Tom and some guy Sawyer didn’t recognize argue about whether they should have killed Bernard, Jin and Sayid instead of just shooting bullets into the sand. A third man stood over the three prisoners, wielding a pistol menacingly. 

“All they got left is three guys and four guns,” he muttered. 

“And all we’ve got, James, is two people and no guns,” she fired back. 

He mentally rolled his eyes. “So we’ll wait ‘til night.” 

“Night isn’t gonna change the fact that we’re unarmed. If you want to kill yourself, that’s fine, but before you go...” 

“Shh!” Sawyer looked back toward the jungle, where he could have sworn he’d heard something that sounded strangely mechanical. “You hear that?” 

He and Juliet barely dove out of the way before the van Hurley had been so determined to fix came barreling through the bushes, the big man himself at the wheel. 

Hurley gunned the engine and burst into the clearing, knocking down a tent and plowing right over one of the remaining Others. 

Sawyer grabbed a broken piece of wood and crouched behind the van as it came to a halt, ordering Hurley to stay inside. He grabbed the dead man’s dropped gun and sprang into the open, aiming at the man holding their guys hostage. He didn’t get a chance to shoot, however, as Sayid used the distraction to knock the guy off his feet and break his neck – all with his hands tied behind his back. Sawyer made a quick mental note never to piss the Iraqi off again and turned to Tom, who was attempting to crawl toward his discarded weapon. Juliet got to it first and held it steady on him. 

He turned to look at Sawyer closing in behind him and plopped down in the sand, holding up his hands in a gesture of surrender. “Okay. I give up.” 

Sawyer raised his gun and shot Tom in the chest without a second thought. Tom slumped, wide-eyed, to the sand. 

“Dude,” Hurley murmured, coming up behind Sawyer. “It was over. He surrendered.” 

“I didn’t believe him,” Sawyer grit. 

********** 

“Attention Others,” Hurley’s voice crackled over the walkie talkie in Jack’s pocket. “Come in Others. If you’re listening to this I want you to know that we got you bastards. Unless the rest of you want to be blown up, it’s best if you stay away from our beach.” 

Hurley was surprised when Jack’s confused voice answered. “Hurley? Where are you? What’s going on?” 

“Dude, I’m back at the beach.” 

“What?” 

“Yeah, I went back to help Juliet and Sawyer, I...I saved ‘em.” 

“You’re...” Jack swallowed thickly. “They’re okay...” 

“Everyone’s fine. Me, Sawyer, Juliet, Sayid...Jin, Bernard. We’re all...” 

“Wait.” Jack’s hand shook. “Bernard and Jin and Sayid, they’re with you?” 

“Yeah, dude, I told you, I saved them all.” 

Jack sagged with relief as the crowd behind him began cheering, laughing and hugging. He turned to see Rose and Sun, hugging each other, nearly in tears, and for the first time possibly since the crash he felt a genuine smile spread across his face. “Hey, stay where you are. We’re almost up to the tower. You’ll be safer there.” 

“I gotcha. We’ll stay put until you, like, you know, phone home.” 

Claire appeared beside Jack, her hand joining his on the walkie, pulling it to her. “What about Charlie? Did he make it back yet?” 

“Not yet, but they’re probably paddling home as we speak. Don’t worry, I’m sure he’s fine.” 

******* 

The group watched anxiously as Naomi paced back and forth, trying to find a clear signal. 

“Jack,” Ben called frantically. “I know you think you’re saving your people, but you need to stop this! It’s a mistake!” 

“The mistake was listening to you,” Jack sneered. 

“This will be your last chance, Jack! I’m telling you, making that call is the beginning of the end.” 

“I’ve got it,” Naomi yelped. “I’ve got a signal!” 

“Jack, please, you don’t know what you’re doing!” 

Jack stepped closer to him as Naomi began to dial. “I know exactly what I’m doing.” Naomi grunted suddenly and several members of the group gasped. Jack turned in time to see blood spill from her mouth a second before she pitched forward into the grass, a knife embedded in her back. 

Jack felt rage bubble up within him again as he spotted Locke several feet away, bent over double, his eyes fixed on Naomi’s fallen body. “John,” he screamed, rushing toward Naomi to check her pulse, even though it was fairly obvious he wouldn’t find one. He stood and slowly faced his on-again off-again enemy, who now brandished a pistol. “What did you do,” he demanded, his voice low, murderous. 

“What I had to,” John replied calmly. “Now step back.” He waved the gun pointedly and Jack reluctantly began to take a step away from Naomi. He froze as the SAT phone began to ring. “Stay away from the phone,” Locke warned. 

Jack glared at him for a moment before deciding he was bluffing. He dove for the phone, not even hesitating as the ground inches from it exploded from the force of a bullet. He straightened and faced Locke. “What are you doing, John?” 

“I don’t wanna shoot you,” Locke pleaded. 

“Do it, John, shoot him,” Ben shouted. His voice dissolved into a wet gurgle as Rousseau elbowed him in the face and he lost consciousness. 

“Please,” Locke begged. “Put the phone down.” 

Jack shook his head. “No. You’re done keeping me on this island.” 

Locke’s eyes narrowed and he cocked the pistol. Several gasps rose from the group. “I will kill you if I have to,” he threatened. 

Jack took a step toward him. “Then do it, John.” 

“Jack,” Kate pleaded. 

Jack ignored her. Locke wouldn’t shoot him. He was crazy, but he wasn’t a killer. Jack locked eyes with him, daring him to prove otherwise. 

Locke seemed to debate with himself for a few moments more before slowly lowering the weapon. “Jack...you’re not supposed to do this.” 

Jack’s brow furrowed, but before he could think about what the hell that could mean the phone burst to life in his hand. 

“Minkowski,” a voice answered. “Hello?” 

Jack stared at Locke as he raised the phone to his ear. Still, he didn’t register the movement until it was too late. Several castaways screamed as Locke suddenly raised the gun again and fired. 

Jack gasped as the phone shattered in his hand. He barely registered the blood dripping from his hand and face, drawn by the exploding shards of plastic as the ruined remains of the phone fell to the ground. He barely registered the enraged scream that spilled from his lips as he charged at Locke, mindless of everything but the overwhelming urge to break his neck. 

Locke took a step back, his finger squeezing the trigger instinctively, the shot eliciting several more screams from the group.


	26. Chapter 26

Sawyer was just finishing his victory beer when a shout came from down the beach. He stiffened and reached for his newly acquired – or maybe reaquired – gun as he saw Desmond run toward them. 

Hurley got to him first. “Dude, what’s going on? Where’s Charlie?” 

“It’s not Penny’s boat,” Desmond blurted, breathless from his mad sprint back to camp. 

Sawyer frowned. “Who the hell’s Penny?” 

Hurley seemed to understand. “Are you sure?” 

Desmond nodded. 

The walkie burst to life again before Sawyer could demand to know what the hell they were talking about. 

“Hurley are you there,” Kate barked urgently. 

Hurley startled and picked up the walkie again. “Yeah, Kate. Did you contact the boat already?” 

“No, we...we can’t. We’re going to have to use the radio tower...” 

Desmond snatched the walkie from Hurley’s hand. “Kate, don’t signal the boat yet. They may not be here to rescue us.” 

“What? What are you talking about?” 

“Naomi said she was working for Penelope Widmore. She lied. Just...trust me. Don’t contact the boat.” 

Kate’s sigh was strained. “All right, fine. That’s not important right now. Jack’s injured. He can walk, but I’m not sure how far. We need a stretcher.” 

Sawyer stiffened. Juliet seemed to suddenly appear beside him, her hand on his arm the only thing keeping him from thoughtlessly taking off in the direction of the radio tower. 

Hurley frowned. “What do you mean injured?” 

“He was shot. We got the bullet out and stitched him up and he says it didn’t hit anything major but he lost a lot of blood...” 

Juliet held out her hand. “Let me talk to her,” she said urgently. Hurley handed her the walkie easily. “Kate, is he disoriented at all?” 

“I don’t think so.” 

“Is he pale and sweating?” 

“Well yeah...and he’s tired, but...” 

“Don’t move him.” She cursed under her breath and rubbed at her forehead. “He lost a lot of blood in the delivery and he hasn’t had enough time to fully recuperate. We’ll bring the stretcher to you and take him to the medical station. We’ll probably need to do a transfusion.” 

“Dude, we’ve been through this before,” Hurley interrupted. “Nobody knows their blood type.” 

Kate heard him. “But Jack’s is universal, right? That’s how he was able to...” 

“No,” Juliet blurted. “A universal donor is not the same as a universal recipient. If you give him anything other than his blood type it’ll kill him.” 

Sawyer clenched his jaw so hard it began to ache. 

“You people seem to know so much about us, I suppose you know who has his bloodtype,” Kate sneered. 

Juliet closed her eyes and nodded. “Yes. I know of a couple.” 

Sawyer’s patience finally ran out. “What the hell’re we standin’ around here yappin’ for? Where’s that stretcher?” 

******* 

The van took them most of the way back up the mountain. It was the last couple miles of walking that made Sawyer want to crawl right out of his skin. 

The sound of a baby crying was the first thing to greet them, followed closely by the smell of blood. Sawyer spared a glance at his daughter, whose cries of distress Claire was attempting to soothe. She was obviously unhurt, though, and with that assurance he moved past her to kneel beside Jack. Kate already knelt opposite him, clutching Jack’s hand like a lifeline and seemingly seconds from crying. 

“Jesus.” There hadn’t been that much blood after he’d been shot, had there? He leaned closer and patted Jack’s cheek roughly. “Doc, you with me?” 

Pained, too bright eyes fluttered open and strained to focus on Sawyer. “Chrissy...” 

Sawyer glanced back at the group, suddenly realizing that Christine’s cries had died down, and saw Claire nursing her, her small face concealed by a loosely draped blanket. “She’s fine.” He returned his attention to Jack, whose eyes were falling shut again. “Hey, don’t go checking out on me.” 

Jack groaned softly and forced the threatening darkness aside. 

Juliet finished giving instructions to Sayid and Rousseau and knelt behind Jack’s head. “Jack, we’re going to put you on a stretcher. Just stay still and let us move you.” 

Jack nodded. Kate reluctantly let go of his hand and stood to retrieve the stretcher as Juliet carefully rearranged his arms on top of his chest. Sawyer was momentarily distracted as Claire let out a wail. He looked up to find Desmond and Hurley trying to console her, the big guy fighting back tears of his own. 

“James!” 

Sawyer’s attention snapped back to Juliet. 

“I need you to focus,” Juliet continued calmly. “I need you to carefully slide your arms under his shoulders but don’t lift until I tell you.” 

Sawyer slipped his arms beneath Jack’s upper body as instructed, being careful to avoid the bloodied shoulder and ignoring the pained noises the movement drew from the doctor. “Easy darlin’,” he muttered in Jack’s ear. “Just let us do the drivin’.” 

Sayid and Rousseau took their places behind him, getting into position to lift Jack’s lower back and legs and guide the stretcher beneath him. Juliet supported his head and neck and nodded at Kate. 

“Okay, on three,” she ordered. “One, two, three...” 

A soft, pained cry erupted from Jack as the group lifted him a few inches from the ground, his arms instinctively moving against Sawyer’s chest where they were securely pinned. Kate shoved the stretcher under him, Sayid helping her position it quickly. Sawyer’s breath caught as Jack suddenly stopped moving and went limp in his arms. 

“Okay, down. Slowly,” Juliet ordered and they eased him onto the stretcher. 

“What happened,” Sawyer demanded. 

Juliet – fingers already pressed to Jack’s throat – shook her head. “It’s okay. He just passed out. We have to get him to the hatch.” She stood, an air of urgency about her. 

“I’m coming with you,” Kate announced. 

“No,” Juliet said firmly. “You need to get all of these people back to your camp. They should be safe there for now.” 

Kate’s eyes flashed. “I’m not just leaving him.” 

“Kate,” Juliet snapped. “They need you right now. I’ve spent enough time with your people to know that if Jack’s gone they will look to you.” She took a steadying breath. “Take the walkie. I’ll contact you when we know more.” 

Sayid stood and put a hand on her shoulder. “She is right, Kate,” he said gently. 

Juliet turned her attention back on getting Jack to the medical hatch.   
“Hurley, you and Sawyer take the stretcher.” 

Sawyer didn’t even think to protest Hurley’s inclusion in the mission, or Juliet’s authority over the situation. He just moved to grab the head of the stretcher. 

“Take Sun with you,” Kate piped up. “She helped Jack when Boone was...” The word “dying” crossed her mind, but she couldn’t bring herself to say it out loud. 

Juliet nodded and made a bee-line for the group as Sawyer and Hurley started moving back the way they had come. “Claire, you need to come with us.” 

Claire looked up, dazed, streaks of tears staining her cheeks. 

Kate was close on Juliet’s heels. “Wait, why do you need her?” 

“Because I am only certain of the blood types of six people on this island,” Juliet explained impatiently. “Her blood is a match if and when we need to do a transfusion.” 

Kate’s eyes narrowed, her voice dropping to a near growl. “You said she had a virus in her bloodstream.” 

Juliet’s eyes darted to Ben, who was just beginning to regain consciousness. “I lied. I’m sorry. I didn’t have a choice.” 

“How do we know you’re not lying now?” 

Juliet fixed Kate’s firey eyes with her own. “Because I don’t want Jack to die any more than you do.” 

Claire looked down at Christine, who squirmed restlessly in her arms, whimpering, and nodded slowly. “All right.” 

Juliet nodded, relieved, and looked behind Claire to Sun, bouncing Aaron anxiously in her arms. “Let’s go.”


	27. Chapter 27

“That bug-eyed bastard do this?” Sawyer demanded as the van bumped along slowly. He wanted to yell at Hurley to drive faster but Juliet had already warned them against jostling Jack’s wound too much. 

“Locke shot him,” Sun replied simply. 

Sawyer stiffened and immediately forced himself to relax as Christine stirred in his arms and made distressed noises. “Son of a bitch,” he growled. 

“I do not think he meant to hurt Jack,” Sun said cautiously. “He said he didn’t want to shoot him. I think it was a mistake.” 

“A *mistake*?!” 

“I am not saying what he did was not wrong. I think he only meant to frighten Jack.” 

Sawyer snorted but fell silent for a minute, looking down at Jack, laid out on the floor in front of them, then at Christine. “If he dies...” 

Juliet reached back from the front passenger seat to put a hand on his arm. “He won’t,” she said firmly. 

“Are you sure my blood will match,” Claire asked, startling everyone. She had been silent and listless since they had departed from the rest of the group. 

Juliet smiled softly. “I’m positive. You’re type O negative – the same as your father.” 

Claire stiffened. “What do you know about my father?” 

Juliet hesitated, realization flashing in her eyes. “You don’t know.” 

“Know what?” 

Juliet sighed. “How much do you know about your father, Claire?” 

Claire frowned. “I know he’s a doctor. I know he has a family...that my mother was the other woman. I didn’t want to know more.” 

“Yes, Claire, he had another family. He had a wife and a son. They didn’t know about you – they didn’t know that he sent money to your mother and flew out to Australia to see you.” 

Claire’s eyes narrowed. “How do you know all of this?” 

“The same way I know that he died about nine months ago,” Juliet said gently. “He had a heart attack, Claire.” 

Claire brushed a flyaway strand of hair back and sniffled softly as the information slowly sank in. “I didn’t even know his name.” 

Juliet smiled kindly. “His name was Christian. Christian Shephard.” 

Sawyer’s head shot up. “You sayin’ she’s Jack’s sister?” 

Juliet nodded. “Half sister, yes.” 

Claire gaped at Juliet in shock. 

“Dude,” Hurley muttered, mostly to himself. “No way.” 

“I’m sorry, Claire. I thought you knew.” 

Claire looked at the baby curled in Sawyer’s arms and then at Jack. “He said he had a family,” she repeated, dazed. 

Juliet turned to look through the windshield and pointed. “That’s it, right up there,” she murmured to Hurley. 

“You sure about this,” Sawyer asked dumbly. He had only met Christian once and briefly at that, but the old man had only talked about his son. He hadn’t mentioned another child. ‘Why did he say he was in Australia? Personal business?’ 

Juliet’s eyes met his. “Yes. Claire is the best match. But Claire can only give him so much of her blood safely. If it’s not enough, I am also a type match.” The van stopped and she threw open the door. “We’re here.” 

******* 

The first thing Jack noticed when he regained consciousness was the distinct lack of jungle noises, beeping alarms or the creaking and groaning of a structure surrounded by water. He frowned when he realized he couldn’t hear anything else; no heart monitors, no voices, nothing. He struggled to open his eyes. Something moved beside him and a hand touched his shoulder. 

“Jack,” a familiar voice called hopefully. 

He tried to reply, but all that came out was a breathy, indistinct noise. 

There was a sudden movement and the voice muttered “hang on, I’ll get you some water.” A second later a hand lifted his head carefully and a glass was pressed to his lips. He took a couple of greedy swallows and coughed. 

“Claire?” He fought to open his eyes. They felt like lead weights. 

His head was carefully lowered and the hand brushed over his cheek fleetingly. “Yeah, I’m here. You’re all right.” 

His eyes opened barely a slit and he flinched as light poured in, making them sting and water instantly. But he saw enough to recognize the bedroom he had spent a week recovering from childbirth in. 

“We’re still on the island,” he noted dejectedly. 

“Kate and Sayid are working on getting us rescued. Don’t worry about that.” 

He frowned slightly as she continued touching him absently, checking for fever and assuring herself that he was really going to be okay now. 

She caught his confusion and retreated suddenly. “I should get Sawyer,” she babbled, already halfway to the door. 

He blinked at the ceiling a few times – fighting back the lingering grogginess and taking stock of his condition. A sharp throbbing radiated from his shoulder. His arm was bandaged to his torso crudely to keep him from moving it too much. He was also pretty sure he could feel the beginnings of a pressure sore forming on his back. He tried to tentatively shift his weight and hissed, eyes slamming shut as the pain in his shoulder increased. He didn’t notice anyone entering the room until he felt a familiar hand on his cheek. He opened his eyes and Sawyer’s smiling face swam into view above him. 

“Welcome back,” he said softly. His smile faded as he read the pain lining Jack’s face. “What’s wrong?” 

“Help me...turn over,” Jack gasped, gesturing weakly. 

Sawyer muttered something under his breath and moved to Jack’s injured side, sliding his arms beneath his back and coaxing him into a sitting position. Jack slung his good arm around Sawyer’s back and moaned as the world rotated nauseatingly. 

Sawyer hesitated. “Dizzy?” 

Jack started to nod, but thought better of it. “Yeah,” he muttered. 

Sawyer pressed Jack’s head to his shoulder. “Close your eyes.” 

Jack did so gratefully and breathed deeply. “How long was I out,” he asked, hoping to distract himself from the nausea. 

“Barely a day. You shouldn’t be up yet.” 

Jack made an absent noise of acknowledgement, clenching his fingers in Sawyer’s shirt spasmodically and sighing as Sawyer’s own cool fingers massaged the back of his neck. 

They sat like that for a few silent minutes before Sawyer spoke again. “Don’t go fallin’ asleep on me now. I ain’t gonna sit like this all day.” 

Jack made a small grunting noise. “Then help me down.” 

With a fluid ease that almost rivaled some of the nurses Jack had worked with, Sawyer managed to shift around behind him, shunt him toward one side of the bed, and carefully lower him on his right side. He took care to avoid jostling the injured shoulder, but that didn’t stop the bolt of fire from shooting through it anyway, making Jack suck in a pained breath and close his eyes tightly. 

Sawyer was back in front of him, crouching so his face was level with Jack’s. “Bad?” 

Jack grunted. Of course the pain was bad. But he could handle it. His eyes flew open as Sawyer moved away, but before he could rally enough energy to complain vocally the Southerner was back, a needle and bottle of some sort of painkiller in his hands. 

“I’m fine,” Jack forced out between breaths. 

“Sure y’are,” Sawyer retorted, filling the syringe. “Ice Queen’s been givin’ me lessons. Got some pretty ugly bruises from lettin’ me practice on her. She said this stuff’s pretty mild, so you can keep nursin’ Chrissy soon’s you’re up to it.” He put the bottle down and started feeling for a vein in Jack’s good arm. Jack summoned the energy to make a fist and winced as Sawyer jabbed the needle into his skin clumsily. 

“Sorry,” Sawyer muttered, depressing the plunger and pulling the needle out quickly, tossing it on the nearby table. 

Jack closed his eyes and tried to relax, sighing as Sawyer massaged his arm soothingly. 

“You wanna explain to me how I walked into a firefight unarmed and *you’re* the one that got shot?” 

Jack huffed tiredly. “Just lucky, I guess,” he mumbled. 

Sawyer squeezed his hand. “Yeah, well, you scared the hell outta me. Don’t you go doin’ somethin’ like that again. Y’hear me?” 

Jack grunted softly and smiled, already feeling the numbing pull of the drug. Before he slipped under, he felt Sawyer’s lips brush his. 

“I’m gonna get you off this island, Doc. You and Chrissy.”


	28. Chapter 28

Claire sat on the edge of the bed, nervously fingering the edges of a photograph Jack couldn’t see. 

“Is something wrong,” he asked uncertainly. 

“No,” she answered quickly. “I mean...I ah...I just found out my father died.” 

Jack winced. Sawyer had already told him about Charlie. 

“I barely knew him,” she continued before he could offer sympathy. “My mother told me he died when I was two.” She took a deep breath and finally looked up at Jack. “There was an accident when I was nineteen and my mum went into a coma. That’s when I met him. He just...showed up and took care of her medical bills. He was a doctor and he said she would never wake up.” Her voice cracked. “I was so angry I told him I never wanted to see him again.” 

Claire looked at the picture in her hand. “I never knew my dad’s name, but I remember his face.” She handed the photo to Jack. 

Part of Jack knew instinctively before he even looked down whose face would be in the photo but he still felt his breath catch in his chest when he saw his father’s blue eyes staring back at him from his familiar hospital ID photo. 

“Juliet found that in your file. I didn’t know...” 

He shook his head, blinking back building tears. “He would disappear...for days at a time. I thought he might be having an affair, but...” 

“The affair was over years ago,” Claire rushed to say. “He said he visited me but I don’t remember. Mum told me he would sing me to sleep. Always the same song...” 

“’Catch a Falling Star’,” Jack murmured absently. “Yeah...me too.” 

Claire placed a tentative hand on his knee. “Can I ask...how he died?” 

Jack shook his head and wiped away a stray tear. “He uh...he was an alcoholic. He drank way too much and had a heart attack. He...his body was on the plane. I was taking him back to bury him.” 

Claire’s eyes widened. “He was in Australia?” 

“He was there for a week. I thought maybe he was having an affair but I guess he was visiting you.” 

She shook her head. “I didn’t even know he was...” Realization came over her. “Aunt Lindsey. Of course. She didn’t tell me.” She blinked back her own slowly forming tears. “But why now? He didn’t know I was pregnant. Why would he want to see me?” 

“Because I betrayed him,” Jack blurted, tossing the photo toward the nearest flat surface. “I accused him of sleeping with my ex-wife and I got him fired. Obviously he gave up on ever having a normal relationship with me and thought he could start over with you.” 

Clare gaped, stunned. 

“That ain’t true and you know it,” a voice said suddenly from the doorway. 

Claire’s eyes snapped, startled, to Sawyer leaning against the doorframe. A tear spilled down her cheek and she quickly brushed it away. “Where are the children?” 

“They’re asleep,” Sawyer assured, walking into the room. 

“How long have you been listening?” 

“Long enough.” He perched on the other side of the bed and took Jack’s face firmly in his hands. “Your daddy was proud o’ you. He said hisself you did the right thing, gettin’ him fired.” 

“You met our father,” Claire asked dizzily. 

Sawyer nodded, barely glancing at her from the corner of his eye. 

Jack didn’t notice, too absorbed in his renewed grief. “I killed him.” 

Sawyer sighed and drew Jack into his arms. 

“No, Doc, I killed him. I bought him that last drink. You gotta blame somebody, blame me.” 

“He had a lot more than one drink,” Jack mumbled into Sawyer’s neck. 

“Because he fucked up and he knew it. It ain’t your fault. He loved you. He loved both a you.” He glanced at Claire. Christian hadn’t said anything about a daughter, but he figured the fact that he traveled all the way to Australia to see her had to count for something. 

Jack huffed. “You know he never actually said those words to me? I had to hear it from you.” 

Sawyer held back a groan. “That don’t mean he didn’t mean ‘em.” He looked over at Claire, who had grown quiet suddenly. “You all right there, sweetheart?” 

She started and blew out a breath. “Yeah, I’m fine.” She reached out a hand tentatively, resting it on Jack’s good arm. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have...” 

Jack pried himself from Sawyer. “No. You didn’t do anything.” He laughed hollowly and wiped some moisture from his cheek. “I just wish he hadn’t kept so many secrets from me. I’m finding out more about him now than I did when he was alive.” 

Claire made a small noise that sounded like a snort. “You knew him better than I did.” 

A loud cry from the makeshift nursery interrupted them. 

Sawyer groaned and muttered a curse under his breath. “Just got them settled...” 

“I’ve got it,” Claire said quickly, leaping from the bed and darting from the room. 

Sawyer took in Jack’s dazed expression and squeezed his elbow gently. “You okay, there?” 

“I have a sister,” Jack mumbled. On a clinical level he knew he had gotten over his initial anger and had moved on to a sort of shocked numbness. He had always known his parents’ relationship was rocky at best. Knowing Christian had cheated on his mother wasn’t all that surprising, really...though every conversation they’d ever had regarding Jack’s own collapsing marriage suddenly took on a whole new meaning. But to have living proof of it twenty years later – long after the affair was over... 

Sawyer squeezed again, the gesture somehow comforting. “Give it some time.” 

Claire came back in the room, cooing to the unhappy baby in her arms. “It’s all right, sweetie, Daddy’s here...” 

Jack instinctively tried to hold his arms out, wincing slightly in discomfort as the left one was pulled short by the bandage and throbbed warningly. 

Claire carefully deposited Christine into his arms, where she immediately began making sucking motions. 

Sawyer, recognizing the blatant signal, reached to help Jack unbutton his shirt. “Yours still sleepin’,” he asked. 

“Aaron was born on this island,” Claire said with a small laugh. “He can sleep through anything.” She watched Christine settle contentedly once she was nursing. “Do you suppose the Dharma Initiative had breast pumps?” 

Sawyer snorted. “Wouldn’t doubt it. Ask Nurse Ratched.” 

Jack just stared at Claire, barely hearing their conversation, his mind spinning. “Where is your mother now?” 

Claire’s face fell. “She’s still in a coma.” 

Jack nodded and shifted his hold on his daughter carefully, holding back a wince. 

“I mean...I guess she is. I haven’t seen her in a year...” 

“So why were you going to Los Angeles?” 

Claire faltered and visibly steeled herself. “I...*was* going to give Aaron up for adoption. But now...” 

Jack pieced this information with the fragments he’d heard her say before and decided she probably hadn’t had any ulterior motive in this. It was all just some sort of crazy coincidence that they were on the same flight that crashed on the same island. “So what now?” 

Claire reeled, thrown by the abrupt shifts in the conversation. “I don’t know. I mean, I just found out my dad’s dead and our resident doctor is the brother I never met. I don’t know what to do with that but seeing as I just lost Charlie to this crazy island I figured I could use a big brother right about now.” 

Sawyer reached for her instinctively, rubbing her back consolingly, mentally cursing Christian for leaving such a mess of a legacy. 

Jack faltered. “I’m sorry, Claire, I just...I had no idea my father had a daughter. I need time to adjust...” 

Claire took a deep, trembling breath and blinked rapidly. “Yeah. I know. I understand.” She had needed time to adjust to the knowledge too, hadn’t she? “I’m sorry. There’s just so many secrets on this island and I don’t want this to be another one.” 

“Hey...” Sawyer pulled her into a hug. *He* sure as hell didn’t need any more time to accept her new role in Jack’s life. “Don’t worry, he’ll come around,” he whispered in her ear. 

She nodded, sniffing lightly and brushing her cheeks as they separated. “I suppose this makes you my brother-in-law. Sort of.” 

“Ah...” Sawyer glanced at Christine. “Well...long’s we ain’t keepin’ secrets...” 

“Yes,” Jack interrupted. “I guess it does.” 

Sawyer’s confusion and mild irritation melted when he saw the determined look on Jack’s face. He wasn’t lying to protect a secret – he didn’t even think of it as a lie anymore. As far as he was concerned, Sawyer was Christine’s father. The details were complicated and unimportant and didn’t change that fact. Sawyer noticed Christine’s head lolling and held his arms out. “Why don’t you let me take ‘er and you two can talk?” 

Jack nodded and handed Christine over easily, a warm expression flitting across his face as Sawyer brushed a kiss over his lips. 

Sawyer smiled lovingly at him before turning his attention to their daughter. “Okay, baby girl, snack time’s over. Let’s get you back to bed.” He held her so her head rested on his shoulder and rubbed her back as he slipped out the door. 

“What was that about,” was the last thing he heard Claire say as he made his way down the hall.


	29. Chapter 29

Sawyer leaned on the doorframe and watched Jack and Claire do dishes. He had no idea what they were talking about – something that seemed to happen more and more frequently since they had discovered their relationship to each other – but they were both smiling. It was rare to see Jack so relaxed and happy. Sawyer had almost forgotten how beautiful he was when he smiled. Sawyer vowed to make him smile like that more often from now on. Claire swatted Jack’s arm playfully and he laughed. Then she noticed Sawyer standing at the door and whispered something to Jack. 

Jack snorted and said “yeah.” 

“If you two ladies keep gossipin’ behind my back I might start gettin’ the wrong idea.” 

Claire didn’t miss a beat. “So what sort of things does Jack say in his sleep?” 

Sawyer smirked. “Well, sometimes he talks to his ex...one time he called me Marc.” 

Claire paused, the plate in her hands half-rinsed, her eyes lighting wickedly. “Really?” 

“No,” Jack said quickly, a blush rising to his cheeks. “I told you, Marc is a friend. I’ve known him since we were kids.” 

“Judgin’ from the way you were snugglin’ up to me, I’d say you were more’n friends.” 

Claire laughed. “Really?” 

“No.” Jack shot Sawyer a withering look. “He’s lying.” 

Sawyer shrugged and moved to stand behind Jack, wrapping his arms around his waist. “Hey, I’m just tryin’ to make you more interestin’. All you ever talk about is operatin’ on people.” 

Jack patted Sawyer’s arm and reached for another dish to dry. “The kids asleep?” 

“Yep.” Sawyer nuzzled Jack’s neck and kissed the sensitive spot below his ear. “You look so cute when you’re actin’ all domestic.” 

Jack hummed and leaned a little more firmly into Sawyer. 

Sawyer refocused on Claire. “He tell you what the tattoos mean?” 

Jack groaned while Claire shook her head. “I told you, it’s personal.” 

Sawyer rolled his eyes. “I’ve seen parts of you your bitch of an ex couldn’t find with a map and the *art* is personal?” 

Jack sighed. “Don’t call her that.” 

“Considerin’ the way she treated you, I’d say I’m bein’ generous.” He knew he couldn’t hate Sarah for cheating on Jack without being a hypocrite, but he could still hate her for ripping his heart out before she left him for good. 

Claire finished the last plate and drained the sink. “Well, I hope you’re a better person that her because if you do anything to hurt my brother, you’ll answer to me.” She fixed Sawyer with a look that made it clear she was only partly joking. 

“You just found out you *have* a brother and you’re actin’ like you joined the Sopranos?” 

“I didn’t know *Jack* was my brother,” she corrected. “I’ve known I had a brother for years...or a sister. Dad didn’t say which.” 

“That’s cause the Doc here’s both,” Sawyer smirked. 

Jack swatted his hand and Claire snapped his arm with the towel she’d used to dry her hands. 

“Hey,” Sawyer whined indignantly. He was used to this sort of reaction from Jack, but since Claire had started hanging around he was feeling distinctly outnumbered. 

Claire bit her lip to hold in a smile and replaced the towel. “I think I’ll go to bed,” she announced. “I’m getting tired. I’ll see you in the morning.” She raised up on her toes to kiss Jack’s cheek, then Sawyer’s and plodded from the room. 

Jack finished drying the last plate and turned in Sawyer’s embrace. “I guess we should get some sleep too before the kids wake up.” 

Sawyer’s hands came up to cradle Jack’s face and he just stared silently, an expression on his face that Jack thought looked a lot like love. 

Jack smiled. “What?” 

“I ain’t ever seen you so relaxed and happy,” Sawyer said softly. “’s nice.” 

Jack’s eyes softened and he turned his head to kiss Sawyer’s palm. 

Sawyer stepped closer, pressing their bodies intimately close and kissed Jack softly, just brushing his lips chastely. Jack sighed and kissed him back just as gently, letting Sawyer take the lead. The kiss built slowly – as if Sawyer had all the time in the world, and soon he had Jack whimpering, tilting his head to invite Sawyer’s tongue deeper. Jack felt the blood start to pool in his groin and vaguely wondered when the last time was that someone had been able to do this to him with a kiss alone. He suspected the answer was never. 

Sawyer finally pulled back a little and smiled when he saw the dazed look in Jack’s eyes. He rubbed Jack’s cheek with his thumb, tracing a fading cut from the plastic shrapnel and murmured “y’okay?” 

“That depends,” Jack gasped. “Is the room spinning?” 

Sawyer smirked. “I meant your shoulder.” 

“Oh...” Jack’s eyes closed as Sawyer started nibbling gently at his neck. “Yeah.” 

“Then check my left pocket,” he breathed in Jack’s ear. 

Jack held back a whimper and fumbled for the pocket. He moaned softly, his cock twitching as his fingers closed around a familiar foil packet. 

“Figure there’s not much point savin’ ‘em anymore. They ain’t gonna keep forever.” 

Jack nodded stupidly, his ability to form actual coherent words abandoning him. 

Sawyer leaned back enough so he could slip his hands between their bodies and begin to unbutton Jack’s shirt, brushing his fingers over warm skin as it was slowly bared. 

Jack’s hands fisted in Sawyer’s shirt, grounding him. “Not here,” he gasped. “Bed...” 

“In a minute.” Sawyer worked his way down Jack’s neck and nibbled at his collarbone. He worked open the last button and smoothed his hands over Jack’s chest, mentally cursing Jack’s discovery of a shiny new razor in the bathroom a couple days ago. He always liked to run his fingers through the hair on Jack’s chest and delighted in the noises his lover made when he tugged at it lightly. Jack had claimed shaving it off made breastfeeding easier but Sawyer suspected he was also becoming self-conscious about his appearance. ‘Then again,’ he thought with a smile when his thumb brushed Jack’s nipple and Jack whimpered, his hips twitching. ‘It has its perks.’ He ran his thumbs over the hardening peaks more purposefully and Jack hissed. 

Sawyer pulled back to look in his eyes. “Too much?” 

“Yeah,” was all Jack could manage. The combination of Christine nursing and the breast pump Juliet had found for him to use was starting to make him sore. 

Sawyer nodded, his fingers drifting lower as he returned his attention to kissing Jack breathless. 

Jack locked his watery knees firmly and started fumbling with the buttons on Sawyer’s shirt, nearly ripping them off completely in his excitement. He ran his hands restlessly over Sawyer’s chest, pinching his nipples in a way he knew the Southerner liked. The resulting growl and deepening of the kiss sent a shiver through his body. He pried himself free of the kiss and brought his lips level with Sawyer’s ear. “Bed. Now. Before I make a mess we have to clean up,” he panted. 

Sawyer’s finer stopped their wandering just below the waistband of Jack’s underwear and he leaned back, flashing Jack a lazy, victorious grin. “Well, when you put it that way...” He took a step back, keeping hold of Jack, steadying him as he staggered from the sudden loss of support and dragging him toward the door. 

Jack regained his balance after a few steps but still allowed Sawyer to drag him toward the bedroom by his wrist. 

He gasped in surprise as his back hit the mattress, a tiny spark of pain exploding in his shoulder. 

Sawyer’s hand was on his arm a moment later, his worried face hovering over Jack. “Shit. You okay?” 

Jack reached up with his other arm, tangling his fingers in Sawyer’s hair. “Yeah. I’m fine. Just have to be careful how I move that arm.” 

Sawyer tossed his shirt on the floor and started working at peeling Jack’s jeans off. “Guess that rules out tyin’ you down and fuckin’ you till you scream,” he smirked, his words punctuated by the soft thud of Jack’s shoes hitting the floor. 

“There’s already a chance Claire could walk in on us. She doesn’t need to see *that*.” 

Sawyer chuckled and coaxed Jack’s legs apart, settling between them and licking the sensitive inside of one knee. “I’ll just have to think of somethin’ to get her out of the house when you’re feelin’ better.” 

Jack snorted, then moaned as Sawyer began nibbling at the inside of his thigh. “Just...try to keep it down. The walls aren’t that thick.” 

Sawyer chuckled and abandoned his attentions for a moment to reach for the lube he’d left under the pillow earlier, silently thanking the Dharma Initiative for having the foresight to provide such a thing in their supply drops. “The walls of the tent weren’t that thick either. Sure it’s nothin’ she ain’t heard before.” He smiled as Jack blushed slightly and started coating his fingers in lubricant. “How you wanna do this?” 

Jack looked confused. “What d’you mean?” Sawyer slipped a finger in him gently but without warning and he gasped. 

Sawyer indicated Jack’s injured arm with his chin. “What position’s gonna hurt the least?” 

“Oh...mmm...” Jack spread his legs wider, hips hitching as Sawyer’s finger brushed firmly over his prostate. “This’s fine.” 

“You sure?” 

Sawyer added another finger, stretching the small space and dancing around the swollen prostate, making Jack whimper. “Yeah. ‘s not that bad. Oh, fuck!” He thrust his hips up, trying to draw the fingers deeper. 

Sawyer bent over Jack, pressing soft, wet kisses to his abdomen. “Tell me,” he murmured, the words sending gentle vibrations through Jack. 

“I...what?” Jack gave a tiny, choked cry as one of the fingers stroked firmly over his prostate and darted away quickly. 

Sawyer smiled up at Jack. “Tell me what you want. I wanna hear you say it.” His tongue darted out to lap away the drop of fluid that had gathered on the tip of Jack’s cock. 

Jack groaned and shoved his hips into the still-thrusting fingers. “I wa...mmm...I want you to shove that big cock of yours in me and...fuck me until my shoulder isn’t the only thing that’s sore.” He smirked hazily at the dark, mildly shocked expression on Sawyer’s face. “That what you want to hear?” 

Sawyer groaned and fumbled for the condom, eliciting a whimper from Jack as he pulled his fingers free to do it. “Yeah, that’s about it,” he muttered. He unrolled the condom over himself, coated it with a generous amount of lube and stuffed a pillow under Jack’s hips. 

“Slow,” Jack added, spreading his legs wider to accommodate Sawyer’s hips. “Make it last.” 

Sawyer nodded and pressed the tip of his cock to the slickened entrance, massaging gently before slowly pressing inside. 

Jack moaned and arched his back, wrapping his legs around Sawyer’s hips and drawing him in tighter, deeper, a tiny thrill going through him when Sawyer groaned low in his ear. 

Sawyer stopped when he could go no further and gingerly settled on top of Jack, letting his partner take some of his weight. He licked and nibbled at one earlobe until Jack whimpered softly. He rocked his hips slowly, barely moving, creating a gentle friction. He propped himself up on his elbows and leaned back so he could get a better look at the man underneath him. Jack blinked up at him and reached out to brush the hair back from Sawyer’s face, tangling his fingers in the long strands. His eyes were soft and dark, pupils wide with pleasure. A breathy moan slipped past his kiss swollen lips as Sawyer tilted his hips up slightly, sending tingling sparks of pleasure through him. 

“That good?” he whispered. 

Jack nodded, fingers twitching against Sawyer’s scalp. “Yeah...don’t...oh shit...like that...don’t stop.” 

Sawyer licked at Jack’s trembling lips. “Never,” he muttered. “You are so goddamn beautiful like this. Don’t ever wanna stop.” 

Jack whined softly, his hands leaving Sawyer’s hair to roam over his back and shoulders. “So good,” he sighed between deepening kisses. 

“Yeah,” Sawyer murmured. “So good...” He shifted and dug his knees into the mattress, driving himself deeper, thrusting harder. 

Jack arched against him, his head falling back with an abandoned whimper. His legs tensed around Sawyer’s back. “Oh, fuck...yes!” 

“Shh...” Sawyer scolded with a loose, sex-stupid smirk. He bent low over Jack until Jack could feel the warm, panting breaths flow right into his ear. “Don’t want little sister to hear.” 

Jack whimpered again and dug his nails into slickening skin until Sawyer hissed. 

“Fuck...” Sawyer tossed his hair back from his eyes and shifted his weight to one elbow, reaching the other hand down to grip one of Jack’s legs, tugging it upward, changing the angle, going even deeper until Jack gave a barely restrained yelp and writhed against him in mindless ecstasy. “Jesus...tell me you’re close, baby,” Sawyer panted. 

Jack just reached his good hand between their bodies and wrapped it around his own swollen cock, the hand quickly becoming a blur of movement. 

A minute later Jack’s movements stuttered, his breath caught and every muscle in his body went taut. Sawyer had just enough presence of mind to slap a hand over his mouth before his eyes lost focus and he came with an abandoned cry. 

Sawyer kept moving through Jack’s orgasm, drawing it out as long as possible, groaning as Jack’s muscles clenched around him, trying to coax him over the edge. When he felt Jack’s body start to go slack, he sat back, took a firm hold of Jack’s hips and started pounding his way to his own climax. 

Jack gasped and clutched at the mussed sheets helplessly as the sudden change sent a series of powerful aftershocks cascading over him. 

Sawyer came with a loud grunt, his thrusts slowing to a stop, his head drooping forward as he panted and tried to regain control of his shaking limbs before he collapsed on top of Jack. 

“Sawyer,” Jack called a minute later, still breathless. “Can you...my leg’s cramping...” 

Sawyer muttered a string of half-curses, half-apologies, and massaged the offending thigh with one hand, the other gripping the base of the condom while he carefully pulled out. 

Jack groaned and stretched his legs, feeling the stiffness ease a little. He smiled and reached for his lover as a sated sleepiness began to creep over him. 

Sawyer didn’t notice. He was too busy staring at his hand. “Shit. Fuckin’ condom broke.” He chucked the useless piece of latex toward the trash can angrily and let loose another string of curses, rolling off of Jack onto the other side of the bed, one arm flung over his face. 

Jack closed his eyes and breathed deeply. Five seconds later, he opened them again and reached for the towel Sawyer had left near the bed to wipe the mess from his stomach. He turned his head to look at Sawyer. “It’s okay...” 

“No, it ain’t,” Sawyer interrupted. “I could’a killed you.” 

Jack rolled toward him. “The odds of me getting pregnant again are pretty slim.” 

Sawyer’s arm came down and he glared at Jack. “I thought you said they were better on this crazy rock?” 

“For you, not me. I still only have one ovary. It’s not *impossible*, but if my math is right I won’t be ovulating for a couple weeks.” 

Sawyer gave him a look that clearly said ‘are you kidding?’ “Ovulating?” 

Jack flushed a little. “Yeah, well...it’s hard to tell without menstruation but...” 

Sawyer groaned and covered his eyes again. 

“My point is, it’s possible but unlikely.” Jack waited for Sawyer to respond, but he remained silent and still. He reached out tentatively, touching Sawyer’s upthrust arm. “James...” 

Sawyer jerked his arm down, looking startled at the sound of his given name on Jack’s lips. He reached to cup Jack’s cheek. “We shouldn’t’a done that.” 

Jack caught the faint glimmer of moisture in Sawyer’s eyes and recalled what Kate had said after rescuing him from the Other’s camp. ‘That's why he wouldn't go back for you. I think he couldn't face the thought of you dying.’ He smiled softly. “It’s okay. We dodged a bullet. We’ll just have to be more careful next time.” 

Sawyer snorted. “Next time, huh?” 

Jack smiled and leaned in to kiss him. “Yeah.” 

Sawyer smiled back instinctively and ran his thumb over Jack’s full, bruised lips. “You sure?” 

Jack nodded firmly. “I can’t say definitively without a pregnancy test, but I’m 99% certain it would be negative.” 

Sawyer sighed and rolled to face him, wrapping his arms around Jack, being careful of his injured shoulder. “Still shouldn’t’a done it,” he muttered, pressing his lips to Jack’s. 

Jack huffed and smoothed his hand over the sweat dampened skin of Sawyer’s chest. “I wanted it just as much as you did.” 

“C’n I ask you somethin’,” Sawyer asked after a few minutes of comfortable silence broken only by lazy kisses. 

Jack hummed. 

“How come you never wanna be on top?” 

Jack cracked one eye open. “What?” 

“Blowjobs, handjobs and rimjobs you’ll give as good as you get, but when it comes to fucking seems like it’s always my dick and your ass.” 

Jack frowned. “Do you want me to be on top?” 

“Didn’t say that. Just wonderin’ why you never want to.” 

Jack pressed his lips to Sawyer’s shoulder and sighed. “It’s not that I don’t *want* to, I just...I like it better this way. I feel...freer somehow. More connected. Why is it so important?” 

Sawyer smiled. “It ain’t. Just curious.” He knew exactly what Jack meant. Sawyer fingered the edge of the bandage on Jack’s shoulder. “Did I hurt you?” 

Jack hummed, already drifting to sleep, and burrowed a little deeper into Sawyer’s soft, inviting warmth. “No.” 

“You tell me if I did?” 

“Mmm,” Jack hummed vaguely. 

Sawyer snorted. “Thought so.” 

“Mmm...what,” Jack asked sleepily. 

Sawyer smiled and kissed his forehead tenderly. “Never mind. Go to sleep.”


	30. Chapter 30

Sawyer slowly drifted awake to the smell of coffee. He smiled and rolled over, reaching for Jack. His smile faded and his eyes popped open when his hand found only cooling sheets. “Jack?” 

No answer, but now he could hear clanking and faint voices coming from the kitchen. He grumbled and heaved himself out of bed, collecting his pants from the floor and conducting a fruitless search for his shirt. After a few minutes he gave up and headed for the kitchen, barefoot and shirtless. 

Kate and Sayid sat at the kitchen table, along with a nursing Claire. Jack stood leaning against the counter, Christine sleeping in his arms. He was wearing Sawyer’s shirt. 

Sawyer nodded at the unexpected visitors nonchalantly. “Mornin’.” 

Kate blushed. Sayid brought his cup of coffee to his lips to conceal a bemused smile. Claire just rolled her eyes and returned her attention to her son. Jack reached behind him on the counter and tossed Sawyer his shirt, looking embarrassed. 

Sawyer smirked knowingly and shrugged into it, pointedly leaving it unbuttoned. 

“So what do they want,” Claire asked as Sawyer rummaged around for a coffee cup. 

“We’re not sure,” Kate said carefully. “But they’re looking for Ben.” 

Sawyer looked up at that. “Who?” 

“The people from Naomi’s boat,” Jack explained absently, barely glancing at Sawyer. “Did they say why?” 

“We believe they intend to kill him,” Sayid said evenly. 

“Great. Save me the trouble,” Sawyer muttered, leaning back against the counter and sipping his coffee. 

Kate gave him a withering look. 

“Ben may not be the only person they mean to kill,” Sayid added patiently. 

Jack shifted and Sawyer suspected that if he didn’t have Christine in his arms he would be rubbing the back of his neck anxiously. “Okay, just...give me about ten minutes and I’ll come with you.” 

“No, Jack,” Kate protested. 

Sayid cut her off with a gentle hand on her arm. “We are not telling you this because we need your help. We merely wanted to warn you so that you can protect yourself. For now, you and Christine are safe here.” He deliberately stressed the name of Jack’s daughter. 

Jack bristled. “I’m not gonna just hide in here and wait for them to...” 

“Jack,” Sayid cut in. “We have the situation under control. We are only telling you this because we felt it would be easier than letting you hear it from John.” 

Sawyer’s fingers clenched on his cup. “Locke’s here?” 

“They have a boat,” Jack argued, ignoring Sawyer. “They have equipment. If we can get access...” 

Sawyer put down his cup and left the room abruptly. Kate leapt to her feet, calling his name, and ran after him. 

He stormed out of the door and spotted Locke immediately – standing by a house across the way, talking to somebody Sawyer didn’t recognize. By the time Kate emerged from the house he was halfway across the lawn. 

“Sawyer, don’t!” 

Locke looked toward the sound of Kate’s voice and barely had time to register the enraged look on Sawyer’s face before the Southerner’s fist slammed into his jaw. He staggered. Then Sawyer hit him again and he fell to his knees. 

“Stop it,” Kate yelled, sliding between them, shoving at Sawyer’s shoulders. 

Sawyer shrugged her off, but didn’t make another move to hit Locke. “I catch you anywhere near Chrissy or the Doc again,” he growled at the downed man. “I’ll kill you.” 

“C’mon,” Kate urged, pushing him back toward the house. “Go back inside.” 

Sawyer gave Locke one last glare as the older man silently wiped blood from his lip, his expression frustratingly serene. Then he turned and stomped back toward the house. 

Jack stood in the doorway, Christine still in his arms, a look of mild shock and something Sawyer thought might have been respect on his face. 

“C’mon,” Sawyer grumbled, brushing past him. 

Jack hesitated a moment longer, looking at Kate. She nodded silently. ‘It’s okay.’ He nodded back, spared a quick glance at Locke and slowly retreated into the house, closing the door.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are now officially out of cannon for a while, though that won't stop me from referring to random trivia from the first three seasons. Cannon-wise, we will be entering season 4, but scenes from cannon will only be referenced, not used in the next few chapters. Again, Christine is mine. Jack and Sawyer's undying love for each other belongs to fandom. :)

Claire went out for a walk that night, taking Aaron with her. Jack fed Christine and put her to bed, making sure she was settled before going to search for Sawyer, who had been inexplicably quiet and avoidant all day. 

His insides went cold when he found Sawyer sitting on the edge of their bed, staring at the pistol loosely cradled in his hands. He wanted to demand an explanation but in his frozen horror the words refused to come to his lips. 

“I told you ‘bout my daddy,” Sawyer said without looking up, his voice distressingly distant. “How he killed my momma. How he blew his head off right in front of me. All over a con who called hisself Mr. Sawyer.” 

“James,” Jack finally managed to cough out. A tiny voice in the back of his head screamed at him to grab Christine and run, but his rational mind quickly stifled it. Sawyer would never do anything to hurt them. But he might hurt himself and that scared Jack senseless. 

“I swore when I found ‘im – no matter how long it took – I’d kill the sonofabitch,” Sawyer continued as if he hadn’t heard Jack. Maybe he hadn’t. “What I ain’t told you is ‘s when Locke gave me that tape of Blondie’s he took me out t’ some pirate ship in the jungle and locked me up with the bastard he called Daddy.” He blinked back angry tears. “It was him. Sawyer. Damn bald bastard knew. He knew I’d kill him. Was countin’ on it. I didn’t wanna do it. Told him I wouldn’t, but...he said I’d change my mind when I heard what he had to say. He was right. Wanted to tell you, but the others...well, you know the rest. And just when everythin’s finally lookin’ up he shows up an’ blows the rescue plan all to hell and damn near kills you. And now he has the guts to march in here and act like he’s the new town sheriff.” Sawyer finally looked up at Jack. “Give me one good reason I shouldn’t put a bullet between his eyes.” 

Jack’s posture relaxed as understanding came over him and he moved toward the bed, drawn in by the tortured look in Sawyer’s eyes. He sat in the empty spot beside Sawyer and reached to cup his face between his palms, gently brushing aside long, blond locks. He stared deep into Sawyer’s eyes for a few long seconds as if searching for confirmation of something, then drew him in and kissed him gently. 

Sawyer stiffened at first and tried to pull away, but Jack followed, tightening his grip, his tongue pressing insistently against the seam between his lips until Sawyer finally opened up to let him in. 

They were both slightly breathless when Jack pulled away. He looked deep into Sawyer’s eyes as he dropped one hand down to rest gingerly on the gun in the man’s lap. “Give me the gun, James,” he said softly. 

Sawyer wanted to scream at him. ‘What the hell’s wrong with you? Why aren’t you running?’ But the look in Jack’s eyes stopped him. It was the look of a man who saw right through every façade Sawyer tried to put up – who knew him better, perhaps, than he knew himself. 

“James,” Jack prompted again when Sawyer didn’t let go. “Please, just give me the gun. Don’t do this. You’re not a killer.” 

‘Wrong,’ Sawyer’s mind screamed. But part of him realized that Jack was right. *Sawyer* may have been a killer, but Sawyer was essentially dead. He had died along with that soulless bastard in the brig. All that was left was James Ford – the scared little boy who grew into a bitter, damaged man. How’re you so sure o’ that,” he choked. 

Jack closed his eyes for a moment and said slowly, “Remember when you tried to shoot the marshal that first week we were here? You were just trying to end his suffering. But you flinched. You couldn’t go through with it. I didn’t flinch. I finished what you couldn’t.” 

Sawyer just stared at Jack for a long minute, trying to find some sign of fear or disgust in his eyes. He vaguely thought he should find it worrying that he couldn’t. All he saw was concern and inexplicable love. His grip on the gun fell slack and Jack gently pulled it from his nerveless fingers, clicked the safety on and tossed it onto the dresser. Then he turned back and silently pulled Sawyer into his arms, where the Southerner collapsed, crying quietly. 

********** 

“Why ain’t you runnin’,” Sawyer asked sometime later. He had half expected Jack to run once he deemed it safe. Instead, he’d laid back comfortably on the bed with Sawyer’s head pillowed on his chest, stroking Sawyer’s hair comfortingly while his shirt grew damp with tears. 

“I’m not leaving you,” Jack repeated, as he had many times since the conversation had started. 

“Wouldn’t blame you if y’did. I killed two men...” 

“What you’ve done doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change who you are.” 

Sawyer snorted bitterly. “Still a con. Tiger don’t change his stripes.” 

“It doesn’t matter,” Jack repeated stubbornly. 

“I cheated on you.” 

“I cheated on my wife.” 

Sawyer lifted his head and blinked bloodshot eyes at Jack. “What?” 

“Well...I didn’t get far and technically she cheated first, but...” 

Sawyer groaned and rolled away from Jack. “Forget it, Doc. You’re a fuckin’ boy scout. One ‘f these days you’re gonna figure out you can’t fix me and you’re gonna realize you’re better off with someone else. Might’s well get out now ‘n save y’rself a whole lotta trouble.” 

There was a lengthy silence and then Sawyer yelped as Jack’s fist crashed into his shoulder. 

“What the hell’d you do that for?” he yelled. 

“To prove a point.” 

“What point?” 

“If I had done that a year ago, you would have punched me in the face. 

Sawyer stared incredulously into Jack’s eyes. “That’s it?” 

“Last night you bent yourself out of shape worrying over me. A few days ago you were fretting over Claire like a mother hen and a couple weeks ago you walked into a war zone so Kate wouldn’t.” 

“So?” 

“You took better care of me when I was injured than I did of you. Hell, I’m the reason you *were* injured once because I stood by and let Sayid torture you.” 

“You didn’t know any better,” Sawyer muttered. “Y’ thought you were doin’ the right thing.” 

Jack stared silently at Sawyer, a spark of victory dancing in his eyes. 

Sawyer groaned. “Yeah, okay. I get it.” 

Jack cupped Sawyer’s face gently between his hands. “You’re a good man, James. After everything we’ve been through – after everything we’ve *both* done...I wouldn’t still be here if I didn’t believe that.” 

Sawyer covered Jack’s hands with his and leaned in, kissing him desperately. When he came up for air he leaned his forehead against Jack’s, panting, feeling Jack’s fingers stroke his hair soothingly. He felt overwhelmed suddenly by the knowledge that Jack still loved him in spite of all the flaws that should have sent anyone running for the hills. He thought briefly of Jack’s tattoos, of where he got them and all of the other brief glimpses Sawyer had gotten into the doctor’s mysterious past and wondered if maybe this could all be explained as an attraction to dangerous, bad boy types. He dismissed the idea almost immediately. It didn’t matter. The important thing was that Jack had heard the worst of what Sawyer was capable of and was still willing to stand by him – still loved him. Sawyer couldn’t begin to put into words the gratitude and love he felt at that moment. All his exhausted brain could form was “don’t call me James.” 

Jack chuckled softly. “What should I call you?” 

Sawyer traced Jack’s lips absently with one finger. “Kinda gotten used to you callin’ me Sawyer. Sounds nice when you say it.” 

Jack smiled softly. “Okay...Sawyer.”


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are following cannon again, with some adjustments, added stuff and displaced characters (Jack had his appendix removed as a teen in this story). Cannon scenes and dialogue in this chapter are all from "The Shape of Things to Come". Again, Christine is mine. Jack and Sawyer's undying love for each other belongs to fandom. :)

“I’m attackin’ Siberia,” Sawyer announced. 

Hurley freed one arm from holding Aaron and tossed the dice. “I can’t believe you’re just giving him Australia,” he moaned, rearranging the squirming baby on his lap and pouting. “It’s the key to the whole game.” 

“Says you.” Sawyer turned to Jack. “Your turn.” 

Jack didn’t hear him, too focused on Christine, twitching in her sleep in her makeshift basket nearby. 

Sawyer nudged his leg under the table. “Hey. Quit fussin’. She’s fine.” 

Jack sighed and was just reaching for the dice when a loud knock came from the front door. 

The three men looked at each other for a moment. 

“I’ll get it,” Sawyer finally said. “Keep goin’.” 

Sawyer’s good mood blackened rapidly when he opened the door to find Locke standing on the porch. 

“I need to talk to Ben.” 

Sawyer bristled at the mention of the man’s name. He didn’t like being reminded of whose house Hurley was sharing. “What the hell for?” 

“I just need to ask him a question, James,” Locke said quietly. 

“Can’t it wait?” Sawyer had accepted the uneasy living arrangements that had put him, Jack, Claire and the children in close proximity to Ben and the group of permanent island dwellers Locke had declared himself leader of. As long as they stayed away from his family he could pretend they didn’t exist. 

“I’m afraid not.” 

Sawyer hesitated a moment longer, looking over his shoulder at Jack and Hurley playing their game. “You got five minutes,” he growled, stepping aside to let Locke in and following close behind him to Ben’s room. 

Ben barely looked up from his book before Locke blurted “what’s code 14-J?” 

Ben froze, eyes widening. “Where did you hear that?” 

“The phone rang, I picked it up, a voice kept repeating ‘code 14-J’.” 

Before Sawyer could ask what phone Locke was talking about Ben lurched from his seat, his book tossed aside carelessly as he darted toward the closet. He flung open the door and flipped up a loose floorboard with familiar ease, removing a rifle from beneath and cocking it. Sawyer instinctively reached for his own gun but Ben was already handing the rifle to him. 

“They’re here,” Ben said simply before walking out of the bedroom. 

“What are you talking about,” Locke demanded, following him. “Who’s here?” 

“Somebody tripped the panic switch of our security fence. That means one of my people’s been captured.” 

Jack was on his feet, eyes wide as he caught sight of the rifle in Sawyer’s hands. “What? Who was captured?” 

Ben ignored him and spun on Locke, his tone growing pissy. “How long did you spend debating whether or not you should ask me why the phone rang?” 

“Five minutes,” Locke admitted reluctantly. 

Ben pursed his lips. “Well, so much for our head start.” 

“What’s going on,” Hurley spluttered, trying to keep up with the sudden turn of events. “Who’s attacking us?” 

Jack’s eyes met Sawyer’s as the same thought occurred to both of them. “Claire.” They had offered to watch Aaron for a couple hours at Hurley’s cabin while she stayed in theirs, taking a much deserved nap. 

Sawyer nodded and handed the rifle to Locke, removing his pistol from his belt. “Keep Chrissy safe. I’ll get ‘er.” 

“There’s no time,” Ben argued. 

“I’ll make time,” Sawyer snapped, brushing past him and marching out the door. 

Ben shut the door after him. 

“Get the kids away from the windows,” Locke ordered as Jack swept Christine into his arms. Christine, upset at being so rudely awoken, began to whimper in distress. Aaron began to cry. 

Jack was too distracted to notice Ben dragging a bookcase in front of the now locked door. 

“How’s Sawyer gonna get back in,” Hurley asked. 

“He’s not,” Ben muttered. 

Jack’s spine stiffened. “No! You’re not just gonna...” 

“It’s too late,” Ben snapped. “He’s gone.” 

Jack’s eyes flashed and he opened his mouth to argue but anything he could have said was interrupted by a volley of gunshots outside the cabin. He instinctively moved toward the window. 

Locke cut him off, suddenly adopting the voice of reason in this crisis. “No! Get the baby away from the window!” 

Hurley hooked an arm around Jack’s, pulling him back toward the interior hallway, clutching his hand in a pathetic attempt at reassurance. Jack’s breathing stopped as the gunfire was drowned out by an explosion. 

“Claire,” a muffled voice outside screamed. 

Hurley squeezed Jack’s hand. “He’s okay,” he muttered. 

Jack nodded dumbly, closing his eyes, quietly panicking. Sawyer was alive, but for how long? And what happened to Claire? He was too numb with worry to pay attention to the heated discussion Ben and Locke were having on the other side of the room. Then Locke said something to Hurley and Hurley nodded and let go of Jack, grabbing Christine’s “crib” and dragging it toward the back bedroom. Without thinking, Jack grabbed the other end and followed, placing the crib next to the bed already set up for Aaron. 

They had just gotten both children settled when Sawyer’s voice came from somewhere outside. “Open the door!” 

Hurley peeked out the window and dashed from the room. Jack moved to follow but hesitated as his daughter’s cries grew in volume again. “Shh, it’s okay,” he cooed distractedly, eyes darting repeatedly to the door as he rocked her crib with slow, careful movements. 

Glass shattered in the front room, followed by a lot of bumping and clunking and frantic voices. Then Hurley reappeared, a half-conscious Claire in his arms. Jack hurried to help him get her on the bed, quickly determining that her wounds were all superficial and reassuring her that she and her son were safe. 

They all froze as the doorbell rang. 

“Jack,” Hurley protested as Jack ran toward the hallway. 

Sawyer met him before he got more than five feet from the room and shoved a pistol in his hands. “Get back in there and lock the door. And don’t you dare fuckin’ come out again ‘til I say you can. Got it?” 

The intensity and desperation in his eyes prevented Jack from arguing, but didn’t stop him from reaching to wipe blood from Sawyer’s cheek. “Are you okay?” 

“It ain’t mine,” Sawer said gruffly, shoving Jack back toward the bedroom. “Now go!” 

Jack bit his tongue to stem any further arguments or questions and ducked back into the room, closing the door and locking it. He counted the bullets in the pistol and cocked it with shaking hands. 

“Why is my father here,” a suddenly alert Claire asked Hurley, staring at an empty corner of the room. “Are we dead?” 

“If we are then heaven sucks,” Hurley said flatly. 

********** 

“They told me they were just security,” Miles said dazedly as Sawyer patted him down. 

“For what?” 

Miles pointed at Ben. “For him. Once they got him. To escort him back to the mainland.” 

Sawyer squinted at him. Locke had been holding this kid from the freighter prisoner somewhere since Sayid had traded him for the other chick Locke had captured and whose name Sawyer hadn’t bothered to remember. The kid seemed just as frustrated and clueless as they were but that didn’t mean much. If he so much as took a step toward the back bedroom Sawyer would kill him. 

“Just take it,” Miles said, waving the proffered walkie impatiently. 

“Why would I talk to them,” Ben asked calmly. 

“Because they have a hostage.” 

Ben didn’t bat an eye. Then again, he already knew as much. “Well, then they’ve badly miscalculated, because every single one of my people is prepared to die in service to this island.” 

“It’s your daughter.” 

Ben went still and Sawyer was pretty sure he recognized the look of panic and dread that flashed in his eyes. It was gone in a moment and he calmly took the walkie and said “hello.” 

Sawyer half-listened to the hostage negotiation, plotting ways to get himself and all of the people in that back room as far from this mess as possible. He almost missed the gunshot that marked the end of Alex Rousseau’s young life. He peeked out the window to see her body crumpled near the jungle line and nothing else. No sign of the mercenary guy Ben had called “Keamy”. 

“I don’t see him,” he grumbled toward Locke. “He just left her body there and disappeared into the jungle.” 

“He won’t be gone for long,” Lock predicted. “It’s gonna be dark in about twenty minutes and then they’re gonna come for him.” 

Sawyer looked toward the hallway. He wasn’t really ready to die but he would rather face a firing squad than leave his friends and family vulnerable to this Keamy wingnut. “Let’s just hand him over.” 

Locke grimaced. “I don’t think these people have any intentions of letting us walk out of here alive, James. No matter what we do.” 

Sawyer suppressed the urge to punch him. The asshole was right, he had to admit. Keamy had shot an unarmed teenage girl in cold blood. He certainly wouldn’t hesitate to hurt any of them. 

Ben suddenly came out of his shocked stupor, mumbled something about changing the rules and marched into a nearby room, slamming the door shut before anybody could stop him. Sawyer banged on the door and shouted uselessly. If that bastard had a tunnel to the other side of the island in there... 

Jack emerged tentatively from the back room, gun at ready, followed by Claire and Hurley, each holding a now calmed baby. “What’s going on?” 

Before Sawyer could respond, Ben emerged again, brushing past Sawyer to retrieve the abandoned walkie from the couch. 

“What the hell were you doin’ in there,” Sawyer demanded. 

Ben just stuffed the walkie in his pocket and addressed the group. “Listen to me very carefully. I need all of you to do exactly as I say. In a minute, we have to run from this house as fast as we can. At that moment, when I give the order, I want you to head straight for the tree line.” 

Everybody looked at each other in silence. 

“You mean toward the guys with guns,” Hurley said hesitantly. 

Ben shook his head. “No. We want to be as far away from them as possible.” 

As if in answer to the next question on all of their minds the entire cabin began to tremble. Glass shattered. Dishes rattled from countertops and smashed to the floor. Ben peaked out of the window and shouted “okay, outside! Now!” 

Everyone who was able scrambled to move the furniture blocking the door. Sawyer gripped Jack firmly by the elbow – more to keep him close than urge him on - as they all stumbled out into the growing darkness. Flashes of light came from the nearby trees, accompanied by screams and a familiar groaning and screeching. They paused for a moment to watch the black smoke roiling just beyond the tree line, engulfing Keamy’s men. 

“What did you do,” Locke shouted over the din. 

“Did you just...call that thing,” Hurley added, trying to cover Christine’s ears. 

A man dressed in full camouflage came running out of the chaos and Sawyer let go of Jack to aim his rifle but the smoke got to him first, curling around him and dragging him screaming back into the trees. 

Hurley ran without further prompting in the other direction, followed closely by Miles. Sawyer found his voice and shouted to the stunned Claire to “go”, and then grabbed Jack’s wrist and took off after her, heart pounding. He didn’t know if Ben and Locke were behind them, but he didn’t care. If they were stupid enough to stay then that was their problem. 

********** 

They didn’t stop running until the sounds faded well behind them. Jack practically collapsed on a fallen log, followed closely by Hurley, who gladly handed Christine over. 

Sawyer lit a torch and handed it to Miles, who seemed just as relieved to be as far away from Keamy’s group as they were. “Everyone okay,” he asked over his shoulder. 

“Yeah,” Claire and Hurley said breathlessly. Jack nodded, busily whispering soothingly to his crying daughter. 

Ben caught up with them shortly thereafter and, after offering sincere condolences for his loss, Locke bizarrely accused him of not being truthful about the smoke monster. Ben didn’t seem surprised. 

“You can ask Jacob all about it when we go to the cabin.” 

Sawyer’s patience ran out. “Hang on. Jacob? Who the hell is Jacob?” 

“He’s the man who’s gonna tell us what to do next, James,” Ben said patiently. 

Jack groaned. 

“Aw, hell no,” Sawyer sneered. “I’m done with all this. Never should’ve stayed when you whackos moved in in the first place. I’m goin’ back to the beach and they’re comin’ with me.” He cupped Jack’s elbow. “You okay to keep movin’?” 

“Yeah. I’m fine.” Jack stood tiredly and reached for Claire with his free arm. She nodded and followed him to the nearby path. 

“Yeah, I’m coming with you,” Miles piped up, darting ahead to light their way. 

“C’mon Hurley,” Jack called. 

They only got a few feet before Locke cocked his gun and pointed it at Sawyer. 

Jack stiffened at the sound and reached for the gun at his waistband, but a pointed look and a shake of the head from Sawyer stopped him. 

“Hugo stays with us,” Locke said. 

Sawyer grit his teeth and whirled around, his own pistol pointing at Locke’s shiny head. “Not a chance.” 

“Wait,” Hurley spluttered. “Leave me out of it.” 

“I’m sorry Hugo,” Locke said not unkindly. “We need you to find the cabin.” 

“He ain’t goin’ anywhere with you, you crazy son of a bitch,” Sawyer snarled. 

“Stop,” Hurley yelped. “Put the guns down. I’ll go with Locke.” 

Sawyer spared him a glance. “Hugo...” 

“It’s okay, Sawyer,” Hurley reassured him. “Please,” he directed at Locke. “Put your gun down.” 

Lock did as he asked easily. 

“You too,” Hurley added when Sawyer failed to respond in kind. 

“You don’t have to do this,” Sawyer ground out. He didn’t trust Locke as far as he could throw him and letting Hurley – the sweetest, most altruistic member of their camp - go with him seemed an insanely bad idea. 

Hurley turned to Jack. “You guys go back to the beach. I’ll catch up sooner or later.” 

Jack saw the pleading in his eyes and nodded reluctantly, stepping forward to gently take Sawyer’s free arm. “C’mon,” he whispered. “It’s okay.” 

Sawyer stared Locke down for another tense minute before lowering his gun. “You harm so much as one curly hair on his head, I’ll kill you,” he sneered. 

Locke didn’t flinch. “Fair enough.” 

Sawyer shot one last glance at Hurley before turning and letting Jack lead him toward the jungle path.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are following cannon again, with some adjustments, added stuff and displaced characters. And when I say displaced I really mean it in this chapter. Like, all the cannon scenes and dialogue in this chapter are all from the Jack episode "Something Nice Back Home", but Jack is in the wrong scenes with the wrong dialogue, half of which is/are made up and he had his appendix removed when he was a teenager in this story's cannon, so...um...yeah, that whole plot device isn't happening here. I should also note that I changed Miles' ability to hear dead people a little. Like he can carry on entire conversations with them in this story. What can I say? I've got a guy who communicates with the dead and a dead guy who has unfinished business with his son. I couldn't pass up the opportunity.

Jack caught Claire under the elbow as she stumbled. They had spent most of the night walking and both of them were practically dead on their feet. But while Jack was still feeling weak and exhausted by past trauma, he hadn’t been in close proximity to an explosion less than a day ago. “You okay?” 

“Yeah,” she said lightly. “Just a bit woozy.” 

“How’s your head?” 

“It’s better. Bit of a headache, but at least I’m not seeing things anymore.” 

“Yeah, what’d you see,” Miles asked, loping closer to her. 

“Back off, Donner,” Sawyer growled, tightening his grip on his gun. The kid might not be posing an immediate threat to any of them but he asked too many questions for Sawyer’s peace of mind. 

Jack ignored their uninvited guest. “I’ll get you some aspirin back at camp. Let me know if it starts getting worse, okay?” 

Claire smiled wanly. “Yeah. Thanks.” 

It took a moment before anyone realized that Miles had stopped walking. 

“What,” Sawyer snapped, rounding on him where he stood staring at the ground. 

“Who’s Danielle and Karl,” he asked, distracted. 

Jack frowned. “Rousseau? Why?” 

Miles just dropped to the ground and started clawing at the dirt, quickly uncovering Rousseau’s face. It was obvious she had been dead for at least a day. 

“Oh my god,” Claire gasped, looking ill. 

Jack spun her away, shielding her from the sight. “Don’t look.” 

Miles scrambled a few feet further and uncovered another face. 

Sawyer’s shoulders sagged. “Karl,” he murmured. Poor kid hadn’t deserved any of this. He refocused on Miles and glowered. “How did you know they were down there? Your buddies do this?” 

Miles stood slowly, looking shaken. “They’re not my buddies, man. I didn’t sign up for this.” 

“Yeah, then what did you sign up for,” Jack snapped. 

“Look, can we just get out of here, please,” Claire begged. “Can we just go?” 

Sawyer softened. “Yeah, of course, sweetheart.” He wrapped a supportive arm around her shoulders and started back on the path, Jack keeping pace on her other side, Miles trailing behind. 

*********** 

Sawyer finally grew tired of Miles constantly staring at Claire like she was some sort of modern miracle or something and confronted him at the next reststop. “Don’t even think about it.” 

Miles blinked at him stupidly. “What?” 

“Don’t look at her. Don’t talk to her. Don’t mess with her. You got a restraining order. Twenty feet.” 

“What are you, her big brother,” Miles sneered. 

A smile tugged at the corner of Sawyer’s lips and he glanced over at Jack, who was expertly reassembling his pistol, a recently fed Christine sleeping in her blanket beside him. “No. But he is.” 

Miles blinked. “Seriously?” 

Sawyer stepped menacingly closer. “And if you even *think* about messin’ with him, I’ll rip your guts out with my bare hands and strangle you with ‘em. Y’got me?” 

Miles seemed to do a mental eye roll and sighed, parroting “Yeah, I got ya.” 

********** 

The next time Claire stumbled Miles offered to give her “a hand” with Aaron. She muttered an uncomfortable “no thanks, I’m fine” and Sawyer asked what part of “restraining order” Miles failed to grasp. 

“Hey,” Jack called softly, interrupting them, his eyes on the trees nearby as a couple branches rustled in the distance. 

Sawyer shouldered his rifle and turned to stand between both Jack and Claire and whatever was coming toward them. “The hell are you,” he demanded when a scruffy looking bearded man in a hideous shirt stumbled out. 

The man held up his hands placatingly, briefcase in one, SAT phone in the other. 

“Lapidus,” Miles blurted. 

“Lapidus” squinted at him. “Miles? You gotta hide, man. Right now.” 

Miles looked confused. 

“Keamy’s comin’ back. If he sees you, he’ll kill all o’ ya.” Lapidus glanced down at his frantically beeping phone. “And he’s close, man. You gotta hide! Now! Go!” 

Sawyer grabbed Jack’s arm instinctively and darted for the nearest cover. They didn’t have any reason to trust anything this stranger said but the urgency in his voice didn’t leave much room for debate. They knew what Keamy was capable of. If he was headed in their direction than they certainly didn’t want to be visible when he arrived. They ducked into the bushes seconds before Keamy’s group entered the clearing. 

They barely understood the words being exchanged in the clearing but it was obvious Lapidus was reluctantly following some order Keamy was giving him regarding supplies and first aid kits. Sawyer kept a white knuckle grip on Jack, reassuring himself that the doctor was safe beside him, wincing as he noted the severity of the injuries on one of Keamy’s men. The guy was covered in blood and barely conscious, being held up by two other men. Whatever that smoke creature was intended for, it was an effective weapon. 

Christine hiccupped suddenly, the sound ricocheting through the jungle like a twig snap. Jack tensed and clutched her tighter, pressing her mouth to his shoulder. Sawyer let go of him to grip his rifle, watching as Keamy’s eyes scanned the jungle for the sound. 

Lapidus looked around nervously and loudly declared that it was getting dark and they should get going. He kept up a steady stream of babbling insistence until Keamy finally gave up searching for the sound and followed him away from the clearing. 

A wave of relief passed over their group and Jack relaxed his grip on Christine. Claire rested her forehead on his shoulder. Sawyer silently vowed to thank Lapidus if they ever saw him again. 

********** 

Sawyer awoke from a fitful sleep and just lay there for a moment, taking in the sight of Jack laying beside him, sleeping, Christine nestled in the curve of his body. Her tiny fingers were wrapped in her blanket, twitching occasionally. If it wasn’t for the dirt floor and jungle noises they would have been the perfect picture of domesticity. Christine let out a soft half-snore and Sawyer couldn’t help but smile. She and Jack were rapidly turning all of the walls he had built up around his heart to dust, but he found he no longer cared. Protecting himself – while still a concern – had taken a backseat to protecting them. His family. Possibly the only real family he had ever known. 

He sighed and reluctantly joined the rest of the waking world, peaking over Jack at Miles, who sat poking the fire with a stick several feet away. 

“Morning,” Miles said without looking up. 

Sawyer grumbled under his breath and tried to sit up without disturbing Jack or Christine. Jack came awake instantly and blinked up at him blearily. 

Sawyer smiled at Jack as he stubbornly fought his way to full consciousness and leaned down to kiss him sweetly. “Mornin’,” he whispered. 

Jack murmured something unintelligible and carefully unwrapped himself from Christine, managing with far more success than Sawyer to extricate himself without waking her. He sat up and scrubbed at his eyes while Sawyer looked around for the rest of their group and found only an empty blanket on the other side of the fire. 

“Where’s Claire? Ladies room?” 

“Nope,” Miles said simply. “Just walked off into the jungle.” 

Jack stopped rubbing his eyes and stared at Miles. “What? When?” 

“In the middle of the night. She just got up and left.” 

“You let her go alone,” Sawyer spluttered. 

“She wasn’t alone.” 

“Well, who was she with?” 

Miles sighed. “She called him Dad.” 

Jack’s eyes widened and Sawyer swore he heard his breathing stop. “What?” 

Miles ignored Jack’s growing panic to add pointedly “I would’ve followed them but I have a restraining order.” 

Jack started to lurch to his feet, but Sawyer stopped him. “Wait!” 

“Sawyer, the last time I went chasing after Dad in the jungle I nearly fell off a cliff. We have to find her!” 

Sawyer nodded grimly. “Stay with Chris. I’ll get ‘er.” He squeezed Jack’s shoulder reassuringly and climbed to his feet, tucking his pistol in the back of his pants, picking up his rifle and darting into the trees. 

Jack frowned, his mind racing, trying to catch up to the rest of him. He carefully shifted until his body blocked Christine from Miles’ line of sight. “You could see him?” 

Miles blinked at him. “Oh, yeah, didn’t I tell you? I can see dead people,” he said dryly. 

Jack laughed harshly. Claire having visions of their father made sense. She had been through a trauma and might have a slight head injury. He could even accept his own visions of Christian after the crash as manifestations of his own guilt made disturbingly real by his near-death experience. But Miles? “That’s impossible.” 

“Why, because he’s not dead,” Miles asked innocently. 

Jack shook his head and looked away, unable to believe he had almost fallen for this cheap parlor trick. He slipped his hand subtly under the nearby blanket, palming the pistol hidden there, trying to formulate a plan to force Miles to tell him what really happened to Claire. He almost didn’t register Miles’ next words. 

“He also said ‘tell him to remember the promise he made before the wedding.’” 

Jack hesitated, blinking stupidly. “What?” 

Miles rolled his eyes “Hey, I’m just the messenger. I have no idea what he was talking about and I didn’t ask.” 

Jack sneered. “You expect me to believe that my father talked to you...” 

“He figured you wouldn’t believe me,” Miles interrupted. “That’s why he told me that he gave you that watch you’re wearing even though it hasn’t worked since your plane crashed here.” He looked up and met Jack’s eyes pointedly. “Said it was your grandfather’s.” 

The memory came flooding back to Jack then. Skipping stones in the ocean near the hotel. His father telling him the story behind the watch he never wore himself. And the promise... 

“If you and Sarah ever have a kid...try to treat him better than I treated you.” 

Jack choked quietly as a wave of emotions threatened to overwhelm him. 

Miles didn’t seem to notice. “He looked like he really wanted to talk to you. I guess it’s a good thing he didn’t. You probably would’ve tried to shoot him.” He nodded toward Jack’s concealed hand. 

Christine stirred and Jack ripped his hand out from under the blanket, away from the gun, scooping her into his arms. He whispered to her brokenly, nonsensically, forcing his voice past the rising lump in his throat and turned his back on Miles as his eyes blurred with tears. ‘It’s not possible,’ a voice in the back of his head stubbornly repeated over and over. Not possible. He caught one of Christine’s flailing hands and pressed a kiss to the tiny knuckles, a tear spilling down his cheek. 

********** 

They searched for hours, but other than a very upset Aaron who had been left nestled in a patch of ferns not far from their campsite, they found nothing. It wasn’t like Claire to abandon Aaron like that, but there weren’t any signs that she had done so under duress. Wherever she had gone, she had gone willingly. Of course, Jack pointed out, that was probably because she had a head injury and was accompanied by their dead father, either or both of which were impeding her ability to act rationally. 

Finally, Jack agreed to postpone the search for the time being until they got the children back to the beach camp. 

They were less than an hour away when Miles – who had gotten well ahead of them being the only one without a baby in his arms – suddenly started talking to somebody. 

Sawyer groaned mentally. Whose ghost had he run into this time? “Who the hell are you talkin’ to up there, Genghis,” he grumbled. He entered a clearing, followed by a very weary Jack, and was surprised to come face to face with a very real, very sweaty Kate pointing a pistol at Miles. 

She lowered her weapon at the sight of them, a look of relief quickly eclipsed by confusion. “Where’s Claire?” 

Sawyer met Jack’s eyes briefly and mumbled, “We lost her. She just walked off in the middle of the night. I was hopin’ maybe she went back to the beach.” It was a long shot, but he had to try. 

Kate tucked her pistol into her jeans. “No, I haven’t seen her.” 

“What are you doing out here,” Jack asked, gesturing toward the blinking SAT phone resting beside her backpack. “Where did that phone come from?” 

“The chopper flew over the beach. Someone tossed it out. It might have been Sayid. He and Desmond went out to the boat a couple days ago.” 

“You better hope it ain’t Sayid,” Sawyer growled. “’cause if these are the animals who just blew up half of New Othertown you do not wanna tussle with ‘em.” 

Kate’s eyes widened and she looked to Jack, as if searching for a second opinion. “They tried to kill you?” 

Jack nodded and winced as Sawyer added “just like Locke said they would.” 

Jack glanced at Miles, quietly sitting and watching the interaction between them and came to a sudden realization. “It doesn’t matter who’s on that chopper. We have to find it.” 

Sawyer gaped at him. “What are you...have you lost your mind?” 

“That helicopter is our only way off this island.” 

Aaron began stirring and whimpering, sensing Sawyer’s growing agitation. “So, what, you’re just gonna run toward those commando nutjobs?” 

“No, if I’m careful I won’t be anywhere near them. I promised our people I would get them off this island,” Jack argued vehemently, growing more determined and steadfast in his decision by the second. “We need to get Christine off this island,” he added in a low voice. 

“Yeah, but this ain’t the way to do it, Doc,” Sawyer argued, wishing he had his hands free so he could slap some sense into Jack. 

“And what is the way to do it? Because if that chopper takes off we lose our best chance. I’m not gonna let that happen again.” Jack bent to grab the SAT phone from Kate’s pack before meeting Kate’s wide-eyed stare. “Take Aaron and go back to the beach. Keep him safe. I’ll come back for you after I get Christine on the boat.” 

“No, Jack,” she spluttered, but Jack was already heading back into the jungle. 

“Jack,” Sawyer snapped. “Goddamn son of a bitch...” He shoved Aaron into Kate’s arms. “I got him. You go on back.” 

He ran after Jack. “Jack, if you don’t turn around right now I swear to God I’m gonna knock you out and drag you back. And don’t think just ‘cause your holdin’ Chris I ain’t gonna do it. I’ll carry you both ‘f I have to.” 

“I have to do this, James,” Jack fired back. “Please don’t try to stop me.” 

Sawyer caught him by the arm and spun him around abruptly. “You don’t gotta do nothin’ that’s gonna get the both o’ you killed.” His anger dissipated a little when he saw the agonized expression on Jack’s face. 

“Keamy and his men are *here*, Sawyer. On the island. Right now that boat is the safest place to be.” 

Sawyer strained to piece together the details of Jack’s plan in his mind. If he thought he could sneak past Keamy and hitch a ride with whatever sympathetic ally had tossed the phone onto the beach... “You ain’t comin’ back here,” he concluded. 

Jack shoved the SAT phone into Sawyer’s hands and adjusted his grip on the dozing Christine. “I’ll come back. And I will blow up that chopper and spend the rest of my life here if any of Keamy’s men try to fly it back to the freighter. As long as Christine is safe, nothing else matters.” 

The desperation in his eyes stemmed any further argument Sawyer may have come up with. 

“Please, Sawyer, I have to do this. I have to make sure my daughter gets off this island. You can either help me or get out of my way but I am *not* going back to the beach.” 

Sawyer only thought about it for a moment. “I sure as hell ain’t lettin’ you go alone,” he muttered. He shoved the SAT phone back into Jack’s hands and held his arms out for Christine. “Why don’t you let me carry her a while.” 

Jack blinked rapidly as he carefully transferred Christine into Sawyer’s arms. Once she was secure he cupped the back of Sawyer’s neck and kissed him, pouring all of the gratitude, relief and love he felt rushing up within him into it. “Thank you,” he choked. 

“Yeah,” Sawyer whispered, leaning in for one more kiss, tasting traces of salt on Jack’s lips. “Now let’s go before I change my mind.”


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All canon dialogue (of which there isn't a lot, really) is from the season 4 finale.

The helicopter was perched just outside the jungle line. The clearing was deathly still, but the chopper was not. The metal creaked and squealed as somebody moved around inside it. Jack and Sawyer crept as close as they dared, trying to get a glimpse of who it was without the person seeing them. Then a stream of muffled curses in a vaguely familiar voice drifted across the clearing to them. 

Jack, weapon drawn, looked at Sawyer in disbelief and motioned for him to keep Christine hidden before tentatively calling “Lapidus?” 

“Yeah!” The man in the chopper pushed aside a piece of equipment and the scruffy looking man who had saved their lives the day before came into view. He was laying on the floor of the chopper, handcuffed to the bolted seats, making an obvious argument that not all of the people from the freighter were, in fact, on the same team. 

Jack tucked his gun away and approached the chopper, keeping Sawyer and Christine safely behind him. “Are you the one who dropped the phone?” 

“No, I’m the one who threw it to you guys so you could find me and I could fly you outta here.” He rattled the handcuffs. “Now why don’t you do me a favor and get the toolbox outta that back compartment and help me outta these things. Hey there, sweetheart.” He smiled at Christine, who had awoken and was staring in fascination at the chaotic, funny colored blob making strange noises at her. 

Jack found the toolbox quickly and plunked it down in front of Lapidus, who reached to shake his hand. “Name’s Frank, by the way.” 

Jack nodded and shook his hand. “Jack. Where are Desmond and Sayid?” 

“Your friends were smart enough to keep their asses on the boat because right now that’s the safest place to be. Because when those boys that I brought over here come stompin’ out of this jungle you’re gonna wanna be long gone.” 

Jack eyed the jungle warily. “Where’d they go?” 

Frank took a swig of water from an economy sized bottle and offered it to Jack. “They’re up by some greenhouse. Perched up there, waitin’ to snatch Linus.” 

“What’re they gonna do with the people with him,” Sawyer asked, dreading the answer. 

“Nothin’ good,” Frank mumbled and turned to paw through the contents of the toolbox. 

Jack and Sawyer looked at each other gravely and Sawyer voiced the concern that was on both of their minds. “Hugo.” He shoved Christine into Jack’s arms abruptly. “Here, you stay here. I’ll go find ‘im.” 

Jack shook his head. “No, Sawyer, you can’t...” 

Sawyer kissed him to shut him up. “Don’t you worry about me. I’ll be back in no time.” He smiled crookedly and pulled away reluctantly. He unhooked the strap holding the rifle to his back, shouldered the weapon and started heading in the direction Frank had indicated this “greenhouse” was supposed to be. Then he hesitated and pulled out his pistol, handing it to Frank. Frank looked surprised. As did Jack. But something told Sawyer he could trust this man. He nodded to Jack. “Watch his back for me, would ya?” 

Frank nodded solemnly and took the gun, tucking it into his own waistband clumsily. “Will do.” 

********** 

“That your baby,” Frank asked conversationally some time later after Jack had stopped scanning the jungle quite so anxiously. 

“Yeah,” Jack replied easily, smiling at Christine, who was waving her arms in front of her face and staring at them with rapt attention. “This is my daughter. Christine.” 

Frank tossed the tool he was holding back in the box and smiled down at her. “You look just like your daddy, beautiful.” Then he went back to digging in the toolbox. “That blonde who was with you before...she the mother?” 

“Ah...no.” 

“Never mind. None of my business. Forget I asked.” 

Jack chuckled softly. “So uh...mind if I ask you a question?” 

“Shoot.” 

“The Red Sox really win the Series?” 

Frank snorted and tossed a wrench back into the toolbox. “Don’t get me started on that. My dad’s from the Bronx. I bleed Yankee blue.” 

Jack laughed and shook his head. “I guess miracles do happen.” 

Frank rolled his eyes. Then he froze suddenly and glanced toward the jungle. “Shit. They’re comin’. Get back in the woods. Over there,” he gestured to the patch of jungle behind the helicopter. “Take cover. I’ll keep ‘em busy.” 

Jack didn’t wait for further prompting. He just clutched Christine tighter to his chest and took off for the jungle. He got about fifty yards in and then stopped, looking back toward the clearing. 

Hands suddenly grabbed him and pulled him to one side. He wheeled around frantically and was startled to see a man he recognized from his time spent with the Others. The man - ‘Richard,’ some distant part of his mind supplied – gestured for him to stay quiet, guided him over to a tangled overgrowth of bushes and urged him to sit, squatting beside him. 

“Stay down. Don’t move. You’ll be safe here,” he said quietly. 

Jack nodded, struck dumb by fear and the surreal nature of this sudden turn of events. 

Richard stood and darted away with animal-like grace, disappearing into the trees. 

Christine whimpered and Jack pressed his lips to her ear. “Shh, it’s okay. It’s all right sweetheart.” His eyes scanned the eerily still jungle, his heart pounding loudly in his ears. 

A machine gun blast erupted from the clearing, followed by an explosion of gunfire, grenades and shouting. Jack had never been in a war zone before, but he imagined this was what one must sound like. He eased Christine to the ground beside him and curled his body around her, shielding her, babbling frantic reassurances, ignoring the voice inside him that screamed for him to run. 

He barely noticed when the noise stopped. He thought he heard Frank shouting his name but the sound was muffled and he couldn’t be sure. He didn’t move a muscle, scared to death of what might happen if he so much as reached for the pistol tucked in the back of his waistband and somebody saw him. He was a good shot, but these men had better training and military grade weaponry. He doubted he would get off more than one shot. 

A strangled cry wrenched from him as something moved behind him and someone was suddenly beside him. 

“It is all right, Jack. You are safe now.” 

Jack’s mouth worked impotently for several moments before he forced out “Sayid?” 

A gentle hand rested on his back. “Yes, Jack. It is all right. They are gone.” 

The tension slowly eased from Jack’s muscles and his whole body began to tremble, a sob rising to his throat. 

Sayid gently pried him from Christine, sighing in relief when he saw that she was unharmed. When he had first seen Jack wrapped around his daughter’s tiny body, neither one moving or making a sound, he had feared the worst. “Are you hurt?” 

Jack shook his head. 

Sayid cupped Jack’s face between his hands and forced him to meet his eyes. “Are you all right?” 

Jack knew that Sayid wasn’t referring to his physical state. “I will be,” he said shakily. 

Sayid nodded slowly. “We need to go back to the helicopter. I will carry Christine.” 

Jack nodded and let Sayid pull him to his feet. His limbs still trembled so hard from the surge of adrenaline and stress that he feared he would tumble right back to the ground mid-step, but then Sayid was beside him, Christine cradled in one arm, his other hand gripping Jack’s bicep firmly, steadying him. 

“Thank you,” Jack whispered. 

“You do not need to thank me, Jack,” Sayid replied gently. 

Jack nodded and slowly walked back toward the clearing. The shaking in his limbs eased after a few steps and was mostly gone by the time they emerged. He ignored the body laying near the edge of the tree line and focused on the helicopter, where Kate was bent over Frank’s handcuffs. When she saw Jack she dropped Frank’s hand and hurried over to him. “Are you okay?” Her hands fluttered over him, checking his mostly healed shoulder and running down his arms. 

Jack caught her hands. “I’m fine,” he mumbled. “Where’s Aaron?” 

“He’s with Sun. He should be on the freighter by now.” 

Jack didn’t bother asking for details. He was too drained to care how the hell Sun could have gotten Aaron onto the freighter or how Sayid had suddenly materialized back on the island. He trusted them. 

“Sayid! Kate!” 

Kate let go and turned to smile as Hurley entered the clearing. She met him halfway and was enveloped in a bear hug. 

Sawyer came into the clearing a moment later, rifle at ready, eyes finding Jack and Christine immediately. He slung the rifle strap onto his shoulder and made a beeline for them, his hands taking up the frantic search for injuries that Kate had abandoned. “Christ, are you all right?” 

Jack squeezed his hand, feeling better now that he knew they were all safe. “I’m fine.” 

Sawyer looked skeptical but relented, letting go of Jack to take Christine from Sayid. “Hey there, darlin’,” he murmured when her big blue eyes blinked up at him. “You miss me?” He looked around suddenly. “Where’s Turniphead?” 

Jack flinched slightly as Sayid started to carefully cut through Frank’s handcuffs with a hacksaw, the shrill whine of metal on metal rending the air. “Kate said he’s on the boat with Sun.” 

Sawyer frowned. “How the hell’d they get on the boat?” 

Jack sighed. “I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. As long as they’re safe.” He paused and glanced at Kate helping Sayid cut through Frank’s cuffs while keeping up a conversation with Hurley. “Did you have any problems?” 

“Nah. General Patton says ‘hi’.” Sawyer sneered at the memory. “Also said if we ever get outta here we’re gonna have to lie, whatever that means. Don’t know why we ever trusted that yahoo.” 

Jack frowned but didn’t have a chance to ask any further questions as Sayid broke through the handcuffs and Frank burst into motion. 

“All right. Let’s get the hell outta here!” 

Sayid steadied Jack as he climbed into the helicopter. Sawyer handed him the baby and boosted Kate up before climbing in himself. 

“After we drop off everyone at the boat we can come back for Claire, right,” Hurley asked as the rotors powered up. 

“Absolutely,” Jack replied. He fully planned on heading the search team for her himself once everyone – particularly the children – was safely on the freighter. 

“Hands inside the vehicle,” Frank called cheerfully. “Let’s go for a ride!” 

Sawyer slipped his arm around Jack’s shoulders, turning in toward him and gently resting his other hand on the bundle in Jack’s arms. Christine waved her arms a little and made a noise that was almost lost in the sound of the engine starting. 

Sawyer gaped at Jack. “Did she just giggle?” 

Jack laughed. “Yeah,” he called over the increasing noise. 

As the chopper lifted from the ground and carried them toward rescue they all felt – for the first time in a long time – a ray of hope for the future. 

It didn’t last. 

A few minutes into the trip Frank announced that the chopper was losing fuel. 

Jack tensed, clutching Christine tighter. “What?” 

“Look outside, tell me if you see anything,” Frank shouted over the motor. 

It was Sayid who spotted the bullet hole hemorrhaging gasoline into the ocean. 

“We’ve gotta find a place to set ‘er down!” 

“No,” Jack blurted. “Don’t land! There’s no fuel on the island. We’ve gotta get to the boat or this chopper’s useless!” 

“I’m tellin’ ya, I don’t see the boat,” Frank argued, desperately trying to reason. 

“Then keep looking!” 

Sawyer sat stiffly and silently. He wanted to argue that they could find some other way to get fuel from the boat, but he wasn’t sure there *was* a way. And he knew Jack would never agree to risk it. 

Frank seemed to reach the same conclusion as he then ordered everything “not bolted down” tossed overboard. Everyone but Jack – whose arms were otherwise occupied – complied, tossing equipment, the toolbox, a first aid kit and who knew what else into the water. 

“Is that enough,” Jack asked frantically as the last item splashed into the water below. “Can we make it?” 

“I’d feel a helluva lot better if we were a few hundred pounds lighter!” Frank paused while the gravity of the situation sunk in. “Well, if we don’t make it, we’re still close enough to ditch it on the beach.” 

“Hey! Do *not* go back to the island,” Jack snapped. 

“We may not have a choice, Doc!” 

Sawyer looked at the worried faces around him and realized suddenly what he had to do. All of them had reasons to want to go back to civilization – people and places to go back to – but his only reason was sitting right beside him. He knew he would gladly sacrifice himself if it meant Jack and Christine would be safe. 

“Hey,” he called. 

Jack tore his attention from Frank to look at Sawyer. 

He didn’t have time to say all the things he wanted to say. He just cradled Jack’s head in his hands and pulled him close, whispering in his ear. “Take good care of Chrissy for me. I love you.” 

Jack’s eyes widened. “Why are you saying this now?” 

Sawyer just kissed him, throwing as much passion into it as he knew how, not knowing when or if he would ever get another chance. Then, with one last lingering look into his lover’s dazed eyes - and a brush of his fingers across Christine’s cheek – he turned and jumped from the helicopter. 

“No, Sawyer!” Jack screamed, reaching instinctively to stop him. But it was too late and his hand clutched only empty air. He watched in horror as Sawyer hit the water below and disappeared. He felt Kate tense and reach for him as if afraid for a moment that he would jump after Sawyer, even with his daughter in his arms. He was barely aware of her. His eyes scanned the water frantically, his heart pounding. He didn’t realize he’d been holding his breath until he saw Sawyer’s head break the surface and air rushed into his constricted lungs. 

Sawyer looked up at the chopper one last time before beginning his swim back to the island. 

Kate drew Jack back gently and wrapped her arm around his shoulders in as close an approximation of Sawyer’s embrace as was possible for her smaller frame. “He’ll be okay,” she said hollowly, her face drawn in pain. “We’ll go back for him after we drop everyone off.” 

Jack just nodded and closed his eyes against his tears, trying not to think about the Dharma sharks. 

******** 

Juliet was sitting on the beach when Sawyer emerged from the water. 

He grinned at her shocked expression. “Nice day for a swim.” 

She stared at him blankly. “What are you doing here?” 

He wasn’t ready to explain all of the details of his near-rescue to her yet. “Decided to take a dip.” He nodded to the bottle of Dharma Rum held in her slack grip. “What’cha celebratin’?” 

She looked at him with an expression so numb and dejected he’d swear she had just learned she was dying. “I’m not celebrating.” She looked over his shoulder out at the water. He followed her gaze and froze, a cold spike of dread stabbing through him as he spotted the plume of smoke rising toward the sky. 

“Is that our boat?” 

She took a swig of rum. “It was.” 

A moment later, Sawyer was on his feet and headed for the water, but he was barely conscious of the movement. An incoherent scream ripped from deep inside him, making Juliet jump. She lurched to her feet and stumbled after him, throwing her arms around him and digging her heels into the sand. 

His balance upset, Sawyer collapsed to his knees, Juliet going down with him, still clutching him for dear life. His eyes blurred with enraged tears. “JACK!” 

“I’m sorry...I’m sorry,” Juliet babbled, unable to think of anything else to say. 

Sawyer could hardly take a breath, his throat constricting painfully. “Chrissy,” he gasped. Then all of the other faces of the people on the boat flashed through his mind. Kate, Hurley, Sayid...Aaron and Sun...and he doubled over in the sand and threw up. 

Juliet rested one hand on his back helplessly, the other covering her mouth, fighting back tears of her own. She remained silent, not able to offer him any words of condolence or comfort. How could she comfort a man who – for the second time in his life – had lost everyone that mattered most to him all at once? Sawyer was barely aware of her anymore anyway – too lost in his grief to notice anything outside of his own collapsing world. 

She didn’t know how long they remained like that until something in the distance caught her eye. Something small above the horizon but getting rapidly larger, moving away from the smoke and toward the island. She stared at it, blinking slowly, until she was confident she knew what it was. “James,” she breathed. “The helicopter.” She pointed at the object, still not sure it wasn’t a trick of her imagination. 

Sawyer looked up slowly in the direction she indicated. Sure enough, something was moving toward them...something that looked too big and moved too fast to be a bird. 

“Do you see it?” 

“Yeah,” he mumbled, not tearing his eyes from it. “I see it.” A spark of hope slowly lit within him and he climbed shakily to his feet, mentally praying to a god he had never believed in. 

A low hum started seemingly from nowhere and everywhere at once. Sawyer hardly paid attention to it. He didn’t care if that damned smoke monster was barreling down on him – he was rooted to his spot. The object got closer and closer until there was no doubt in either of their minds that it was the helicopter returning. The humming grew louder until it eclipsed all else and a bright light seemed to appear on the horizon, radiating outward and bathing everything in an unnaturally bright glow. Sawyer was forced to close his eyes and look away. It only lasted a second and then the light disappeared. Sawyer blinked rapidly as the world settled back into it’s former calm and his eyes widened. The helicopter – as well as the smoke from the destroyed freighter – was gone. 

“What the hell just happened? Where’d they go?” His voice was raw and unsteady from overuse. 

Juliet gaped, her mouth opening and closing soundlessly a few times before she stammered “they moved the island.” 

Sawyer spun on her. “What?!” 

“It’s a last resort. The Dharma Initiative...if the island and it’s people are in danger of being discovered...they’re instructed to move the island.” 

Sawyer’s face twisted into a mask of anger and confusion in equal parts. “What d’ya mean move the goddamned island? What happened to the chopper?!” 

Juliet’s mind raced, drawing up possible scenarios. Maybe the other, smaller island didn’t move. There wasn’t much space on it large enough to serve as a landing pad, but it could work. In all likelihood, though, they would be stranded with miles of ocean in every direction and if that happened they would inevitably run out of fuel. What were the odds of them surviving another horrific crash? She met Sawyer’s eyes, opened her mouth and did what she had learned to do naturally after years of working for Benjamin Linus: she lied. 

“When the island moved, they moved with it. Obviously not to the same location. They could be approaching Australia, Florida or the Sahara. I don’t know. But if Jack and Christine were on that helicopter – and I have to believe they were – they’re alive and they’re safe.” 

In all likelihood it didn’t matter whether they were alive or dead. Either way, Sawyer would never see them again. Even if they survived, they wouldn’t know how or where to find the island. It was kinder to let Sawyer hang on to the small thread of hope - that belief that he had made the right choice leaving them and forfeiting his own chance at rescue – than it was to tell him the truth.


	35. Chapter 35

(2 1/2 years later) 

Sawyer was just getting to the best part of his well-worn novel when someone knocked on the door of his cabin. He tried to ignore it – probably just that Greg guy checking up on him. Seeing if he was still alive. 

“Nobody home,” he called when the knocking didn’t stop. 

The knocking changed to pounding. 

Sawyer ripped off his glasses. “Go away!” 

“Sawyer,” a muffled voice called. 

Sawyer froze, his heart starting to pound. No. It couldn’t be... The glasses and book all but fell absently from his hands onto the table and he made it to the door in seconds. He threw it open and gaped at the man standing on his porch. “Jack.” 

Jack smiled almost shyly. “Hey.” He laughed as Sawyer swept him into an embrace so enthusiastic that he felt his feet leave the ground for a moment. 

“Jesus, Doc,” Sawyer breathed, peppering Jack’s face with reverent kisses. “Thought I’d lost you...what the hell happened? Is Chrissy all right?” 

Jack plunged his fingers into Sawyer’s still-shoulder length hair – someone must have cut it, he thought absently – and guided Sawyer’s lips to his, kissing him with all the passion and hunger of a man reunited with a long lost love. “Chrissy’s fine. I’ll explain later,” he panted when the need for air finally drove him to pull back. “We should go before they leave without us.” 

“Go,” Sawyer repeated dumbly. 

Jack grinned and Sawyer felt his chest ache at the almost forgotten sight. “Home.” 

******* 

They were the last ones on the boat, except of course, for the few who still elected to stay on the island. The New Others, Sawyer called them, although some of them were actually the original Others. Locke, naturally, was their leader. 

The helicopter ride to the ship was harrowing and Sawyer thought maybe the pilot – a man he didn’t recognize – would assume that was the reason he was clinging to Jack’s hand like a lifeline. In reality, he couldn’t stop touching Jack – afraid that if he broke that simple connection this would all prove to be a very vivid dream. He knew from the way Jack clung right back that the doctor felt the same way. 

A familiar face greeted Sawyer as they stepped onto the boat and clapped him on the back. “Welcome back, brother,” he called over the noise of the chopper powering down. 

Sawyer gaped at Desmond and the unfamiliar faces moving about the deck, speechless. 

Desmond barely noticed. “Is that everyone,” he asked Jack. 

“Yeah,” Jack called back. 

Desmond grinned. “Right! I’ll tell Penny. We’ll be off in a few.” 

“Penny,” Sawyer asked, dazed, as Desmond rushed off. 

“His wife. It’s their boat,” Jack explained as he guided Sawyer across the deck, down some stairs, and along a long corridor. 

“Where we goin’?” 

Jack threw open a door and pushed Sawyer into a small room with a cot shoved against one wall. 

“Oh,” was all he got out before Jack attacked his lips again. He growled and shoved Jack against the door the second it closed, trapping him there with the weight of his body. 

Jack moaned and fumbled to unbutton Sawyer’s shirt. Sawyer turned his attention to Jack’s neck, kissing, licking and biting in equal measure and Jack’s head fell back against the door with a dull thud. Sawyer’s knee slipped between his legs, pressing his rapidly hardening cock against Jack’s hip. Jack whimpered and writhed against the Southerner, shamelessly riding his thigh. 

“I missed you,” Sawyer murmured into Jack’s neck, tearing at the doctor’s shirt. “So much...” He swallowed the lump that threatened to rise in his throat. He had dwelled enough in his misery and regrets in the past couple years. He wouldn’t think about it now that Jack had been returned to him alive and well. 

“Sawyer,” Jack whined, tearing at his shirt. “Please.” 

Sawyer groaned, his mind racing with all the things he wanted to do with Jack – all the fantasies and dreams that had tortured him in their time apart, before the dread that they may never be reunited – that Jack was really dead – had fully sunk in. He ran his hands restlessly over Jack’s chest – still smooth, he noted – and laved his ear, nibbling on the ridge lightly. He flicked one nipple gently with his thumb and Jack groaned and arched into him. Sawyer kissed a light trail down his chest and bathed the stiff peaks with his tongue one at a time. Jack groaned louder and wove his fingers in Sawyer’s hair, fingering the strands gently as if to remind himself of the feel of it. 

Sawyer kissed his way down Jack’s abdomen, lingering reverently on the scar that was really the only remaining evidence of his pregnancy. Jack bit his lip, his eyes softening, but Sawyer didn’t notice, too focused on relearning his lover’s body. He fumbled to undo Jack’s jeans, sliding the material down impatiently, eager to take Jack in his mouth, to taste him for the first time in years. 

Jack moaned, his head falling back against the wall with a dull thud as he was engulfed in wet heat. His hands wrapped around Sawyer’s wrists, grounding himself, and he felt Sawyer’s thumbs massage tiny, soothing circles on his hips. 

He came embarrassingly fast, bucking against Sawyer’s tight grip. When he floated slowly back to reality Sawyer’s face was buried in his abdomen, kissing his dampening skin tenderly, his solid grip steadying Jack, keeping him from sagging to the floor. He took deep, steadying breaths and ran his fingers through Sawyer’s hair, gently unknotting the strands he’d tangled. 

Sawyer got slowly back to his feet, recapturing Jack’s lips. He ground against Jack’s hip once, restlessly, and stopped with a groan, prying his lips away and pressing his forehead to Jack’s neck, trying to force his arousal down. 

“Tell me you got condoms, Doc, cause I wanna be inside you so bad,” Sawyer muttered, his voice rumbling in a way that made Jack’s stomach flutter in anticipation. 

A small shudder went through Jack’s body and he wrapped his arms around Sawyer’s shoulders, fingers absently massaging the back of his neck. “Yeah,” he breathed. “Backpack...next to the bed.” He kissed Sawyer’s jaw, marveling at the surprisingly small amount of stubble. He shoved Sawyer’s well-worn shirt from his shoulders as Sawyer’s tongue explored his mouth in slow, deep plunges, mimicking what he wanted to do to Jack’s body. 

He pulled back when Jack’s fingers started fumbling with his jeans. “Bed,” he growled. 

Jack reluctantly untangled himself from Sawyer, tugged his jeans back up over his hips, and stumbled to the cot. 

It took Sawyer a minute to figure out the door locks. By the time he engaged them and turned around Jack had already retrieved condoms and lubricant from the pack and removed the rest of his clothes. Sawyer resisted the urge to pinch himself to make sure this was all really real. He felt a little better when he felt the vibrations of the ship’s engine’s roaring to life beneath his feet. He crossed the room and peeled off his own clothes while Jack made himself comfortable on the cot. Sawyer tossed the last of his clothes on the floor and knelt over Jack. Jack’s breathing deepened and his eyes ran over Sawyer’s body, taking in the familiar landscape. Then he frowned and reached out to touch Sawyer’s straining cock. 

Sawyer’s hips jolted and he hissed, but Jack’s touch wasn’t meant to excite. “When was your last outbreak,” he asked, sounding far away and clinically detached. 

Sawyer groaned. “You tryin’ to kill the mood here? I already told you it was before I met you.” He fumbled with a condom packet but Jack’s hand covered his, halting his progress. 

“And you haven’t...since I left...” 

Sawyer sighed heavily. “No. Not ‘less you count my left hand. Why?” 

Jack gently pried the packet from his hand. “Then you don’t need that.” 

Sawyer watched him toss it back toward the backpack, his lust-addled brain straining to catch up. “But what about...” 

“I had an operation,” Jack said, a wary expression tempering his own lust. “I can’t get pregnant without IVF anymore.” 

“Oh.” An unfamiliar mix of emotions hit Sawyer at the declaration. He expected the relief – that much he understood. What he hadn’t expected was the disappointment that came along with it. In spite of himself, he had grown attached to Christine in the brief time he’d spent with her. Her face had haunted him just as much as Jack’s had in their absence until he was forced to admit that he missed her. He had remembered what Jack had looked like when he was pregnant – the look of exhilaration and wonder he’d had the first time she had moved – and wondered what it would be like to do it all over again with his own flesh and blood. He shoved the thought aside and refocused on Jack, sprawled beneath him, letting the red haze of lust take over again. 

Something that looked oddly like relief flashed in Jack’s eyes and he reached to push a lock of hair behind Sawyer’s ear. “You okay?” 

Sawyer caught his hand and kissed the sensitive skin on the inside of his wrist. “’m fine.” 

Jack smiled and spread his legs a bit wider invitingly. “Then what’re you waiting for?” 

Sawyer groaned and fumbled for the lube, coating two fingers and recapturing Jack’s lips in a hungry kiss as he slid one home. 

Jack moaned and tilted his head, inviting Sawyer’s tongue deeper, tangling it with his own. His soft gasp was swallowed as Sawyer’s finger found the perfect angle inside him, sending small sparks chasing through his sated body. He pried his lips away with a wince as Sawyer pushed a second finger inside and began gently stretching him open. 

“Relax,” Sawyer breathed in his ear, pressing both fingers up hard, making Jack buck and whimper as his body tightened, trying to draw it out. He clung to Sawyer’s back and buried his face in the tanned neck. 

“I haven’t...since...” he gasped. 

Sawyer stifled a groan. “I know, baby.” It wasn’t really surprising that Jack would remain faithful to him. He would be too stubborn to entertain the possibility that they might never see each other again. “I’ll try to be gentle.” 

Jack hitched his hips, forcing the fingers deeper, his body unresisting as Sawyer added a third. “No, it’s okay,” he gasped. “I’m ready.” 

Sawyer dug the nails of his free hand into his palm, reigning in his control tightly. “Don’t wanna hurt you,” he muttered. 

“You won’t.” 

“Jack...” 

“Shut up and fuck me.” 

Sawyer groaned and pulled his hand free, reaching for the lube. “Yes, sir,” he muttered. 

Jack’s back arched and he let out a soft cry as Sawyer finally thrust inside him. His body spasmed around his lover, relearning the feeling of being filled so perfectly. 

Sawyer hissed and held himself rigid, giving Jack a chance to adjust, the tight, gripping heat threatening to send him over the edge before he even started. “You okay,” he gasped, his voice tight. 

Jack moaned a vague affirmative and wrapped his legs tighter around Sawyer’s waist. 

Sawyer groaned as the movement caused him to shift and slide a little bit deeper. “Fuck...so good...missed you so much.” He buried his face in Jack’s neck and started rocking his hips in tiny thrusts, barely pulling out of Jack’s clenching body before plunging back in. 

Jack’s hands roamed over his back restlessly, his hips moving in easy counterpoint. 

Sawyer captured his mouth in a bruising kiss, his strokes slow and deep, thrusting harder as he felt Jack’s body open to him. 

Jack tried to grip the cot beneath him, his arms flailing in the air for a moment, unable to find purchase. He made a frustrated noise and returned his hands to Sawyer’s shoulders. A moment later, Sawyer tried to shift his weight and hissed when his knee struck the metal frame of the cot. Jack took it as a cue and shoved at Sawyer’s chest suddenly, rolling them off the cot in a less than graceful maneuver. 

Sawyer grunted as his back hit the floor and groaned as Jack landed on top of him. He grimaced as his cock slipped free with the movement and was assaulted by the cool air. 

“That’s better,” Jack mumbled, reaching for Sawyer’s cock and guiding it back inside him, sighing as it slid home, going deeper than before. 

Sawyer’s thoughts stilled momentarily at the feeling of being inside his lover again. Then he muttered “I’m fine. Just a couple broken ribs.” 

Jack knew he was being sarcastic and leaned forward, bracing his hands on Sawyer’s chest. “Shut up,” he gasped. He rolled his hips in a languid thrust and sighed. 

Sawyer took advantage of his new freedom of movement, smoothing his hands over as much of Jack’s body as he could reach, testing his own memory of his lover’s most sensitive spots, delighting in the helpless little noises each touch elicited. A lump rose in his throat as he took in the sight of Jack riding him, eyes bright and partly glazed in pleasure. “You’re prettier ‘n I remembered,” he whispered. 

Jack chuckled breathlessly. “You don’t need to flatter me. Besides...everyone knows you’re the pretty one.” 

Sawyer grunted and lurched up, clutching Jack tightly to him and rolling them over in one swift, dizzying movement. “I’ll show you flattery.” 

Jack’s surprised laugh turned to a gasp as Sawyer drove into him at just the right angle, making a flash of heat surge through him, drowning all thought. “Oh...” 

Sawyer grinned. “That it, baby?” 

Jack just groaned and arched his back, hips thrusting up to meet Sawyer’s, digging his fingers into strong, tanned shoulders. 

Sawyer gripped Jack’s hips, holding him still as he let go of the last remnants of his control, slamming into his prostate again and again. He covered Jack’s lips in a bruising kiss, smothering the cry of pleasure as Jack went tense and shuddered powerfully beneath him. Sawyer followed close behind with a wild shout and collapsing on top of his welcoming body. 

When Jack regained control of his senses he reached to comb trembling fingers through Sawyer’s hair, brushing it back from his face. “We’re going to be feeling that tomorrow,” he gasped. 

Sawyer caught his hand and pressed a kiss to the delicate skin on the inside of his wrist. “See if I care.”


	36. Chapter 36

(2 years earlier) 

Kate was just getting out of the shower when she heard Christine crying. She listened for Aaron’s voice on the baby monitor on the counter but heard nothing. She relaxed. Jack would take care of it. She smiled softly as she reached for a towel, wondering when she had learned to tell the children apart by their cries alone. Maybe Claire had been right – mothering was coming naturally to her. 

Her smile faded when the cries didn’t stop. She changed the channel on the baby monitor to Christine’s room. “Jack?” 

Only Christine’s frantic cries answered her. She pulled on a robe and stuffed the monitor in one pocket, dashing out of the bathroom and down the hall to Christine’s room. Jack was nowhere to be found. 

“Okay, it’s okay,” she murmured, lifting Christine into her arms. “I’m sorry. I’m here...” 

She searched every room she passed on the way to the kitchen and a few more – absently – while she gave Christine a bottle. She tried to stay calm when she couldn’t find Jack anywhere. ‘Get Chrissy settled, look again, then call the police,’ she thought frantically. 

Luckily Christine always dropped right to sleep after a feeding. Kate got her tucked back into her crib, made sure she was out for the time being and hurried to check the rest of the house, calling Jack’s name loudly in an increasingly panicked voice. 

She found him in the new nursery, the room they’d intended to move Christine into once they’d finished it. He was lying on the floor, curled on his side, his eyes red and swollen from tears. 

She dropped to her knees in front of him, bending until her face was level with his. “Jack,” she called softly, placing a hand on his shoulder. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” 

“I can’t do this,” he mumbled, his voice raw, barely louder than a whisper. 

She shook her head. “Can’t do what, Jack? What happened? Are you hurt?” 

“He should be here,” Jack continued like he hadn’t heard her. He probably hadn’t, she realized. 

She blew out a breath, her heart slowing to a calmer pace. “We’ve been through this, Jack,” she said gently. This was not the first time he had sunk into a depressed state since they had returned to civilization. She had talked him down from the metaphorical ledge a few times. But he had never sunk so far that he couldn’t even function enough to take care of his daughter. Kate worried that at this rate she may have to talk him from an actual ledge sometime soon. 

His eyes met hers, painfully red-rimmed and shining with tears he no longer had enough energy to cry. “We should never have left.” 

She cringed inwardly. “We couldn’t stay. You know that.” 

His eyes slid away, focusing on his hands, clenched in loose fists in front of him. 

Kate sighed again and pushed herself upright enough to crawl over him, pressing herself to his back and winding her arms around his chest. She craned her neck to kiss his cheek, her heart breaking a little as the sharp, salty taste of his tears lingered on her lips. “You can’t keep blaming yourself,” she murmured in his ear. “You couldn’t have stopped him. He thought it was the only way to save you...to save us. None of us knew Ben could move the island.” 

“What if he didn’t make it back,” Jack mumbled 

Kate’s arms tightened. “He made it,” she said firmly. “He’s a stronger swimmer than any of us. And he’s a survivor. I’m sure he’s sitting on the beach drinking Dharma beer and waiting for us to find him.” She smiled softly at the thought. She could just picture him flashing a dimpled smile and drawling ‘bout damned time y’all came back’. 

Jack’s lips twitched slightly at the thought, his eyes burning as they tried vainly to expel tears. Some distant voice inside him told him he needed to drink something – keep hydrated. The voice sounded a lot like his father’s. He closed his eyes, taking a deep, shaky breath. 

“We won’t stop looking,” Kate said firmly, reaching to lace her fingers with his and squeezing gently. “We’ll find him.” 

He nodded slowly and squeezed her hand back. 

Kate fell silent for a while, giving Jack a chance to surface from the pit of despair he’d thrown himself into. She looked around the room as best she could from her position, absently noting that they would need a dresser, some curtains and maybe a bookshelf and something that could serve as a changing table before Christine could move in. She admired the crib Sayid had given them as a gift for the umpteenth time. “I need to do some shopping tomorrow. Will you be okay here with the kids?” She wasn’t sure it was a good idea to leave him alone for long, but Jack was likely to get even more upset if she hovered over him. Besides, she wouldn’t have to be gone *that* long. 

He sighed and closed his eyes. “Yeah.” 

“I’ll have my cell with me...” 

“Don’t forget the pad.” 

She smiled. He must be feeling better if he was worried about that. “Of course.” She hugged him tightly and felt him sink back into her embrace gratefully. “Everything’s going to be okay. I promise.” 

He sniffled, but nodded. 

“Should I get a blanket?” 

He groaned. “No, if I sleep here I’ll never get up.” 

“Okay.” She pressed another kiss to his cheek and slowly detangled herself, climbing to her feet and bending to help him up. He managed to sit up on his own, but leaned heavily on her to stand. He swayed slightly and she tightened her grip on his shoulders. “You okay?” 

He nodded wearily. “I’m fine. I just need water.” He winced suddenly, his grip on her arms tightening. 

Her hands went to his abdomen and she winced as she felt sharp little blows to her palms. “I’ll get it. You go lay down and try to relax.” 

He sighed heavily. “I’m sorry I keep doing this.” 

She cut him off with a finger pressed to his lips. “Stop apologizing.” She cradled his cheek for a moment and smiled affectionately. “Go to bed. I’ll bring the water in a couple minutes.”


	37. Chapter 37

(Present) 

Sawyer woke up and immediately registered the lack of a warm body beside him. He panicked momentarily – afraid that the rescue had been a cruel dream – until he felt the gentle rocking that could only come from being on a boat. 

He opened his eyes and blinked at the figure sitting hunched in a chair beside the cot. “What the hell’re you doin’ over there,” he slurred sleepily. “Come back to bed.” 

Jack didn’t move and when he spoke his voice was so soft Sawyer almost didn’t hear him. “Do you love me?” 

Sawyer forced himself closer to consciousness, frowning at the perplexed look on Jack’s face. “What?” 

“Do you love me,” Jack repeated. 

Sawyer groaned, letting his head fall back on the cot. “Yes, all right? How many time you gonna make me say it before you believe me? You’re worse than a goddamned girl.” 

“Do you love Christine?” 

Sawyer looked at Jack again, confused. This was new. “Yeah,” he said without hesitation. “I do.” It had taken a forced separation for him to realize just how much, but he honestly did. 

Jack sighed and looked down at the folded paper clutched in his hands, his fingers playing with the edges nervously. “I need to know you’re not going to run,” he said, his voice tight. “I need your word that you won’t leave because I don’t think...” his voice caught and he swallowed. “I don’t think I could take losing you again.” 

Sawyer sat up, fully awake now. “What is this about?” 

Jack sighed and leveled his gaze with Sawyer’s, his eyes pleading desperately for something Sawyer wasn’t sure he understood. “Please, just...before Chrissy was born you said you weren’t cut out to be a father. If you don’t think you can handle it I need to know now.” 

A knot of dread settled in Sawyer’s stomach at the gravity in Jack’s voice. Surely fate wasn’t cruel enough to reunite them only to force them apart again. “You dyin’?” 

Jack huffed, his increasing frustration threatening to turn to anger. “No, I’m not *dying*, would you just...” 

“Good,” Sawyer interrupted. “Cause I ain’t plannin’ on lettin’ you or Chrissy go without a fight.” 

Jack faltered, his face slowly softening as Sawyer’s words sunk in. 

“You gonna tell me what this is about,” Sawyer prompted. 

Jack hesitated a moment longer, then slowly handed the paper over. 

Sawyer took it warily. “What’s this?” He didn’t wait for an answer before opening it. He froze, staring stupidly at the printed digital picture, trying to work out what it implied. 

It was a picture of Jack, Kate and the kids. From the simple tree in the background it was obvious it had been taken around Christmas. The child sitting on Kate’s lap could only be Aaron, just as the angelic looking little girl plastered to Jack’s side with her head on his shoulder could only be Christine, though he barely recognized either as they had grown so much since he’d last seen them. But what really drew Sawyer’s attention was the third child perched on Jack’s lap. 

“About a month after we were rescued,” Jack began softly. “I found out I was pregnant. That...is your son.” 

Sawyer didn’t look up, too stunned to reply – though a part of him had known before Jack had said the words. The little boy flashing a wide, dimpled smile at the camera had dark, soulful eyes and barely tamed dirty blond hair. There was no mistaking who his parents were. “How old is he?” 

“Almost two and a half,” Jack said tentatively. “When Ben moved the island...” 

“We lost a year,” Sawyer finished. “I know. That Danny guy said as much before he...” He shook his head and ran a finger absently along the curve of the boy’s rounded face. “What’s his name,” he asked quietly. 

“James.” 

Sawyer looked up, startled and Jack smiled sheepishly. 

“I wasn’t sure I’d ever see you again,” he explained. 

Sawyer’s eyes returned to the picture and he shook his head in amazement. “When did you...” He trailed off with a soft groan, closing his eyes. “The condom.” 

“Yeah.” Jack slowly moved to sit on the edge of the cot by Sawyer’s drawn-up knees, reaching a tentative hand to rest on the man’s arm. He gasped in surprise as Sawyer abruptly grabbed him by the chin and covered his lips in a bruising kiss. 

The need for air forced Sawyer to break the kiss, but he didn’t stop touching Jack. “I can’t promise anythin’,” he murmured, stroking Jack’s cheek with his knuckles. “But I’ll give it my damndest.” He knew he couldn’t depend on Jack and a possible settlement with Oceanic forever. And if he fell back on his old ways Jack would more than likely leave him. But now that he had Jack again he couldn’t imagine life without him – kids and all. A tiger may not be able to change his stripes, but Sawyer could damn well *try* to beat those odds. “Jesus...you were pregnant...” He dropped one hand to Jack’s abdomen as if he could still feel the ghost of their son. “When that boat blew up an’ I thought you were dead...” he shook his head. “I damn near threw myself in after you. Jules spent months convincin’ me you were alive somewhere.” 

Jack’s face screwed up in pain. 

“What happened out there?” 

“Desmond warned us about a bomb when we landed on the boat. We patched up the chopper, refueled and took off before it blew up.” He hesitated, lost for a moment in the horror of the memory. “Then there was a light and the island just...disappeared. Sayid barely had time to throw the raft out before we crashed.” 

Images of Jack and Christine and twisted metal flooded Sawyer’s mind and he tamped down a rising queasiness. ‘They made it,’ he reminded himself. ‘They survived.’ 

“I passed out. Next thing I knew, I was waking up underwater and Desmond was dragging me to the raft. Hurley was on it already with Chrissy. And Sun with Aaron. Between nursing both of them, the pregnancy and the trauma I was so exhausted and weak by the time the ship arrived they needed a sling to haul me on board. It’s a miracle I didn’t miscarry.” 

Sawyer pulled Jack into his arms and Jack went easily, curling into Sawyer’s warmth, pressing his head to one muscled shoulder. 

“Go on,” Sawyer encouraged, rubbing Jack’s arm. 

Jack sighed. “We realized that Charles Widmore had put a lot of money and effort into convincing the world that there were no survivors of Oceanic 815. He dug up hundreds of bodies and staged the wreckage deep enough underwater that nobody could bring it back up. He didn’t want anyone looking for us – for the island. So we pretended to be the only survivors, the seven of us. Penny helped us stage a rescue. We told everyone the rest of you were dead.” Jack’s grip tightened minutely, as if reassuring himself again that it was only a lie. “We said you were all dead to protect you from him. But we didn’t stop looking. Secretly. Being careful not to let Widmore figure out what we were doing. A year after we left, Ben appeared. He told Sayid that the island had moved through time – that we hadn’t been able to find it because when it moved it had basically ceased to exist. It took us a year and a half to find it – partly because it didn’t reappear until a year after Ben did.” He pulled back a little to look into Sawyer’s face, gently tucking a lock of hair behind his ear. “It’s only been a year for you since we left.” 

“Two,” Sawyer corrected. “Spent a year back in 1977 ‘fore Danny Boy got us righted again. Last thing he ever did.” 

Jack blinked. “1977?” 

“Don’t ask,” Sawyer grumbled. “Let’s just say I think I saw the ‘incident’ the Dharma folk were always goin’ on about first hand. And Einstein was at ground zero. Guess he overshot it a little since we lost a whole year.” He coughed the look of silent wonder in Jack’s eyes. “What?” 

Jack shook his head, snapping himself out of it. “Nothing, I just...you were celibate for two years?” 

Sawyer snorted indignantly. “That really so hard to believe?” 

“No, I...well, I mean...you *were* sort of a...manwhore,” Jack mumbled. 

Sawyer nearly laughed out loud at the awkwardness of such a word coming from Jack’s mouth. That and the rush of blood to his face that turned the tips of his ears red. “Yeah, well...guess you cured me o’ that, huh? ‘sides, I wasn’t exactly *celibate*. You gave me plenty of material to keep me busy. ‘specially that little memory of you tearin’ my clothes off and ridin’ me like a damn bronco, all wild-eyed, pregnant and glowin’.” His fingers massaged the back of Jack’s neck softly and he smiled affectionately. “Seein’ you lose control like that’s better ‘n’ porn any day.” 

Jack gave a small, embarrassed smile before settling back into Sawyer’s embrace. 

“I can’t believe I missed it again,” Sawyer bemoaned. “You givin’ birth.” 

Jack made a soft noise somewhere between a snort and a dry chuckle. “I pretty much missed it too. I had to be sedated.” 

Sawyer frowned. “’s that normal?” 

“Yeah, when the person you’re trying to cut into can’t stop shaking and convulsing. Hurley had to help Kate get me to the hospital – I could barely walk.” 

Sawyer winced. “That bad, huh?” 

“Mmm. I never really appreciated how easy Christine was. JJ was a lot more...energetic. And colicky.” 

“JJ?” 

Jack lifted his head. “Oh. We call him JJ. James Junior.” A sheepish look came over his face. “You like it?” 

Sawyer shrugged. “I can live with it.” 

“I had a lot of time to think about his name since I practically spent the whole last trimester in bed, but nothing else seemed right.” 

Sawyer stared at him, silently demanding further explanation. 

“Oh. There were days he wouldn’t stop kicking me.” 

Sawyer recalled the pain Jack had been in late in his first pregnancy when Christine had kicked for even a minute straight. “Christ...” he muttered. “I shoulda been there.” 

Jack grabbed the hand Sawyer moved toward his face. “Don’t. Kate was there and I sprained her wrist and said a lot of things I regretted later. I think she nearly had a nervous breakdown taking care of me and the kids for that first year. If you need to apologize to someone, you can talk to her, but I’m actually glad you didn’t have to see me like that.” 

Sawyer wanted to argue – wanted to say he would gladly have taken the abuse if it would have made Jack’s pain more tolerable – but he knew the man was right. Jack would not have wanted him there, would have fought to keep him at arm’s length. So instead Sawyer changed the subject. 

“You never said how you got back without that Whitmore guy catchin’ wind o’ ya.” 

“Widmore’s dead.” 

“Oh.” 

“Couple months ago. Coroner thinks he commited suicide. Ben died right around the same time. I’m not so sure it was a coincidence.” 

Sawyer recalled the shock, fury, and cold resignation on Ben’s face when his daughter had been killed and silently agreed that it sounded suspicious. “So how’d you know where to find us?” 

“Daniel’s mother.” 

Sawyer’s fingers froze in their unconscious wandering over Jack’s shoulder. “*Daniel’s* mother?” 

“Don’t ask.” 

Sawyer shrugged. He doubted he would fully understand anyway. “Don’t matter how you found it. You’re here now.” He tilted Jack’s chin upward and flashed him a dimpled smile. “The rest ain’t important.” 

Jack smiled back softly and parted his lips, meeting Sawyer’s kiss halfway.


	38. Chapter 38

The next time Sawyer woke alone in bed he had only a moment to panic before registering the chair beside the head of his cot with Jack’s backpack perched on it. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and extracted the piece of paper Jack had left half-hidden under it. 

‘Went to find Claire,’ it said simply. ‘Love you.’ 

Sawyer smiled, crawled slowly out of bed, and began gathering his scattered clothes from the floor of the cabin. 

******* 

He found them at the port railing, watching a couple of whales swimming in the distance and talking quietly. 

Sawyer crept up quietly and slid his hands around Jack’s waist from behind, pulling their bodies flush and nuzzling the doctor’s neck. 

“Really, must you always feel my brother up while we’re talking,” Claire asked lightly, her eyes twinkling with amusement. 

Sawyer sighed dramatically and slowly withdrew his arms. “Alright then, I guess I’ll go back to my room.” He smirked as Jack twisted around in his arms and kissed him enthusiastically. “That’s better,” he murmured against Jack’s lips. 

Jack hummed and pulled Sawyer back against him, soaking in his warmth in the cool morning air. “We were just talking about the kids.” 

“I may think twice about sitting my new nephew,” Claire added with a wink. 

Sawyer’s eyebrow raised slightly and he looked at Jack. “Really?” 

“He’s two,” Jack defended. “They don’t call that age ‘terrible’ for nothing. Though he’s always been more difficult than Chrissy or Aaron...” 

Claire sighed. “I can’t believe I missed three years of my son’s life.” 

“Join the club, sister,” Sawyer muttered. “So...you adopted Aaron?” 

Jack’s fingers faltered in their rhythmic circles on Sawyer’s back. “No. When we got back we kind of had a lot of public attention. We said Aaron and Christine were Kate’s to avoid turning it into a circus.” 

‘Freaks and all,’ Sawyer thought and held back a wince. 

“When my pregnancy started to show I basically went into hiding. Kate wore pregnancy pads when she went out in public – the kind actors use to fake pregnancies – and we passed JJ off as hers too. When Widmore died and we could finally admit we weren’t the only survivors we told everybody we lied about Aaron to protect him and Claire and turned him over to Claire’s mother.” 

“Wait...” Sawyer felt his head spin a little. “Thought you said your momma was dead.” 

Claire shook her head, a rejuvenated smile spreading across her face. “She was in a coma. I guess she woke up.” 

“She approached me at dad’s funeral,” Jack added. 

“So everyone thinks Chris and...JJ are Freckles’ kids?” 

Jack shrugged. “Why wouldn’t they?” He brushed a wind-blown strand of hair from Sawyer’s eyes. “We’ll tell the kids the truth when they’re older, but right now they’re too young to understand where babies even come from, much less how they are different.” 

“So I don’t suppose you’ve tracked down Chrissy’s daddy then.” 

Jack froze, his breath faltering. 

Sawyer misunderstood his hesitance. “Yeah, yeah, I know. *I’m* her daddy, but I ain’t been around and I figure the guy oughta know he knocked you up.” 

“I...” Jack made a sputtering, coughing noise, closed his eyes, took a deep breath and tried again. “I can’t. He’s dead.” 

Sawyer’s expression softened a little, though he couldn’t help but feel a small measure of relief to know that he wouldn’t have to compete with Christine’s “real” father. “You found ‘im,” he said lamely. 

“So did you. We buried him on the island.” 

Sawyer stared dumbly at Jack. “What?” 

“It was Boone,” Jack said softly. 

Sawyer heard Claire gasp, reassuring him that he wasn’t the only one Jack had kept this secret from. “Boone. The skinny kid you damn near killed y’rself tryin’ to save?” 

Jack flinched and nodded slowly. 

“Oh, Jack...” Claire’s hand fell lightly on Jack’s arm, unsure, but wanting to lend what support she could. 

Sawyer’s arms fell slack, slipping from Jack’s waist to hang limp at his sides. “You slept with him?” 

Jack clung to Sawyer’s neck, preventing him from backing away. “No! Well, yes, but it was just that one time. Before the island. I was drunk and desperate and he wanted to experiment. I didn’t know his name. I thought I would never see him again. When I did...we both agreed not to talk about what happened. We would pretend it *didn’t* happen.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me he was Chrissy’s daddy,” Sawyer demanded. 

“I didn’t know...” 

“Yes, you did. Right after she was born. You said her daddy was some guy ‘t fucked you in a gay bar. Said you didn’t know him. You lied.” 

Jack’s mouth opened and closed impotently, unable to think of anything to say. Mostly because Sawyer was right. Jack shouldn’t have lied to him about that – no matter how good his intensions may have been. 

“Know what? Forget it.” Sawyer reached up and pried Jack’s arms from around his neck, backing away. “I ain’t talkin’ about this in front of your sister.” He dropped Jack’s hands unceremoniously and turned, heading back toward their cabin. 

“Wait,” Jack blurted, moving to follow, but Claire’s arm around his shoulders stopped him. 

“Let him go,” she murmured. “Give him some time.” 

Jack sagged into her loose hug and nodded dejectedly, blinking back a couple tears.


	39. Chapter 39

Sawyer was sitting in the chair staring at the Christmas photo when Jack returned to the cabin. He didn’t look up as Jack slipped quietly through the door. 

“Always thought she looked more like you an’ your daddy.” 

“She does,” Jack said quietly, moving toward Sawyer and stopping in front of his chair, standing awkwardly. 

“It all makes sense now, don’t it? You damn near drainin’ yourself dry to save ‘im.” 

Jack shook his head. “I’m a universal donor. I would have done it for any of them.” 

“Yeah? Would you’ve run yourself into th’ ground goin’ after the guy you thought killed ‘em too?” 

Jack went quiet and dropped to his knees in front of Sawyer, reaching to rest a tentative hand on his knee. 

Sawyer caught his wrist and squeezed painfully tight. “Why’d you lie t’ me,” he growled. 

“Because I didn’t want you to think you had to compete with a dead man,” Jack practically whispered. 

Sawyer snorted in disbelief. “You ‘xpect me to believe that?” 

“No. Please, just...let me finish.” 

Sawyer grunted and released Jack’s hand. 

Jack hesitated a moment, then rested his hand on Sawyer’s thigh, relaxing in relief when Sawyer didn’t resist him. He took a deep breath and started over. “Boone was a one night stand. I didn’t know his name. I thought I would never see him again. I didn’t know I was pregnant...I didn’t know it was *possible* for me to be pregnant until after he died. And then, I thought Christine was yours. I *wanted* her to be yours so much that I made excuses for any anomalies in the pregnancy that might have told me that was impossible – that she was developing too fast. I convinced myself that they were just my imagination – that I wasn’t an expert on pregnancy and childbirth.” Jack took a breath and blinked back tears. “After I found out... At first I was afraid to tell you. You were so good with her...with me...I was afraid you would leave.” 

“So you lied,” Sawyer concluded, his voice flat and emotionless. 

Jack shook his head. “No. I told you the truth. I just left a few details out. I figured it didn’t matter who Christine’s father was. He was dead. He could never be a part of her life.” 

Sawyer grumbled under his breath. 

“He was never part of *my* life. It was one night. I don’t regret it because he gave me Chris. He was a good man and I’m glad a part of him will live on, but it’s only DNA. He was...a sperm donor. *You* are her father.” Jack’s eyes dropped to somewhere around Sawyer’s chest. “I know I should’ve told you before. I’m sorry.” 

After a moment’s silence Sawyer reached out to gently tilt Jack’s chin up until their eyes met. “You thought I’d leave you if I knew you’d slept with him.” It wasn’t really a question – more like he was seeking confirmation. 

“I thought you’d be jealous. But he was dead. And I didn’t know when or if we’d ever get off that island. I figured it wasn’t worth telling you and turning it into a big issue.” Jack sighed and dropped his forehead to rest on Sawyer’s thigh. “I know it was stupid. Just...don’t punish Christine for my mistake.” 

Sawyer sighed heavily and stroked Jack’s hair, letting his fingers tunnel through the short strands. “Boy, you really are stupid sometimes. I ain’t gonna punish nobody for nothin’, so you can quit your grovelin’.” 

Jack looked up, frowning. “You’re not mad?” 

“Didn’t say that. Fact, I oughta take you over my knee for lettin’ me go on thinkin’ her daddy was out there somewhere waitin’ for ya.” He cupped Jack’s face between his hands, forcing Jack’s eyes to meet his. “Anythin’ else you been forgettin’ to tell me?” 

Jack shook his head. 

“Then get up off that floor ‘fore you hurt yourself.” 

Jack stood slowly, then hesitated, uncertain, until Sawyer pulled him astride his lap. Jack sat stiffly, unsure whether the chair was really strong enough to hold their combined weight. He sighed as Sawyer’s fingers traced along his neck. 

“You were drinkin’?” 

Jack blinked, his forehead pinching in confusion. “What?” 

“I don’t care how pretty the kid was, I don’t believe you’d let a stranger fuck you in a bathroom ‘less you were drunk.” 

Jack averted his eyes. “It *was* a bar,” he mumbled. 

“Mmm-hmm. Was it good?” 

Jack frowned. “What does it matter?” 

Sawyer shrugged. “Just curious.” 

Jack shook his head. “You’re jealous.” 

“That a kid who wasn’t old enough to drink got you shit faced and bent over a toilet ‘fore you even knew his name? Kinda. ‘specially after all you put *me* through.” 

Jack sighed. “He wasn’t *that* young.” 

Sawyer ignored the protest. “He make you come?” 

“No.” 

Sawyer’s eyebrows raised. “Really?” 

“It was a public bathroom. I wasn’t nearly drunk enough to forget that.” 

A smirk pulled at the corners of Sawyer’s lips. “Bet I could’ve made you come anyway.” 

Jack groaned. “It’s not a competition, Sawyer.” 

“I know it ain’t. I’m just sayin’. I could prob’ly make you come right here in this chair ‘f I wanted to.” 

“Sawyer...” 

“Might be kinda fun.” Sawyer kissed his jaw, tipping Jack’s head to one side with one hand. His other hand went to the small of Jack’s back, anchoring him and gently coaxing him closer. 

Jack squirmed and groaned as Sawyer’s lips trailed down his neck. “I’m not having sex with you just so you can prove to yourself that you’re a better lover than Boone.” 

“I ain’t tryin’ to prove nothin’ to nobody, Doc,” Sawyer said between kisses. “You had plenty o’ chances to get rid of me but you keep comin’ back.” He pulled back a little to smile at Jack. “Don’t matter much how many guys you’ve knocked boots with or whether they could make you scream like I know I can. You’re mine now. And nice as that little welcome home was last night it weren’t nearly enough to make up for those two years I spent wishin’ I could touch you.” 

He smiled that sweet, charming smile that always made Jack melt a little, no matter how frustrating the man could be at times. 

“Now. How ‘bout we move to that cot ‘fore we break this chair?” 

Jack’s weak resistance crumbled and he smiled. “Okay.” 

******* 

They stayed in their room when the ship docked near Long Beach, avoiding the media circus they knew full well waited on the shore to greet them. 

“How long d’you s’ppose we’ll have to wait,” Sawyer asked in a low voice, his fingers playing with the hem of Jack’s shirt suggestively. 

“I don’t know. It shouldn’t take too long,” Jack murmured absently. 

“Mmm...got any ideas on how to pass the time,” Sawyer teased, nipping at Jack’s earlobe. 

Jack jolted upright suddenly. “Oh! I almost forgot!” He slipped from the cot, much to Sawyer’s dismay, and reached for his backpack, opening one of the side compartments. “I have something for you...” He returned with two thin, hard-bound books, which he presented to Sawyer. 

Sawyer took them hesitantly. “What’s this for?” He looked down at the covers and any further questions died on his tongue. 

“I couldn’t remember which one was your favorite,” Jack said sheepishly. “I could never keep the two straight.” 

Sawyer just stared at the books silently, a lump forming in his throat. One was “Of Mice and Men”, the other “The Grapes of Wrath”. He thought back to those nights early in their relationship when Jack had read to him from one of the paperbacks he’d found in the wreckage – insisting it would give Sawyer’s overworked eyes a break. Sawyer had let him mostly because he found listening to Jack drone on about sunsets and open fields oddly soothing. It was on one of those nights that he’d probably told Jack that Steinbeck was his favorite author in some offhand way. All this time later, Jack had somehow remembered that tiny detail. 

“I figured you could start a new collection,” Jack continued, babbling nervously. “And we should make an appointment for you to see an eye specialist so you can get a decent pair of reading glasses.” 

Sawyer dropped the books onto the cot beside him and dragged Jack down, silencing him with a kiss. 

Jack made a surprised noise but quickly eased into the kiss, panting when Sawyer finally let him up for a much-needed breath. “What...” 

“I love you,” Sawyer murmured, kissing him again, this time more gently. 

Jack smiled and leaned into him, letting Sawyer control their movements, moaning softly as a hand slowly worked its way beneath his shirt. 

Sawyer groaned when a knock at the door interrupted them. “Go away,” he snapped. But Jack was already detangling himself and climbing from the cot. “Where’re you goin’,” he complained. 

Jack just dodged his reaching hands. “Answer it.” 

“Why,” Sawyer whined. “You’re closer.” 

Jack just gave him a look. 

The knocking came again, this time more insistent. 

“Fine,” Sawyer grumbled. He slipped from the cot, mentally cursing whoever would dare interrupt their moment of intimacy the entire short walk to the door. 

He threw open the door and whatever scathing remark he may have intended to say died on his tongue when he saw who was standing out in the hallway. 

“Dude, you’re alive,” Hurley exclaimed, sweeping Sawyer into a fierce hug that lifted him several inches from the ground. 

“Woah!” Sawyer laughed. “Easy there.” He patted Hurley’s back. “It’s good to see you too, Kong.” 

Hurley let go and cocked his head at Sawyer. “You know, I actually missed that.” 

Sawyer smiled. “Missed you too, Hugo.” 

Hurley smiled brightly, then returned his attention to Jack. “I pulled the truck up to the dock. You ready to go?” 

Sawyer turned to find Jack had already packed his backpack. 

Jack smiled. “Let’s go home.”


	40. Chapter 40

Hurley bombarded Sawyer with questions the whole way home until Sawyer thought he might just jump out of the vehicle while it was speeding down the freeway. At least, he thought, the tinted windows on the Humvee had shielded them from the flashbulbs of the news cameras still milling around on shore. 

They finally pulled in front of the kind of house Sawyer used to visit only when one of his marks invited him home while her husband was out of town. 

Jack patted Hurley’s shoulder and reached for the door handle. “Thanks, Hurley. I’ll call you tomorrow.” 

“Wait,” Hurley blurted. “Your key...” He flipped down the visor over his head and caught the object as it spilled nearly into his lap, holding it out to Jack. 

Jack smiled and took the proffered key, grabbing his backpack as he climbed from the high seat of the Humvee. Sawyer was right behind him. 

Jack glanced at his watch as Hurley drove away. “The kids should be asleep by now.” He started for the front door, but stopped when he realized Sawyer wasn’t moving. “You coming?” 

Sawyer tore his eyes from the upscale suburban house to look at Jack, his expression wary. “You sure ‘bout this?” 

Jack frowned. “Am I sure about what?” 

Sawyer made a vague gesture at the house and the empty space between their bodies. “This. Us.” The reality of the situation had finally sunk in and he wasn’t sure he was ready for whatever waited on the other side of that door. He had been away from civilization for so long. How could he be expected to just fit into the life Jack had already made for himself here? 

Jack walked back toward Sawyer, holding out his backpack. “Here, hold this,” he instructed. 

Sawyer took the backpack, confused, but before he could ask, Jack cradled the back of his head in his newly freed hand and kissed him. 

Sawyer felt a little light headed and breathless by the time Jack let him up. 

“Does that answer the question,” he asked with a slightly cocky smirk. 

A muffled thump came from the house and Sawyer tore his eyes from Jack to see the little girl from Jack’s photograph standing at one of the large front windows, wearing what looked like a purple sleeping gown, her palms pressed to the glass eagerly. She ran off abruptly as Jack’s hand closed around Sawyer’s wrist and he headed for the front door, coaxing Sawyer along. 

Sawyer stood back, dazed as they entered the house and Christine immediately barreled up to Jack, yelping “Daddy!” 

Jack swept her up in his arms, kissing her cheek. “What are you doing up past your bedtime?” 

“She refused to go to bed until you came to tuck her in,” Kate said, coming into the entryway from the same direction Christine had appeared. 

“I missed you, Daddy,” Christine chimed in, tightening her arms around Jack’s neck. 

Jack laughed. “I missed you too, sweetheart.” 

While Christine babbled excitedly about “uncle” Hurley’s visit earlier that day, Kate sidled over to Sawyer. 

“Welcome back,” she said warmly, throwing her arms around his shoulders. 

He hugged her tightly, dropping the all but forgotten backpack on the floor. “Good to see you too, Freckles.” 

Whether because she had finished her story or not, Sawyer realized Christine was staring at him silently when Kate pulled away. 

Jack cleared his throat lightly. “Honey, do you remember when I told you about your other Daddy?” 

Christine nodded solemnly, her eyes not moving from Sawyer’s face. 

“This is your other Daddy. This is James.” 

Her eyes lit up at the name and she turned to Jack. “Like JJ?” 

He smiled. “Yeah. Just like JJ.” 

She squirmed until Jack got the hint and put her down. The second her feet touched the floor she took off in the direction she had come from. 

Kate smiled at Jack’s baffled expression. “She’ll be right back.” 

Jack just shook his head. “Is JJ asleep?” 

Kate nodded. “I put him to bed about an hour ago. He really wore himself out this afternoon.” 

Christine came running back into the hall, a piece of paper clutched in her hands. She made a beeline for Sawyer and held it out to him like an offering. 

Sawyer hesitated a moment before kneeling beside her, taking the paper. “What’s this?” He squinted at the brightly colored shapes and squiggles crayoned onto the page. 

Christine pointed to the shape in the middle, then each of the figures surrounding it in turn. “That’s me and that’s JJ. That’s Mommy, that’s Daddy and that’s you.” 

Sawyer stared at the two stick figures she had identified as him and Jack. They stood side by side, their arms joined by a mass of squiggly lines where their hands should be. He looked back up at Christine’s eager face. “Thank you,” he murmured. 

She beamed and kissed him on the cheek before he could register her sudden movement, then scurried back over to Jack. 

Sawyer swore he saw an extra glint of moisture in Jack’s eyes as he scooped her up again. “Let’s get you in bed,” he announced. “Say goodnight.” 

Christine waved at Sawyer. “’night!” 

Sawyer nodded dumbly and stood as Jack climbed the staircase at the end of the hall, Christine once more chattering away in his ear. 

Kate appeared at his side suddenly. “This is yours.” 

Sawyer blinked at her. She was holding up the key Jack had used to unlock the door. 

“Jack’s is in the kitchen,” she explained when Sawyer looked confused. “He wanted to make sure you had a copy.” 

Sawyer held out his hand and let the key drop into his palm. He stared at it dumbly, noticing for the first time that it had a photo keychain attached. Christine and JJ smiled up at him from the photo nestled inside the plastic casing. 

“You look like you could use a drink,” Kate said after a long moment of silence. 

“Uh, yeah...thanks,” Sawyer mumbled, sliding the key into the pocket of his jeans and following Kate into the kitchen.


	41. Chapter 41

“You can put the drawing on the refrigerator,” Kate said over her shoulder as she retrieved two wine glasses from one of the cabinets over the kitchen counter. 

Sawyer approached the fridge slowly, taking in all the artwork plastered across the front of it. He was surprised to find he was in some of it. As was Aaron. He managed to find an empty space to attach the latest piece, using a magnet that featured an Oceanic Airlines logo – obviously somebody’s idea of a joke. 

He ran a light finger over one of the drawings. “Mommy?” 

Kate appeared at his shoulder and handed him a glass full of Merlot. She smiled. “They’re a little too young to understand the concept of surrogacy yet.” 

Sawyer’s eyebrows climbed toward his hairline. “Surrogacy? I thought you were playin’ Jack’s beard.” 

She shrugged. “I guess you could say I *was*. Jack came out of the closet about a year ago.” 

“Ah.” Sawyer took a swig of his wine and groaned. “Christ. I’d almost forgot what wine tastes like when it don’t come from a Dharma box.” 

Kate laughed lightly, sipping delicately at her own glass, then shifted gears as the reference brought to mind another subject. “Did you find Claire?” The hopeful look in her eyes was guarded, like she knew better than to assume that anyone who just disappeared into the jungle on that island could ever come back. 

“Yeah. ‘parently she was sleepwalkin’ or somethin’. Chasin’ the ghost of her dead daddy. She weren’t too happy at first when she found out you took the little tyke off the island, but she made peace with it.” 

Kate winced a bit, but then sighed with relief. “Aaron is such a sweet, wonderful little boy. I’m glad Claire is with him again. And speaking of sweet little kids...” She took hold of Sawyer’s wrist and coaxed him toward the living room. “I have something to show you.” 

At her pointed gesture, Sawyer sat on the overstuffed couch while she scooped the scattered crayons on one end of the coffee table into a plastic box with practiced efficiency. She picked up a photo album from the other end of the table and handed it to him before folding herself onto the cushions beside him, her glass of wine cradled gracefully between her palms. “I thought you might like to catch up on what you missed.” 

He took the book gingerly, setting his glass on the coffee table. He flipped through the album, listening to Kate describe each series of pictures. Jack feeding Christine. Christine’s first birthday party. Christine taking her first steps with the help of Jack’s supporting hands. Kate on a beach with Aaron and Christine, building a crude sandcastle. Jack, four months pregnant with JJ, standing in the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel slung just beneath his bulging abdomen. Kate explained that she had taken this last one especially on the assumption that Sawyer would come home one day and be able to appreciate it. Judging by the expression on Jack’s face and the way he appeared to be grabbing for the camera he hadn’t fully agreed with that explanation. 

Sawyer stopped flipping suddenly, his eyes drawn to one picture in particular. A very pale Jack lay in a hospital bed, tubes and wires running into his visible arm and under the hospital gown and blankets. An impossibly small infant lay on his chest, swaddled in blankets, a tiny cloth cap covering it’s head. Only the tiny, red face was visible. 

“And that,” Kate said wistfully. “Is the little miracle.” 

Sawyer looked up at her. “Miracle?” 

She smiled. “That’s what Jack called him.” 

Sawyer ran a finger along the outline of Jack’s hand covering the infant, the gesture weary but fiercely protective at the same time. “He said it was a difficult birth...” 

“Difficult doesn’t begin to describe it.” She met Sawyer’s surprised look with a sigh. “He didn’t tell you. Of course.” She set her wine glass down on the table and rested one hand on Sawyer’s arm gently. “Jack was so determined to carry JJ to term, but something about this pregnancy was different – harder. Once he got to the second trimester he was in almost constant pain. By week 23 he was on full bed rest.” Her voice faltered a little, her eyes reflecting the pain and worry she had gone through with Jack. “He barely made it to his third trimester. He had to have an emergency c-section. JJ was almost three months premature. We almost lost them both.” 

Sawyer stared at her mutely, swallowed heavily and looked back down at the page of pictures. Sure enough, there was a noticeable gap of about a month between the pictures of JJ’s birth and everything that came before it. 

“He asked for you,” she continued. “In the hospital. He was drugged, half-conscious. He barely knew where he was. He kept talking about how much he loved you and wanted you to meet your son. ‘Our son’, he kept saying.” 

A tear spilled over in spite of Sawyer’s best efforts to stave it off. He turned his head away from her and swiped at it, embarrassed. 

“He never stopped looking for you. He never stopped hoping you would come back.” 

“Thank you,” Sawyer said softly, his voice rough. 

Kate looked puzzled. “For what?” 

He gestured at a picture of Kate standing next to Jack’s hospital bed, Christine balanced on her hip, carefully leaning forward so the toddler could “kiss” her father’s cheek. “For takin’ care of ‘em.” He looked up, meeting her eyes. “For bein’ there when I couldn’t.” 

She smiled. “You don’t have to thank me for that. I’m just glad you’re back. I haven’t seen Jack so happy and relaxed since we left.” 

A muffled noise came from upstairs, drawing their attention. 

“It’s probably just Jack,” Kate said, but she made a move to get up anyway. “I should check on JJ. Do you want to come with me?” 

Sawyer hesitated. “Uh...thought you said he was sleepin’.” 

Kate rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry. If he’s asleep, you won’t wake him. JJ could sleep through an earthquake.” 

Sawyer hesitated a moment longer, then set the photo album carefully on the table and downed the last of his wine in one swallow. 

“So you’re livin’ here too,” he asked casually as Kate led him across the ground level and up the stairs to the second floor. 

“I told Jack I would stay until you were settled in. You can think of me as a live-in babysitter.” 

“You don’t gotta go runnin’ off on my account.” 

She stopped at the top of the stairs and turned to him, her voice dropping to a near whisper. “I’m not ‘running off’. I’ll still be close enough to babysit the kids. I just won’t live here.” 

“Oh,” Sawyer mumbled as she started down the hall. 

She stopped outside a room whose door stood slightly ajar. “Jack’s been here,” she whispered, a soft smile tugging at her lips. “I didn’t leave the door open.” She nudged the door carefully and quietly slipped through. 

Sawyer hesitated, suddenly nervous. He had known this moment would come, but that didn’t make facing it any easier. There was no script for how a father should act when seeing his son for the first time. Of course, in this case, the son wouldn’t even be aware of his presence, but up until that moment JJ had been little more than a face in a photograph. Now, mere days after Sawyer even knew he existed, that little boy – his and Jack’s flesh and blood – was just on the other side of that door. 

He took a deep breath and stepped through the door.


	42. Chapter 42

The little boy sleeping in the high-sided bed looked so much like Sawyer had when he was that age that had it not been for Kate standing beside him, he could have believed he never actually made it back from his brief stay in the 70s. 

“Jesus...” 

“Yeah,” Kate whispered with a light chuckle. “He looks like an angel, doesn’t he?” She gingerly tucked JJ’s blanket closer to his body. “He’s really a sweet little boy.” 

“Jack said he’s a real handful,” Sawyer whispered, his fingers ghosting over the boy’s soft blond hair. 

“He’ll grow out of it. You’ll just have to be firm with him because he’s got Jack wrapped around his little finger.” 

Sawyer drew his hand back, clenching it into a fist. “This ain’t right,” he muttered. 

Kate’s smile faltered. “What?” 

“I ain’t cut out to be a daddy. I thought I could handle it, but...” He looked around the toy-strewn room. “They got a life here. I’d just mess it up.” 

Kate blinked at him, glanced down at JJ, then straightened, folding her arms over her chest. “Do you love Jack?” 

Sawyer sighed. “Course I love him, Freckles. I love Chrissy too. But love ain’t got nothin’ to do with it. I ain’t a good guy. I don’t belong here.” It killed him to say it – to think that after all this time he could just walk away from the people he’d begun to think of as his family. But he couldn’t stop thinking about his father – how his body had gone slack after he blew his brains all over his son’s bed. Of course he could never hurt Jack and Christine *that* way, but that didn’t make his presence any less dangerous for them. Given his history, he was bound to hurt them eventually. And, he realized with bitter irony, it was *because* he loved them so much that he couldn’t let that happen. 

Kate sighed and grabbed his wrist. “Come with me,” she muttered, though she was already dragging him toward the door before he even had a chance to argue. 

Sawyer spared one last look at his son and followed along without protest as she guided him toward a bedroom down the hall. Hers, judging by the familiar way she began digging in one of the dresser drawers. He stood awkwardly, waiting until she turned and held a manila folder out to him. 

“What’s this,” he asked, taking the folder warily. 

“Adoption papers for Christine and JJ, the information you’ll need to access the bank account Jack started for you with part of the Oceanic settlement and the phone number of a guy Hurley knows who wants to interview you for a job he opening has in real estate sales.” 

Sawyer blinked at her. “Real estate?” 

“We thought you’d make a great salesman. If you don’t want the job, we can find something else. Hurley has lots of connections.” She moved closer until she was practically nose-to-chin with Sawyer, forcing him to meet her intense gaze. “We’ve all been given a chance to start over. If you run out on Jack now...if you don’t even *try*? You will break his heart. I love him too much to let you do that. I love those children too much to let them grow up wondering why you’re not here.” 

Sawyer shook his head, his face twisted in a grimace. “They’d be better off. I’d make a terrible daddy.” 

Kate grabbed him by the chin as his eyes started to wander, forcing them to focus back on her. “Jack said the same thing before Christine was born. He was wrong. And from what I remember of the way you cared for Christine back on the island I’m certain you’re wrong too.” 

She let go of his chin and he sighed. “What if I ain’t?” 

“I’ll make a deal with you. Give it one month. If you still think they’d be better off without you, you can leave. But I’m willing to bet that in that time you’ll realize that you could never do anything to hurt them and you won’t want to leave. And when you do you can sign the adoption papers and make it official.” 

Sawyer stared at her silently, reading the obvious determination in her eyes. He had no doubt that if he tried to leave she would run after him and find a way to drag him right back. He dropped his gaze, running his fingers through his hair and blew out a heavy breath. “Fine,” he said finally. “One month.” 

Kate smiled victoriously and leaned forward to kiss his cheek. “You won’t regret it.” 

“But wait, why do I gotta adopt JJ if he’s mine?” 

“We told everyone I was your surrogate. We just wanted to make sure nobody ever has a reason to question who their parents are. If somebody did a DNA test on either of them and found out that *Jack* was their birth mother...” She shook her head. “It’s better for Jack and the children this way. Jack adopted them too. Once you sign the papers you and Jack will officially be Christine and JJ’s parents – legally and biologically.” 

“Oh...” Sawyer carefully tucked the papers back into the folder. 

“I should go clean up downstairs,” Kate announced, already heading for the door. “Your bedroom is at the end of the hall.” She gave him a pointed look. 

It took him a moment to remember he was standing in *her* room. “Oh,” he repeated dumbly, following her out into the hallway. 

He stood awkwardly for a moment, watching her make her way down back down the stairs. Then he looked toward the end of the hall where the door to “his bedroom” stood open, soft light spilling out into the hallway and sighed. ‘Here goes nothing.’ 

The room was empty. The backpack Jack had obviously retrieved from downstairs sometime in the past few minutes sat on a dresser half-empty. Sawyer went to put his folder beside it when his eyes were drawn to the bedside tables, where two matching lamps provided the soft glow he had seen from the hallway. On the left side – Jack’s side when they’d shared a bed in Dharmaville – the table held an alarm clock, a cordless phone, and Jack’s wristwatch. On the right table, Jack had neatly stacked the books he’d bought Sawyer, an eyeglass case resting on top of them. 

Sawyer swallowed thickly and crossed the room to place the folder in the empty drawer beneath the right table. He belatedly remembered the key in his pocket and dug it out, dropping it on the table beside the books. 

He heard water running in the adjoining room and followed the sound, finding Jack standing at the bathroom sink, his shirt unbuttoned, rinsing the last traces of shaving cream from his face. 

Jack’s eyes met his in the mirror, looking startled for a moment. Then he smiled. “Hey.” 

Sawyer wordlessly crossed the room and wrapped his arms around him from behind, burying his face in Jack’s neck. 

“Sawyer, what...” 

Sawyer shook his head, pressing a kiss to the damp skin beneath his ear. “You didn’t tell me you almost died,” he murmured. 

Jack sighed and rubbed the forearm Sawyer had slung across his waist. “Kate sometimes exaggerates the details of JJs birth. I’ve come closer to dying on the island.” 

“That ain’t exactly reassurin’.” Sawyer unbuttoned Jack’s jeans and pushed them down a couple inches, giving him a clear view of Jack’s scar in the mirror. He traced a finger along the thin, pink line. 

Jack’s hand covered his gently and he waited until Sawyer’s eyes met his in the mirror. “I’m here,” he said simply. 

“Yeah,” Sawyer murmured, pressing a soft kiss to the spot where Jack’s neck met his shoulder. He reached up to push the material of Jack’s shirt aside, kissing a slow, seductive trail along his shoulder. 

Jack hummed approvingly and turned his head as Sawyer worked back up his neck, capturing his lips in a lazy kiss, whimpering as Sawyer’s tongue tangled with his in an aggressive dance. He was gasping and panting when the Southerner finally let him up for breath. 

“Christ, you’re beautiful,” Sawyer growled. He reached for the zipper on Jack’s jeans, but Jack batted him away and shifted until he had just enough room to turn around in Sawyer’s arms. 

Jack’s mind stalled for a moment as he felt Sawyer’s hard length press against his own through their clothes. “Shower,” he finally sputtered. “I was going to...take a shower.” He groaned as Sawyer once more attacked his neck. 

“It can wait ‘til mornin’,” Sawyer murmured against his skin. 

Jack pushed somewhat half-heartedly at Sawyer’s shoulders. “No...the kids will be awake then.” He whimpered as Sawyer nibbled the sensitive skin behind his ear. “Please...at least...just...come in with me?” 

Sawyer chuckled and leaned back, reaching up to unbutton his own shirt. “Well, why’dn’t you say so?”


	43. Chapter 43

Sawyer’s head fell back against the cool, slippery tile wall. His fingers combed restlessly through Jack’s soaking wet hair, pushing it clumsily from his face, resisting the impulse to thrust into the tight, wet heat surrounding his cock. Sawyer felt Jack’s groans of pleasure before he heard them and assumed Jack’s left hand was wrapped around his own cock. But since he had two fingers of his right hand inside Sawyer, massaging in a way that made the Southerner’s vision blur he couldn’t really be sure. He bit his lips, remembering Jack’s warning that they had to be *quiet* and barely managing to muffle a yelp when he came. 

The world came back into focus and Sawyer looked down, meeting Jack’s eyes a moment before they slipped shut. Jack’s mouth fell slack, a series of breathy, helpless noises tumbling out, the movements of his hand on his cock becoming sloppy as he spilled on the shower floor, the evidence of his pleasure quickly washing down the drain. 

Sawyer reached to turn off the water, which was barely even tepid anymore. He leaned back again, idly toying with Jack’s hair. “You are fuckin’ amazin’,” he muttered. 

Jack hummed and pressed a kiss to Sawyer’s abdomen. He steadied himself with a firm grip on Sawyer’s hips and stood, groaning softly as his knees complained. “We should go to bed.” 

Sawyer stopped him as he started turning toward the shower door, pulling him in for a kiss. “I don’t deserve you,” he murmured against Jack’s swollen lips. 

Jack gave a gentle head shake. “Don’t...” He slipped his hand behind Sawyer’s neck and tilted his head, tangling his tongue with the Southerner’s in a gentle, reaffirming exploration. 

Jack pulled back after a minute, brushing his lips against Sawyer’s once more and then turning and stepping from the shower without another word. 

Sawyer sighed and followed, taking the towel Jack handed him and running it over his hair. “What makes you so damn sure this is gonna work?” 

Jack tucked his own towel firmly around his waist. “What makes you so sure it won’t?” He didn’t wait for an answer – he’d meant it to be rhetorical anyway. He just walked through the doorway into the bedroom and started digging through one of the dresser drawers. 

Sawyer trailed after him again and raised an eyebrow when Jack waved a pair of boxers in his direction. “What’re those for?” 

“We have two small children who have been known to crawl into bed with me in the middle of the night. Trust me; you don’t want to be naked when they do.” 

Sawyer stared at the boxers for another moment, hesitant. Jack waved them toward him pointedly. Finally he sighed and snatched them from Jack’s hand. “Fine.” 

Jack smiled triumphantly and retrieved a pair for himself. 

Sawyer tossed his wet towel in the general direction of the bathroom, slipped into the pair of underwear and headed for his side of the bed, picking up the eyeglass case. “What’s this?” He flipped it open to find a pair of glasses already resting inside. He turned toward Jack, who was already picking up the towel he’d discarded. 

Jack shrugged and disappeared into the bathroom, calling, “They were five bucks at the drug store. I thought maybe you could use them until you got a prescription.” 

Sawyer grabbed the book on the top of the pile and slipped the glasses on experimentally. The words on the page swam violently, making him instantly nauseous. He ripped them off and closed his eyes while he regained his equilibrium. 

“Something wrong?” 

Sawyer opened his eyes to see Jack standing on the other side of the bed, looking at him with concern. Sawyer waved the glasses at him. “Nah. These don’t work.” 

Jack shrugged and pulled back the covers, slipping into bed. “Like I said, they were only five bucks.” 

Sawyer hesitated a moment before following suit, sighing as the bedsprings gave way comfortably beneath him. He had been sleeping on hard ground and harder Dharma mattresses for too long. He held the book out to Jack. “Guess you’ll just have ta read it to me then.” 

Jack blinked at him. “Now?” 

“Yeah, now.” Sawyer nudged Jack’s shoulder with a corner of the spine. 

Jack sighed and took the book, glancing at the front cover. “Of Mice and Men.” He smiled and shook his head. “I knew it.” He waved toward the lamp on Sawyer’s side of the bed. “Get the light.” 

“Yes, sir,” Sawyer grinned and turned to snap off the light. 

He settled against Jack’s side comfortably, slinging his arm across the doctor’s waist, and watched Jack’s face intently as he began to read. 

“A few miles south of Soledad, the Salinas river drops in close to the hillside bank and runs deep and green...” 

Sawyer tried to concentrate on Jack’s voice, but his mind started to wander as his fingers unconsciously traced the scar on Jack’s abdomen. He had always known Jack was stronger than he ever imagined. Sure, after they were separated, Sawyer had spent two years on the island bouncing around in time and playing ad hoc leader to what survivors were left behind. But after a couple months he had basically given up all hope of rescue and settled back into the Dharma house he, Jack and Claire had shared briefly. Jack never gave up. He had spent *three years* looking for the island – trying to get back to Sawyer – when he wasn’t giving birth to their son and raising two small children. Sawyer wasn’t sure he would have been so determined. 

Deep down, Sawyer had always wanted a place to call home. Perhaps that was why the story of George and Lennie appealed to him so much. The characters were so driven by their goal to set aside enough money to buy a place of their own and settle down. Sure, their story had ended in tragedy, but that didn’t mean Sawyer’s had to. 

Sawyer’s thoughts scattered as Jack’s hand covered his, stilling his wandering fingers. 

“I can’t concentrate when you do that,” Jack said. 

Sawyer met his eyes, smiling playfully, mentally filing that information away for later use. “Sorry, Doc.” He shifted closer until his head was pillowed on Jack’s shoulder, close enough to feel the rumbling of his voice deep in his chest as he started reading again. 

“Evening of a hot day started the little wind to moving among the leaves...” 

Kate was right: he couldn’t bear the thought of hurting his family. And leaving them now *would* hurt them. Between the Oceanic settlement and Jack’s salary, the odds of him needing to fall back on conning to make quick cash were probably low anyway. If Jack could find him and bring him home against all odds after three years, Sawyer could make this work. 

Sawyer closed his eyes and tried to picture the rural California landscape John Steinbeck lovingly described. But all he could see was sun-bleached sand and jungle leaves dampened by tropical rain. And while he would more readily describe the island as a lunatic’s idea of a prison paradise than “home”, it seemed appropriate somehow. Crashing on that deserted island from hell was, ironically, the best thing that could have happened to Sawyer. It was the place where he’d met Jack. The place where Christine was born and JJ was conceived. 

Crashing on that crazy, deserted island had led him home. And he wouldn’t trade that experience for the world.


End file.
